He was not one to shy away from a challenge. He did not care about how the captain seemed to be quite emotional about all of this. The man has always been somehow a mystery to him, he never respected the logic, he never took the path that he imagined he would take. As of now, he was looking down on the man he respected the most, and said the word that could change their relationship forever.
« Captain, I'm quite honored of the affection you have for me but, as you know I'm vulcan, and vulcans do not show their love the same way as humans would ».
Jim looked at him for a long moment before showing the same grin that he showed whenever he know he would win a chess game.
« Mr. Spock, do you think that I'm in love with you? »
- Well, captain, your behavior seems to indicate that you have more feelings for me than those of friendships, and as you may already know I am deeply attached to you and when I think about the two of us in a special kind of relationship, I… enjoy the idea.
Wait a minute …Are you trying to say that it's you who is in love with me ? And when you say « special kind of relationship », do you mean the same as humans? Do you include a physical one?
No captain. What I'm trying to say, is that if you have feelings for me, I can reciprocate them.
So you love me?
This the logical conclusion you can get from what I said, Jim.
You want to have a physical relationship with me?
Well, captain, this is where we will have a problem, as you know I'm vulcan, and we have a timing about these things.
Yes I know.
The two men went silent after this. Spock observed the captain, his captain may he says, he always found him quite handsome, that was a fact, he never thought of the two of them having a special relationship, well more special than what they already had. But he know, that he would never have another one like this, or more profond than this one. He always thought that the captain of the USS Enterprise liked women, and he had a lot of them. That was another fact. But he always left them, to comeback to his ship, to his crew and to him, his first officer and his most trusted one. When the first signs showed, he couldn't believe it, and when he looked back on it, he must admit he was quite blind to them at first. He thought that the captain always saw him as a friend, one that was quite practical and an excellent officier, in which Starfleet had invested quite a bit. But when Dr. Macoy had come to him and said that he should get his act straight, and that his green blood was no excuses to let the captain with no answer, incapable of getting over his hopes, his brain had quickly worked on the equation. He decided to to confront the captain as quickly as possible, and to give him the only answer he could think of. He knew that he could not give what the captain actually wanted, as he could only give him what his mixed blood would allow him to give. He actually hoped the captain would understand and as humans says, give him a chance. Jim interrupted his train of thought when he suddenly spoke:
« Well, Mr. Spock, you're quite right. I do have complicated feelings for you, and it's been on my mind for quite some time but I still didn't reach a conclusion on it. When I thought of it, I couldn't imagine my life without you, and as cheesy as that may sound, whenever you get injured I feel like I'm the one on the verge of dying, but at the same time I can't quite imagine us in that kind of relationship and I know that I can't be with another person, as I know that if they ask me to choose I would always be on your side ».
When the captain finished his tirade, Spock looked at him and smiled, he know that the captain and him didn't think the same way, well you may say that the captain always beat his expectations, he would always find the answer that Spock missed or take his solutions to another level.
Spock decided to approach his captain, he wanted to touch him, to let him know what he really was thinking, and to know what the man in front of him was thinking. But before doing anything he had to get his approval because what he was going to do would change everything. He had goosebumps just by imagining this. He rectified himself, vulcans do not feel anticipation, it must be the cold he was feeling.
« Captain, may I touch you? I think it would be easier for the two of us to understand each other… to know what we expect from the other ».
Jim nodded. Spock approached him with caution as if he was a wild animal. Spock saw the smirk on Jim's face but decided to ignore it and concentrate on the task at hand. He placed his finger on the other's face and he closed his eyes. He felt like Jim, he was Jim. And he knew, if he could express himself like humans do he would say that he was happy. No more than that he felt important, accepted, loved. Love was a mysterious concept to him, he knew that his mother loved him and he could do almost anything for her but at the same time he understood that his mother had given her heart to his father, and that he would always be her number one leaving him as the number two. What he felt from Jim was different, Jim would always put him as his number one. He would betray everyone and everything to save him, to live with him, to play a chess game together. When he smiled Jim's heart fluttered, he was overjoyed by the sight of Spock being fascinated by something he did, by a strategy he cooked up and that the vulcan did not think about. After a while of enjoying the feelings he got from his human counterpart, Spock decided to share his feelings, even if it sadden him to recognize them as such, with Jim. He gave him everything. All of his thoughts about their relation, about their futur together, and the fact that he could not imagine one without him. They didn't move for a while.
When Spock let down his hand, Jim grabbed it and held it tightly. They looked eyes, and for a moment nothing moved, everything was paused. Finally, Jim spoke :
« Well, , I think we have gotten ourselves in some trouble and I would like to have your observations on what to do from now on.
Sir, I think we should maybe try to be what earth people call ``boyfriends``.
And for the physical aspect of this? As you may know I am a man who needs affection.
Well, we could try to work something else. Even if that may sound strange to you captain, I won't be against you getting the ``physical affection`` you need from someone else. »
Jim looked shocked by what he just said. He find the disbelief on the man face quite comical, and if he had been fully human he would frankly be laughing his ass off but he was not so he just raised his eyebrow and waited for the logical reaction from the captain. He didn't wait long.
« Are you suggesting what I think you are? », Spock's lack of reaction seemed to anger him even more. « Are you mocking me Mister? Do you think that I could do that when I only have you in my heart? When I think about you, when I want you, I should go and get laid by any women or men that wants me? Do you think I could be as shameless as that? I don't sleep with anybody, as you seem to think, I only do it with people I care about. I am no whore, Mr. Spock. »
After his speech everything became silent again, Spock locked at him and took his hands, meeting little resistance.
« I know who you are Jim. And I do not think of you as a whore. But I know how hard it would be for you. I can't give you the physical affection you need as a human being nonetheless I can't… No I won't give you up. »
He squeezed his hand, hoping that it would reassure him and completely dissipe his anger from earlier.
« Your sentiment for me seem quite illogical . You say you love me but you want me to find the affection I need in somebody else. », his hand was cold even for a human and Spock could feel him shacking. His logical mind told him that it was not because of the cold.
« Everything about us is illogical, sir ». His softened his voice and continued « Jim, what I feel for you is something that even if I was fully vulcan would not change. It's not logic that I am following but my hearts. And when I made you this proposition, I was not mocking you but I just offered you the best solution for us. Jim, I would never do anything to belittle you.
I know, Spock. But as I said I don't think I could cheat on you like that. And think of the feelings of the other person.
Well, firstly you wouldn't really cheat on me captain since you have my permission for it. Secondly there is plainly of people who would want to have a purely physical relationship with you, even once in their lives. In fact abroad the Enterprise, there are three hundred..
Stop. I don't want to know.
Spock didn't insist. But he noted that he should pay attention to the one hundred nineteen who want more than a once in a life time relation.
So how are we going to go about this ? Do you help me choose my partner? Do you make the selection? And when are we going to do this? Like every time I'm horny?
Well not every time Captain. You should be alright with once a month at most.
Once a month? At most? »
Spock raised his eyebrows. He calculated the need a man could have for physical affection and he thought once a month should be sufficient but the captain seemed to disagree with his result.
« Well, I do recognize that I am not the most informed on this kind of thing but my calculation established that it would be comfortable for any man to have a once a month relationship. You seem to disagree captain, may I inquire the reason for this reaction?
Well, I don't want to seem to be a horny young lad, but a man needs more than a once a month kind of a physical release… » Jim stopped talking, looked at Spock and then shook his head « I can't believe we're having this kind of conversation. », he then laughed, « What will become of us Mr. Spock?
I do not know, captain. I only know one thing…
What is it?
I'm ready to try a relationship with you, to try to make it work.
Even if it cost us our friendship?
Nothing will get in the way of our friendship, Jim. I consider this as a prolongation of it. It will only bring us closer. »
Jim only nodded then smiled:
« Well Mr. Spock, we shall try this together and see where it will take us and… » Jim stopped talking for a moment, he seemed hesitant but then he straightened himself and resumed « And I am sure we can resolve our physical problems with time and understanding.
It is logical that we can do it, captain. »
For once it was not Spock raising his eyebrow but Jim, who asked the reason for such a confidence and the answer would surely please him.
« Well Jim, are we not the first and second in command of the most prominent starship of the federation? Isn't the crew the finest in all of the federation? If we can command this crew and this ship, I am quite sure we can handle a romantic relationship. »