Barometric Pressure
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me.
A/N: This one-shot takes place after Episode 4.12. I've been reluctant to delve into the Casey proposal nonsense because the whole Casey storyline just depresses me, but I had this idea so I went with it. Also, I managed to write this without any smut, so be forewarned you won't find any sex in this one.
It was late into the evening, well after dark, on Friday when Maura entered the bullpen looking for Jane. The snow had started falling about an hour ago and was now starting to accumulate on the roads, slowing down the tail end of everyone's evening commute.
She found Jane leaning against the window frame of one of the windows overlooking the street. She hesitated, not wanting to startle Jane, but unsure how to approach her. But Jane either heard her or saw her reflection in the window and turned around.
"What are you still doing here?" Maura asked.
"I'm on call tonight. With the snow storm I figured it would be better to stay here overnight rather than having to dig out my car and worry about whether my street is plowed if I get called. What are you doing up here?"
"I had an autopsy and a report I needed to finish tonight. When I went to leave I saw your car was still in the parking garage. I thought I'd check on you."
Jane turned back to the window. "You should go home before the roads get worse. The snow is picking up."
Maura hesitated, almost deciding to simply turn around and leave, but instead she stood up straighter and said, "I could stay and keep you company. We haven't had much time together recently. It could be fun."
"There's no reason for you to do that," Jane said dismissively.
"Are you ever going to forgive me?" Maura asked before she could stop herself.
Jane sighed heavily. "You didn't do anything that needs to be forgiven."
"It doesn't feel that way. You've been avoiding me as best as you can for weeks now. I don't want to keep going like this. Please talk to me." Maura sat down on the edge of Jane's desk, indicating her intention to stay whether Jane wanted her to or not.
Jane looked over her shoulder at Maura. "You surprised me. And you're, you know, you. You're not supposed to lie and shit."
"I never lied to you."
"No, but you hid things from me," Jane said and turned back to the window. "You know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? You didn't tell the whole truth."
Maura couldn't deny that so she said, "What are you looking at?"
"Just watching the snow. I used to love snow."
"Used to?"
Jane held up a hand and shook it back and forth.
"Your hands hurt," Maura said as she realized what Jane meant. "It's actually probably not the snow. Research into joint and muscle pain has found that often it's changes in the barometric pressure preceding a storm that causes pain, not the snow or rain that people usually associate with pain. Although it is not entirely clear why this is the case, one hypothesis is that a drop in barometric pressure before a storm causes tissue to expand which causes the pain. Once it actually starts snowing the pain should improve."
"It still sounds like the snow storm's fault to me," Jane said lightly.
"I can massage your hands. That should help relieve the pain. Come sit over here."
Jane looked unsure but relented and moved to her desk to sit down in her chair. Maura pulled another chair over and sat so they were facing each other. She pulled Jane's left hand into her lap, with her palm facing down, and used both of her hands to slowly massage it. She moved her thumbs back and forth between the bones on top while her fingers massaged Jane's palm, working from the scar in the middle of her palm outward.
Eventually Jane said, "I'm really not angry with you. You didn't tell me anything about my relationship with Casey I wasn't already thinking myself. But I was surprised when you just dropped all your thoughts about him on me at once and I know I didn't react very well. And I guess my pride was hurt to know you thought I was just letting myself be this doormat that Casey could walk all over."
"I never said that."
"It was implied. The thing I don't understand is why you waited so long to say anything. Why did you wait until Casey proposed before telling me what you thought about him?"
Maura kept her focus on Jane's hand. Their first conversation about Casey, when Maura had summoned the courage to tell Jane exactly what she thought about Casey's ultimatum disguised as a marriage proposal and how he was treating her in general, had been difficult and painful on both sides. She didn't particularly want to go through it again. "I didn't expect Casey to propose. I didn't think that was ever going to be an issue. I never thought your relationship with him would be that serious."
Jane was skeptical. "So all of those things you said about him and the way he treated me, those were okay with you if it wasn't serious?"
"You don't typically put up with anyone treating you poorly, Jane. I thought that whatever you and Casey had, it must be worth it for you and it wasn't my place to say anything. That changed when he proposed."
"You're not making any sense, Maura. Best friends are supposed to, I don't know, tell you the things you can't see about the guy you're dating. You're supposed to be the objective observer."
"Like you are with the people I date?"
Although Maura intended that remark to be sarcastic, Jane responded seriously, "Exactly."
Maura sighed, released the hand she was massaging, and turned away from Jane. "I didn't say anything earlier because my opinions about Casey weren't entirely objective. I can't be objective about anyone you date," she said softly. She looked up at Jane, knowing that tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. She saw Jane's face first show confusion and then change as the realization of what Maura was saying registered.
Maura looked down at her hands folded in her lap, unable to look up again despite knowing with certainty that Jane's eyes were fixed on her. She heard Jane shift and lean back in her chair. As the silence continued, Maura stood and said, "I don't expect anything from you, Jane. But I suppose you're right. I've been hiding things from you and that's not fair to you and it's not honest. I'm sorry," Maura added and left, heading to the elevators.
She heard Jane calling her name, but Maura didn't turn back. She made it down to her office, closing her door behind her, before finally letting the tears fall. She knew she should leave and go home before the snow got worse outside, but she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate well enough on driving right now. Plus, the thought of going home to her big empty house was not very appealing at the moment.
Maura had just sat down on her couch when her office door opened and Jane entered. Maura hastily tried to wipe her tears away with her hands.
"Hey," Jane said. When Maura didn't say anything, Jane continued, "I, uh…my hand feels a lot better. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Maybe you could do my right hand too?"
"Jane, you don't have to-"
"Maura, please? It's helping. And I want to talk but if it's just you and me sitting here, I'm not going to be able to say what I need to say. I need the distraction, something else to focus on so I don't lose my nerve."
"Come here," Maura relented. Jane sat next to her and held out her right hand. Maura took Jane's hand between both of her hands, setting it down on her knee, and began massaging it the same way she had massaged Jane's other hand. She chanced a glance at Jane's face. Jane's gaze was on their hands, her brow knitted in concentration. Maura didn't know if it was from pain in her hands or something else.
"I've thought about it," Jane finally said. "You and me, and what exactly our relationship is."
At this moment Maura was extremely grateful to be able to focus on Jane's hand as she responded, "You have?"
"Jesus, I'm not that dense. I see how you look at me sometimes, and I know…I know that sometimes what I feel for you is something other than strictly friendship."
"But-"
"Wait," Jane interrupted. "Let me finish."
Maura nodded and continued massaging Jane's hand.
"Being with Casey was uncomplicated and it was safe. But I was never going to marry him because when I compared what I had with him with what I have with you, it wasn't even close. You know me like no one else ever has. Casey didn't want to know me. He had an image of me that was mostly based on the person I was when we were teenagers and that's who he saw when he looked at me. I want a relationship that's based on more than that."
"What does that mean for us?" Maura asked.
"I think we already have all the components of a successful relationship. Friendship, trust, companionship." Jane paused and cleared her throat before adding, "A certain level of physical intimacy."
When it was clear Jane wasn't going to say anything else, Maura managed to say, "I won't pretend that I haven't thought about a greater level of intimacy. Actually, I won't pretend I haven't desired a greater level intimacy."
"I've thought about it too," Jane admitted easily.
"You have?"
"Yeah. I mean, that's the difference between the friendship we have and a different type of relationship, right? We wouldn't be having this discussion if it wasn't something we both maybe wanted."
Maura stopped massaging Jane's hand but didn't let it go. She simply held it between her hands. "I know what I want."
"Can we…can we go slow?"
"Slowly," Maura said reflexively.
"Yeah…slowly. Because whatever this is between us, it's the opposite of what I had with Casey. This is very complicated and it is definitely not safe." Maura looked up Jane sharply and Jane unconsciously flexed the hand Maura was still holding. "You have the power to hurt me like no one else does."
Maura raised Jane's hand and pressed her lips to the back of it. She turned Jane's hand over and pressed her lips to the scar on the palm. She heard Jane inhale sharply as she moved her lips to kiss the inside of Jane's wrist. She released Jane's hand and said, "I will never hurt you. But I believe there are many merits to taking things slowly. We can go as slowly as you want to go."
Jane leaned over and pressed her lips to Maura's cheek. She put her hand on Maura's other cheek and turned Maura's face towards her and brought their lips together. Maura shivered slightly as their lips moved against each other's slowly until Jane pulled back. "So, does your offer to keep me company tonight still stand?"
"Of course."