She had never been emotionally compromised before; not like this. She spent an eternity fighting her emotions and waging war with her heart, convincing her sanity not to argue with him, because he knew best. The reality was that while she wanted to hate him, Jean Havoc knew how to get under her skin, and it drove her crazy. She was always so well composed, kept her emotions hidden behind a castle wall no man had ever gotten passed. But here was this damn idiot, slowly chipping away at her defenses and making her recant everything she ever knew about her own emotions.

Still, even after two years of sparring with those emotions, there was no denying that they had a very strong chemistry. That love/hate relationship translated into the bedroom in a way that should have been fire. She'd go to the bar - the same one he frequented - and they'd get into a fight. It always started as some kind of stupid argument over which rifle was superior in what type of situation. It would end with clothing strewn about one of their apartments (usually hers, as it was within walking distance), and the two of them regretfully tangled in a mess on the floor by her bed, never even making it to the bed itself.

The morning would come when he'd run through hastily and gather his uniforms, lecture her about how what they were doing was wrong and illegal and could result in both of them being discharged, she'd give him a sarcastic laugh, prim her hair, and see him off with a smack on the ass.

Despite all this, they never dated.

She had a strict cover to keep, one that required that she was not tied down or emotionally compromised, and it was easy to do when she didn't get attached. She'd often joke with Riza about settling down and starting a family, but both women knew under the cold exterior, she had no intentions of retiring. Her job was specific, and required her freedom to move from man to man, often playing the part of a damsel in distress or promiscuous whore to get information out of the lonely soldiers. None of them ever ended up at home; most of them were too drunk to remember, so she'd make up a story about how it was the greatest night of her life if she saw them on the street later.

There was a moment once, a brief moment of weakness, when she'd found out the dopey Lieutenant was sick and offered to go to his apartment to take care of him. And she did; she actually babied him the whole time - much to his chagrin. It was the closest they had ever come to an actual intimate moment and not just a one night stand (that was now well over one night). She felt like a giddy schoolgirl when he was around, and she hated that feeling.

She hated what he did to her.

Even now, as they geared up to explore the depths of the labs, she knew she made a mistake going with. Riza argued with Roy that it was a bad move on his part, knowing that these two had a relationship going. Roy countered with the fact that the two of them knew a time and place, and would accept their job as needed. He had the utmost faith in his men, and she had to do the same. Becky was always one to agree with Riza, but Roy was right. They needed extra hands on this mission, especially not knowing what they were getting into.

There was something about the way he looked in blackout gear that sent shivers down her spine. She loved a man in uniform, but damn, he looked good in nearly anything. The way he crept through the halls with his gun lowered to the ground made him even more irresistible to her. That's it. She was in love. It was an insatiable desire and she had to show him that - but now wasn't the time. Now was time for work, so she pushed that thought deep into the annals of her mind and focused on work.

Roy gave the command to split up, sending Alphonse with Riza and taking Jean with him. He left Becky at the steps to make sure no one tried to come down while they were doing their investigation. She reluctantly followed the order and stayed put. It made sense that Riza would go with Alphonse. Alphonse knew alchemy and in dire straits, he could be of use where she couldn't. The same applied to Roy and Havoc. She was just a third wheel, along for the sake of having extra hands. And right now she was playing the role of crowd control.

Several moments passed. The command was to wait until thirty minutes had passed, and check on Riza and Alphonse. It wasn't just Roy's order, but an unspoken one from Jean. She knew he didn't want her getting involved, despite his adamant argument to keep her there. Alphonse needed the backup more. Thirty minutes was too long, and in her experience, she'd miss out on everything if she waited so long. And she wasn't wrong. Shortly after the explosion to her left, she darted off to her right to find Riza. Things were not going as planned.

"Riza!" She called down the hall, ignoring the formalities of a soldier. Now wasn't the time to focus on that. She carried her rifle towards the ground, searching for her friend. Sadly, she wasn't nearly as good at tracking, but the sound of gunshots was an indicator she'd found the right place. "Riza!"

"Becky, stay back!" The command was from Roy, one that she was sure Riza hadn't heard. Roy had made his way to them, despite his injuries.

It was when she saw his condition that she had a suspicion. He wouldn't have sent Jean back, he wouldn't have dismissed him. Even if he had, the stubborn idiot wouldn't go anywhere. He was so damn willing to die for this asshole, that he'd do just that. She felt the tears stinging her eyes. No.

After Lust was taken care of and left in a smoldering heap on the floor, Becky whispered softly to herself. "Where is Jean?"

How had Riza not noticed he wasn't with Roy? Was she that focused on the mission she didn't consider that he was missing? The breathless confession came from Roy's pallid lips, her hand reaching to touch her heart gently. Call an ambulance for Havoc. Dropping the rifle to the ground, she lit into a run, searching the halls. He was still there somewhere, she just didn't know where...and she was going to find him.

Call an ambulance. Now she was worried about what kind of condition she'd find him in. Was he shot? She honestly expected to find him huddled up against a wall somewhere, just trying to stint the bleeding long enough for help to arrive. She expected to find him laughing at her, telling her he did something stupid again. But the sight that she found was not what she expected at all. There was so much blood.

"Jean!" Dropping to her knees beside him, she tried hastily to bring him back to reality. "No. No no no. Not like this," She whispered sadly. Blood matted his perfect blonde hair, smeared onto his face and shirt. She hated it, the way it looked, the way it smelled, all of it was nauseating. Roy had left him on his back, a small favor, but she didn't want to see his face right now. The look of pain on his face told her that he was not okay. The blood was the worst part in her opinion. It could have come from anywhere, really. "Jean…hey, you idiot, come on. Wake up. Stick with me."

She was growing desperate now, her pleas falling on his deaf ears. Could he even hear her? His expression was unchanging, her hands searching his body for the injury. When she found it, she immediately stripped off her jacket and pressed it to the wound. "Jean...please. Come on. Remember how you joked on that first night that you wanted a minivan full of kids one day? And you were going to convince me to marry you, even if it was the last thing you did? This can't be how it ends. All those big dreams-" She fought back the tears now, even as she felt Riza pulling her away from the body. "Jean! Come on! Don't do this to me! You're the only one who gets me!"

She tried to fight back against her best friend's arms, and even as the paramedics loaded him onto the stretcher, she felt like her world was collapsing in on her. It was hard to breathe. She could hear one of the paramedics saying that she was emotionally compromised and had to leave, to get her out of the room before she did more damage. Was that the Fuhrer? Was he the one who told her to leave? She could barely distinguish the voices anymore.

Emotionally compromised. The expression left a bitter taste in her mouth as they hauled him away.

-flashback-

"Jean, you can't smoke in my apartment, it's part of the contract." The shirtless man was hanging halfway out her window, tapping ashes onto the ground below. He gave that stupid grin every time she warned him. "Besides, it's like zero degrees out there, don't be a jerk."

He tapped out the cigarette and tossed the butt into the metal trash can by the window, looking over at her in the bed. She had toussled hair, a tangled rat's nest on her crown. He couldn't help but think about how sexy that looked on her. "Yes, your majesty. Any other demands, my queen?"

"You could just come back to bed." She huffed, her arms folded neatly across her chest.

He smirked at the glare, moving onto all fours and straddling her legs. "I have an idea, Becky. I know it sounds absolutely psychotic, but what if we were to date? I mean, go on serious dates, not just pretend ones. And we could retire and have kids. I know it's probably stupid to ask you, but...does that seem like something you might be interested in?" He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping she wouldn't backhand him for being so forward. Instead, he got a face full of pillow.

"I can't." She whispered, tugging him down to kiss his lips. "You'll find someone who loves you one day, Jean. And when you do, make sure you cherish that."

"Heh," He tried not to laugh. "I'll probably die first."

-end flashback-

Even now, he would probably never knew how damn wrong he was.

Read and Review. 3 AU Brotherhood.