Killing Kisses
Love is an illusion. It is a feeble and unpredictable feeling that one cannot trust. If it manages to touch you it will lead you into destruction without a doubt.
I have never understood it.
Those people who seek for it.
Wish for it.
That cruel and uncontrollable feeling creeps under your skin. It is like a chain that slowly but surely wraps your whole being so that escaping is impossible. The chain burns so very painfully. It suffocates you to the point that you want nothing more than to get rid of it. Break free from it.
And yet it is so sweet, so consuming that however hard you try, it is impossible to let it go.
Even I cannot escape.
People say that love is the greatest power in the world. I have absolutely no objections. I am sure it is just so. But there is nothing romantic about it. No happy endings.
In my long life I have never seen the happiness love is supposed to posses. In my eyes there is no such a thing.
It is an obsession. A disease. It tears the soul apart.
Even the most rational person will fall to destruction if contaminated by love.
Truth to be told, I am not sure if this is love at all, does something like that even exist and what it is supposed to be like. I really would not know. I know even less of what it is like to be loved. That is something I have never expected, nor wished to experience. What good could it bring?
Obviously nothing.
My wrists hurt. I was certain that I was bleeding. I could smell my own blood. Some of it already dry, some still fresh bleeding from the cuts.
The gag in my mouth made it hard to breath, voice hoarse and mouth dry like coastline sand.
The only thing I could see was the hard wooden floor. It was so cold. Just like me.
That is what love does to you.
His hand caressed my back. I hated it. The touch was so hot, sending electric waves all over my body. I did not want to feel it. That small caress was more painful than anything else. No wound or bruise could ever match the pain that small gesture caused.
Suddenly the feel of his touch changed. I felt how his nails dug deep into my skin, leaving painful marks. I smelled, and felt, more blood.
He pressed against my back and pushed my hair out of his way.
"My dear Sesshoumaru", he whispered. The sound was like burning steel sinking into flesh. That voice was already tattooed into my memory. It was incurable scar that ached painfully every time I remembered its existence. And every time he spoke the wound reopened and spread wider.
I hated it.
And yet…
"So beautiful. Just like this", he kept muttering as his hand slid down my waist.
My shoulders ached. How long had I been tied like that? On my knees, cheek against the cold floor, hands chained above my head.
It was so strange. It was a situation I wanted out of as soon as possible. No, it was a situation I did not want to be in in the fist place. But still, if given the chance to run, get away from there, I would have stayed. That I am certain of.
His finger entered me and he bit down my neck. Pain stabbed through me, making me gasp. The gag was suffocating.
He pushed his finger deep inside me. In and out, twisting. It was uncomfortable and painful, yet I could not say I disliked it. I felt longing. I needed more.
He licked the place he had bitten. Then his other hand grabbed a hold of my hair and pulled my head up from the floor. "Do you want more?" he asked and licked a line of blood away from my face.
I knew very well what he wanted me to do but I refused to obligate. I was already on my knees in front of him. I would not give in any further. Otherwise I would not be able to go back anymore. I was already so far it was hard to see clearly. For me there was no light on the other side. I would fall into darkness. I had lost my way long ago. Yes, I would fall into darkness, and if it was for him, I would do it gladly. No hesitation.
But no power on Earth, not even that cursed love, could make me admit it out loud.
He pulled my hair harder, angered that I did not show any signs that he would have managed to affect me somehow. In the fits of anger he violently turned me around so that I was lying on my back and facing him. The cuts on my back reopened when they touched the cold wooden floor.
I did not want to look him in the eyes. His expression would only agonize me.
"How can you pretend you are not affected when you are so hard, and even down here you are dripping wet like a woman?" his smooth and mocking voice pierced me.
Once again his finger found its way inside me. He was right, of course. I wanted him. There was no way one finger was enough.
He added another finger and I moaned. Still, it was not enough.
Third finger was added and the rhythm he thrust them in and out became more violent. That was what I needed.
For a moment I felt content. That is until he placed a feather like kiss on my neck.
A dagger through my chest.
I cried out. I could not help it. The gag stifled the desperate sounds.
I was not begging for more, that I would never do. I wanted him to stop. Enough so that I was willing to let my pride loosen, just to get him to stop the torture.
Another light kiss on my chest and I screamed again.
So cruel.
He took his fingers out and I was almost ready to cry. Why? The violent rhythm was the only thing that still kept me sane. Now I was left shivering on the floor, bleeding, empty and in pain.
He leaned over me and stayed there. I could not look what kind of expression he was wearing. I was too afraid to.
Why could he not do things simply? Why did he have to make things more complicated? Why did he have to torture me so?
I wanted so much for him to ram into me. I wanted the forceful release only he could give to me. My erection throbbed painfully. He needed to fill me soon or else I would surely break. I needed him.
When was it that I became so desperate? I have already forgotten. Now it has already come to this, I no longer even care.
His crimson gaze swept over my body like waves of fire, delivered straight from hell. His hand moved over my body caressing the nipples, then squeezing them hard.
"You look like you are ready to cum already", he hummed. Then he chuckled. I could almost hear the smirk on his face. "Do you want it here?" he asked slyly and touched the place. "Do you want me to put it in here?"
Of course I wanted it. So very badly. Did he really think I would be in this situation if I did not want it, want him?
"Do not worry my beautiful one", he whispered into my ear once again. The sound was nearly cruel now. "You shall get what you want."
What he did next made me gasp and throw my head back in frustration, need, want and pain that had nothing to do with my physical body.
He did enter me, but not as I had hoped he would. It was slow. So slow I could feel everything. Absolutely everything.
How little by little more of him went inside me.
It was so frustrating. The feel of him entering. I knew he could fill me all the way and yet he did it so slowly I yearned for more.
Finally I could not take it no more and I turned to look at his face. His eyes were fixed to look only at me. That is why I had not wanted to look at him. I knew I would give in, and so I did. My eyes begged him to move faster.
Unlike me, he did not give in. He just kept pushing in with that agonizing pace.
Feeling him so intensely, looking him in the eyes, I wanted my release.
He grabbed a hold of my aching organ and did not allow me to do what my body desired. "Oh no, we are not there yet", he said like he was tasting the words and then kissed my neck again.
At that point I was sure I was going to die. Nothing could be worse, not anymore.
Finally he was fully in and sighed relieved. But then he pulled out again, keeping up the slow pace. Loosing him like that was even worse than waiting for him to come in.
That is how it went on and on and all the time he kept gripping me so I was unable to cum. And every time he was fully in he placed a kiss on my neck. Pure torture that is what it was. A sweet pain I wanted to get rid of.
After what felt like ages he finally began to move faster. Eager to get his own release, I assume. By then I was in a state where he could have asked me anything and I would have given him any kind of answer necessary. For once I was glad he had gagged me, otherwise I would have screamed things I would have later regretted, most likely I would have pleaded him to stop the horrifying act. I could not allow myself to plea.
His pace grew faster and finally he was on the verge of release. Only when he came and his hot seed filled me, he allowed me to go over the edge too. My mind went blank and I saw the stars that were hidden. My body convulsed so that I was certain I had lost control over it completely.
His lips found mine and I came back to reality.
I turned my head away from him. That was not allowed.
It did not take him long to untie me. He took off the gag and removed the chains holding my hands.
I carefully pulled my arms down so my shoulders would not crack. That position was not the most comfortable. I licked my lips. They were dry. I needed something to drink. The taste of the gag was still lingering in my mouth. I began to dress.
All the time I moved around the room, he kept sitting in one place, head pressed to his knees.
I was already at the door when he spoke again. "Why are you doing this, Sesshoumaru? Why is it like this?"
"What should it be like, Naraku?" my voice was hoarse.
The look on his face was the one I had not wanted to see. He was desperate. "I love you", he said simply, almost plainly. His voice did not carry the emotion obvious on his face.
"I know", I said and left. He was left there, sitting in the corner.
I always knew I was the crueller one of us. I was the one who caused him pain, the one who made him wait in agony.
But I love him.
This is the only way I know.
Please understand, because I can never tell it to you. I can never say it out loud. Those words.
Forgive me.
Or kill me with your kisses.
--
--
A new oneshot! Yay. One can come up with interesting things while working night shift, eh? My coworkers think I'm a weirdo 'cause I sat in the corner with my notebook and giggled and scribbled. Yeah, I laugh while writing something like this, gotta problem? I hope not.
Oh yeah, it's FINALLY finshed, Closed up Heart's next chapter. My new wonderful beta is working on it right now. I have also written three next chapters following that one so no worries, your gonna get it soon! If you haven't cheked it out yet, please do so. I'm quite proud of it. Don't get scared of the "pairing". ^^ Sesshy is a bit weird there though...
By the way, my lovely beta is only going to work on Closed up Heart, which is a big project, but I have no one to proof read my other stories. That's a bit bad 'cause my English is still lacking (mainly prepositions, those damn things from hell). I would be delighted if someone would like to be my beta for Nar/Ses stories. I have a new longer story coming up. Or Flowered Daddy. That one is open too. If you are interested just send me a message. I'm just gonna leave it like this otherwise.
Okay, I talked too much once again. I need to learn how to shut up. It's past two am anyhow...
I really hope you ejoyed this experimental story! (If someone as much as thinks about mentioning me about OOCness in it, I'm gonna come and haunt you for the rest of your lives. This is fanfiction damn it! I'm allowed to strech the lines!!)
Love, Val