Hey, people. Don't worry, I'm not back, just re-reading my old fics, tidying them up to make them look good enough to post...

You might want to know, this fic is based on true events, and although the characters are changed, I'm fairly certain the original ones won't mind me using my personal memories. They, for one, assume. So read on.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto. Working on it though.

"Who's left-handed in this room?"

The voice brought most of the auditorium's attention back to the stage. The lone young man standing there waved back at his audience, grinning. His bright orange T-shirt stood out against the darkness of the stage, right along with his golden hair and -though only the first few rows could see- his bright blue eyes. Still smiling, he turned to his companion, a fair-skinned, pink-haired woman who had been on the side of the auditorium before he brought attention upon her. "And they say first years can't shut up," he remarked gleefully. To his audience, he added, "No offense meant; the theory was built on last year's juniors, and I was part of the lot."

"You were the reason they actually made that theory," the young woman sighed. "Could we do what we're supposed to?"

"Right." The blond turned back towards the auditorium, and its four hundred occupants. "Welcome to Konoha University, all of you. I'm sure you've already received proper introductions to your new home" -there was a common nod- "so I won't bother with it. Preceding us were also some of the numerous clubs you'll find on campus. But before I introduce ours, I need to run a little survey." He grinned again, and at that moment, every single female of the room had come to a definite conclusion. The guy was freaking hot.

"Who's left-handed?" the blond asked again.

Hands slowly rose, none of them right. The sapphire eyes quickly scanned them, making a rough estimation. "A third," he then said. "Now, who speaks more than one language?"

Another set of hands rose while others lowered, and the blond pursued, "Who's ever traveled out of the country?"Then, "Who doesn't have American as his first nationality?"

The number of hands lessened, but clearly the blond wasn't bothered about it.

"Who is either homosexual or bisexual?"

This time all hands went down. Eyes wandered, however, as each student observed his neighbors in order to spot the oddities hidden within the mass. When they returned to the stage, they saw that both the man and woman had they hands firmly raised in the air.

"Funny how we got the same results last year," the blond man remarked, his voice amused. Then looked at his audience with serious eyes. "According to statistics," he said, his voice suddenly becoming grave, "twenty of you are lying." He lowered his arm. "Our club's aim is precisely this. Even if you don't have inner problems with your sexual orientation, you might not want your peers to know about it; our club, HBCK, or" -he let a new grin form upon his face- "the Homo-Bi Club of Konoha, is a place where you can live and interact with people without needing to hide your orientation. People there will consider it normal for you to be gay, or lesbian, or whatever. It's actually the straight people who look weird there."

"And we usually behave like a normal club," the pink-haired woman added. "The meetings are on Thursday evenings, from five to eight, in building 403, on the third floor; you'll see the club as soon as you get there. Most activities are card games, video games, parties and such, though sometimes we do try to be serious and participate in events designed to fight homophobia."

"Which is, needless to say, forbidden on campus." The blond shrugged, then brusquely looked up again. "Questions, now! We know you have them, and won't dare ask in public, so we'll do our best to telepathically hear your voices and answer you. First off, no, you don't necessarily need to be gay, lesbian or bi to join this club. We've got one member who's frustratingly straight -his name's Sasuke Uchiha, he's sitting among you guys and is going to kill me if I point him out- who's been with us since the beginning of last year. And in case you're wondering, he's only sitting where he's sitting to see how funny I can look in front of four hundred strangers. He comes only for the cookies, and he's still welcome, so anyone slightly more interested is of course perfectly fine. You can also come only for the cookies, though, we don't mind."

"Heterophobia is also forbidden on campus," the woman added with a small smile. "Including within the club."

"If you want to contact us" -hopeful female eyes snapped up- "the club's e-mail and phone number is presently being posted on the screen" -rose even more, then lowered hurriedly to grab a pen- "and you'll be seeing us outside for details, once you're done with the other clubs here. Don't forget, you can come at any time of the year, this year, next year, of even a month before you graduate and leave definitely, there will always be someone to welcome you on Thursday evenings, so don't forbid yourself to come whenever you feel like it. No need to hurry, we're just here to help."

"If you need to call us," the woman added, "His name is Naruto Uzumaki" -new frenetic scribbling- "and mine is Sakura Haruno." This time the males did react. So what if she wasn't straight, they knew they'd convince her someday.

And that was how the entire story began.

In any given community or group, might it be schools or offices, families or people united in a same place by politics or religion, there exists a single, unalterable law that everyone knows, acknowledges and follows. People talk.

What they talk about, however, is anyone's guess. In Konoha University, most first-year female gossip turned around the amazing subject of the two eye-catching seniors that had caught their attention since the very first day. Everyone had seen Naruto Uzumaki. Everyone kept seeing him, too. In addition to the HBCK, he was also on the swim team, participated in the Konoha University magazine, and in several other dozens of activities no one could ever recall entirely.

It seemed that the blond knew literally everyone on campus. After a month or so, even the first years almost all called him by his first name, and he never failed to miss a greeting. Males were more wary of him, but soon relaxed when it became very clear the blond wasn't interested in them for the moment. His homosexuality had never brought him scorn, since people were usually overwhelmed by his overly cheerful attitude, and was now considered as an unalterable fact concerning the blond.

The unknown variable of the problem, however, was Sasuke Uchiha. The one people -students of all ages- were trying to figure out. None of the first years had managed to identify him during the introduction week, and it had taken a trip to the HBCK to get a glance at the discreet man. The discovery had been a shock.

Moon to Naruto's sun, Sasuke's pitch black eyes were as cold as the blue-eyed blond's were warm, raven hair also contrasting with his friend's blond locks, and his heart completely closed to the rest of the world. Beautiful and dark, he immediately became the common heartthrob of the female first years. Sadly, they were soon brought to their senses by their seniors.

Sasuke Uchiha did not date. Anyone. Girls had been numerous and insistent for quite a period, before he stopped coming to the HBCK in order to get some peace, biting off several heads in the process. This had led to several conclusions from the gossiping crowds, as several people began to doubt the blond's words concerning his friend. Some even went to suggest they were actually together, and simply trying to avoid publicity. But then, that was before the two of them were spotted in building 334 during their lunch period.

Building 334 was old, and had been abandoned years ago by the post-graduate portion of the university. The older adults had offered it to their younger peers, and the results had been the nesting of most university clubs within its walls. Video games, computers and televisions, card games and RPG's crowded the building, whose maximum capacity was reached as soon as the clock struck noon.

The main room was empty but for the numerous sofas and low tables that littered the floor; and was mostly used to and play cards. A dull pounding filled the air, originating from the music room at the end of one of the halls, which amplified considerably every time someone opened the door.

The main table was almost always occupied by the same group of seniors, composed notably of the famed Uchiha. His seat was always the same; a large, black sofa whose back had been flattened like a pancake, thus allowing him to lay back completely upon it. Better, the sofa faced the table and wall, which meant he didn't have to meet the eyes of the numerous girls observing him, and glare back to get a semblance of tranquility. That way, everyone had peace.

On this particular day, the game played had been Black Jack, and the dark-haired man had declined his hand, deciding to use the hour left before classes effectively and take a nap. This behavior wasn't odd for the Uchiha, and wasn't commented upon. None of the female observers dared take pictures, remembering what had happened the last time (yes, the discovery of Sasuke had come at a painful price), and merely continued observing him with tender expressions.

"Rise and shine, my holy minions, your Lord has arrived, spreading his eternal light across your forsaken paths- Ow!" Naruto entered the room with a hand placed protectively upon his head, and wincing as the woman accompanying him thundered past.

"Do you have to announce yourself this loudly every single time?" Sakura growled. "My ears are way too delicate to endure your daily hollering!"

"You don't complain when Ino's shouting," he protested.

The emerald eyes glared. "First off, there's no way you can compare your voice to hers," she snapped, walking over to the group of seniors. "Secondly, she's careful not to bother people if I ask her. I don't think you even caught on to the fact that no one likes to hear you scream."

"Do I bother you?" Naruto asked the room, grinning sweetly as he turned to face each of them. In the face of his smile, no one could willingly nod.

"You bother me." Sasuke hadn't moved, hadn't even opened his eyes. But his previously impassive face had deepened into a frown. "Shut up."

Naruto turned again, and this time seemed to take notice of the senior group. "Hey guys." Walking over to shake hands with everyone, he followed the same path Sakura had used, halting behind the Uchiha's couch. This time, he was careful to keep his voice soft as he said, "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty." To Sasuke's annoyed growl, he smirked and caught the pale face, swiftly leaning down and giving the other man an upside-down kiss.

The Uchiha jolted, and Naruto immediately pulled back, laughing. "You shouldn't leave yourself open like that," he remarked.

"I usually don't get sexually harassed in public," the other male growled, wiping his mouth angrily. "Normal people try to act decently." And with another glare, he sank back into the sofa, closing his eyes again. "You try getting near my mouth again and I'll rip your balls off," he then growled in warning. "Don't think I won't dare."

"Roger that, boss." Naruto smirked again. "So I suppose this is fine?" And beneath the half-horrified, half-admirative (and at least very appreciating) female eyes, he slipped his hands between the Uchiha's legs.

Again Sasuke jerked, and, with dangerously narrowed pitch black eyes, got to his feet under the males' laughs. "That's it," he growled, before leaping towards the blond.

"He's raping me!" Naruto yelled as he was pinned to the floor, laughing and twisting in anguish as pale fingers attacked his ribs.

"Nah, he ain't," the senior known as Kiba -whose last name, along with all of his peer's, had never been uttered inside the 334, and was therefore unknown- replied in an amused voice. "You wouldn't be screaming this hard if he was."

Next to him, Shikamaru, also labeled as the most lazy genius on earth, chuckled. "Maybe he would," he said with a small smile. The rest of the group laughed.

"Quit making fun of me!" Naruto yelled, still trying his best to escape the rampaging Uchiha. "Why can't you help me instead of laughing your asses off?"

"You're doing fine on your own," Sakura remarked with an evil smile. "Get 'im, Uchiha."

Sasuke neither nodded nor shook his head, and kept advancing, focused solely on his murderous intent. One might have thought to argue, given the current situation, that Naruto wasn't in any kind of mortal danger; getting tickled was hardly lethal.

But that was judging without considering Sasuke Uchiha's skill. The onlookers of the scene were fairly certain that, given enough time, the blond would defy all laws of common sense and simply die of laughter. The pale man obviously knew how to make use of his fingers, although perhaps Naruto would beg to differ.

Five minutes later, the cries of agony was enough to reason even the evilist hearts -save for the murderous Uchiha, of course- and the 334's occupants finally bothered to get to the feet and pull the blond's source of suffering away from him. Sasuke made sure he gave his victim a last, thoroughly poisonous glare before abandoning his vocation to kill the other male.

Naruto straightened, panting as though he'd just run a marathon, face flushed from his breathlessness. But when he looked up towards his opposite self, he was smiling. "Had to give you a bit of affection," he told the still slightly fuming Uchiha. "Seeing you won't be allowed to come to the HBCK for a while." The smile was replaced by an apologetic expression. "We got a new member," he explained as Sasuke frowned. "And he doesn't want to see you."

"Why not?"

Naruto shook his head. "I can't tell." He looked up, blue eyes suddenly worried. "It won't be too long," he promised. "Just until he copes with- with it."

Sasuke's eyes gazed solemnly towards the suddenly nervous blond for a few seconds, before nodding, curtly. "He's got priority," he said before Naruto could open his mouth to apologize. "But you better bring me all the cookies I'm missing." The obsidian orbs then narrowed. "And no more 'affective compensation' from you, otherwise I'm barging in on him this week."

Naruto nodded swiftly. "Promise," he said, and for once, it was amazing to see how serious he sounded.

Yeah...so except for Sasuke's murderous rampages -and presence in the HBCk- everything really happened (though Naruto's actually two different people, but that's okay). Though from now on, I'm going to have to invent a little. That is, if anyone's interested, of course. So review!

Note: For those waiting for Symbiosis' next chap, I'm sorry to say the story's on hiatus, for cause of major screw up (never continue a fic you started ages ago). Um...Yeah. So sorry for the fans.

BUT I'm almost done with what I have been working on while I should have been working on Symbiosis. The name's the Joys of Parenthood, and is also inspired from a true story (though this time it's only inspired, my imagination's way more responsible for what you'll get to read). Expect adult Naru and Sasu and Saku (and Itachi, and Kakashi, and a bit of Fugaku Uchiha, but he's gonna suffer a bit from his sons, hehe...) and in my opinion my second best fic so far (aside from Just an Act).

So, once again, review, and I might write a bit more, finish some fics and all.

And to finish, a peek on my little sister's infinite wisdom:

"All of these noodles you're eating are one more cake you won't get in heaven."

(Yeah, she wanted to eat them)