*cover photo creds to the artist- I got it from *
He glanced back at me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding and everything began to blur. I couldn't lose him. Not this boy, and not this time and definitely not like this.
To have survived countless quests and attacks and close calls, to lose him to the world of immortality was something I just couldn't bear. I needed to sit down. I needed a glass of water. But most of all, I needed him to say no.
I'd lost all the important men in my life, save for Chiron. I'd lost Luke, in every way possible. I'd lost my father to his new family and even though that was getting better, I know I'll always have lost him a bit. And now I might be losing Percy. I had felt like I'd been losing him for a while now.
I thought I'd lose him to Calypso, because even the gods know that Percy can't hurt someone like that, but he came back. We never mentioned the kiss on Mount St. Helen's, and we never talked about why he left that island, where he could have been happy and away from the madness of the Titan War. In fact, we didn't talk much at all. We yelled a few times about Luke and Rachel, and I thought I'd lost him to my anger and jealousy. I couldn't bring myself to admit to myself, let alone to him, that I may have a slight crush on him. And I couldn't bring my ego into check long enough to hear him out.
When Percy started running after Rachel Dare after he got back from Ogygia, I thought he'd returned for her. For the mortal that could see the way through the Labyrinth, for the mortal who he seemed to share so many inside jokes with, for the mortal that could give him a semblance of normalcy in his life. All I could do was cling to those moments we'd had in the past years and desperately hang on to the hope that I hadn't lost him just yet.
But now, it was all too much. I hadn't had a chance to tell him I was sorry for being mad at him for so long after Ogygia. I hadn't had the chance to say thank you for holding up the sky for her. I hadn't had the chance to let him know that I had finally accepted that I had a crush on him. And if he did this, I would never be able to tell him that I loved him.
I loved him. That sentence felt right. I was in love with this boy with the green eyes and messy hair and adorable smile that made the world seem right. I was in love with this boy that had done everything and more for me, the boy who fixed all my broken pieces by being so very Percy. Maybe I'd been in love with him when I kissed him on that volcano too, but I know that I'm definitely in love with him now.
And all I wanted now was to scream out, yell and cry and tell him to please, please, please stay. Stay with me. I wanted him to look at me and see the pleading in my eyes and know that the first time I've ever begged for anything in my life was to beg for him.
And when he looked back at me again, and then turned back and denied their offer, I think maybe, just maybe, he was scared of losing me too.