Chapter One
"I'm nonbinary."
It was just two simple words. Just two simple words. That's all he had to say.
"I'm nonbinary."
Or maybe not. Maybe he should make it more vague? Or maybe more simple? He wasn't sure. His thoughts were swirling too closely for him to tell WHAT he wanted.
"I'm—genderqueer? No—shit, okay, um—"
He paused for a moment, inhaling deeply, as if oxygen would be any help in calming his rapidly-increasing heartrate.
"I'm…gender neutral. Nonbinary. Gender—my gender—dammit, I don't even know what my gender is—URGH!"
Words weren't working in his favor right now. He let his head fall and his eyes slide shut, trying, even for a second, to reorganize his brain. He didn't have time for this stupid indecisiveness, dammit. The guys would be there any minute now, and he had to get this right at LEAST once before he inevitably screwed himself over in front of them.
Anxiously, he ran his hands through his ever-messier crop of hair as his eyes rose to his mirror again. At least he looked decent enough today. He looked significantly less tired than he felt, which was always a plus, and his makeup looked on point. Wait—no, on closer inspection, his mascara had smudged up onto his eyelids a bit, and he hurriedly began scrubbing it away with one finger.
"Dammit," he muttered, sending his reflection the harshest glare he could manage. "It's not that hard. It's just a couple of words. And they're your friends, for crying out loud. We've known each other since preschool, it's not like anything's gonna change just because I'm telling them this—"
But it could, the back of his mind whispered. It could go so horribly wrong. They could leave. They could ditch him, they could leave him, they could preach at him, anything could happen—
"No," he snapped—partly to himself, partly to his imagined images of his disgusted friends. "No. Shut up. I won't let them—well, I'll let them—but at least I won't let them be assholes about it. If there's anything I'm not, it's their doormat."
With renewed courage, he leaned closer to the slightly dirtied mirror, sincerely hoping that the strange expression his face was making could be interpreted as bravery, and tried again.
"I'm—"
"Hey, dude, we're here! Come down, we've gotta get started before Cartman shits himself."
"Ay! Don't be an asshole just because Wendy broke up with you!"
"We didn't break up! How many times do I have to tell you—"
Well. He'd been planning this for weeks now, contemplating, considering, trying to make plans for every route the conversation could go, and now his inevitable fate (whatever that was) had arrived. He wasn't prepared, necessarily, but he was ready.
By God, he was so, so ready.
"I'm nonbinary," he mumbled under his breath, just as reassurance.
And with that, Kyle shoved his hat back over his unruly mop of hair and exited the bathroom.