I just finished rewatching season 7 and had to get this out of my system, I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole finale. Just a drabble.
Everything was so much simpler after he had taken Sam's burden of the memories from Hell. And even if it wasn't actually simple, then at least he could pretend it was, because in case you haven't noticed, he was insane.
And as an insane person (or angel, if you're really looking into details), he could do whatever he wanted to do, think and say whatever he felt like. Sure, maybe it wasn't right, maybe he should've been more helpful but no one around him seemed to mind that much.
No one except for Dean. The great Dean Winchester, the one man that for some reason, everything seemed to be about. It wasn't always directly about him, but for Castiel it was. He'd do anything for that man. He did do everything for him.
Cas said that to Dean, multiple times, but not once had Dean stopped to ask WHY. WHY would an angel do all that for him, why would an angel rebel against everything he knew and do everything he could just to keep him safe? The answer was simple enough – it was because Castiel loved Dean.
You can't blame him of course, if you'd held Dean's soul, you'd be in love with him too.
The problem was, Castiel hadn't realized it himself, not until Sam's burden became his. Then all he wanted to do was show Dean his affection, his love.
But even if he was insane, Cas wasn't stupid. He knew Dean doesn't feel the same way, he knew if he told Dean he'd get mad, more mad than he already was, so why bother?
The affection had to go somewhere. And Meg was just there, watching over him, and he remembered kissing her. It wasn't that bad, even if it tasted like sulfur and blood.
It was really just that simple. Cas loves Dean. Dean doesn't love Cas. Cas pretends he likes Meg.
"I'd rather have you, cursed or not."
Cas smiles, listening to Dean.
"What?"
Cas steps closer and kisses Dean softly, shyly.
Dean looks stunned.
Cas steps away, looking down at his feet.
Dean puts both his hands on either side of Cas' face and pulls him in a passionate kiss.
Cas smiles. And it's no longer simple.