Soft-hearted
Chapter 1: Sacrifice
Author: Ryuko
Anime: Death Note
Pairing: L x Light
Rating for chapter: PG
Genre: Drama/Humor/Suspense
Author's Note: This fic not only follows the story line very closely, but it elaborates on a lot of what's unsaid. This is because I'm a person who enjoys filling in the gaps. However, it's more beautiful to me if it's real and genuine, which is why I observed the characters very carefully to make this as true to Death Note as possible. I do have a bias though – I'm inclined towards BL/shonen-ai/yaoi/slash...whatever it is you call it. I'm writing this out of a belief that L and Light have some positive feelings for each other and that these could win over the negative in the end. Forgiveness is one of the principles of soft-heartedness, after all. This chapter though is about sacrifice. I hope you enjoy reading the rain scene in all of its delicious details! Cheers!
Technical notes: Italics denotes either self-talk in the head or is used for emphasis.
Her heart jolted as realization struck. So that's his plan!
Seeing the Shinigami Rem startle from the corner of his eye, Light couldn't help but grin. Yet again, the Gods were on his side.
Light Yagami is confident that I will save Misa's life. She watched the Kira investigation team crowd around the computers, as she continued to analyze the situation. In this situation, the only way I can save Misa is to write Ryuzaki's real name in my notebook. And then when I kill Ryuzaki... she stopped as she remembered the fate her Shinigami companion, Jealous, met after misusing the power of the death note...
I would have lengthened Misa's lifespan, and I will die as well. Everything that happens will end up benefiting Light! She watched, in a medley of anger and anxiety as decision time drew near.
The boy Misa came to love blindly, was staring her down, narrow eyed. His gaze alone seemed to demand absolute command.
What will you do, Rem? Light thought to himself. Despite being a Shinigami, I know you have feelings for Misa. Can you let her suffer with such a shortened life span? Consider Misa's happiness. He couldn't say this out loud, but assumed she was smart enough to figure it out. And judging by her expression, it looked like she has.
Thirteen days. If his test is successful, in less than half a month it will be a painful goodbye to his two dearest friends. It would have been a brief spark of joy, which compared to his lifetime, would be like a needle in a haystack, a shooting star, coming and going in a blink of an eye. It's ironic how the only people he could truly call friends are also most likely to be the two mass murderers he has been trying to bring to justice for the past few years. If the thirteen day rule is proven to be fraudulent, then the Kira tapes found in Misa's room, her lipstick marks and hair on the package will act as undisputed evidence that she is the second Kira. As for Light-kun, the fact that the owner of the death note at the time of Light-kun's imprisonment was different to the previous Kira, who's murders had no link with profitability of Yotsuba should be enough. Also it would explain the death of Ray Penbar, who was investigating Light-kun, and also L now knew that Light-kun was able to kill with just a piece of the death note, making it possible for Light-kun to kill criminals while under surveillance. As if empathizing with L's inner turmoil, the heavens poured down on him, helping him camouflage the oncoming tears. He didn't care if he got wet, drenched, sick... nothing else existed for L in this moment but a vast well of loneliness.
It's been more than a quarter of an hour since L excused himself to get some fresh air. Souichiro Yagami and some of the more serious members of the task force began to wonder whether their leader was alright. Just over fifteen minutes ago, L refused his strawberry sundae and silently walked off. Actually, the investigation team would have savored this break as much as possible, given that they worked overtime almost on a daily basis, however there was a bit of an issue on their hands... A message from the Kanto national prison just came in, stating that they refuse to give permission for a prisoner to use the death note for a test. The team, bewildered and confused, asked Light to bring back L and explain what on earth was going on.
"That Ryuzaki, acting on his own again! Doesn't he understand that trust can only be built on open communication?" Light heard Aizawa growl as he made his way out into the corridor.
Light knew exactly what L was up to. It has become a race against time, and if not for the soft-heartedness of the foolish Shinigami, his race would be over after just thirteen days.
He who attacks first always wins. He remembered L say. "You're wrong, Ryuzaki." Light murmured under his breath. Once you make your move against me, it'll be game over. And Kira will be the victor. In a few moments, you will be gone. Forever. And nothing will stand in my way of creating an utopia, where Kira reigns as God. Goodbye, L, Ryuzaki, Ryuuga...
Before he realized, Light was already on the roof. This is it. This is what I've been working so hard for.
Although it was midday, it looked as if it was late evening. The skies were covered in dark grey, and a cold wind tore past him, bringing with it showers of pouring rain. To his surprise, L was standing right in the midst of it, staring up at the sky. His usually spiked-up black hair had smoothed out and now lay on his shoulders, making it look a lot longer than usual. Although it is fact that neither of them had time for a haircut, being so absorbed in the Kira case and all. A few moments later, the soaking man turned towards him.
"What are you doing in a place like this, Ryuzaki?" The younger man laughed softly. Obviously he wasn't heard, as L pressed a hand to his ear, trying to make out what his friend was saying. Slightly annoyed, Light repeated the same question in a louder voice. As if teasing Light, L repeated the gesture again, this time with a goofy grin. Light had enough. Reluctantly he made his way towards L, stepping out from a sheltered area out into the pouring rain.
Of course, as we know, L had heard Light the second time.
Light stopped within a meter from L, and for the third time, uttered what seemed to be a very important question. Certainly worth getting wet for.
"What are you doing here, Ryuzaki?"
"Nothing in particular." he paused, thinking of a way to express his dilemma. "It's just the bells..."
"Bells?" The brunette stared at him blankly.
"Yes, the bells are really loud today." the raven haired man replied as he stared into the sky once again.
Light turned to face the direction of L's gaze but there was nothing to be seen or heard. Was L hallucinating from overwork?
"I don't hear anything."
"Really? The conditions are favorable today so you can't help but hear them." He continued to speak in metaphors. "It's a church isn't it? A wedding...? or maybe..." a funeral.
"What are you talking about, Ryuzaki?" Light interrupted before he could finish. "Don't be saying such useless things. Let's go back."
He didn't understand. Or he did but was pretending not to. Anyhow, L could feel it deep in his bones. Today would either be a day that drew them closer or tore them apart. The bells signaled a new beginning, just as they did that day when he was adopted into the orphanage.
"I'm sorry." he muttered, defeated. "All the things I've said are nonsense. Please don't take it seriously." At this point, Light was totally lost. All of a sudden, this super-logical detective wasn't making any sense. L was facing him sideways, staring silently at the ground. His eyes showed a hollow expression, he certainly looked upset. Light had previously seen a depressed Ryuzaki , back when it was concluded that Light could not be Kira under the thirteen-day rule. Could he still be upset because he "was wrong"? Chuckling, Light decided it's best to just play along.
"That's true, Ryuzaki. Most things you say are nonsense. It'd be troublesome to take you seriously all the time. I think I know this better than anyone." That's right, deepen your self-doubts about all your theories on me being Kira.
"Yes, that's how it is, Light-kun. But you're the same as me, aren't you?"
Caught off-guard, Light decided to question what L meant, although he could imagine what L had in mind. But he never expected L to come out with such a blunt remark...
"Since the day you were born, have you ever told the truth even once?"
He went too far! Light grimaced. Sure he lied a lot recently, but to accuse him of being born a liar...was an insult Light wasn't going to take lying down.
L's gaze upon Light was like that of a prosecutor gazing upon the prosecuted.
And so, very characteristic of a person who hates losing, Light began to justify himself.
"What are you saying. Ryuzaki? It's true that I tell lies occasionally. However, there aren't any humans who have never told a lie. People can't be perfect, everyone lies. Even so, I won't tell lies that hurt the people I love. That's my answer."
"I thought you'd say something like that." the detective replied. With that answer... I wonder if there really is anyone you love but yourself, Light-kun.
Light watched as L sunk back into his depression. He knew L was right. He always was. He truly was worthy of the title of best detective in the world. Telling him now that he's full of sht, was a much greater insult than any that L has given him.
"Let's head back." L was first to break the silence that had befallen them. "We're soaking wet."
"Yeah."
The two headed back inside to grab some hand towels from the bathroom in silence. Light left first, heading for the stairs in a room close to, but secluded from the roof. The last place he wanted to be now was with the investigation team, explaining why the two of them were getting wet on the roof. He removed his soaking shoes and seated himself on the steps, his thoughts once again on L.
Sometimes he wished... that L was someone else... that he was some idiot, some ugly stupid brute, some evil criminal... but no, he was the opposite. Light wished there were more people like L in his perfect world. No one else had yet come to meet Light's high expectations and standards. Too bad though, L stood in the way of peace in the world. If only L would have been on his side... they could have created a world free of crime, together. It's all your fault, L. You doomed yourself with your damned stubbornness.
Footsteps. This time, it was L who followed him. "That was a terrible rainstorm, wasn't it?" he spoke. Light continued to dry his hair with the towel as he replied. "It's your fault, you were the one standing outside in the rain."
"That's true. I'm sorry." L apologized once again. For a few moments, he observed his soaked friend's futile efforts to dry himself with the tiny towel. Releasing a decisive sigh, L removed the towel from on top his head and walked down a few steps. As he approached closer, Light was still drying his hair with an indifferent expression, eyes closed... until something warm and soft suddenly wrapped itself around his right foot, lifting it into the air. The sudden unfamiliar sensation made him jolt out of his peaceful state, only to realize that L was crouching before him, holding his foot! "What are you doing, Ryuzaki?!" the young brunette half-yelled at him in bewilderment.
"I thought I'd give you a hand." the raven haired man answered, straight faced. What else does it look like? "I'll help wipe you dry."
But Light didn't feel comfortable to accept the favor. "I'm fine. You don't need to do that." He said a little too defensively. L, pretending not to hear again, continued with his 'strange' propositions. "I'm going to give you a massage too. It's the least I can do to atone for my sins. I'm pretty good at it, you know." Light just blinked silently, unable to give any intelligible response for this odd turn of events. There was just no telling what to expect from L today. On the other hand, he's been so stressed out lately, why turn down an offer for a massage? No one's here to see them anyway.
He released the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Do what you want." He finally resigned, diverting his gaze away.
With this, L resumed with the massage, giving the foot a little squeeze with a towel. Light tried to repress a squirm, but it didn't go unnoticed. "Oy" He was beginning to feel more self-conscious by the minute.
"You'll get used to it soon." L assured, never departing from his flat tone. Just then, Light noticed heavy water drops hanging off some of L's fringe strands, but before he could do or say anything, the cold drops landed on his own foot. Something resembling protective feelings finally took the better of Light, as he reached for the towel and softly brushed it over L's fringe."You're still wet."
"I'm sorry." L continued to apologize.
He had not sinned before this Kira. He hadn't wrongfully accused Light. He merely took upon himself the anger, frustration and all negative that his young apprentice and disciple, young detective Light Yagami, had felt, and release him of this. Why did he do this? Was it because he wanted to enjoy his time with Light before their likely farewell in thirteen days time? As if God himself had given him this extrasensory vision, L felt like this moment was his last chance. The final chance to express his gratitude to Light, for giving him the gift of his company, his friendship. For a moment or two, L was truly happy. He wanted to thank Light, do nice things for Light, make him feel good... but deep down he knew... that Light would soon betray him.
Although L was supposed to help speed up Light's efforts in drying himself, instead Light was getting a lengthy foot massage, his own towel lying beside him, all but forgotten. All he could do was stare. Stare at this once great but now ridiculous man, bowing down before him, drying and massaging his feet, like some kind of simple servant. The great detective was down on one knee before the 'criminal'. Ironic. He was still completely soaked himself. His shirt clinging closely to his skin, outlining his figure that's normally hidden behind his baggy clothes. His dark hair hanging limply over his pale face, hanging over his shoulders...and that peaceful expression... one could say he looked like some sort of an angel. Light frowned at his thoughts. Proximity increases liking. Basic psychological fact. But to this extent...
As if to add more tension, L murmured quietly "It's sad isn't it?"
"Huh?" Light asked, still in a bit of a daze.
L looked up at Light, dark flocks of hair covering one eye. His positioning made him look puppy eyed.
"It's almost farewell." a pair of lips spoke in a deep tone. As unfamiliar feelings surged within him, Light had to resist the impulse to reach out to his rival and never let go.
Tension lifted off Light's shoulders as the mood was disrupted by L's cellphone.
"Hello? Yes, I'll be there right away."
The team had obviously lost their patience. Couldn't blame them. First L disappears and now Light follows suit...
Light stared in disbelief. Has the time really come? L, his only obstacle on the way to a new world... would be gone... in a few minutes. It's really happening.
"Why don't we go, Light-kun? It seems like things may turn out well after all." The team had just informed him that a reply has come in from the Kanto national prison. Maybe his earlier feelings were just paranoia after all. Surprised by L once again, Light followed silently.
Meanwhile the storm continued to worsen outside, the wind crying in anger and woe.
The two walked the long hallway, footsteps echoing in the silence. However, for Light, the thud of the steps was overridden by the loud thumping of his heart. He was almost sure that L was going to test the thirteen day rule... he'd never let any 'facts' contradict his theory, Light knew this much. And going by what L said, it seemed like he was about to do it now . If the test has begun, it's his loss. If it has not, Rem will kill L once he walks into that room. Light's feet were beginning to feel heavier with every step. He didn't want to reach that room...ever.
What? Why was he procrastinating? Whatever happens, he's got it won! Even if the tests have begun, he'll find a way out, for sure! So what... what is this heavy feeling growing in his stomach? It wasn't excitement...
Ryuuzaki... He looked at the hunched detective walking in front. How could L have been so kind to his enemy? I've killed people and he knows. Our friendship is supposed to be an act to get us in a position to find the other's weakness, and destroy him. So why does it seem like he's being genuine?... What a fool! Him and Misa! And everyone. I'm using them all... yet they treat me like a true friend and more...
Then again... their foolishness is rubbing off on me. Light bit his lip bitterly. There's been one image that wouldn't leave him in peace. Back there, when the drenched L looked up at him in a half-smile, and told him it was almost farewell. In that moment, an ache spread throughout his body... it was unbelievable, but those words, that face, made something inside of him snap. A realization? A realization that he was about to lose something precious... This beautiful mind and soul. This soft soothing voice... The elegant full features, this thick dark hair that smelt of strawberry mousse, those dark insomniac eyes that seemed to probe his mind, the defenseless hunched frame...Crazy as it seems, he came to adore it all. It's amazing how many things people can take for granted until they lose it... No, L must be playing with my head. He must have planned this... to confuse me until I forsake rationality for emotion... he'll do anything to win... just like me. Dammit, what should I do? If this is the end, then I'll never...
Light shook his head to try to force away the images of a non-existent past, where he had wrapped his arms around L and told him to never say goodbye ever again.
The elevator opened and Light's heart sank. He followed L, his walk stiffening. Just as they entered, Matsuda launched at L with a complaint. "What's the meaning of this? We're trying to get approval for the use of the death note?" Ignoring Matsuda's bickering as usual, L spoke to his laptop. "Watari, has it gone well?"
"No" replied the elderly man behind the computer.
"As expected, but please get approval for the use of the notebook."
Light froze for a moment. Could he really... "Ryuzaki, what's going on?!"
His fears were realized when L answered with "I'm planning to test the notebook for myself."
The investigation team were shocked for a different reason. "That's unthinkable. We've seen it already! The notebook's power is real. " Aizawa retorted. They seemed to think L was going to test whether the notebook can really kill or not. "And who will write the name in it anyway?" added Matsuda. "If you write down a name you'll have to keep on writing names within thirteen days of each other for all eternity!"
Light stood in the distance, hoping that the ex-policemen can convince L to stop what was going to lead to nothing other than the detective's own demise, but it was not to be.
"The writer will be a criminal who is due to be executed within thirteen days. We'll make a deal with him: if he's still alive after the thirteen days are over, he'll be set free." L explained.
The last argument against, was by Light's father, who began with "However, a person's life shouldn't be..." but was cut short by L who had grown tired of explaining himself. What mattered now was whether the prison guards are willing to take the responsibility of releasing an A-class criminal into the society in the case that the rule fails... but certainly they would if he could convince them that he had the capability to capture Kira 100 in such a circumstance.
So with a final shout he put an end to the dispute with his comrades. "We're almost there! If this condition is cleared, the case will be resolved in one step!"
Just as he uttered those words, as if a sign of punishment from some deity above, a heavy lightning bolt struck, shaking their head quarters and causing a blackout. This was the cue for Rem to do what she needs to do to prevent Misa from being found guilty and put to certain death. She had to stop Watari from sending the request. To kill the old man, then L, and then she herself would die. But she was more than willing to make the sacrifice. Because when you truly love someone, you'd go so far as to die for them.
End of chapter 1.
Don't worry, it's only a cliff-hanger. The story will go on. Comments greatly appreciated and inspire me to write!
Please let me know if there are any spelling/grammatical errors. English is not my first language. Yes I know the tenses aren't very consistent but the idea was that characters thoughts and self-talk are in present tense while the narrative is in the past. That's ok, isn't it?