"I'm not using it," said Commander Derek Shepard as he looked at the cane his physical therapist was holding out for him, "There's no way in hell that I'm going to be seen walking around with that."
His therapist Marie Logan tried again to place the cane beside his wheelchair only to have it thrown across the room, nearly hitting Derek's girlfriend Ashley Williams as she entered the exercise room.
"That's it, I'm done with you!" shouted Marie for the umpteenth time that day and she stormed out of the room, not even glancing at Ashley as she walked past.
Ashley inwardly groaned, Derek was having one of his bad days, she had to play this one by ear for sure, "Whoa, what was that all about?"
"Nothing," snapped Derek, his eyes fell on the discarded cane that was next to Ashley's feet, he felt a sudden urge to run it over with his wheelchair repeatedly.
"Must've been more than nothing if you threw equipment and sent Marie out fuming," said Ashley cooly, she looked down at the cane knowing immediately what had him so furious, "Is that it?"
"Yeah, that's it, and I'm not using it," snarled Derek giving her an icy look, which she ignored.
Ashley sighed, he was being less than reasonable right now, "Derek, you have to use it, otherwise you'll fall behind in recovery. We had enough trouble with that in London, remember?"
He looked ready to lunge out of his chair at her but he remained seated, "Yes, Ashley, I fucking remember what happened in London. Thank you again for reminding me."
Derek scowled at Ashley and he turned his chair around so he was looking out of the open window, his only solace since he had arrived at the hospital nine months ago. He watched as the wind blew through the trees, creating a rustling noise that he could hear above the quiet hum of the town below as they went to and from wherever. He was glad Hackett had allowed the transfer out to this countryside town, big enough for an excellent hospital but small enough not to have sustained much damage from the war. Staying in London had done nothing for his recovery, if anything it had made it that much harder, sounds of construction and minor gunfire had brought on brutal attacks of PTSD. One time he had actually created a small barricade out of his hospital bed, two chairs, and a table while still in a full leg cast with his arm practically strapped to his chest. It had taken the doctors several hours to convince him that he was safe, eventually they had to bring in Garrus and Ashley to talk him down off the ledge. He sighed, these past months had been even harder than being locked up in solitary confinement while the Reaper forces amassed. 'At least then I could at least fucking walk,' thought Derek bitterly as he watched some birds fly by the window, he found himself incredibly jealous of their freedom and movement.
Ashley watched as the love of her life shielded himself away from reality, she knew he was still living in the past though she could not rightfully blame him for doing so, right now anything was better than facing the fact that he would never walk properly again. She had been there when he had received the bad news and was not surprised when he had gone off on the doctor, though when he threw the dinner tray she had to step in. That had been her place since Derek had first been checked into the hospital, standing between his wrath and the doctors, then keeping him on the road to recovery. Neither of these jobs had been much fun for her. She watched him now and grew angrier with each passing second, she had had enough of his bullshit. Leaning down she picked up the surprisingly sturdy cane and cautiously walked up to Derek, holding her breath the entire walk, nervous about what was to come next.
Derek heard her footsteps approaching the back of his chair, he was not in the mood for a lecture, but he did not stop her from getting closer. He felt her spin his chair around, though he would have rather sat there looking out of the window he did not protest, instead he turned his face to stone.
Ashley took a deep breath before presenting the cane to him again, "Derek, you need to start using this, it's the only way you can progress—"
"Progress to what Ashley?!" shouted Derek, "To walking with a limp for the rest of my life? I used to be able to run on any terrain no problem, now I have to use a cane to just get around on tile floors! I'm better off in the wheelchair!"
Ashley tried to remain as calm as she could, he always vented at least once about a treatment before going through with it, now did not appear to be any different. "No Derek! Progress to getting stronger, to meeting those damn milestones the doctors keep talking about! Meeting those milestones is the only way those doctors are going to let you out of here, don't you get that?"
"Why the fuck should I try to get out of here, there's nothing out there for me anymore?!" snapped Derek, immediately regretting his words when he saw the hurt look on Ashley's face. "Ash, I didn't mean that, please baby, don't—"
"I've spent countless weeks waiting, gone through numerous horrors towards the goal of winning an impossible war, all of that I lived through just to someday call you mine," said Ashley, looking down at the cane she held in her tight grip, "It's kind of ironic that this stupid piece of metal and your stubborn attitude are what stand in my way after all the times they saved my ass."
"Ash," pleaded Derek, the look in her eyes told him what was coming next, "please don't."
She threw the cane down at his feet then looked at him with tears in her chocolate brown eyes, "I can't do this anymore, Skipper, I thought I could but I can't. Nothing I do seems to make a difference to you, me here or not, either way you're going to be a stubborn man who won't do a damn thing."
With one last brief kiss on his lips she turned around and left the room, telling herself not to look back, no matter how hard it was she could not look back.
"Ash, wait," said Derek and he started to wheel himself to the door when he saw she was not turing around, "Ash, wait! Don't go, I need you!" He got to the door when the tip guard on his wheels got caught on the doorway, he quickly tried maneuvering the chair only to make it worse in his haste. Derek craned his neck to see Ashley walking down the hall, her fists balled at her sides, still not looking back at him. "Ash, come back! Ashley! Ashley!"
His cries fell on deaf ears. Derek rested his head against the doorframe his eyes burned with unshed tears as they remained locked on the spot where Ashley had turned the corner and disappeared. He had blown it with Ashley in a big way yet again but this time he had a feeling she would not be coming back to him no matter what he did or said. Derek sat there in his wheelchair with more than just shattered bones hurting him, the only other time he had felt this body numbing pain had been on Horizon when Ashley had walked away the first time.
"God, why do I always screw up?" whispered Derek as he ran his fingers through his dark hair, finally letting the tears fall.
"You have to get up," said Marie sternly, her arms crossed against her chest as she stared at him, "It's been two weeks, Shepard, that's plenty of time to think about what an ass you've been and get back to your exercises."
"Fuck off," said Derek, looking at the rain splattering against the window, he wondered for the hundredth time that minute if Ashley was at least someplace warm and sunny.
Marie groaned, fed up with her difficult patient's resistance, "Look, Shepard, I'm not Ashley. You either do as I say or you don't, I'm not going to sit here and convince you that you need to be doing your exercises because I know you need to be doing them."
Derek looked over his shoulder at Marie briefly before turning back to the window his mind wandering to the nights when Ashley would stay over at the hospital, even now he could feel her arms wrapping around his waist, feel the warmth of her skin against his own. 'God I miss her!'
"Moping around isn't going to do anything for you, Shepard," said Marie, defeat in her voice as she caved, "You need to find a reason to do these exercises, realistic reasons, not to walk like you used to because we both know that's not going to happen. I don't know what to tell you here Shepard, do it so you can walk your daughter down the aisle, I really don't care as long as you find a reason." With that Marie left the room, shaking her head in disbelief, wondering why of all the patients in this hospital she was stuck with the most stubborn of the group.
Derek eased himself on to his back, Marie's words still echoing in his head, "What the hell do I have to fight for?" Then it hit him: Ashley, she was his reason to fight. She had been trying to get him through his recovery so he could get out of this hellhole and they could be together, that had been her fight and now he had to take the reins and do it himself. He glanced over at the cane and wheelchair still resting beside his bed, one choice was confining but familiar the other would gain him freedom but he would have to learn how to balance and walk again. 'Ashley's worth the risk.'
Derek forced himself into the sitting position using a move similar to a sit up, and he reached for the cane, not thinking about how his walk would not be the same nor about the stigma of walking with a cane. Instead he forced himself to think about Ashley, even now her strength was his, and he gripped the handle of the cane as if it were his lifeline. He gingerly lifted his left leg, getting a feel for how much strength it had before letting it slide off the bed to the cool floor. Then he gauged his right leg, it was noticeably much weaker than his left leg but there was enough power in it to at least stand on it properly, with this one he was much more careful when placing it on the floor. He felt a sense of pride seeing his feet on the floor without a wheelchair beneath him, then he pushed off of the bed using the cane and mattress as liftoff platforms. Standing up straight was an entirely different story than he had first thought, his legs felt weak and his knees buckled but he was standing nonetheless, he looked down and saw that his knuckles had gone white where he was grabbing onto the handle of his cane. Hesitantly he took a small step with his left leg glad that he had not yet collapsed, then he moved his right foot which was shaking more than he would have liked, and placed it parallel to his left foot.
With less trepidation he moved his left foot again followed by his right one a little faster than before, his confidence building with every step he took towards the door. Sure his steps were small, and yes they were awkward and stiff but this was still more than he had thought himself capable of doing a few weeks ago. He was so close to the door he could practically feel the handle in his grasp, just a few more steps and he would be there, his first goal reached when suddenly he felt his legs give away. His body made contact with the floor pain shooting up his spine as he laid there barely able to move. With what little strength he could muster he activated his omni-tool and pressed the newly installed application that would send a signal to Marie that he needed her help. He laid there with a tired smile on his lips, although his first attempt at walking had ended in him sprawled on the floor, he had still accomplished what he had thought was out of his reach.
Marie came rushing into the room, when she saw Derek laying there on the floor she immediately bent down to lift him up but he shooed her hands away, instead he brought himself up on his elbows in an attempt to get himself up off the floor. She was surprised to see this sudden change in his demeanor but she was not about to complain, rather she was glad to see him so anxious to begin walking again.
"Here, Shepard, let me help you up," said Marie gently, ignoring his protests as she put his arm around her neck and then her own around his waist, hoisting him up off of the floor as if he weighed nothing.
"I walked, Marie, I can walk," said Derek excitedly as she helped him back into bed, his smile was huge as she eased him on the mattress. When he was settled on the bed, she started to inspect his legs, making sure his reflexes were still intact and that he had not lost too much muscle since he had not been doing his exercises lately.
"Muscles are a little on the loose side, but it should be recoverable after a couple of weeks of exercises," said Marie as she checked on his feet, testing to see if he could feel when she ran a tongue depressor down the arch, "I'm actually really impressed you were able to get as far as you did on your legs in the state they're in. How'd it feel?"
Derek looked down at her, his grey eyes sparkling in the dim fluorescent light, "It was incredible! I can't wait to walk with Ash again."
Marie tried her best to hide the grin forming on her face, so her talk had effected him enough to motivate him to attempt walking again, that was at least one victory under her belt since Ashley had left. "We can start exercises up again as soon as you're ready, Shepard, just let me know."
"I'm ready now," said Derek eagerly, "My new goal is to be able to walk with the cane in two weeks. Marie, you wouldn't happen to know where Ash is do you?"
"I might have some idea of where she's staying," replied Marie slyly, "Do you want me to give her a call?"
"Not until after my two week goal's been met," said Derek sternly, "I want to surprise her by walking out and greeting her, I think she'd like that a lot."
Marie could hear the hope in the soldier's voice as he excitedly described his plans for when Ashley arrived at the hospital, although he had been the most difficult of all her patients, he was certainly an inspiration. Derek Shepard had overcome near impossible odds from coming back from the dead to surviving the Citadel exploding, crushing him underneath huge pieces of rubble only to emerge with broken bones and some deep cuts. She was more than happy to help this man in anyway she could regain a normal life, even if it meant playing mediator between him and his girlfriend she was glad to be there.
"Hey, Marie," came Derek's voice, bringing her from her musings, "do you think I can walk in two weeks?"
"Shepard, after all the crap you've accomplished in your life, I think you could walk in a week," replied Marie, resting a hand on his shoulder, they shared a smile before she handed him the cane once again. This time he did not protest, instead he gripped it with confidence ready to take on the one thing standing in his way.
"Marie, is she here yet?" asked Derek as he craned his neck to see down the road outside of the hospital. He was currently sitting in his wheelchair at the edge of the driveway outside the hospital Marie was standing beside him with his cane in her hands as they waited.
"I just called the cab company ten minutes ago, they said they picked her up and were on their way over," said Marie slightly exasperated at his impatience though she could not help but feel a little nervous herself. When she had called Ashley it had taken almost an hour to convince her to return from London, actually it was more of convincing her not to come right away since Derek had wanted to wait to see her until after he had regained his ability to walk again. After she agreed to come in a week's time, Derek had been a man on a mission ever since, pushing himself to the limit everyday with his exercises until he was where he wanted to be. She was impressed with how quickly he had improved in such a short amount of time, yes he was still a little stiff when it came to walking but he could walk using the cane without falling now.
Suddenly a dark car appeared on the horizon of the road and Derek's heartbeat quickened as it grew closer and closer to the hospital, he had face the entire Reaper force before why was he so nervous now at seeing Ashley again? The car got closer with every passing second until it was finally at the end of the driveway where it stopped to let off its only passenger. When Ashley stepped out of the cab Derek could not breathe, she was possibly even more beautiful now than when they first met. She made to walk up the drive when he held out a hand and said, "Wait there, Ash, let me come to you."
Ashley stood still as the cab pulled away, her eyes glued on Derek not missing a beat as he took the cane from Marie and rose from his wheelchair, standing proudly as he took a few careful steps towards her. She wanted to rush to his side but remained rooted to her spot as she watched his slow but steady progress to her. 'Come on, baby, you can do it.'
'Almost there.' Derek could feel his pace getting faster the closer he got to Ashley, nothing was going to stop him, not now not ever. She was in arms' reach now and he extended his hand to her, she bypassed the arm altogether rushing into his chest in a tight embrace, he dropped the cane and wrapped both arms around her waist. Nothing felt better than feeling her in his arms once again.
"I knew you could do it, Skipper," said Ashley as tears rolled down her cheeks, she rested her forehead against his, "I'm sorry I left, it was the only thing I could think of that would motivate you enough to walk again."
Derek ran his fingers through her dark tresses, "I'm glad you did, Ash, God knows I needed a kick in the ass to get started."
She laughed, "I really can't disagree with you, Derek, not that I don't love your stubbornness."
"Speaking of my stubborn attitude," said Derek, pulling away from her ignoring the curious look on her face, "Didn't you tell me that the only thing standing between us was my stubborn attitude and a piece of metal?"
"I might've said something like that," said Ashley, wondering why he was reaching into his jean pocket.
"Well, since my stubborn attitude has subsided enough to make me reasonable, all we're missing is the piece of metal," said Derek softly and he pulled out a diamond ring from the back pocket of his jeans, presenting it to her proudly. "How's this piece?"
She was rendered speechless, only one word on her lips and she could not even trust herself enough to say it, she could only watch as he slipped the ring on her limp finger.
"Please say something, Ash, you're scaring me here," pleaded Derek, pulling her close again.
"Yes," said Ashley quietly, new tears falling down her face, "this piece of metal is perfect."
Derek smiled and kissed her deeply, the world falling away as his fell into place, he could not possibly be any happier than he was now. Not happy that he was walking again, that was just a bonus, but glad for the fact he had the magnificent woman still standing with him despite all they had been through. Inwardly he smiled, thinking of how many times a piece of metal and a stubborn attitude had been his saving grace, glad that they had pulled through for him once again.