Have you ever been in a situation where it's just moving so fast that you can't feel anything, not even the sensation of extreme pain? It's like you're rolling down a hill and you just can't stop, and even though there are tons of prickles and branches that you're rolling over as gravity pulls you down, you can't feel a thing. But afterwards, it hurts. Hurts like crazy, hurts like hell, hurts like nothing you'll ever feel again in your life.
That's what heartbreak feels like. When you're thrown down the mountain of love, at first you're numb. You feel no pain. But then it hurts. And you're not sure that you're ever going to recover again.
As you sit there, crying, nursing your cuts, bruises, broken bones, and concussions, you've got a choice – you can leave it all behind you can start picking up the pieces, or you can dwell forever on the past. Dwelling won't get you anywhere, but once you break your heart once – it breaks easier the second time. And the second time, it hurts even more.
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if it's you and me forever,
if it's you and me right now,
that'd be alright, be alright.
It's never alright. It always breaks. 'Right now' will come to an end. It will. It always ends.
"Nate…"
"Save your breath." My fingers clasp the wheel but my arms aren't strong enough to push them. I feel stuck, trapped in a lie and confined to a chair.
"Why won't you listen?" she whispers, the words barely reaching my ears. "I can explain…"
I open my mouth to reply, but it didn't seem worth it. She had caused this, caused this metaphorical quicksand to build around me, helping me to my confinement. I grasp the metal in my hand again and move it slightly. The wheels beneath me begin to move. I push faster. Away, away.
if we chase the stars to lose our shadows
Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine
so won't you fly with me
Flying means crashing. Crashing is what I did. Crashing is hurting. Hurting is breaking. A breaking heart.
She runs to my side in a second, ten times faster on her legs than I am in my wheelchair. Jason had called it a good "upper body workout." I had glared at him. That was the last thing I wanted to look at this as – it wasn't a good thing from any perspective. "Seriously, Nate, listen."
"Look at yourself!" I practically shriek. "Unscathed, unharmed. Now look at me. I don't need anymore pain from you, physical or emotional. If you could grasp the meaning of alone, then maybe you'd understand. It's okay to be away from me. It's okay not to smother me with love. You're going to have to get used to it, girl, because I'm not going to be around to be your little 'love bunny' anymore." I spit out the last words with a tone of hate – a nickname that I tolerated for just a little too long.
"One more chance. Please."
I gave her a more than a chance. I gave her my life, my reputation, everything. It was stupid. I regretted every single move.
I gave her my heart, and I got back pieces.