This is my first shot at a AU story. No copy right intended. Set after season six-ish. Enjoy!

Last night I had cried myself to sleep. It was pathetic really, and I suppose I will look back on it and feel foolish. But, for right now, I am hurting. I am feeling completely selfish and envious.

Last night, Charlie called me. He called to tell me that Josie, his wife, was pregnant with their third child. Naturally, I feigned happiness. I was happy, but I was also torn. I was unbelievably jealous, and I hate myself for thinking this, but I felt they didn't deserve another baby. To be fair, they did deserve another baby. They are wonderful parents. Josie is a beautiful girl and an incredible house wife. But, the selfish Dana Scully felt jealous.

I wanted a baby. I deserved a baby. For as long as I can remember, I always wished that someone would love me and then we could start a family together. I didn't want a big family. I just wanted two children, however, one healthy baby would suffice. But I had neither. Nobody was in love with me, and I was barren. I'd never even been loved. Not really.

I cried, feeling completely sorry for myself. I cried for all my failed relationships. I cried because I was barren. I cried because I knew I deserved it all. I cried because I wanted more from life. I cried because I hated myself for being jealous. Eventually, all the crying put me to sleep.

I awoke the next day with anger. I was angry with myself for all of my juvenile thoughts. I wasn't being fair. I knew deep down my time would come. My time for love and a family would happen. But, it still hurt that I was in my thirties without a child or husband. All of my classmates were happily married with children. They were soccer moms, and I was a lonely FBI Agent.

I shook my head. I was more than an FBI Agent, and I knew it. I was a brilliant pathologist. I was a medical doctor. I was one of the top agents at the FBI. But for some reason, that wasn't enough for me.

But, I pulled myself together anyhow. I had showered, washing off the tears from last night. I did my make-up, paying extra attention to my puffy eyes. I drank two cups of coffee, and I even dressed differently. To me, looking put together made a difference. It made me feel confident and secure. It was my security blanket. On the outside, I was a strong, professional woman. But on the inside, I was a barren, young lady, crying for love and a child. But, with a strong exterior, nobody would second guess me.

I walked through the bull pen with my head held high and my perfect posture, the posture that made everyone believe I was intimidating. I wasn't. I put on the ice queen act, but in all reality, I was anything but the ice queen. Only Mulder knew that fact though. He always stood up for me. He let me keep my dignity and tough exterior, but made sure to soften the blow. Instead of Ice Queen, he told people I was ridged in a wonderful way. It was his way of keeping me from drowning in the sea of testosterone. No man took a weak woman seriously, except for Mulder.

I opened the office door, preparing to be bombarded. Mulder would pick up on my sadness in a millisecond. But, right now, I actually needed it.

"Hey, Scully, how's it going," he asked, not looking up.

"Fine. How are you, Mulder," I replied. Once I said the word fine, he jerked his head up.

Looking me in the eyes, he immediately knew. My floodgates opened and my eyes began to water. He was next to me in a second. Crossing his arms, preparing for my defensive blows, he asked me the million dollar question.

"What's wrong, Scully. And don't tell me you're fine, because I can see it in your eyes," he warned.

"Mulder, have you ever envied someone and then felt guilty about it," I started.

"Sometimes. I mean, everyone wants what they can't have. But, I try not to dwell too much. I am fairly happy. It could be worse. Why, what are you so envious about," he pressed.

I decided that being evasive wasn't going to do me any good. So, I went in for the kill and told him the truth.

"Charlie called me last night. He told me that Josie was pregnant again. It hurt, Mulder. I wanted to be happy, but all I could feel was jealousy. I sulked, and I feel like a terrible person. Am I a terrible person," I asked, hoping for the answer I so desperately needed to hear.

"Oh, Scully. You aren't a terrible person. It's okay to be jealous. It's natural, actually. Even I am kind of jealous," he said, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Mulder, I just want what I can't have. I want someone to love me and want to start a family with me. I want what both of my brothers have. This isn't the way that I had planed my life. I wasn't supposed to be lonely and barren. I am angry, Mulder."

"Scully, I am angry for you. I am angry for the injustice of it all. You deserve a million children. You deserve to be happy. I'd do anything for you to have children, but I can't," he admitted, and made my heart swell.

I pulled him into a hug and buried my face in his neck. I sobbed for a minute and then remembered where we were. Crying wasn't going to change anything, so I toughened up. I had Mulder, and he was like a child. He loved me, I knew it. For right now, he was enough for me. He was my best friend, and I needed him. I knew he'd be there for me, too. He'd make me feel better.

"So, what's our newest case, Mulder," I asked, looking at him. He looked saddened, and I knew it was a child related case. To be fair, he didn't know.

"A young girl's parents have mysteriously been killed, with no trace of evidence. There is no explanation. It doesn't seem like a natural death, and local PD are at a dead end. Right now, the girl is being held for questioning. She's four years old, and she is our key witness. But, she isn't talking," he filled me in.

"Well, let's get down to it, Mulder. I'd like to meet this little girl," I lied. I wasn't ready for this.

"Well, her name is Isabella Olive Krieder. She's four years old. Here's a picture of her," he held a photograph out.

I hesitantly grabbed it, waiting to make this personal. We both knew it was going to become personal, for both of us.

I examined it, and she was adorable. I fell in love with her immediately. She had long, curly black hair, with chocolate brown eyes. Her skin was, of course, olive. She had the perfect little nose, and the most incredible smile, with dimples. I could just imagine her little baby laugh. She was picture perfect. But, I knew it'd be a miracle to hear her laugh for a very long time. She was going to be scarred.

"She's beautiful, Mulder. When can we head out," I sounded excited.

"We head out first thing tomorrow morning. Colorado here we come."

I smiled to myself, knowing that this was going to be quite the adventure. Little did I know, my life was going to be turned upside down.

TBC

What do you guys think!?

RED