Hope Dixon took a deep breath before she entered her father's bedroom; it was hard for her to see him like this. Her protector, her hero, withering away to nothing, but the hardest part was he wouldn't even look at her. She knew it was because he didn't want her to see him like this, that he was weak, afraid.
Hope pushed the bedroom door open and tried to adjust her eyes to the dark room. Even though it was the middle of the day the shades were down giving the room the appearance of night. There on the bed her parent's had shared lay her father. The once silent hunter was wheezing and coughing. It was a painful sight.
Emphysema, or at least that's what everyone guessed after finding some old medical books. It makes sense; he smoked like a chimney, especially after her mamma. Again, Hope feels the bitter thought that maybe they could have treated it, but the old hunter had kept his suffering silent, until he couldn't anymore. She shakes her head of the thought.
Hope approaches her father's bed and before she gets too close she whispers, "Daddy." She hates that she sounds like a child. She's thirty-eight years old and she wants to be happy that she's had her dad with her this long when so many others in their world didn't get that chance, but he's the last link to her mamma and suddenly all she wants is her mom to come and wrap her in her arms and come fix everything. That won't happen. She needs to be strong for her daddy like he has been for her throughout her whole life.
Hope knows he heard her whisper his name, even through the desperate noise of his coughing and struggled breathing her dad has a sixth sense for feeling someone else's presence.
She takes in another deep breath and closes the distance, so she is standing right above him. It's still such a foreign sight, her whole life he had seemed so big, even when his hair turned silver he seemed untouchable but now, in this bed, he looked small and fragile. His head is propped up on several pillows in attempt to help him breath a little better. It doesn't help that much. As soon as she walked up to him he turned his head to the left side and closed his eyes, a failed attempt to hide himself from her gaze.
She needs him to look at her. She knows their time together is coming to an end and she needs him.
Hope holds out the glass of water she's been holding. "Daddy, I brought you water." He's still wheezing, but he isn't coughing. Instead of replying or reaching out for the water glass he continues to keep his eyes shut and worries on his bottom lip. She feels frustrated and her voice raises a little as she tells him, "Okay, fine! I know you didn't eat a single bite of food yesterday or today and now you won't drink water! I don't know how to take care of you and you sure as hell ain't helping!" She's so upset that she doesn't realize she's started crying.
"And I've been trying to stay strong like mamma…" when she says that his eyes snap open. His eyes deep like the ocean are filled with pain, memories, longing, but hope doesn't realize her father's looking at her, she's too upset and she continues talking her voice on the edge of hysterics,
"Mamma wouldn't have let you get away with starving yourself, she would have known what to do, but she's not here and all you got is me and I guess that just ain't enough because you won't even look at me!"
She's sobbing now, hands covering her face and then she feels his hand touch her arm, a light touch filled with love.
Listening to his child hurting is just too much for him. He knows he's been an asshole. He hasn't wanted to see her, or anyone really. Not Judith, not his nieces and nephews, his two grand babies, and especially not his daughter. He doesn't want them to remember him like this. That's why he's stopped eating. He knows deaths coming and he'd rather it take him now before he becomes even weaker. He hates being weak just as much as he hates being afraid. He's afraid now. Leaving his daughter, the rest of his family, the only living reminders of Her.
Then he hears Hope bring up her mamma, she brings Her up and its like he's being jerked awake. If he believed in the afterlife he would have thought it was Her forcing him to open his eyes and look at his daughter, she would have done something like that.
He reaches out his withered hand and touches her forearm. Through labored breaths he tells her in a raspy whisper, "I'm here baby girl…." The talking takes him into a fit of coughing, but he struggles to regain his breath, "S'alright I'm right here."
He watches Hope move her hands away from her face and his heart clenches when he meets his daughters eyes, "Always had yer mamma's eyes," he wheezes.
Big fat tears fall from Hopes eyes as she tells him, "I'm so sorry I yelled at ya daddy. I love you. I'm so sorry." She nestles her head onto his chest and he notices she does it gently. He swallows his pride, his fear and realizes she does it so she won't hurt is dying body. Everybody dies, he tells himself. It's just his turn now.
He takes some unsteady breaths then murmurs into her hair, "S'not you should be sorry. This is on me. I love you Hope. Yer mamma woulda been proud of all you done."
Later when she lives his room he allows himself to fall victim to his memories. He remembers Hope's mamma. The only women he has ever loved. She had broke down his walls and he made a home for her in his heart.
He smiles to himself, as he remembers how he had no idea what he was feeling. Like a damn teen at first. He had looked at her and felt something he had never felt before. Something he didn't think was possible. Not for him. But he felt it and it was real. She made sure he knew those feelings mattered. That he mattered. She showed him a light and he gravitated towards it.
That's why he chose to name his daughter Hope. During the pregnancy he had been too scared to think of baby names, which frustrated her because she couldn't come up with a name. Too many names carried reminders of those they had lost. He was too scared because the possibility of losing her because of the pregnancy was too much for him to bear.
But she made it, of course she did, she was strong. When he saw his their baby girl for the first time and knew that both of his girls were alive he said, without even thinking, "Her names Hope, that's what ya bring this world. Tha's our baby's name."
She had given him hope in so many ways and then his child. Something he had never thought he'd see never thought he's become. A father.
And it was good for a few years. They were in a safe place, as safe as you could get in a world like this. Then when Hope was twelve she lost her mamma.
They had gone with a group on a supply run, him, her, and some others from the Safe Zone. He had watched her kiss Hope goodbye before they left. He's still not sure how it happened because one second everything was fine and then in a blink of an eye, chaos. They had been caught off guard. Hadn't seen a heard that large in long time. When he heard the scream, adrenaline took over as he slashed and stabbed walkers to get to her, but when he finally did get to her side his world crumbled at the sight of the walker bite on her neck. He had let out an animal like cry, but as always she was gentle and soothing. That's right as she lay dying she soothed him. She was crying, but her voice was even, "You have to keep going. You gotta."
He growled a response, not at her necessarily, but at this fucked up world that would taker her away from him. "How's I s'pose to do that? Huh?"
She let her hand stroke his head and said, "You have Hope."
"Not without you! Your what gave me hope." He sobbed.
"Our daughter," she whispered, "I might have given you hope, but now you have our baby girl, and like her name says she's gonna give you hope after me."
"Don't, please, God I love you, please…" He begged.
"I love you too." Her breathing was becoming more irregular. She was slipping away when she uttered her last words, "I'm going to miss you so bad when I'm gone, but I'll never leave you, not really."
While reliving his memories he eventually fell asleep and some time during his slumber his heart and lungs gave out in their last effort.
When his eyes opened he felt amazed. His sick old body had transformed into a much younger version of himself. There was no more pain. He could breath. He was in a field of tall grass and it all felt so peaceful. He didn't have the feeling of needing to be on guard for the first time in as long as he could remember.
And then he felt arms warp around his back in a hug, but he wasn't started. He turned around and there she was, blond hair, big blue eyes, and her smile just for him.
He wrapped his arms around her while their lips met in a soft exploration of passion and longing and when they finally stopped he smiled and said, "I missed you so bad when you were gone Beth."
"I'm here Daryl I'll always be with you. I love you."
"I love you too Beth."