Title: Blink
Author: Arisprite
Summary: Five times Cas blanked out.
A/N: Written just after Hunteri Heroici came out. This is ignoring the implication that Cas was only with the Winchesters for a day or two. Just snippets. Song lyrics are from 'Hotel California' by the Eagles. Also 'Ode to Joy' is mentioned, which belongs to Beethoven. One sections had dialogue from the episode mentioned above. The title has nothing to do with Doctor Who.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
It was a swooping sensation, like landing wrong when he flew, or more recently and more human, missing a step while walking down the stairs. The patterned carpet was flat here, and he hadn't been flying.
Castiel blinked.
He shook his head slightly, and went on, following Dean through the motel lobby to the front desk.
On a dark desert highway. Cool wind in my hair. Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air.
Cas rolled down the windows in the back seat, feeling the slightly chilly autumn wind blow against his face. Like the song lyrics, it blew through his hair and made it stick up in tufts.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim. I had to stop for the night.
Sam was already sleeping in the front seat, lulled by the rhythmic music. Dean drove stoically, though his fingers tapped against his thigh in time to the song. It was nearing dusk, and Cas thought that soon Dean would start to look out for a motel.
There she stood in the doorway. I heard the mission bell. And I was thinking to myself this could be Heaven-
Castiel blinked.
Welcome to the Hotel California, such a lovely place, such a lovely place
The road looked the same. Sam was still asleep, and Dean was still tapping along, not even looking back at him. But Castiel felt unsettled, and had the unmistakable feeling that he'd missed something. The song was incomplete. Castiel shook his head, and looked out the window again.
"Gotta say, there's a definite advantage to having an angel around." Dean grunted as he swung the machete. These monsters they were fighting were fast, but not faster than his angelic fingers, the sting of his grace. Castiel swung around, his hand outstretched to impact the thing's head when-
Castiel blinked.
A misstep, and the thing danced away. Sam had to dive out of the way of the monsters teeth, earning a bloody scrape along his side, and Dean leapt forward to cover his brother. A snick, and the head went flying. Dean caught his breath, and then turned back to Castiel.
"You know what? I take that back."
"Is he...uh, is he okay?" Sam asked, and Castiel turned his attention from Fred and to the Winchester's beside him. He smiled softly.
"He's listening to 'Ode to Joy'. He's happy."
Castiel felt happy too. Dean smiled slightly, relief across his features.
"Alright, well, let's blow this termite terrace." He turned, and glanced back at Castiel. "Cas, you get to ride shotgun. You done good."
Castiel feels a warm feeling spread through him, remembering his desire from earlier that day. He knew what a gesture that was from Dean, one of acceptance, of family. But...there was something else he could do. He wasn't good at hunting, but this. He looked at Fred. He'd helped him. And now Cas could do the same to his family. He had to go back to Heaven. He had to atone.
"Thanks, but uh, I can't come, I-"
Castiel blinked.
The brothers were staring at him, and Dean had outright dismay on his face. Sam leaned in.
"You...you what Cas? Why can't you come with us?" Sam asked, and Castiel looked around. Something was different, wrong. He could have sworn he'd been about to say he wanted to go back to Heaven. But that was wrong...wasn't it?
"I, um... I want to stay with Mr. Jones. Someone should watch over him for a few days just to be safe."
Was that what he'd meant?
"Okay, and then what?" Dean asked, hiding his disappointment. Castiel knew he'd rather he stay in sight, but staying with the Winchesters wasn't what was needed.
"Then, I'm not sure. But I know I can't run anymore."
He looked at Sam, and saw the realization there. Fred's words had been a revelation to them both, and he was glad Sam understood at least. Castiel decided he'd do what he could to help people. Maybe that could be a small atonement.
Dean and Sam took their leave, and Castiel settled down beside Mr. Jones, smiling gently.
'Ode to Joy' floated through his mind.
In the stillness of the retirement home, with it's slow pace and comfortable silences, it was easier to notice that something was wrong.
Castiel blinked.
The room was no different. Mr. Jones was still sitting next to him, hearing Ode to Joy through the fibers of his brain. His eyes were stuck on a patch of sunlight on the wall. The light jarred his mind, made him think he was forgetting something. His stomach churned, like guilt and fear. It was unsettling.
He blinked again, and was able to look away.