A/N:

~Well, here is a one-shot/soon to be two-shot or three-shot story. This is filled with feels, so don't read if this hits close to home.~

Character names:

Mathias= Denmark

Lukas= Norway

Tino= Finland

Berwald= Sweden

Peter= Sealand

Landon= Ladonia

Emil/Erika= Iceland

Leon= Hong Kong

Trigger Warning: Suicidal themes and Character death

Also contains transgender male-to-female Iceland

Read at your own risk!

Part 1: Erika

"I love you."
Those three words took all the courage the little Icelandic could gather, leaving her shaking with weight finally lifted off her shoulders.
She was scared, but curiosity made her peak at her crush threw her bangs, heart beating fast in waiting for his answer.
...To have it immediately deflated.
"Sorry, I don't like dudes."
"But... I'm a girl." Erika protested, heart sinking with those words she hated hearing. "You know that."
The Asian boy shook his head, face blank as he said, "You have a penis. So, you're a boy in my book. Sorry."
The girl frowned, biting back tears as she said through gritted teeth, "No, I'm transgender. Just because my body's a boy, doesn't mean I am."
"No, you ARE a boy. I wasn't talking about your head, I was just stating facts."
"...You said you liked me." The girl said angrily, chest heavy with fear of rejection. "You said I was special."
"You are." He said, eyes softer. "And I do like you. But, not like that."
Erika's heart sank further into her stomach until she felt like she might be sick. The girl stared down at the ground, trying to contain her anger. "So, because my body is male, you don't like me."
"That's part of it." He conceded, rubbing the back of his neck. "The other part is that I just like hanging out with you as buddies. Nothing more and nothing less. I don't wanna change that."
"...I see." The Icelander said, face going perfectly blank as she looked back up, a smile forced on as she added, "Sorry, I was being mean. I like hanging out too, so yeah, friends is good."
The Asian boy smiled in relief, laughing along with her. "Yeah, friends are good. I really do like you as a buddy, Emil."
"Yeah, buddies." She echoed, smile still planted on her face as she then waved goodbye.
...She felt like puking up her heart.

00000000000OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

(A few days later)
Laying across her bed, Erika stared at the photo of her and her first love, silent tears streaming down as she whispered his name. "Leon..."
Her heart laid shattered on the ground where he stepped on it, practically spitting on it with his words of rejection.
'Sorry, I don't like dudes.' What the hell kind of reason is that?
The teen Icelander was quite aware of the fact that her breasts and vagina were non-existant, instead having a male organ that pulsed between her legs.
It always hurt being reminded of that undenyable proof against her, stating loud and clear 'I'm a guy' to the world.
Leon should have known that. Couldn't he have just left it as, "Sorry, I just don't like you like that."?
Was it really necessary to add her sex into the equation?
"Maybe... maybe, he's right." She murmured out loud to herself, eyes going cold and blank. "Maybe I will never find a partner, with me being like this."
"Maybe there's something wrong with me." She said to herself, sitting up on the bed to look out her window. "Maybe I'm just not meant to live in this life."
There must have been some kind of mistake. Why would God put her into a boy body, when she was obviously a girl?
"Maybe this is punishment." She said, looking at her reflection in the window. "Maybe I deserve this pain."
"Maybe I should just-"
*knock, knock, knock*
"Erika? You okay in there?" Her older brother, Lukas, asked before carefully opened her bedroom door to peak inside. "I couldn't hear anything, so I got worried..."
"I'm fine, Lukas." She said, a smile forced onto her lips.
"Are you sure?" He asked, face blank with worry glimpsing in his eyes. "Did everything with that Leon kid go well?"
Erika inwardly flinched, heart cracking at his name being said. Still, she smiled. "No, he rejected me. But, it's okay! We're still good friends."
Lukas looked like he wasn't gonna buy that, until he shook his head and said, "Oh. Well, he wasn't good enough for a wonderful girl like you anyway."
She felt like she was going to be sick again.
Erika wanted to scream at him to stop lying. To stop pretending that she was normal and to admit the truth: that she was mental and crazy.
She just smiled and playfully glared. "Hey, be nice! He's a cool guy."
"Not cool enough for my beautiful little sister." Lukas said, eyes shining with truth behind his words, and she couldn't outwardly correct him.
'No, just not stupid enough to date a mental case.' She said in her head, then saying out loud, "Go on, I can smell food cooking. I'll be down in a minute."
Lukas nodded, leaving her room and shutting the door behind him, leaving her to drop the act.
The ghost of a smile evaporated.
Worn eyes now hidden in darkness.
No one else to pretend for.
Erika went into the bathroom and got ready, covering the scars trailing her arms with white long sleeves.
Some were paler and healed with time and age, while fewer others were much more fresh of only days being there.
It's been awhile since she needed to do that.
The cloth was thick enough not to show through, thankfully.
White was her favorite color after all.

oooooooOOOOOOO0000000oooooo

Greeting all her family at the dinner table, Erika sat down to eat.
She looked closely at her family, examining them all with more interest.
Mathias, her brother's fiance, was an annoying but nice Danish guy. He irritated everyone with his ways, but he was always there to protect them all and provide.
Berwald, Mathias's brother and Lukas's childhood friend, was a scary looking Swede. At least he was on the outside, but inside he had a gentle heart.
Tino, Berwald's Finnish 'wife', was like an adoptive mom to Erika. He was caring and sweet, but also could be deadly when truly ticked off. He was really something.
Peter, Tino and Berwald's first adopted son, was overly childish even for a kid. But even though he was bossy, he was a good kid with big dreams.
Landon, the other adopted son, was a newer addition but Peter instantly liked him. He was a bit shy and had a little bit of an anger issue. But, was cute and friendly.
Then last but not least, Lukas, her older brother. He practically raised the Icelandic and loved Erika with all his heart. He was normally cold and distant, but was sweet to those he cared most for.
Erika felt like the odd one out.
The fifth wheel.
The lonely number.
The freak.
Erika was the only one who was a female on the inside, but it didn't change how the others treated her when they found out she was transgender.
Sure, Lukas became more overprotective along with everyone else, and they used female pronouns for her now. But they still treated her like she was normal.
Were they just being nice to her?
Was she really a mental case?
...Did she even deserve such a loving family like this one?

OOOOOO000000000ooooooooooo

Erika had been tossing and turning in bed all night, revisiting the day she confessed her 3 year crush.
It was silly to think about the past, but she couldn't get those five words out of her head.
'Sorry, I'm not into dudes.'
Did sorry even help the pain it led to?
No, in fact, it makes her think that she being a mental case was even more true.
Sorry just meant to her, 'Sorry... that you will never be normal'.
The little Icelandic girl couldn't take this pain anymore.
She wanted out.
She just wanted to fall out her window and fly away.
Fly into a new life where she has a girl body.
Where she is normal and accepted into the folds of society.
Where she no longer was called a cross-dressing freak for wearing girl clothes.
To feel like she truely belonged.
She closed her eyes, breathing in the cool night air coming from her window.
The breeze was beckoning her to become a part of the night, like a sweet lullaby just for her ears.
It reminds her of Lukas's violin, how it soothed her worries and made everything better.
But there was only thing that she came to conclusion.
...Maybe, death was her only answer to her pain induced world.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO000000000

"Hey, did any of you notice anything different about Erika?" Lukas asked after his sister and the other younger ones went to bed, earning a surprised look from the others.
"Yeah, I did." Tino said with worry lacing his words. "She's been off lately, I can tell."
"What could be wrong with her?" Mathias asked, also a bit worried. "I mean, I can't think of anything, can ya?"
"A boy rejected her, right?" Berwald stated, the usually quiet Swede speaking. "Could she be heartbroken?"
They all thought about this. They knew first loves were not always easy, and expectations can easily be ruined with reality.
"Why would anyone reject our little Icelander?" Mathias asked with a frown. "What's she got that other girl's don't?"
That broke the nail on the head.
They all looked at each other with grim faces.
"She must have taken it the wrong way." Tino said with a kicked puppy face. "Oh, my poor baby! She must be so sad!"
Lukas looked like he was about to strangle the boy who dared hurt his precious little sister. "I'd say we have a little 'chat' with the boy." *goes towards gun case*
"No Lukas. No guns." Mathias said, grabbing ahold of his fiance before he rampaged. "Remember what we learned in anger managment? Guns are BAD. TALK first."
Lukas glared at his partner. "I wasn't going to." He said, annoyed. "I was gonna go get the tape."
"...Lukas...don't tell me you secretly taped the confession." Mathias said, everyone shaking their heads as the brother confirmed it.
They sighed, but was glad that his over protective skills came in handy in times like this. "Then, after I watch this, I'll decide whether to kill him or not."
They all agreed it was a fair deal, and they told their guilty conscious that it was just to help their little girl out.

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO000000000000000000

"Hey, um, I need to tell you something."
"Uh, okay. What is it?"
The guys all leaned forward in their seats as they watched the tape rolling, agitated at how this would go down.
They watched as the girl on the screen took a deep breath, blushed, and said loud and clear, "I love you."
The guys couldn't help but adore the cute little sister on the screen, loving how outright and down to business she was. Erika never liked beating around the bush.
Then, like a sharp cold wind knocking the air out of them, came his reply. "Sorry, I don't like dudes."
Those words made the men in the room even more silent, if possible, as they watched the girl's reaction to the reply.
"But... I'm a girl." She said, making the others nod in response.
"You have a penis. So, you're a boy in my book. Sorry."
By this time, Lukas had wanted to bitch slap the boy into a volcano who would dare say this, and the others were right with him.
"No, I'm transgender. Just because my body's a boy, doesn't mean I am." Erika said, making the others proud. They were glad she was quoting from them, and sounded so sure of herself, unlike before.
"No, you ARE a boy. I wasn't talking about your head, I was just stating facts."
"I'M GONNA FUCKING STRANGLE HIM!" Tino growled, being held back by Berwald's hold. "Shhh, wait until it's finished Love."
"...You said you liked me." She said with a thick voice, making the other's heart twinge with heartache at such words. "You said I was special."
"You are." The boy said, which made the Finnish man and the others relax slightly. "And I do like you. But, not like that."
Okay, so they could understand that part. They didn't like the other stuff, but that was understandable... sorta.
"So, because my body is male, you don't like me." The men in the room were practically shouting, 'No! That's not true, Erika!' But kept their tongues held as they waited for his response.
"That's part of it."
...They're hearts sank. "That mother fucker." Mathias growled, no longer restraining Lukas. "Tino, get the guns!"
"The other part is that I just like hanging out with you as buddies. Nothing more and nothing less. I don't wanna change that."
That made Mathias and Tino stop. Ouch. They all winced at the obvious friend-zone there, remembering their moments of being in that situation.
"...I see." They heard her say, watching with disdain for the Asian teen. They saw her face become unhidden from her long white hair, a smile suddenly on her face.
"Sorry, I was being mean. I like hanging out too, so yeah, friends is good."
The smile seemed almost genuine with her natural beauty enhancing it. But, they could all see the obvious strain behind it. It was so fake.
"Yeah, friends are good. I really do like you as a buddy, Emil." They all at this point just wanted to shoot the stupid, stupid boy. The Nordic men had already mentally put this boy on their hit-list.
"Her name is ERIKA. Not EMIL." Lukas growled at the screen, hands suddenly like claws as he scratched at the air with a hiss. Everyone agreed.
"Yeah, buddies." Erika echoed, smile still on as they watched her wave goodbye.
Only after was he out of sight did the little Icelander stop smiling. Her hand was still up in a wave, hanging there limply as if she was trying to pull him back to her.
All the men in the room were silent, watching as Erika asked out loud, "Why won't you call me Erika?"
Lukas ended the tape there. He couldn't stand seeing that fallen face anymore.
They all wanted to hug their little girl now, especially her big brother.
The Nordic's headed up the stairs and knocked on her door, hoping she was still up.
"Erika?" Lukas asked. "Are you up? We need to talk."
No answer.
He frowned, knocking again slightly louder. Normally you could hear soft snoring coming from inside, but it was errily quiet.
With again no answer, he turned the knob to find it unlocked. Pushing open the door, he switched on the light to the very dark room.
There was no one in bed.
"Erika?!" Lukas yelled, running down the stairs and out the door before anyone could ask.
Looking inside, they saw no sign of life.
But, the window was wide open, the pale white see-through curtain fluttering lightly in the breeze.
A letter was carefully placed on the desk below it, beside it a razor blade covered in red sat with an evil gleam under the natural light of the moon.
Droplets of blood made a path to it's master's destination.
...The rest ran out ouside to join Lukas, panic rising as they all wished it to not be true.
That the sight of the unmoving little girl with heart no longer beating, blood pooling from her wrists under her as her Big Brother tried so desperately to bring her back, was all a terrible lie.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO00000000000000000oooooooooooooooo

The sky was full of omnious dark clouds, thunder rumbling threateningly in the background as everyone in black gathered 'round near the casket.
It was a sad day indeed.
No laughter from the children, who did nothing but that.
No smiles from the Finnish man, who always had one on for others.
No words from Mathias, who always had something to say.
And more emotion than anyone had ever seen in their entire life on Lukas's face.
The Big Brother never cried. Never.
But here he was, with tears that seemed endless.
Everyone moarned over the loss of the little Icelandic girl.
When it came to being asked for their final words for her, everyone had only positive things to say.
The Asian boy who the Nordic's realized was named Leon, stood up and said, "We were pretty good friends, and I will be very lonely without her around."
With tears streaming down, he said softly, "She didn't need to die to become an angel. She was one from the moment she was born. I hope you are happy where you are, Erika. You were always a special friend to me."
With that, the Nordics now only wanted to kill him twice. But would leave him be, since she cared so much about him.
All the Nordics went up one by one, Tino being first.
"Erika was such a sweet little girl. Even when she was Emil, they were both amazing." Drying his flowing tears, he added, "She was like a daughter to me. A beautiful, wonderful one."
Mathias was up next, expression surprisingly serious as he said, "Erika was a fighter, that girl. She had a fire in her that no one could outbeat, even me."
Everyone chuckled in agreement, remembering her tsundere ways. "She had a heart like a lion. Fierce and strong. I know that wherever she is, nobody can stand against her."
Next came her brother, Lukas, who was trying his best to stay composed. "Erika... there was nothing wrong with her. She was always my beautiful little sister, even with a male body."
With clenched fists, Lukas's body shook with emotion. "She wasn't the wrong one. The world is what's wrong. She... she was the most pure and innocent of girls anyone ever knew. And, I'll miss her. I'll miss my little girl!"
At that point, he couldn't go on with anything else so he stepped down with a choked sob, being pulled into a hug by Mathias as Berwald stepped up to speak.
What he said so solomly, nobody expected.

"She locked herself away.
Didn't give anyone a key.
She didn't even say goodbye,
As she was swallowed by the sea."

At that he merily stepped down, kissed Tino's forehead, and left everyone in stunned silence.
But no one could argue with those words, for they were the truth.
She kept it all inside, and never told anyone how much she was hurting. She flew away from them and into the abyss, not saying any goodbyes.
Erika was an angel now.
Like she always was.

~T_T I'm so sorry! I wrote this during the summer and was debating whether to put it up or not. There will be a second part I'll put up next week. Poor Erika! *cries in emo corner* What have I done?!~