"Message for you, Commander," said Nathaniel, handing Krissa a scroll.
A smile played across her lips at the formality from her old friend and sometimes lover. After all these years everyone at the Keep knew he occasionally shared her bed, but Nate was a stickler for proprieties.
The smile fled as she stared at the royal seal, the impression of King Alistair's personal signet ring clearly visible in the wax. Alistair never wrote her directly, always electing to send any missives to her or the Wardens through Kylon, the former Sergeant of the city guard in Denerim who became General of the King's Armies a few years after the Blight.
Long ago, while she was at the palace on Warden business, she found herself alone with Alistair for the first time since his coronation. It was then that he confessed that communicating with her was simply too painful to continue.
"I still love you," he'd said, staring into the fire raging in the hearth on that cold winter night. "I… I think I always will."
"And I, you," she'd whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.
"I know," he said, his voice breaking as he turned around.
His hand reached out and stroked her cheek. Her heart raced as she stood there, thinking he might kiss her. Wanting to feel his lips against hers just one more time. But he didn't. Instead he pulled his hand away, letting it drop to his side.
"Which is why I can't see you again," he'd said, turning his back to her once again. "It's too painful… for both of us."
That was the last time she'd seen or heard from Alistair in almost 30 years.
"If there is nothing else you need, Commander, I'll take my leave," said Nate, hiding his feelings behind a stoic face.
Over the years, he'd grown to love this slip of an elf who led the Wardens of Ferelden. And though he knew she cared for him, he also knew she had never loved him as she loved the King.
She tore her gaze away from the sealed scroll and looked up at him. "Thank you."
He nodded, knowing her thanks referred to much more than simply delivering a letter, and left the room.
With trembling hands she broke the seal and unrolled the parchment. Her eyes filled with tears as she read the missive within.
My Dear Krissa,
Perhaps I no longer have the right to address you so, but despite the years and distance between us, that is still what you are to me.
The time has come to take my final journey. The dreams have begun again and soon I will make my way to the Deep Roads.
But, I could not leave without writing you. I know this is selfish of me, but so be it. I could not forgive myself if I left without a goodbye to the only woman I have ever loved.
There has not been a single day in the past 30 years that I have not regretted pushing you away. The only thing that has stopped me from begging for you to return to my side has been my fear that one day, I would simply hurt you again and I knew I would never be able to live with that pain.
Please forgive me if this letter opens old wounds. I just had to let you know that I love you, and always have.
I go to my destiny now, as I am sure you yourself will, before too much longer. And I swear by all that is holy, if there is an afterlife, I will be waiting for you on the other side.
Yours Forever,
Alistair
"Come in," she called.
Nate walked into her room and stopped cold as he watched Krissa pack the last few belongings into her bag. "Where are you going?"
She closed her pack and turned to face him. "It's time."
A kaleidoscope of emotions played across his normally impassive face. Sadness, fear, worry, and finally anger. "Yours or his?"
She flinched at his question, the pain in his voice piercing her heart. "Both."
The answer seemed to knock the wind out of him as he slumped down on the bed beside her bag. "No," he whispered, burying his face in his hands.
Her heart ached to see his pain. She hated herself for ever letting him get this close to her. She should have put an end to it years ago when she realized he was falling in love with her, but she had been so lonely she just couldn't let him go. She'd rationalized it by telling herself she didn't want to do to Nate what Alistair had done to her, but the truth was, she was simply too weak to call it off.
And now he would pay the price for that weakness.
"They started a few weeks ago. I didn't want to say anything because I wasn't sure. You know that sometimes over the years I've heard the calling as the Darkspawn get more restless. I'd hoped this was one of those times, but the dreams are getting stronger… more insistent."
"I'm coming with you."
"No! You have a few years left and the Wardens need you here. Your job is to stay here and finish training Bevin. He's smart and he'll make a good Warden Commander, but you know he's still wet behind the ears."
"There are plenty of others who can see to his training."
Krissa sat down beside him on the bed and grasped Nate's hand. "But none that I trust as much as you."
Realization came to him and he knew what she planned to do. As much as it would pain him to let her go, he could not deny her this last chance to be happy… truly happy for the first time in 30 years.
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "May you find all you seek," he said before standing up and walking out of the room.
She spotted him before he saw her. Her pulse quickened as she drank in the sight of him. His hair was flecked with grey, a few lines were etched into his face, and he sported a beard, but none of that mattered to her heart beating loudly in her chest.
She rose from the bench she'd been sitting on in the Commons, her breath catching in her throat as she saw his eyes light up at the sight of her. She barely saw his smile before he was upon her, scooping her up in his arms, his face buried in her hair.
"Maker's breath, but you're more beautiful than when we first met!" said Alistair, holding her at arms length as he drank in the sight of her.
She smiled, knowing that was a lie. Her own hair was streaked with grey, the lines on her face just as deep as his own. Or was it? He was just as handsome as she remembered, those eyes piercing into her soul just as they always had.
Slowly his face turned serious, creases growing deeper across his forehead as he realized why she must be here, in Orzammar. He sat her down on the bench and knelt in front of her, mindless of all the attention their reunion had attracted.
"Why – why are you here?" he asked, his eyes full of pain.
"It's time," she replied, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, drinking in the feel, the smell, of her skin. But his eyes never left hers. "So soon?"
She nodded, the lump in her throat making her unable to speak.
He leaned in close, his mouth inches from her own. "May I?"
She leaned forward, tears streaming down her cheeks. And then his lips were on hers. His hands cupping her face as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs.
Slowly, they pulled apart, his hands sliding down her arms until their fingers interlocked.
She finally found her voice. "Shall we take this last journey together?"
"Yes. By the Maker, yes!" he whispered pulling her into his arms for another embrace, his hands stroking her hair.
They made their way into the Deep Roads, side by side, just as they'd done in days of old. Their days were spent killing wave after wave of Darkspawn. Their nights filled with hour upon hour of passion, as if trying to make up for all the lost years.
But, they were tiring, growing weaker day by day. As she lay wrapped in his arms, she knew this would most likely be their last night together.
She had but one regret. For 30 years she had wondered what the calling would feel like. Now, she would never know. But, the price was worth it.
She rolled over in Alistair's arms and planted a soft kiss over his heart. Oh yes, it was worth it, indeed.