WARNING: RPS

I know, I know. Everybody involved is straight. However, what comes to my head is solely a product of my rich imagination. After all, everybody has dreams about their own Carol, who looks like Cate Blanchett. No shaming.

And, as always: I do not want any rights. Everything goes to Ms. Highsmith and her enigmatic brain. I'd like to thank Phyllis Nagy for the brilliant script. I've sincerely applauded in the night, and my family wasn't happy about it. Todd Haynes, you're an aesthetic genius. Cate Blanchett, you're a goddess. Rooney Mara, you've made the best Therese Belivet possible. Thank you all.

'How incredible this pain of being unable to be with a person you want can be. It's sweet, poisonously sweet, cruel and bone smashing.'

A woman in the late twenties sat in an old, creaky chair. She read a book in a plain leather cover out loud, with a slight, barely tangible, desperation. At the last word her voice twitched and she gasped. The warm, orange light fell on her face and knees, making her tiny figure even smaller in the roaring night.

A thin, elegant woman in her forties turned around. The ice in her glass tinkled softly.

'Do you know how it feels?'

The long, doll-like fingers clenched the paper and whitened. The light tarnished, leaving the young woman in the shadows of dying warmth. An exhalation broke the silence.

'Yes. I guess, I do.'

Todd Haynes yawned and turned a page. It was half-past two in the morning. He stretched in a chair and said:

'Yes, we still have it today. And I know that we will face some severe criticism to fire on that. People still think that it's not normal. You know, I know. It's not enough.'

'Indecency,' Rooney murmured. 'What did they know about indecency? How it could even be considered indecent, for two people to fall in love?' She took a sip from her glass and pressed a page. Her eyebrows were tightly furrowed, and she looked like a teenager who denies coping with reality.

'Well, you do know how it works, don't you?' Todd smiled wearily. 'What's the use of the questions today? Even stronger women at those times needed some courage to live like that.'

They've been there a lot of times. They were arguing about history over and over again. Every time it revealed something new to her. Rooney loved directors; she considered them wise. She needed to trust them. And she trusted Todd.

A movie they've been working on was a result of 11 years of hard dedication, and it was a fierce battle to bring it to pre-production. She's been reading that script a lot - even when she refused to take part a couple of years ago, Rooney never put it aside. The second time she agreed, but she knew that she needed Todd right there to guide her.

'Right. I know. Anyway,' she sipped from the cup again. 'You know, sometimes you just feel for it. You're trying to understand some underlying reasons and you're failing. Miserably!'

Todd watched her carefully. Rooney brushed her hair behind her ear. Once again he realized that she would be the best Therese Believet possible. With that thought, he rubbed his forehead.

'The woman should have had no fear. To act like this, to be allowed to act like this by society - what an incredible nonsense it was. People denied even the possibility of such relationships. It was considered a disease. And when it's the disease, you need to be cured. This cure... Well, it's hard to justify these types of medicine.' He looked at his wristwatch. 'Well, it's been a long day.'

Rooney looked up. She realized that it was a middle of the night. Ashamed, she jumped on her feet.

'Oh, Todd. I am sorry. Let's go. My bad, I've been out of here.'

'It's okay,' he patted her on her shoulder. 'It's okay. You'll be fine.'

They grabbed their belongings in silence. With drowsy eyes, Todd looked around and switched all the tumblers on the desk. Lights slowly got out, and they took the stairs to a parking lot. It was a late November, but snow barely touched the ground. The leaves gracefully died on the wet asphalt, crushed and dirty.

Todd stretched his arms and sighed. The night was beautiful, and the air was cold and clear. He drew the door keys from his pocket.

'I think you should discuss it with Cate at some point of time. She's interested in these things. She knows a lot about the women's right.'

Rooney rubbed her nose. Deeply in her heart, she was afraid of Cate. They've met previously, but it were quick and insignificant encounters. What she knew was that everybody loved Cate. Her sister adored her. In their childhood they were frequent in the cinema, watching the movies with Cate Blanchett. And now the meeting was inevitable. The readings and rehearsals were starting soon.

Todd immediately felt her hesitation.

'It's going to be fine. Look, she's one of the most incredible human beings I've ever met. I'm sure, you two will go along.'

Rooney blushed. She didn't want to be read so easily.

'I hope.' She smiled awkwardly. Todd locked the doors and stopped again for a moment. He smiled encouragingly. He just knew that it would be a match.

'Believe me. I know. I'm a director. I know with whom I'm doing the film. Don't I?'

Rooney laughed in relief.

'Of course, you do. Sorry. I'm just nervous.'

'Don't be. You'll see yourself. And get home safe.' He took her hand and squeezed it gently.

'You too.'

Rooney sat in her car in the complete silence. Everything was right, but something was wrong. Every time she was reading the script, she got this feeling of instant danger. It was distant, without any shape or reason. Just the gut feeling that she couldn't throw away.

And Cate. She was a legend. It was a dream. When Rooney was thinking about Cate, her heart was shrinking in the small clot. It was strange. After all her years in Hollywood, she got used to the walking legends around her. Only Cate Blanchett was terra incognita - and it made Rooney so unnerved.

'Dreams come true,' she started the car. 'And you should be afraid of them.'