With an easy movement, Gilbert gripped the soft velvet fabric of the drapes, pulling them over the window back slightly. As he stared out into the streets of Berlin, he could feel his lips curve up ever so slightly, even as he leaned against the wall for support. His bruder had done a brilliant job with this city, with this country, so far. He must admit, Berlin is a far better place today than it ever was when he was in charge. He would do even greater things in the times to come...Gilbert was sure of it. A ghost of a smile fleeted over his lips as he watched the streets below. He would be just fine, he had to be. Letting his head rest against the cool panes of glass, he shut his eyes, the weight of his bones settling in since he had gotten up and out of bed. Tired...so gott damn tired, all the gott damn time... It was drawing closer, soon everything he knew would come crashing down all around.
Slowly opened his eyes a bit, he resumed staring out the window. What am I? No longer a nation...no longer a country...not even a small city...I won't be here much longer...will I? Gently lifting up a hand, he placed it against the glass.
"You better take care of yourself, West," he mumbled softly to himself.
"Gilbert, what is going on?" Ludwig's concerned, worried voice caught and held his attention. He turned his head to watch as his bruder rushed into the room and over to his bedside. Currently, Gilbert was sitting propped against the headboard with at least a dozen pillows cushioning it for him.
"Heeey, West." A lazy grinned immediately fell into place on his face. Ludwig's only response was a heavy glare.
"What is Gotts name is going on Gilbert."
"I have no id-"
"Do NOT, give me that damnit. Each day I've seen you grow weaker...Gilbert, what's going on..." There really is no way around it is there...? He'll be figuring it out soon enough as it is...right? He met his bruders stare and felt himself pause. Two words. Two words were all that it was going to take. If he said them, his bruder would break down, the glisten and shine in his bright eyes were a tell tale. There were no tears, at least not yet.
"Nothing," Lie...Lie through my teeth...it's what I have to do..."Nothing is going on, I've just gotten sick over the last while. It's probably just me having to adapt to changed...you know?" His breath caught in his throat as seconds dragged by, making it feel like hours, before Ludwig nodded his head.
"Of course..." He did not sound convinced completely but it was something. Gilbert shot him a grin. False hopes...
"I'm far too awesome for anything bad to happen to me!" He exclaimed and caught a faint smile on Ludwig's lips, causing him to grin even more. "All I need is some good rest and then I'll be up and invading your vital regions again in no time." The grin on his face turned mad as he watched the pink tint grow and glow on his bruders cheeks. Reaching up and grabbing his shoulders, he pulled him down into a brief kiss.
Ludwig took a moment before pushing himself back quickly, the faint blush turned heavy and burned his cheeks. "I.." He paused and cleared his throat, "I thought you had to rest."
"I do, however I need that first." He grinned with a chuckle as he received a death glare.
"...I'll come back late to check on you, okay?" Rolling his eyes slightly as he pretended to be annoyed at the worry, Gilbert nodded.
"Later," her watched his bruder stand up and walk across the room. His eyes took in every aspect of his looks, wishing he would be able to remember them but how would he remember anything if he disappeared? Sighing slightly, he sagged back as the door clicked shut. Mustering up the very last of his strength, he pulled the clipboard and paper out from underneath the top blanket. Retrieving the pen from the fold in his shirt, Gilbert continued to write his goodbye.
Uncharacteristically, Ludwig hummed to himself slightly, he was completely at a loss at why he was in a good mood. Maybe it was because Gilbert was assuring him that the arrogant prick of a man was going to be fine. He smiled a bit before shifting the tray in his grip to one hand. With his free hand, he turned the doorknob that led to Gilbert's room and shouldered the door open.
"Bruder I've brought you some foo..." His sentence trailed off as the dishes clattered to the ground loudly. He stared at the empty bed; it was entirely void of any living presence. Entirely void of his bruder...Something on top of the mound of pillows glinted in the rays of light entering from the window. He moved over as fast as his legs would allow him to.
"No..." he skidded to a stop beside the bed.
"No." With a trembling hand, he reached out towards the shining object.
"NO!" His hand clasped tight around his bruders iron cross as he shut his eyes. He's not gone, he's being a jerk like the one that he is. He is just playing a cruel joke. As much as he wanted to believe his thoughts, the truth rang deep within his soul. He clutched the cross to his chest as he opened his eyes, vision blurred from the tears that had gathered. A quick scan of the bed; it was unusually neat, he would have thought Gilbert would have left it in a mess; revealed a piece of paper. Hesitantly, Ludwig reached out towards it and grasped it ever so lightly. Hand shaking, he slowly lifted it up and forced himself to scan the messily scribbled in words.
West,
This is the last chance that I'm ever going to get to say anything to you. I suppose that makes this my goodbye, doesn't it. However, I don't want you to cry. ...But you being the pansy that you are, you so will. I am willing to bet that there is already tears staining this piece of paper. Isn't there. ISN'T THERE.
I so laughed writing that...cause we both know it's true.
Any who, you better not let my...death...or disappearance...or whatever the hell you want to call this...detour you. You better run your country to the best your capabilities, okay? And never trust anybody with a moustache again. You get enough shit from them and I don't want you to wind up going through all that again without my awesomeness to save your ass this time.
Eh...I suppose I shouldn't have lied to you, I just couldn't see you cry. Cause I knew that if you started to cry, then I would start to cry AND THEN we would get into one of those huge sap fests in those chick flicks that I so despise. Burder...I am sorry, I should have told you. False hope...it only makes the truth sting even more, doesn't it.
The more that I write, the more I feel as if I'm just trying to make you laugh. Am I succeeding? I better be...at least I hope I am. Burder I want you to remember me as I was, okay? Not as I was while writing this letter, not the weak and brittle me from the last few months. Don't remember me as the broken man that I nearly was. No, instead remember me as the strong man, your big bruder. Remember me as the one who was going to watch out for you and who was going to kick anybody's ass if they tried anything to fuck with you. ...How much do you want to bet I can still find a way to kick their asses, even from whatever the fuck you want to call what I'm going to, the 'after life' or just plain non-existence, whatever it doesn't matter.
Burder, it was hell when I was living with Ivan...what I went through...but I was able to endure. I did it all for you, my staying there kept him away from you and because of that knowledge I was willing to go through with his demands. I missed you terribly...I could never write, never contact you in any form. I tried going to the wall once, you know? Maybe to go over it or maybe to hopefully hear you on the other side...I don't really remember anymore...Either way, Ivan caught me there. He cut off supplies to your half of Berlin in a form of punishment to me. He knew my weakness, he knew that it hurt me to know you and your people were suffering...
Your people...we had once thought of them as our people, had we not? Truth is, they were always your people this entire time. I had my people once, but that was a very long time ago, before you had come along. When you came...I resented you at first, only because I saw you as a threat...but as time wore on I slowly began to see you as family, as my younger Bruder. You know...I think I always knew, knew that you would be in charge of Berlin one day. That you would be running the show and I would be the guy in the back, the one nobody really gave a shit about but you. I knew that times were changing, that my empire was going to come to an end.
Fuck. I sound like a total chick flick. Gott, I am a wuss out.
But...I suppose that it's okay, at least just this once. (And if you tell anybody I will find a way to come back and get you back. Just so you know.)
Over time...I realized that I loved you, more than a bruder ever should, I really did. (I really sound like a damn chick flick now.) It never faded, I would risk my life for yours any day. You are far much more important that I ever was. So you better not be stupid and run your country into the dirt, okay? You better fucking promise me on that one...
The day that wall fell...I knew it wouldn't be long, I could feel it. The truth was cold, froze me to the depths of my soul. I knew I would be leaving you soon...Dear gott bruder, I hated the thoughts that I knew to be true. Your reading this letter only proves it more.
I should have told you sooner...
For that I apologize...
I apologize for leaving you as well...I never wanted to...
Ludwig...
I love you...
Gilbert.
