AN: Please read this fic with a grain of salt. You could never spend time with every grain, but for that one you'll have made all the difference and I think that's beautiful.
Kahnor, Luggad, and Ralph are demons.
Just your average Blackout-eyed, rosy cheeked possessor-types trying to eek out a living in the depths of hell.
Well, they were in the depths of hell until very recently. With Lucifer getting plans into action and causing even more mayhem and strife than usual, this is the right time to make a good impression. So our happy trio pop up to the surface to aid the Master of Evil in any way they can.
Lucifer's current biggest problem is that whenever anyone gets sent up to do anything, the despicable, cunning, resourceful, determined Winchester brothers swoop in and ruin everything. It's like they have the will of God on their side! Well, they have an angel which implies the will of God. Or something. Whatever.
So, what's the best way to wreck havoc up top without attracting attention? Attract even more attention somewhere else! So Kahnor, Luggad, and Ralph are conned into heading up top to be decoys for Lucifer's master plan. There is no intention on Lucifer's part that these three will collect their pensions. Go and get killed, just use enough of the Winchester's time to keep them out of the Grand Poobah of the Underworld's hair for his top secret plan. Not that our beloved villainous trio are aware of the fact.
But Kahnor and Luggad are not completely incompetent. I promise.
I mean, they're demons after all. For all the centuries of torture they've gone through, they're clearly stronger than these pesky humans. Which is exactly what Kahnor and Luggad proved this afternoon by possessing a pair of humans. Kahnor found a scrawny young boy with a baseball cap and too many polo shirts on while Luggard went for the 300-pound biker (complete with his own motorbike). With Ralph securely packed into the left saddle bag, Kahnor hits the gas and the three of them go off in search of some nice little place to conjure up some evil.
Since they managed to slip up top unnoticed, it was better to move to a new location sans-demon magic and not give themselves away immediately. After all, there's these pesky angels interfering much more than they used to, and if they got so much as a whiff of magic they're bound to come swooping in and ruining all of Lucifer's hard work. Creating a pointless spectacle big enough to steal all of heaven's attention in order for Lucifer to do whatever it is he means to do, it's gonna take a wee bit of time and no pesky humans bumbling into the plan.
Somewhere after the highway ends, Kahnor and Luggad found an abandoned farm house (not Ralph, because he was sleeping for the past 84 miles) and decide to set up shop.
~ Meanwhile, the heros(?) of the story ~
The Winchester brothers plus one were making their usual rounds. Sam and Dean were scoping out the local bar for any tidbits about demonic activity, er, well, Sam was doing just that. Making conversation with the local superstitious bumpkin and learning about the local lore. Dean, on the other hand, was failing at flirting and getting tipsy. Cas was left in the car to both keep an eye on any suspicious movements outside and keep out of the bar. Mostly the latter, since nothing good could come of an angel with no concept of normal human behavior and a mess of drunks.
Just as Sam had decided that this town was a dud (since the information spouter himself had gone there and not seen any supernatural activity), a local man who smelled like he started drinking an hour ago waltzed in the door and put his arm around Sam's information dud.
"Dude. I just saw the weirdest fuckin' thing."
"Man, you smell like horse piss! Get off me!"
"You didn't believe me when I saw that lady in the window."
"We checked out the farm house ourselves. There's nothing there."
"I saw titties. Ain't I never mistaken titties before in mah life. But now I saw... heh heh heh..."
"You saw..." Sam tried to egg the guy on. The new guy raised an eyebrow.
"Who's this trouser stain?"
"A fellow spirit chaser."
"So the house is haunted." Sam ignored the insult as best he could.
"Well, s'its got to be ghosts. Or demons. Or aliens. 'cause it don't fit none. Hey, man, you sure we can trust him?"
Sam ordered a round of drinks, and got the entire story, if it could be called that, promptly.
"See, it's the old Johnson place. The kids all moved to the city soon as they could, and the old man's wife died fallin' out the second story windah. He stayed in that house s'as long as he could, and wouldn't talk to nobody. Was all these rumors about him raisin the dead, but that was years ago. Old man himself been dead ten years or so by now. Not much of a local legend, but it's all we gots." The new informant took a swig, while the dud took over.
"Then this fool say he saw some lady up in the windah. Now, kids had been poking around in there since the 'alloween after the old man died. His kin ain't been down to claim the house or nuthin' so the kids used the place as a party house fer a while. Us included. I even gots me an EMF de-terc-ter an' nothin. No waves, no weird things inda cellar, nothin'. Perdy disheartening, since when else you gonna find somethin' cool like this?" the dud paused for a swig, and his friend took over the story again.
"Yeah, an after a while the kids stopped goin' there altogether. Roof fallin' in places, the floor in't stable on the second floor, you know? Ain't nobody hangin' around there, then not a week ago, I see somefin in the windah. You can see the big windah on the second floor from the road, ya see? An I sees something big and bright red, an' it's a blonde lady in a red dress. An' I woulda stopped to check it out, but she was gone as fast as I saw her, plus I wanted to bring this idiot with me-"
"-an he did drag me out there, but by the time we was there it was dark and we couldn't really look around that much. Not that we didn't try. I used the EMF der-terc-ter but nuthin. Didn't sence nuthin' didn't see nuthin'."
Sam's briefing of the Johnson house continued as the new guy began to gush with tales of his newest supernatural encounter.
"So I was goin' past the place again today, and I sees tracks goin' up behind the house. So I park the car down by the road and sneak up to the house. I'm lookin inda windah, see, and there's this big, fat mu****fu**** standin' n there. So big I'm surprised the floor don't cave in. He looks like a hell's angel from the last century. An' with him is this rich-douche looking boy with a stupid hat and 12 shirts on, i swear to Gawd! Like that Jersey Shore t.v. show."
The dud roared with laughter. "Sounds more like a couple'a faggots snuck into an abandoned house so noes ones could see them get their freak on. What else would two completely different looking guys be doin' traveling together like that?"
Sam had a series of flashbacks to every single motel clerk that looked at him and Dean funny when they tried to book a room. The dud continued, "I still think you imagined the lady. It can't be ghosts, since we dunnt find no EMF. Wouldn't be the first time you sees somethin' that ain't there. Like all the girls in highschool who liked you." The dud's friend slugged him in the arm, as a hand gripped Sam's.
"Sammy..." A staggering Dean used Sam as a makeshift cane.
"You're drunk, Dean." Sam's statement was proven correct as Dean slurred a refute, but instead managed to partially collapse onto his brother. Sam saw the dud and his friend exchange glances. He rued Dean's comic timing, and hauled him back to the Impala after thanking the locals for their time. Sam relayed the information to Cas, who volunteered to check it out, and returned momentarily.
"Nothing."
"Thought so. Okay, let's keep going."
"No, I didn't mean no demonic activity. I meant no house. From your description, there should be a house somewhere within 10 miles of this place that has been abandoned, with a caving in roof and unstable second floor. I doubled the radius and found no such house."