When We Were Young

Chapter One

"Come on, Strider. It'll be fun, I swear!"

"Bullshit. All there'll be are pussy nerds wanting to trade Yu-Gi-Mon—or whatever that shit is—cards and slutty whores looking for one night stands. No thanks. I'd rather take my money to the gas station and buy a six pack and some smokes. Then I'll call it a night. Call me when you have a party to look forward to, instead of just your living room, weird drinks, and Brittney Spears playing over the speakers," Dave muttered, inhaling some of the cigarette smoke.

Dave Strider loves parties. Hell, he practically worships them. Getting drunk, dancing all night to cliché pop songs, making out with random strangers, pick pocketing hundreds, and to seal the deal, and massive hangover in the morning. It is a sweet blasphemy that he loves. Give him a party, he's there. Well, unless the party is being thrown by Alex Sommers, his best friend and pal honcho. Alex's parties consist of unknown substances being rammed down your throat, whores and bitches of all kinds, derpy nerds with extreme overbites and nasal conditions, and worst of all—seven minutes in fucking heaven.

Dave regretted the first time he went to an Alex Sommers party—in the tenth grade. He ended up losing his virginity to that bastard, Karkat Vantas. It was not fun listening to the fuck face's yells the next morning, especially with Dave's massive headache. And it was even less fun getting bitch-slapped by Vantas' girl, Terezi Pyrope. Damn, that hottie can slap hard. Dave made a vow that he would not go to another one of Alex's parties. He broke that vow when he went to the previous party that Alex held. Let's just say, he went home with a black eye, bloody nose, a pain in his crotch, a massive hangover that lasted for days, and an old donkey that was used for 'Saddle Sex'.

"Come on, man! I promise you won't end up owning a horse this time!" Alex groaned on the other line.

Dave scowled. "For one, it was a donkey, fuck wave. And two, how do you fucking know?"

"Because I won't be ordering Taco Bell for dinner this time!"

"That's racist," Dave said. "And besides, you're just saying shit so I'll cave in, and come to another one of your train wreck disasters of a party."

"I swear, this time, you won't drink any foreign fluids!"

"Two words:" Dave replied, "Bull. And shit. Stop creating lies, Sommers."

"Come on, dick wad! Don't be a fucking pussy. Your bro would be disappointed."

Dave froze, and glared at the phone, hoping that lasers would shoot out from his eyes and kill the bull shitter on the other end. "Fuck you!" Dave yelled. "I'm not a fucking pussy, and what gives you the fucking right to fucking talk about my brother, you ass shit?"

There was silence on the other end.

Dave sighed and ran a hand through his extremely blonde hair. "Fine. I'll go to your stupid excuse for a party," he said through gritted teeth.

The albino could practically see the smirk that Sommers was handling at that moment, as if saying, 'Let the fun begin, cunt fuck.' "Alright man. I'll be expecting you. Don't bail out at the last minute, or else I'll have your ass."

"Whatever. At this party, make sure you don't fuck your cousin."

"Fuck you, Strider," Sommers growled.

"You already did that, remember? Last Friday night. When we got drunk?"

"Shut up, ass wipe."

"Aw, come on! You know you thoroughly enjoyed it, love. I know I did!" Dave laughed nonchalantly.

"Fuck you."

"Like I said, Sommers, you did. Last Friday night!" Geez, did Sommer's have a hard time hearing him?

"Sh—"

"Yeah we danced on table tops~!" Dave began to sing.

"Ut—"

"And we took too many shots~!"

"The f—"

"Think we kissed but I forgot~!"

"Uck u—"

"Last Friday night~!"

"U-Up! Shut up, Strider! Damn you! You know I hate that song!"Sommers whined.

Strider just laughed. "You seemed to like that song while I stuck my dick—"

"I hate you."

"Love you too, babe."

"I'm straight," Sommers growled.

"And I'm bi. So what?"

"I'm going to hang up now."

"Good for you, Sommers. You are actually able to handle something so complicated as a phone. I am so fucking proud of you. Would you like a gold star for your achievement?"

"I so hate you right now," Sommers sighed. "Why don't you go suck Vantas' cock. You seemed to enjoy doing that on my mom's fine furniture."

"Oh I will. I will make sweet love to that man, while Lady Gaga plays in the background, and fireworks explode in the background. Then we will serenade each other with the song "Peacock" by the infamous Katy Perry. And I will make sure you won't be there to watch it like last time. Go suck it, bitch."

Dave hung up with a smug smile on his face.