TITLE: Stress
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM, non-slash. Qui and Bren attempt for some time alone. (Obi-Wan is 13)
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Stress
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Obi: Master, why won't you tell me where you are going tonight?
Qui: Because you don't need to know. Bren and I are going to enjoy a QUIET night out. Away from all of our...uh...stresses. You will have fun with Brazo. You are always wanting to stay with him, now is your chance.
Obi: Yes, but you are never this mysterious about things. I should know where you are going to be, incase of an emergency.
Qui: Like what?
Obi: Well, what if Master Brazo causes me to lose consciousness when he hugs me to tight and I don't wake up?
Qui: Then you would be unconscious and you wouldn't be able to locate me anyway.
Obi: Okay, but what if I accidentally WHACK off Siri's head with my saber?
Qui: Then you will be hailed throughout the temple. No, wait. That's not nice to say. Brazo will know where we are. You don't need to know any more than that. Bren and I need some time ALONE!
Obi: You don't love me anymore do you?
Qui: Guilt trips don't work padawan. I'm sure you can ask Brazo to cuddle and he will be more than happy to...
Obi: But masterrrrrr...
Bren: Hi boys! You ready to go Stretch?
Qui: Not quite yet. Obi-Wan is suffering from separation anxiety.
Bren: Nah, he's just being his normal nosey self.
Obi: I just want to know where you guys are going.
Qui: Why? So you can follow us? Bring your band of friends and laugh when Bren calls me Qui-poe?
Bren: Uh...that's Qui-POO. Get it right.
Obi: Don't forget sweet knees...and stud muffin.
Qui: You see? This is why you are staying HERE at the temple. You can live without me for one night.
Obi: A whole night? You are gonna be gone all night? Should I be hearing this? Aren't I to young for this kind of talk?
Bren: Get your mind out of the gutter kid. We are simply going somewhere quiet where we can snuggle without the normal temple interruptions. Like HER and that little pesky Mik who wont leave me alone. I am really stressed out Obi. You have no idea. I need to get away, even if it's for just one evening.
(Brazo entered the apartment)
Brazo: GOOD EVENING!!!!
Bren: He's all yours Brazo. Bye!
Brazo: Hold it! Anything I need to know? Like when he goes to bed? What to feed him?
Obi: Um...Master Brazo? I'm thirteen now. I am able to eat on my own.
Brazo: Oh right. Sorry Obi. I'm not used to babysitting you older kids.
Obi: Babysitting?
Qui: We shall call it, 'keeping an eye on.' Better?
Obi: No. I wanna go with you master.
Brazo: But Obi, I can offer you a night of mush! All the hugs you want.
Obi: Really? Will you call me Obi-poo?
Brazo: Uh...no. Just hugs, and maybe a hair ruffle. No strange nicknames. Obi-poo? HAHAHAHAH! Where did THAT come from?
(Obi looked at Bren)
Bren: Come on Qui. Let's get moving. We can continue this conversation later.
Qui: But...
Bren: LET'S GO STRETCH! NOW!
Obi: Master, her veins are popping out of her forehead...you'd better go.
Qui: Oh, uh...yes. We'd better...um...go now. Bren, you okay?
Bren: NOW!
Qui: Okay, okay.
Obi: I love you master. Goodbye. I hope to see you again. If you need anything, you know where I am.
Qui: Would you stop it. I'll be gone for less than ten hours. You can handle it.
Obi: What if Nev comes for me? What if...
Bren: Qui-Gon Jinn! Get your butt in gear NOW or that's it. You'll never see me again.
Qui: Night padawan. (They left the apartment.)
********
(Brazo turned to the young Jedi beside him.)
Brazo: So, Obi. What would you like to do?
Obi: Go to your apartment.
Brazo: Very well. Follow me.
Obi: Okay, I'll meet you there. I want to get cleaned up first.
(Leaving the boy alone, Brazo left for his place. Obi-Wan stepped into the 'fresher to get changed. He cleaned himself up quickly, grabbed his robe and headed for the lift. Asking for Level 42, he patiently waited while the lift began its ascent. There was a pause on Level 20. The doors opened and Council member Yareal Poof wandered in. His head was swaying like a tree in the wind. Obi-Wan was immediately freaked out.)
Poof: Boo, young Kenobi.
Obi: Please don't talk to me. My master told me not to talk to strangers.
Poof: I am not a stranger.
Obi: No, but you are strange. Please stop your head from doing that.
Poof: Doing what? Boo.
Obi: THAT! It's moving back and forth. Make it stop. Why are you mocking me?
Poof: I cannot stop my head from moving. Did you notice I have no eyelids, yet I still blink?
(Obi-Wan turned his head away from Poof and stared at the floor. His feet danced as he waited for Level 42.)
Poof: Look at me.
Obi: No, I can't.
Poof: Looooook at meeeeeeee.
Obi: Stop it!
(Poof's head kept moving. Baaaaaaaack and foooooooorth...baaaaaaaaaaack and fooooooooorth. Obi-Wan was breathing hard as the strange alien continued to stare at him. Tears sprang to his eyes as the fear welled up inside. He kept repeating the same words over and over in his mind.)
Obi: **Please go away. Please go away. I can't look at you. Please go away.**
Poof: Boo! You're level is next young Kenobi. Shall I escort you to your destination?
Obi: NO! Stop talking to me. You are freaking me out. Don't you know how odd you look?
(The lift stopped and the voice announced Level 42. Poof turned to the boy one last time, reaching his arms out towards him.)
Poof: BOO!
(That did it! Kenobi lost it.)
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(He flew off the lift and started running for his life. Yelling the entire time. Panic was in full effect. He ran for several minutes until he found Brazo's apartment. Frantically he pounded on the door.)
Obi: Master Brazo...please let me in. HURRY! He's after me. Don't let him get me. Pleaseeeeeee!
(Finally the door brushed open and Obi-Wan rushed in, landing with a hard thud against Brazo's chest. The big man wrapped him in a comforting hug.)
Brazo: Obi, what's happened? Are you okay?
Obi: No, he's...he's...after me. Please. I can't go out there. Don't make me. I just want him to go away. I...I...he scares me.
Brazo: Okay, okay. It's all right. Who are you talking about? Did someone try to hurt you?
Obi: Master Poof. He...he mocked me and stared at me on the lift. And he...he talked to me. I don't like him. He gives me nightmares.
Brazo: He is an odd sort. That head of his just sways baaaaack and forrrrrrrth...baaaaaack and forrrrrth. Really freaks me out.
Obi: That's what I told him. But he didn't listen and he just kept mocking me.
(By now, Obi-Wan was hysterical. He cried against Brazo's waist until he began to feel somewhat safe.)
Brazo: Okay Obi, let's get you some dinner. Take a seat at the table there. I'll get you some cereal. How's that?
Obi: Uh huh. I like that.
(Taking the box from the cabinet, Brazo poured the boy a full bowl of the most popular kids cereal around. He placed the bowl in front of him, and handed him a spoon.)
Brazo: There you go. Enjoy.
(The young apprentice began eating, but right before the spoon hit his mouth, he caught a glimpse of the cereal.)
Obi: M...Master Brazo? W...what is this?
Brazo: My favorite. Coco Poofs.
Obi: Coco WHAT?
Brazo: Poofs. Coco Poofs. I thought all the students your age loved them.
(Looking at the shapes in his spoon and floating in the milk below, Obi-Wan's eyes got big and his hands started shaking.)
Obi: Poof. Poof. Poof. No. Why is he doing this to me? Why? No Poofy, no more. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(He threw his spoon down and ran screaming from the apartment.)
Brazo: Ah SITH! Obi come back here! Qui-Gon will kill me if you escape again. (He took off after him.)
********
(Meanwhile, Qui and Bren had settled down on a hill that overlooked the main part of the central city. There were few places on the planet that was not city-like, but those areas were havens for people who just wanted to get away. They sat together watching the colors of the stars and meteors in the dark sky. There was nothing but peace and serenity.)
Qui: Do you think Obi-Wan has driven Brazo mad by now?
Bren: You worry too much about that boy. Yes, he's a handful. Yes, he has a smart mouth. Yes, he has a mush obsession. Yes, he needs professional help. But all in all, he's a good kid. I bit flighty at times, but even you have to admit, he is quite lovable.
Qui: Yes, he is...when he's sound asleep and his mouth is not running.
Bren: You could be nicer too, you know. It wouldn't kill you.
Qui: I have tried, but when I'm nice, he suddenly thinks that I will start into this mush thing of his, and well...I just can't do that.
Bren: Would you look at yourself. You are sitting here, arm around me, rubbing my back. THIS is mush Qui. Is this so difficult for you?
Qui: Well, it's different. You are you. Obi-Wan is...abnormal. He DEMANDS the stuff. You just gently request it. But anyway, we are here to be away from our stresses. Not to talk about them.
Bren: Ah yes. My stresses. You are lucky. Your stress is a boy who loves you. Mine is the Wicked Witch of Coruscant. She loves only herself. No, that's not true. She loves to make my life a living hell. Care to trade?
Qui: Uh, no. I think I'll keep my pain in the neck. (Qui-Gon stopped and listened in the distance.) What was that?
Bren: What? I don't hear anything.
Qui: That screaming. Sounds like someone yelling about...Uh, I can't make it out.
Bren: Oh, just let it go. Probably just some kids goofing off. Rub my back again Qui-poo.
(They settled against the nearby tree, prepared to be lost in the company of the other, when the peace and serenity was broken. A small, tan clothed object ran by yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Obi: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
(Qui-Gon shook his head.)
Qui: WHAT was that?
Bren: Who was that? What's a poofy?
Qui: Poofy...poofy...oh no. OBI-WAN!!!!!!
Bren: That was the kid?
Qui: Yes. He's scared to death of Poof. What did Brazo do to him?
Bren: Come on Qui, don't blame Brazo, you know how strange the boy is.
Qui: True. I better go find him.
Bren: Just wait, he'll come flying by again. This park runs in a circle. One way in, one way out.
(As if on cue...)
Obi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! POOFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Qui: OBI-WAN!!!! STOP!!!!
(Obi-Wan, who had run several yards beyond them, suddenly stopped.)
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes padawan. Come back here please. What is your problem?
(The boy tried to catch his breath and explain what had happened.)
Obi: He...Poof...he...in lift. Mocked me...tried to talk to me...big eyes...head went baaaaak and forrrrrrth...baaaaaaaaack and forrrrrrth...then...then...got away...went to see Master Brazo...hugs...BIG hugs...he fed me...it was...was cereal...looked down...little poofs...EVERYWHERE! Hundreds of them...in my bowl and in my spoon...they spoke to me...tried to grab me...had to run...keep running...he's after me...please don't let him get me master...Poofy is just...I don't wanna be his padawan...don't make me...please master...please....
(He was hysterical now, trying to hide in Qui-Gon's robe. Desperate to stay away from Poof.)
Qui: Obi-Wan I don't see anyone behind you. Why would he follow you? I think he glows in the dark anyway, so we'd see him coming.
Bren: Hold it Qui. There is someone coming through the bushes there. But he's not glowing. Where is my saber? (Bren ignited her saber and prepared to defend her friends. A deep voice halted her attack.)
Brazo: Put that thing away. It's just me. I came looking for Obi. I see he's found you.
Qui: What did you feed him?
Brazo: Just some cereal. Coco Poofs.
Qui: WHY? Don't you know he has this horrendous fear of Master Poof? And he says he was stuck in the lift with him alone. You left my padawan alone in a lift with that...thing. Then you feed him a food that scared the life out of him. I thought I could trust you Brazo!
Brazo: Hold it, hold it. Poof right? That's the dude on the Council with the helium head?
Bren: Yes.
Brazo: The one that I just want to walk by and POP with my saber?
Bren: That's him.
Brazo: Oh geez. I'm sorry Obi. I know he scares you, but I had no idea how much. And I just wasn't thinking when I gave you that cereal for dinner. You're right, that man is a true weirdo. He mocks me all the time. His head just goes baaaaaaaack and foooooooorth...baaaaaaaaaak and foooooorrrrrrth.
Bren: Does everyone say that?
Brazo: It's quite hypnotizing at times. Obi, come here. I'm so sorry. Let me make this up to you. How about a super sized hug?
(Nodding against Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan then turned to face Brazo. Before long, he was enfolded in the greatest hug of his lifetime.)
Obi: Ahhhhhhh. This is good for my stress.
Qui: Your stress?
Obi: Yes master. Poofy REALLY stresses me out.
Brazo: Can you forgive me Obi? I didn't know the extent of the terror you have of him.
Obi: Yes. But please throw out that cereal. Burn it or something. No more stress for Obi.
Bren: So, we all have our stresses. Except for...Brazo?
Brazo: What?
Bren: There has got to be something that stresses you out.
Brazo: Nope. Nothing. I am positive about everything. There is nothing you can't do if you look at things with the glass half full.
Obi: What glass?
Bren: Yeah, well...I think my 'team leader' ate mine.
Obi: What glass are you talking about?
Bren: She can eat glass, I have no doubt of that.
Obi: You work with someone who can eat glass? COOL! Is she related to Poofy?
Bren: Qui, what's you're glass like?
Qui: My padawan keeps drinking what's left in mine.
Obi: Huh? What are you people talking about?
Brazo: Well then, I need to teach you both in the ways of positive thinking. A glass should always be half full, rather than half empty.
Obi: Uh, that's the same thing. Isn't it?
Bren: You can talk like that all you want Brazo, but you don't have an evil witch in your life that you have to work with everyday.
Qui: Nor do you have an apprentice who constantly begs for hugs and hair ruffles and can't go an hour without mush.
Brazo: How can you call that boy a stress? Mush is a necessity of living. It's something that we all need. I bet Obi's glass if half full.
Obi: I don't think I have a glass. I don't even know what you are talking about.
Qui: I think his glass is filled with mush.
Obi: WHAT GLASS????
Bren: A mush filled glass? That sounds disgusting.
Obi: Okay, I'm going home. No one is talking to me anyway. Bye.
Qui: Freeze padawan.
Obi: He speaks!
Qui: That just earned you an extra five hours of meditation.
Obi: Oh thanks. I get left out, speak up about it, then punished. That's real considerate. I love you too master.
Qui: Would you like to shoot for more meditation? Or would a day alone with Master Poof be something you're interested in.
Obi: Uh...um. No master, please. I'm sorry. I won't say anything else.
Bren: Yeah, right.
(Brazo moved closer to Obi-Wan once more and put an arm around him.)
Brazo: This is why you all have stress. Just love the boy. Offer a hug and the stress is gone. Don't fight him.
Bren: Okay, that might work for a simple stress like Obi, but I am NOT hugging Master Wenda. I don't even want to look at her. How do you, oh stress-free Master of Mush, solve that problem?
Brazo: Would you like me to hug her?
Bren: No, but if disposal is not a problem...
Brazo: Love and hugs Bren. That is what I do. Take it or leave it.
Bren: You can try to hug her if you want. But don't blame me if she becomes your worst nightmare.
Obi: Trust me Master Brazo, you do NOT want her in your head. It is scary.
Qui: I thought you weren't going to say anything else?
Obi: You should know me better than that master.
Bren: He's got a point there Stretch.
Obi: WOOHOO! Score one point for Obi!
Qui: That will be your last point. We are going home. And you are meditating for three hours in the corner
Obi: The corner? Aw nuts!
Qui: Five hours.
Obi: You can't be serious?
Qui: Eight hours.
Obi: Master...
Qui: Care to try for twelve?
Obi: No.
Qui: Then what do you have to do?
Obi: Buy myself some duct tape and learn to keep my mouth shut.
Qui: See? You are learning. It just takes time. In your case, it takes a LOT of time.
Bren: You have such an interesting way of training him Qui. It's quite unique.
Qui: You wouldn't be so sarcastic if you had to live with him.
Brazo: Well, I would love to stand here and waste my life listening to your family squabble, but I have more important things to do...like watch paint dry. Obi, you call me when you want a hug. And stay away from Poof. It's been...entertaining. Bye guys.
(Brazo left them alone on the small hill. They turned to each other.)
Obi: If you had just taken me with you tonight, none of this would have happened.
Qui: Obi-Wan don't start again.
Obi: You came out here to get away from stress and it follows you. You're a stress magnet.
Qui: No, I just have the most annoying padawan on the planet.
Obi: That too.
Bren: At least he knows he is. Give him a little credit for honesty.
Qui: Let's go home please. This is giving me a migraine.
Obi: You should have seen Poofy in that lift. I wonder if he gets migraines too. His head might explode if he does. You think he's married? Wife's name is Poot. Kids are Piff and Pop. Probably a lot of necking involved in that relationship. Don't you think master?
Qui: Home Obi-Wan. Keep walking.
Bren: He is hard to resist. Piff and Pop! He's adorable.
Qui: Among other things. You want him?
Bren: No thanks. I have enough stress of my own.
Obi: Piff and Pop. What if Yoda and Yaddle had kids. Hmmmm...Yiddle and Yoddle? Piddle and Paddle? So many possibilities.
Bren: On second thought, maybe I will borrow him. I'll put him up against my Team Leader. If anyone can defeat her mouth, the kid can.
Qui: Good, I am glad he's able to provide his service as an annoying apprentice.
Obi: Little and Lattle? Middle and Maddle? I need to write these things down. This is brilliant.
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM, non-slash. Qui and Bren attempt for some time alone. (Obi-Wan is 13)
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
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Stress
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Obi: Master, why won't you tell me where you are going tonight?
Qui: Because you don't need to know. Bren and I are going to enjoy a QUIET night out. Away from all of our...uh...stresses. You will have fun with Brazo. You are always wanting to stay with him, now is your chance.
Obi: Yes, but you are never this mysterious about things. I should know where you are going to be, incase of an emergency.
Qui: Like what?
Obi: Well, what if Master Brazo causes me to lose consciousness when he hugs me to tight and I don't wake up?
Qui: Then you would be unconscious and you wouldn't be able to locate me anyway.
Obi: Okay, but what if I accidentally WHACK off Siri's head with my saber?
Qui: Then you will be hailed throughout the temple. No, wait. That's not nice to say. Brazo will know where we are. You don't need to know any more than that. Bren and I need some time ALONE!
Obi: You don't love me anymore do you?
Qui: Guilt trips don't work padawan. I'm sure you can ask Brazo to cuddle and he will be more than happy to...
Obi: But masterrrrrr...
Bren: Hi boys! You ready to go Stretch?
Qui: Not quite yet. Obi-Wan is suffering from separation anxiety.
Bren: Nah, he's just being his normal nosey self.
Obi: I just want to know where you guys are going.
Qui: Why? So you can follow us? Bring your band of friends and laugh when Bren calls me Qui-poe?
Bren: Uh...that's Qui-POO. Get it right.
Obi: Don't forget sweet knees...and stud muffin.
Qui: You see? This is why you are staying HERE at the temple. You can live without me for one night.
Obi: A whole night? You are gonna be gone all night? Should I be hearing this? Aren't I to young for this kind of talk?
Bren: Get your mind out of the gutter kid. We are simply going somewhere quiet where we can snuggle without the normal temple interruptions. Like HER and that little pesky Mik who wont leave me alone. I am really stressed out Obi. You have no idea. I need to get away, even if it's for just one evening.
(Brazo entered the apartment)
Brazo: GOOD EVENING!!!!
Bren: He's all yours Brazo. Bye!
Brazo: Hold it! Anything I need to know? Like when he goes to bed? What to feed him?
Obi: Um...Master Brazo? I'm thirteen now. I am able to eat on my own.
Brazo: Oh right. Sorry Obi. I'm not used to babysitting you older kids.
Obi: Babysitting?
Qui: We shall call it, 'keeping an eye on.' Better?
Obi: No. I wanna go with you master.
Brazo: But Obi, I can offer you a night of mush! All the hugs you want.
Obi: Really? Will you call me Obi-poo?
Brazo: Uh...no. Just hugs, and maybe a hair ruffle. No strange nicknames. Obi-poo? HAHAHAHAH! Where did THAT come from?
(Obi looked at Bren)
Bren: Come on Qui. Let's get moving. We can continue this conversation later.
Qui: But...
Bren: LET'S GO STRETCH! NOW!
Obi: Master, her veins are popping out of her forehead...you'd better go.
Qui: Oh, uh...yes. We'd better...um...go now. Bren, you okay?
Bren: NOW!
Qui: Okay, okay.
Obi: I love you master. Goodbye. I hope to see you again. If you need anything, you know where I am.
Qui: Would you stop it. I'll be gone for less than ten hours. You can handle it.
Obi: What if Nev comes for me? What if...
Bren: Qui-Gon Jinn! Get your butt in gear NOW or that's it. You'll never see me again.
Qui: Night padawan. (They left the apartment.)
********
(Brazo turned to the young Jedi beside him.)
Brazo: So, Obi. What would you like to do?
Obi: Go to your apartment.
Brazo: Very well. Follow me.
Obi: Okay, I'll meet you there. I want to get cleaned up first.
(Leaving the boy alone, Brazo left for his place. Obi-Wan stepped into the 'fresher to get changed. He cleaned himself up quickly, grabbed his robe and headed for the lift. Asking for Level 42, he patiently waited while the lift began its ascent. There was a pause on Level 20. The doors opened and Council member Yareal Poof wandered in. His head was swaying like a tree in the wind. Obi-Wan was immediately freaked out.)
Poof: Boo, young Kenobi.
Obi: Please don't talk to me. My master told me not to talk to strangers.
Poof: I am not a stranger.
Obi: No, but you are strange. Please stop your head from doing that.
Poof: Doing what? Boo.
Obi: THAT! It's moving back and forth. Make it stop. Why are you mocking me?
Poof: I cannot stop my head from moving. Did you notice I have no eyelids, yet I still blink?
(Obi-Wan turned his head away from Poof and stared at the floor. His feet danced as he waited for Level 42.)
Poof: Look at me.
Obi: No, I can't.
Poof: Looooook at meeeeeeee.
Obi: Stop it!
(Poof's head kept moving. Baaaaaaaack and foooooooorth...baaaaaaaaaaack and fooooooooorth. Obi-Wan was breathing hard as the strange alien continued to stare at him. Tears sprang to his eyes as the fear welled up inside. He kept repeating the same words over and over in his mind.)
Obi: **Please go away. Please go away. I can't look at you. Please go away.**
Poof: Boo! You're level is next young Kenobi. Shall I escort you to your destination?
Obi: NO! Stop talking to me. You are freaking me out. Don't you know how odd you look?
(The lift stopped and the voice announced Level 42. Poof turned to the boy one last time, reaching his arms out towards him.)
Poof: BOO!
(That did it! Kenobi lost it.)
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(He flew off the lift and started running for his life. Yelling the entire time. Panic was in full effect. He ran for several minutes until he found Brazo's apartment. Frantically he pounded on the door.)
Obi: Master Brazo...please let me in. HURRY! He's after me. Don't let him get me. Pleaseeeeeee!
(Finally the door brushed open and Obi-Wan rushed in, landing with a hard thud against Brazo's chest. The big man wrapped him in a comforting hug.)
Brazo: Obi, what's happened? Are you okay?
Obi: No, he's...he's...after me. Please. I can't go out there. Don't make me. I just want him to go away. I...I...he scares me.
Brazo: Okay, okay. It's all right. Who are you talking about? Did someone try to hurt you?
Obi: Master Poof. He...he mocked me and stared at me on the lift. And he...he talked to me. I don't like him. He gives me nightmares.
Brazo: He is an odd sort. That head of his just sways baaaaack and forrrrrrrth...baaaaaack and forrrrrth. Really freaks me out.
Obi: That's what I told him. But he didn't listen and he just kept mocking me.
(By now, Obi-Wan was hysterical. He cried against Brazo's waist until he began to feel somewhat safe.)
Brazo: Okay Obi, let's get you some dinner. Take a seat at the table there. I'll get you some cereal. How's that?
Obi: Uh huh. I like that.
(Taking the box from the cabinet, Brazo poured the boy a full bowl of the most popular kids cereal around. He placed the bowl in front of him, and handed him a spoon.)
Brazo: There you go. Enjoy.
(The young apprentice began eating, but right before the spoon hit his mouth, he caught a glimpse of the cereal.)
Obi: M...Master Brazo? W...what is this?
Brazo: My favorite. Coco Poofs.
Obi: Coco WHAT?
Brazo: Poofs. Coco Poofs. I thought all the students your age loved them.
(Looking at the shapes in his spoon and floating in the milk below, Obi-Wan's eyes got big and his hands started shaking.)
Obi: Poof. Poof. Poof. No. Why is he doing this to me? Why? No Poofy, no more. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(He threw his spoon down and ran screaming from the apartment.)
Brazo: Ah SITH! Obi come back here! Qui-Gon will kill me if you escape again. (He took off after him.)
********
(Meanwhile, Qui and Bren had settled down on a hill that overlooked the main part of the central city. There were few places on the planet that was not city-like, but those areas were havens for people who just wanted to get away. They sat together watching the colors of the stars and meteors in the dark sky. There was nothing but peace and serenity.)
Qui: Do you think Obi-Wan has driven Brazo mad by now?
Bren: You worry too much about that boy. Yes, he's a handful. Yes, he has a smart mouth. Yes, he has a mush obsession. Yes, he needs professional help. But all in all, he's a good kid. I bit flighty at times, but even you have to admit, he is quite lovable.
Qui: Yes, he is...when he's sound asleep and his mouth is not running.
Bren: You could be nicer too, you know. It wouldn't kill you.
Qui: I have tried, but when I'm nice, he suddenly thinks that I will start into this mush thing of his, and well...I just can't do that.
Bren: Would you look at yourself. You are sitting here, arm around me, rubbing my back. THIS is mush Qui. Is this so difficult for you?
Qui: Well, it's different. You are you. Obi-Wan is...abnormal. He DEMANDS the stuff. You just gently request it. But anyway, we are here to be away from our stresses. Not to talk about them.
Bren: Ah yes. My stresses. You are lucky. Your stress is a boy who loves you. Mine is the Wicked Witch of Coruscant. She loves only herself. No, that's not true. She loves to make my life a living hell. Care to trade?
Qui: Uh, no. I think I'll keep my pain in the neck. (Qui-Gon stopped and listened in the distance.) What was that?
Bren: What? I don't hear anything.
Qui: That screaming. Sounds like someone yelling about...Uh, I can't make it out.
Bren: Oh, just let it go. Probably just some kids goofing off. Rub my back again Qui-poo.
(They settled against the nearby tree, prepared to be lost in the company of the other, when the peace and serenity was broken. A small, tan clothed object ran by yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Obi: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
(Qui-Gon shook his head.)
Qui: WHAT was that?
Bren: Who was that? What's a poofy?
Qui: Poofy...poofy...oh no. OBI-WAN!!!!!!
Bren: That was the kid?
Qui: Yes. He's scared to death of Poof. What did Brazo do to him?
Bren: Come on Qui, don't blame Brazo, you know how strange the boy is.
Qui: True. I better go find him.
Bren: Just wait, he'll come flying by again. This park runs in a circle. One way in, one way out.
(As if on cue...)
Obi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! POOFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Qui: OBI-WAN!!!! STOP!!!!
(Obi-Wan, who had run several yards beyond them, suddenly stopped.)
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes padawan. Come back here please. What is your problem?
(The boy tried to catch his breath and explain what had happened.)
Obi: He...Poof...he...in lift. Mocked me...tried to talk to me...big eyes...head went baaaaak and forrrrrrth...baaaaaaaaack and forrrrrrth...then...then...got away...went to see Master Brazo...hugs...BIG hugs...he fed me...it was...was cereal...looked down...little poofs...EVERYWHERE! Hundreds of them...in my bowl and in my spoon...they spoke to me...tried to grab me...had to run...keep running...he's after me...please don't let him get me master...Poofy is just...I don't wanna be his padawan...don't make me...please master...please....
(He was hysterical now, trying to hide in Qui-Gon's robe. Desperate to stay away from Poof.)
Qui: Obi-Wan I don't see anyone behind you. Why would he follow you? I think he glows in the dark anyway, so we'd see him coming.
Bren: Hold it Qui. There is someone coming through the bushes there. But he's not glowing. Where is my saber? (Bren ignited her saber and prepared to defend her friends. A deep voice halted her attack.)
Brazo: Put that thing away. It's just me. I came looking for Obi. I see he's found you.
Qui: What did you feed him?
Brazo: Just some cereal. Coco Poofs.
Qui: WHY? Don't you know he has this horrendous fear of Master Poof? And he says he was stuck in the lift with him alone. You left my padawan alone in a lift with that...thing. Then you feed him a food that scared the life out of him. I thought I could trust you Brazo!
Brazo: Hold it, hold it. Poof right? That's the dude on the Council with the helium head?
Bren: Yes.
Brazo: The one that I just want to walk by and POP with my saber?
Bren: That's him.
Brazo: Oh geez. I'm sorry Obi. I know he scares you, but I had no idea how much. And I just wasn't thinking when I gave you that cereal for dinner. You're right, that man is a true weirdo. He mocks me all the time. His head just goes baaaaaaaack and foooooooorth...baaaaaaaaaak and foooooorrrrrrth.
Bren: Does everyone say that?
Brazo: It's quite hypnotizing at times. Obi, come here. I'm so sorry. Let me make this up to you. How about a super sized hug?
(Nodding against Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan then turned to face Brazo. Before long, he was enfolded in the greatest hug of his lifetime.)
Obi: Ahhhhhhh. This is good for my stress.
Qui: Your stress?
Obi: Yes master. Poofy REALLY stresses me out.
Brazo: Can you forgive me Obi? I didn't know the extent of the terror you have of him.
Obi: Yes. But please throw out that cereal. Burn it or something. No more stress for Obi.
Bren: So, we all have our stresses. Except for...Brazo?
Brazo: What?
Bren: There has got to be something that stresses you out.
Brazo: Nope. Nothing. I am positive about everything. There is nothing you can't do if you look at things with the glass half full.
Obi: What glass?
Bren: Yeah, well...I think my 'team leader' ate mine.
Obi: What glass are you talking about?
Bren: She can eat glass, I have no doubt of that.
Obi: You work with someone who can eat glass? COOL! Is she related to Poofy?
Bren: Qui, what's you're glass like?
Qui: My padawan keeps drinking what's left in mine.
Obi: Huh? What are you people talking about?
Brazo: Well then, I need to teach you both in the ways of positive thinking. A glass should always be half full, rather than half empty.
Obi: Uh, that's the same thing. Isn't it?
Bren: You can talk like that all you want Brazo, but you don't have an evil witch in your life that you have to work with everyday.
Qui: Nor do you have an apprentice who constantly begs for hugs and hair ruffles and can't go an hour without mush.
Brazo: How can you call that boy a stress? Mush is a necessity of living. It's something that we all need. I bet Obi's glass if half full.
Obi: I don't think I have a glass. I don't even know what you are talking about.
Qui: I think his glass is filled with mush.
Obi: WHAT GLASS????
Bren: A mush filled glass? That sounds disgusting.
Obi: Okay, I'm going home. No one is talking to me anyway. Bye.
Qui: Freeze padawan.
Obi: He speaks!
Qui: That just earned you an extra five hours of meditation.
Obi: Oh thanks. I get left out, speak up about it, then punished. That's real considerate. I love you too master.
Qui: Would you like to shoot for more meditation? Or would a day alone with Master Poof be something you're interested in.
Obi: Uh...um. No master, please. I'm sorry. I won't say anything else.
Bren: Yeah, right.
(Brazo moved closer to Obi-Wan once more and put an arm around him.)
Brazo: This is why you all have stress. Just love the boy. Offer a hug and the stress is gone. Don't fight him.
Bren: Okay, that might work for a simple stress like Obi, but I am NOT hugging Master Wenda. I don't even want to look at her. How do you, oh stress-free Master of Mush, solve that problem?
Brazo: Would you like me to hug her?
Bren: No, but if disposal is not a problem...
Brazo: Love and hugs Bren. That is what I do. Take it or leave it.
Bren: You can try to hug her if you want. But don't blame me if she becomes your worst nightmare.
Obi: Trust me Master Brazo, you do NOT want her in your head. It is scary.
Qui: I thought you weren't going to say anything else?
Obi: You should know me better than that master.
Bren: He's got a point there Stretch.
Obi: WOOHOO! Score one point for Obi!
Qui: That will be your last point. We are going home. And you are meditating for three hours in the corner
Obi: The corner? Aw nuts!
Qui: Five hours.
Obi: You can't be serious?
Qui: Eight hours.
Obi: Master...
Qui: Care to try for twelve?
Obi: No.
Qui: Then what do you have to do?
Obi: Buy myself some duct tape and learn to keep my mouth shut.
Qui: See? You are learning. It just takes time. In your case, it takes a LOT of time.
Bren: You have such an interesting way of training him Qui. It's quite unique.
Qui: You wouldn't be so sarcastic if you had to live with him.
Brazo: Well, I would love to stand here and waste my life listening to your family squabble, but I have more important things to do...like watch paint dry. Obi, you call me when you want a hug. And stay away from Poof. It's been...entertaining. Bye guys.
(Brazo left them alone on the small hill. They turned to each other.)
Obi: If you had just taken me with you tonight, none of this would have happened.
Qui: Obi-Wan don't start again.
Obi: You came out here to get away from stress and it follows you. You're a stress magnet.
Qui: No, I just have the most annoying padawan on the planet.
Obi: That too.
Bren: At least he knows he is. Give him a little credit for honesty.
Qui: Let's go home please. This is giving me a migraine.
Obi: You should have seen Poofy in that lift. I wonder if he gets migraines too. His head might explode if he does. You think he's married? Wife's name is Poot. Kids are Piff and Pop. Probably a lot of necking involved in that relationship. Don't you think master?
Qui: Home Obi-Wan. Keep walking.
Bren: He is hard to resist. Piff and Pop! He's adorable.
Qui: Among other things. You want him?
Bren: No thanks. I have enough stress of my own.
Obi: Piff and Pop. What if Yoda and Yaddle had kids. Hmmmm...Yiddle and Yoddle? Piddle and Paddle? So many possibilities.
Bren: On second thought, maybe I will borrow him. I'll put him up against my Team Leader. If anyone can defeat her mouth, the kid can.
Qui: Good, I am glad he's able to provide his service as an annoying apprentice.
Obi: Little and Lattle? Middle and Maddle? I need to write these things down. This is brilliant.
END