My best friends name is Dougie. Dougie has been my best friend since we were three years old. We were three years old fourteen years ago. Fourteen years is a long time to secretly be in love with your best friend. Whose name is Dougie.

Essex

Sunday, November 13, 2005

2:55 a.m.

Ring

"I'm sleeping." I mumbled to the darkness.

Ring

I rolled over and reached blindly for the receiver.

"Hello?"

"C-Dog it's me."

" Dougie? It's three o'clock in the fucking morning. You better be on the verge of death."

"Well...not exactly."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"You said you weren't exactly on the verge of death, meaning you're close."

"I lied."

"Shocking. Why are you calling me?"

"First of all; ouch. Second, I'm calling because I love the sound of your voice."

"Time and time again you prove that chivalry is, in fact, not dead."

"Your sarcasm is sexy."

"Only to the mentally impaired."

"Playing on my disability isn't fair."

"You calling me at three a.m. isn't exactly the epitome of reasonable."

"That just wasn't funny."

"Forgive me, Dougie, my comebacks are better at four."

"But that's a whole hour away."

"Your point?"

"I need you now."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"Please, can I come over? Char, I promise I'll be quiet. You can go right back to sleep once I get there."

"Dougie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Hurry your ass up then, I'm tired."

"Be there in a tick."

"You're such a dork."

"You think it's hot."

"Uh huh. I'll open my window."

"Thank you."

Click

Dial Tone

Sunday November 13, 2005

3:13 a.m.

I knew he was there before he even made a sound. I'm not sure how. The energy in the room shifted or something. It became so much more alive, and not just because he was wide awake and I was half out, but because he was just such an alive person. He glowed.

It had always been that way. I could feel him before I could hear, see or smell him. I never knew for certain whether or not this sixth sense went both ways. I'd really like to think that it did.

Seconds after I felt his presence in my room, I heard the window slide shut and soft footsteps patter across my carpet. Then the bed sank, and an arm fell across my shoulders. We laid in silence for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. It was exactly what I imagined Heaven would be like, lying under his arm.

"Charizzle?" Dougie whispered into my ear. I rolled over, my back had been to him, and blinked rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. He was looking at me, his eyes were huge and his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth. He looked like a lost puppy, so innocent and so sad, but very mischievous at the same time.

"Hello, Dougie." I whispered back. He cracked a smile and tucked his arm under his head.

"Do you always let strangers crawl into bed with you?"

"It's just you." I mimicked his movement.

"But how did you know that? For all you knew I was a rapist serial killer." His other arm had slowly slid off of me and was draped casually over his own hip.

My eyebrows rose; "Aren't you?"

"I'm too squeamish to kill people. And you can't rape the willing."

"You're so sure everyone wants you."

"Who could resist me? Honestly?"

"Do you want that list alphabetically?" I tried not to smile. It was too dark to see the deep blush that had crept up my neck, and I thanked god for that every day for a week.

"Ya know," Dougie began, his eyes roaming over me carefully as if he was studying me; "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were insulting me."

"Never." I did my best attempt to sound innocent. Dougie smiled, which meant I failed, and reached forward quickly to pinch my side. I squealed, much to his amusement, and swatted his hand away.

"See, you act tough but you're such a girl on the inside."

"I'm a girl on the outside too, Dougie."

"Well, I'll be goddamned." He winked at me, the white of his eye flashing for a second in the pale moonlight through my window; "So you are."

Sunday November 13, 2005

7:00 a.m.

There was an annoying buzzing sound. I thought for a split second that maybe there was a bee in my room. I considered screaming and rolling onto the floor then under the bed. Then I heard Dougie talking. His stupid cell phone had been on vibrate.

"Yea, I'm not at home." Dougie was saying. He yawned and the bed shifted as he sat up. I squeezed my eyes shut, I could feel his breath on my face as he leaned over to check if I was awake. I guess he bought my acting. The bed jiggled some more.

"Charlotte's." He said. I heard him sigh and immediately I knew who was on the other end. Rosalie Forese. Dougie's girlfriend, Rosalie Forese. I resisted the urge to stick my finger down my throat and gag. Instead I made a rather loud snoring noise and mumbled something about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Swiss cheese. Dougie laughed at me and slid out of the bed.

"It's not anything, baby. She's just my friend."

Inwardly, I cringed. I mouthed the words; "Just my friend." Mocking him. I rolled my eyes into my skull and tried to imagine all the ways I could dispose of Rosalie Forese.

"Come on, Rose. Don't be like that."

I could knock her out and leave her in the middle of the desert for the rattle snakes and buzzards. There are rattle snakes in the desert, right? Big ugly ones.

"Rosalie, sweetheart, you're my girl. My only girl."

Or maybe I could tie her to a rail road track like in those old silent movies. I'd even be willing to grow the wicked mustache.

"I love you."

Fuck it. As long as it's not messy I don't care.

"Yea, so, what are you wearing?"

The girl must die.

"Aw, Ros-"

I flung the blanket from the bed and sat up with a loud shriek. Dougie dropped his phone and rushed to my side.

"Charlotte, what's wrong?" He bent down in front of me, holding my face and looking into my eyes. I stared at him for a minute then I jerked my head toward the sound of shouting coming from the corner. Dougie followed my gaze and quickly scrambled across the room to get his phone.

"Rosalie? I'm sorry it--Char--Rosalie, baby, I have to go." Dougie hung up, but by the time he turned around I had already laid back down and was feigning sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pencil was on the floor, three feet away. It had fallen off of my desk two minutes ago, and three feet was getting farther and farther away with each tick of the clock. I stared at it, willing it to roll back to me. I tried desperately to summon the Jedi within, Yoda, be my guide. Nothing. With a long, submissive sigh I leaned sideways out of my desk and stretched out my hand. I could feel the smooth wood at the tip of my fingers, when it was snatched up by someone's evil hand. I turned my head at an awkward and uncomfortable angle to see them.

"I picked up your pencil for you." Dougie grinned down at me. I struggled back into my seat.

"Why thank you, Dougie Wougie Pumpkin -"

"Don't finish that."

"-Lover." I batted my eyelashes at him. Dougie cracked a grin and slid into the empty desk across from me. He set my pencil on my desk.

"So what the fuck happened this morning?"

I puckered my lips and swiveled to face the front of the classroom. The teacher was practically asleep behind her desk, and everyone was talking and goofing around.

"Would you still be my friend if I looked like this?" I asked Dougie.

"I would be your friend even if your ass was inside out."

"If my ass was inside out I would look like you."

"In which case we would have to get married and make backward ass babies."

I turned back to Dougie; "Only if we can raise them to worship Big Bird."

"You want our children to pray to a stuffed animal with a hand up its ass?" Dougie raised an eyebrow.

"Big Bird is a guy in a suit, mutha fucka." I did my award winning gangster impression and gave him the west side hand gesture. Dougie narrowed his eyes at me.

"If I allow this puppet worshiping shit to go on then you have to promise to have sex with me at least five days a week."

I made the flirtiest face I could, which made Dougie snort he laughed so hard.

"Okay but never on Thursdays, that's the new day of the lord."

Dougie winked at me; "Alright, never on Thursdays."

"Deal." We shook hands.

"So about this morning..." Dougie began. The bell rang before I had a chance to answer, thankfully. I leapt out of my seat and vaulted over the row of desks between me and the door.

"Peace out, wigga!"