I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes, when I'm reading a story, I can't help but rearrange it in my head so that it better serves my own desires. Usually that happens when the set-up is so perfect for the glorious consummation of Edward's aggressive care-taking of all Bella's needs. Unfortunately for me, most of the time this perfect set-up is squandered on an assertive Bella who tells Edward to get a life, before falling in love with him in spite of his aggressive care-taking, not because of it. Ah well, can't expect everyone to be regressed codependents like me.
So, to entertain (and satisfy) myself one day, I took the fabulous initial interview scene from one of my favorite fanfics (IceDragonsSnowQueen's "Master of the Universe," now known to the reading public as the Fifty Shades trilogy, which I have not read, and I must confess as well, I never finished MOTU either, tending not to like finishing things I start, which tendency I will valiantly try to counteract in my writing on here), and I tweaked it. Oh, who am I kidding, I completely re-wrote it, with such a passive and servile Bella that poor Ms. Icy would probably faint from horror, in similar fashion to the reaction of moral puritans to Gray's-or is it Grey's? I mean it when I say I haven't read it!-handcuffs.
I agree, handcuffs are more fun, but it is very satisfying for me to see a needy Bella get her due on the same (sort of) stage that a more together, modern-woman version has paraded, or tripped, across so magnificently. So in honor of my dear friend, uber-competent alter-ego and Twilight muse Rebecca (yes, you can blame her for everything I do on here, or at least for having the nerve to post it!), I give you the following re-write of MOTU's first scene, with flavors of "The Harder They Fall" by Ironic Twist [Great premise and well-written, but a little too worldly in the long-run for wimpy me, so I didn't finish reading that one either…but if you find my Bellas too weak, and my Edwardian sex life too nonexistent, (good historical pun that, don't you think?), then I bet you'd love it.] and "Mr. Horrible" by Algonquinrt [Fabulous story! Go read it now, start to finish, and enjoy the best marriage proposal ever put into writing! Take that, Romeo and Juliet—although I forget, did the cad actually propose, or just say "meet me at yon priest's abode" (I'm making that up)?] thrown in too.
Hope you enjoy, and that the other authors drawn into my fantasy life will take it as a compliment, not an insult! xo liza
p.s. Yes, I'm still avoiding my first two babies—unfortunately meaning, at the moment, my sons as well as my fanfics, so I have to post this and get breakfast, um brunch, made—although mostly this is just me employing my usual anxiety-management technique of approaching the important tasks in life via a roundabout path involving seemingly less-important or even irrelevant detours. Which is why you'll frequently find me organizing the spice cabinet right before the mortgage payment is due. That used to drive my husband nuts, but he's finally accepted that I always make the mortgage payment, and now I have alphabetically-organized spices too!
It's strangely reassuring to know the cumin is right next to the coriander, but better than that, it's absolutely lovely to just accept one's brain, with all its idiosyncracies, for what it is, and make the most of it with joy and satisfaction, rather than trying to beat it into someone else's vision of normal behavior and efficiency. Do try it, if you're able! And if you're not (not all of us are lucky enough to have such loving, if exasperated, support figures as I do), then here's my loving wish to you that you will be able to, someday soon. Take good care of you and your brain! Yours, liza
Disclaimer: As always, all things Twilight are the property of one Ms. Stephenie Meyer, to whom we all owe great thanks. My thanks also to the fanfic authors IceDragonsSnowQueen, Ironic Twist and Algonquinrt for their writing, which informed mine. I don't believe I've plagiarized, but I've definitely borrowed!
Setting the scene: A terrified, early-twenties office worker Bella is due to be walking into powerful business man Edward Cullen's office as a substitute for Jessica, Bella's housemate. Jessica wrangled the interview with Edward as part of her MBA coursework, but is currently experiencing a severe eczema flare-up on her face, making her unwilling to be seen in public until it goes away.
Jessica knows Edward Cullen will never deign to reschedule, so she bullies painfully shy Bella into going to the interview for her, because if Jessica can't seduce Edward (her primary, or at least compellingly secondary motivation for picking him as an interview subject), she's determined, for pride's sake, that none of her friends will have the opportunity to do so either. Bella is the only one she can think of that-in her estimation-stands no chance at all of seducing Edward Cullen.
However, Jessica forgets to take out the question "Will you have sex with me?" in her interview list that she hands over to Bella the morning of. Jess had worked the question in for herself as a cue—she's a very Type-A personality, unfortunately except in her morality, and so doesn't even leave seduction to chance—at what she thought would be the perfect time, when she'd had the material she needed for class covered and had counted on working Edward up with her flirting.
Jessica herself dressed Bella for the interview, as she has done before, determined that Bella wouldn't be an embarrassment to what Jessica believes to be her good name. When she's done, Jessica is reminded of how pretty Bella is, a fact that's easy to forget with the way Bella usually hides behind her hair, or any convenient furniture.
As she makes Bella-the-finished-product circle around once in front of her, Jessica feels the first flickering of worry, that maybe she's made a mistake picking Bella. But it's too late to change her into something more dowdy, and missing out on the interview entirely is simply not an option given how much boasting Jess has been doing among her classmates, so she scoffs herself out of worrying instead. After all, she reminds herself, this is the girl who's only been on one date—a double with Jessica herself, which was completely disastrous, but for which Jessica has long-ago forgiven Bella as Jessica herself ended up in the sack—fairly satisfactorily—with Bella's date that night, after they dropped Bella home. Bella didn't seem to mind; she made them breakfast the next morning.
Yes, Bella is indeed the epitome of the shy wallflower, so as Jessica watches Bella stumble out the door, stuffing her Victorian romance novel into her oversized purse while tripping in the high heels Jessica forced her to wear, Jessica feels all her confidence come flooding back. Edward Cullen may feel sorry for Bella Swan, but he would never in a million years be interested in her. Jess even starts giggling to herself at the idea of worrying Bella would steal her man, while she cheerfully waves Bella away in the beat-up red truck before going back in to their house to kill the time until Bella's return by watching talk shows, and feeling superior to her oldest friend.
Poor Bella, on the other hand, is ready to vomit with anxiety. She is also constantly on the verge of tears, held back only by the fear of developing raccoon eyes due to the make-up Jessica forced her to wear (she normally goes without). Simultaneously reviewing how she had managed to let herself get talked into this while negotiating the turns Mapquest via Jessica had dictated, Bella somehow manages to arrive downtown, and after only one almost-turn going the wrong way down a one-way street, gets to the correct office building, and even negotiates the narrow turn into the below-ground parking garage without adding more dents to her truck.
At the guard house just inside the garage entrance, she presents the pass Jessica had received through the mail from Edward Cullen's administrative assistant. After a slight eyebrow-raising on the guard's part, for Edward Cullen's visitors do not usually drive rusty old Chevy's, she is waved through to a visitor space that she finally gets the truck into after four attempts.
Bella stumbles out of the truck only to be almost run down by a car on her way to the elevator. A second parking lot attendant patrolling the garage comes to her rescue and tries to get her to sit down for a moment, as she is hyperventilating, and he thinks it's a shock reaction to the near accident, rather than to the general trauma of her morning so far and the encounter she's so fearfully anticipating.
Bella, however, politely waves him off, thanking the man for his concern but insisting, with an enormous smile on her tear-stained face (the mascara only ran a teeny bit, making her appearance simply a little more dramatic than intended), that she's fine. And indeed, she is now determined to just get this ordeal over with so she can go home and hide for the weekend, sleeping the trauma off. Gratefully, she also discovers she is, for once, finally past tears.
So she resumes her march to the elevator like a condemned person to the gallows, and uses the temporary key card she'd been given to get to the top floor of the building: the one reserved for Edward Cullen and his highest-ranking management staff. Jasper is on the car riding up with her (he's Edward's finance VP), and has his curiosity piqued when she uses her temp card to access his floor. He introduces himself after they lose the rest of the riders onto lower levels, shaking her hand just before the elevator opens and deposits them into the gleaming lobby.
Jasper escorts Bella into the anteroom, introducing her to Edward's receptionist, then goes off about his own business, mildly amused at the surprise in store for his brother-in-law that morning. He knows that Edward is dreading the "pushy college b-," as Edward referred to Jessica that morning, and so Jasper laughs at Edward's expense over how badly Edward has miscalibrated his expectations for the encounter.
To explain his attitude, Edward hadn't cared for how Jessica used her contacts—aka her father, CEO of a local advertising agency that does some low-level, middleman work for Edward's business—to try to pressure him into the interview. Of course, this would seem hypocritical of an aggressive businessman, but, as Edward would gladly point out to you, he always did the pressuring himself, at least when he was starting out, and certainly wouldn't use powerful relatives as leverage. He believes it beneath him, much to gentle but well-connected Esme and Carlisle's relief.
So, Edward would gladly have turned down the interview with the presumptuous MBA student and terminated his business relationship with her father, just to hammer home the point (Edward loves hammering things home, wink wink), only Alice (who is both his sister and marketing director) got wind of it and said it would be a perfect opportunity for Edward to show his softer side.
"What softer side?" Emmett had joked, though also completely serious in his question.
Nonetheless, Alice planned to be there to take a picture of Edward shaking hands with the earnest college student.
And indeed, Alice is there, and bounces out from her own office to meet Bella before she is escorted in to Edward.
Alice is shocked. So shocked, that her motion is arrested mid-bounce, as she stops short and stares, forgetting also for the moment all her impeccable manners. Standing before her is the mystery girl she's dreamt of, more than once; the one that will make her family complete, and undo her sensitive brother's grown-up transformation into an almost-unmitigated asshole.
But unlike in Alice's dreams, in which the girl is happy and joyful and in the loving embrace of Edward and Esme and Carlisle and even Alice herself, the girl now looks past-terrified.
Like in a dream, Alice sets down her camera, and pulls the girl into her, finding to her surprise that the unknown girl, whom Alice believes to be Jessica Stanley, is even smaller than she is, the girl's head resting easily on Alice's shoulder as she takes the deep breaths Alice is coaching her on.
Then Edward's office door opens, and an impatient Edward is standing behind them, eager to get this annoyance in his day over with…but now open-mouthed at the embrace his sister is in with a stranger. "What the f-, Alice?" he says in an undertone, and before Alice can shush him, Bella jerks up, ramrod straight, the terrified look back.
Alice instantly decides to forego the pictures, and instead starts pushing the girl toward her brother and the open doorway into his office, chattering a mile a minute as she does. "Oh, Edward, isn't this marvelous? I knew you would be glad you took this interview. This is Jessica, isn't she lovely? Only I must say [directed towards Bella], you don't look at all like your picture that your dad sent over for security. So much prettier in person, I'll have to take some photos of you for your –"
Bella shyly finds her voice, and interrupts, staring at Alice's feet, "I'm sorry, I'm not Jessica."
"What was that?" Alice asks, not being confident she'd heard correctly.
Bella raises her head slightly, looking at Alice's navel now, (an exposed navel, given the artfully cut shirt Alice was wearing, being immune to the dress policies her staid brother normally enforces with a heavy hand), and repeats, "I'm so sorry, but I'm, I'm, I'm not Jessica," she stutters.
"Oh!" Alice says with more relief than dismay. "That's why you're so lovely! But why are you here then, not that I'm not so glad to see you? And by the way, I'm Alice, Edward's sister."
Edward is watching this interchange suspiciously, his arms folded across his chest, one eyebrow raised, and raised higher when Alice refers to herself only as his sister and not as his Director of Marketing, which is to him the much more relevant and appropriate information to be sharing.
Still, he's not feeling the usual ire that he unfailingly directs at people who appear to be wasting his time. Instead, he's intrigued, though he's not aware of that yet himself.
"I'm so sorry," Bella starts again, and Edward can't restrain a snort, having normally no patience with passivity. Bella instantly reddens.
Alice glares at Edward briefly before redirecting her attention to Bella and whispering quickly, "Don't mind him, he doesn't mean to be an ass; it just comes naturally," to which Bella responds by raising her head in panic and staring Alice briefly in the eyes, her own widened and scared.
Alice moves in to reassure, grabbing her hand and squeezing it and resuming her herding of Bella into Edward's office, while saying "You have nothing to be sorry about, I'm sure, but do tell us who you are, if you're not Jessica?"
Bella gulps, head down again, but manages a scratchy "Bella. My name is Bella Swan."
To which Alice responds with a squeal and an impromptu hug, startling both Bella and Edward. "Bella! What a perfect name! Isn't it a beautiful name, Edward?"
Edward snorts again, though more softly than before, and responds with mild snark that somehow lacks conviction, "Well since that is a literal translation, I'd have to agree Alice."
To which response Alice shoots daggers and even sticks her tongue out at him, over Bella's head. "Well, Bella," she resumes, "do you have your questions ready?"
To this Bella nods earnestly, even growing comfortable enough with this kind woman to add, "Jessica has them all written out for me. She said to say she's very sorry she's too sick to come today, but she trusts me not to mess up too much, and I've got her tape recorder, if—" and here Bella stops and turns in the general vicinity of Edward's male body, being terrified on principle of all men, especially powerful men, and her voice drops many decibels as she finishes in a near whisper, "if you don't mind me using it, Sir – I mean Cullen – I mean Edward – I mean Mr. Cullen!"
She's now almost crying again, gripping the strap of her bag so tightly her knuckles are white, but she's brought Edward into focus. Her accidental and extremely submissive instinctual use of the term "sir" was like a slap across Edward's face, or a cold wave crashing down on him, or a sharp twist of his ear with a verbal reprimand from somewhere deep inside to "Pay attention!" And he was now, paying very close attention indeed.
"Thank you, Alice, you may go" he says crisply as he holds out his hand towards the trembling girl. Alice stops walking forward into his office and grins at him a few moments, during which time Edward reaches out and grabs the girl's hand, since Bella was clearly not going to take his.
He is pulling Bella along, ever closer to his own body and almost across the threshold into his office, when Alice finally says, "All right then, Bella, Edward, I'll see you both later! Bella, it was so nice to meet you; don't let him bully you, okay?"
Bella manages a head turn and a pained smile in Alice's general direction, and answers, "Thank you, Alice, you're very kind," before her head collapses down again as Edward draws her closer and starts to shut the door behind them. Staring at Alice as he does so, he mouths "Go away!" before shutting the door in her face.
After closing the door firmly with a loud "click," Edward wraps his other arm around Bella's waist, and still holding her hand in one of his own, leads her forward to a meeting area off to the side from his enormous desk. There's a black leather sofa there, and he carefully places her on it, before slowly releasing her then sitting down on the same sofa, his body oriented towards her, his bent knees very nearly touching her own. She's hunched over a bit, her arms wrapping around herself, but he sits back, stretching one arm along the back of the sofa and towards her.
There's quiet for a few moments, while he's mesmerized by her trembling. Finally, he realizes he should say something and so asks gently, "Do you want to do the interview for your friend?"
He'd really rather they didn't; he's much more interested in the girl before him than in answering the inane questions the abhorred Jessica taxed her with, but he answers with much more warmth and willingness because of the girl before him. After much fumbling, and a terrible moment when she knocked the contraption off the sofa but was saved from disaster by Edward's coordinated catch, Bella has the tape recorder running, and has worked her way through most of the questions, her breath slowing and her trembling subsiding as the warmth and goodwill Edward is intentionally projecting towards her at top volume make themselves felt.
She's comfortable enough she's catching sight of his chin and mouth and even nose at times, and has laughed more than once, when – not having had time or courage to pre-read the questions – she innocently launches into the second to the last on the list: "Will you have sex with me?"
The question hangs in the air for a moment, as Bella stares down at the paper, even bringing it closer to her eyes, so shocked by the question that her first attention is to determining whether she is perceiving reality correctly or not, not reflecting on what she's just said and its impact on Mr. Cullen.
Edward is himself momentarily shocked, but then is trying very hard not to laugh, as he quickly and sagely pieces together what has just happened. He feels himself spared a mighty trial having not to answer the harpy that would have meant this question for real, and instead getting to comfort the innocent whose cheeks just now are starting to flame red, her poor body gearing up to tremble at a faster rate than seen heretofore.
"Bella," he says quietly, lifting his hand off the back of the sofa to stroke tentatively down the side of her beet-red face.
She yelps and jumps at his touch, looking up at him for the first time full-on, panting with shame and tears forming, saying desperately "I'm so sor-"
But he cuts her off most effectively by leaning in to her and kissing her cheek, saying into her ear, "I'm not."
That marks the end of Bella's self-control in the situation, as she explodes in an emotional fireball of panic and sensory overstimulation and fear and confusion, while Edward gladly pulls her sobbing, heaving self into his arms, his lap, to comfort her.
Several minutes later, she is totally surrounded by him, and covered by his suitjacket tucked around her like a blanket. She has calmed to his heartbeat under her ear, and curled up like a baby, being petted nonstop by Edward's large and gentle hands, is almost asleep when the door bounces open and Emmett bursts in, saying, "Ready for our meeting, Edward?"
This interruption had been arranged previously as protection for Edward in case the determined college girl wasn't willing to be subtly escorted out, but Edward looks up at poor Emmett now with rage in his eyes, almost baring his teeth.
Emmett stops in his tracks, shocked by Edward's reaction and the sight before him, before laughing heartily. When he was done laughing, he winked while he said suggestively, "Guess you don't need my help after all, do you little brother?"
Edward just hisses, "Get out, Emmett. And close the door behind you!" before turning back to Bella, now rigidly wide awake in his arms, and starting to feel so ashamed.
"Shhhh, baby girl, don't get upset about that," he says to her quietly, starting to pet her again, rocking his body and hers ever so slightly as if she were indeed a baby, but a colicky one that he'd just gotten to sleep and desperately wanted to keep that way. "That's just my tactless fool of an older brother. He doesn't mean any harm. If I'd known it was going to be your lovely self visiting me today, I would have ordered him to stay away. I'll order that now, sweetheart," he finishes with quiet intensity, looking down at her, studying her reaction.
Bella, closing her eyes to gather herself together as best she can, takes a deep breath and sits up straight—which is a bit of a squirmy struggle given she's sitting on the uneven surface of Edward's lap, and which if Bella knew how much he enjoyed said squirming would have caused her to instantly levitate with shock and embarrassment and shame—before saying calmly, "I'm so sorry; I've been such an imposition-"
But Edward won't let her continue saying such a thing. Interrupting, he says firmly, "No, you've been a most welcome surprise."
Then he grins at her, and catching her chin with a rounded finger and holding her head so he can see her eyes, asks her warmly, "Now what do I have to do to keep you?"
Of course Bella blushes and looks away, down at the carpeted floor. Edward just laughs, releasing her face, then pulls her in for a gentle hug. While he has her in his embrace, his intercom goes off, again. (He's been ignoring it for several minutes.) This time the discreet beep is followed by Emmett's loud, bawdy voice, singing sotto voce, "Oh lover boy, Edwardo, my dear! Let me in, oh sweet cheeks, or I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow your door down! Oh, Romeo!"
Then they hear, from more of a distance, some scratching noises, and Emmett saying in his regular voice away from the microphone, "He he, I said 'blow'!" at the same time that Jasper's voice could be heard saying "Emmett, you ass, that made no sense; not to mention you probably scared that little thing in there, and if you did, you can bet Edward will—"
But they didn't find out what Jasper thought Emmett would do, for at the same moment Edward—who had carefully and with a quick kiss to her cheek for apology set Bella down on the sofa and started moving towards the door the moment he heard Emmett's voice coming over the speaker—yanks open his office door with a glower while Edward's senior secretary says, "Mr. Whitlock, you realize the intercom is still on—"
"I want to see you both in the conference room NOW," Edward roars, and starts to storm off before stopping in his tracks and turning to look at Bella, who is huddled on the sofa still holding the suitjacket wrapped around herself and covering her face up to her wide eyes, which just peek out.
Edward takes a moment just to stare at her with pleasure, a smile on his face, then says, "I'm so sorry for the interruption, sweetheart. This won't take long – please don't move. I'll be right back," and he holds up one hand as if demonstrating both the maximum number of minutes he'd be gone and his fervent wish for her to stop where she was.
He wishes that so much, as a matter of fact, that he'd only gone two more steps before he halts abruptly and turns around a second time, saying almost sheepishly yet still with a warning to his tone, "You're not going to run away while I'm occupied with my brothers, are you?"
He stands and waits a few moments for a response, as he wisely hadn't meant the question rhetorically. Put on the spot to promise not to do exactly what every one of her instincts had been planning for the moment Edward was out of sight, Bella finally shakes her head reluctantly "No," unable, of course, to oppose Edward's will.
Knowing exactly the dynamic he was exploiting, and already looking forward (though he wouldn't have admitted it yet) to a happy lifetime of exploiting it most thoroughly for his pleasure and her well-being, Edward grins again and nods his head once, with emphasis. "Good. Because that would just make extra work tracking you down again. Just to be on the safe side, however, I'm having my garage staff put a homing beacon on your car."
Bella's eyes get impossibly wider at this, although Edward happens to be kidding – only because he doesn't have the technology ready at hand, not because he wouldn't have been willing to use it…as Bella soon finds out, to her great happiness.
The End.
This was for you, Rebecca. Hope you giggled reading it as much as I did writing it. Thanks for all your loving work as a teacher, and as a friend.