Disclaimer: I do not own nor do I claim to own any rights to the GS or GSD characters or story line. I write purely for my own enjoyment.
Rating: M, for mature content.
It was easy. Comofortable. Safe. She mused to herself through heavy breathing and fervent kissing. Her heart was pounding in her ears as they crashed against the door, her shaking hand reaching for the doorknob. This was all she could ask she thought, as they tumbled forward into the darkened room, hungry hands searching for more, the warmth of the others skin. Her mind was hazy in the lingering effects of the drinks she had consumed at the posh gathering they'd just left. She hadn't expected to see him there, hadn't expected all of the feelings from the past to come flooding back so freely.
Cagalli stepped forward from the doorway, flanked by her head of security and glowering at the camera's flashing to her right, wanting nothing more than to escape the publics gaze for the moment, feeling very exposed in the green chiffon dress she'd been made to wear for the evening event. There was a bustling lively air all about the building as officials and celebrities gathered in the extravagant ballroom. She should have fit in here, this was after all her birthright, her upbringing was to have prepared her for such events.
Yet she could never quite shake the feeling of uneasiness these events stirred in her, the anxieties the thought of having to feign happiness for the sake of others. She could lead her country, she could be brave and strong, calm and collected in all matters of state. However when it came right down to it she felt her life was lacking, empty as it were. Her heart just wasn't in this type of formal commitment. She would much rather be in a situation which called for a definite action. Like battle. She knew that very well, however the niceties and courtesy she had to show to these people was far too hard for her to accomplish than she would like.
Too many times she'd find herself snapping back, or stifling a laugh at her more eccentric council members. She was not as refined as she should have been. However she supposed that was the difference between her and the other previous Orb leaders. She was different. The very same in her beliefs and ideals, but vastly different in her passion and vigor. She steadied herself in her heels, cursing them as she stepped lightly forward, leaving the safety of the formal entryway and into the large cathedral ballroom.
Then she saw him. Her breath was caught for moment as she stared, pleading herself to avert her eyes, to not give him the satisfaction of knowing how desperately she had missed him. She saw the smirk settle onto his lips and she could only believe that he was very satisfied with himself. She huffed, turning her head abruptly in the opposite direction. Kira was leaning against the wall just a few feet away, and she smiled, pushing away the nagging ache at the pit of her stomach as she approached her twin and his wife Lacus.
Her hands found the buttons infuriatingly snug, desperately pulling at them as her mouth found his, wanting so desperately to feel this closeness. To feel as much of him as she could. To memorize and never forget the feel of him, the feeling of being so wrapped up in passion with him. The thought that maybe just maybe they had missed their chance at something real, something they could never get back but would never lose. Her dress hung low over her shoulders as he placed delicate kisses across her chin and jawline, to the nape of her neck and along her collarbone. His teeth grazed across her shoulder and a moan left her lips as she leaned back against the wall, her knees unsteady as he ran his hands down her arms, freeing her of the constricting gown.
She had managed to avoid Athrun for most of the night, knowing he had those he would have to accompany himself with just as she had those that she had to entertain for the sake of government relations. Such was the case with the young Yzak Joule who had formally been appointed a representative of PLANTS following the end of the last war. She did not know what it was about the man that brought such a rise from her but alas no matter the situation she'd end out the interaction seething and having to harshly bite her tongue for the sake of peace. She knew he enjoyed seeing her effectively reigned in, knowing she couldn't afford another outburst in a very long standing history of explosive behavior at these public functions.
"Orb's idealistic views aren't my concern" Yzak groused, barely trying to conceal his amusement as Cagalli seethed in anger.
"I'd hardy call our viewpoints idealistic" she quipped, her chin raised, fist clenched at her side. "We don't go around sticking our noses in other people's battles!" Her voice came out louder and harsher than she would have liked, and she hoped desperately that those around them wouldn't turn their attention toward them.
"Even when the war may influence nations you are allied with," He answered, calmly, not wavering in tone and acting as though he was completely uninterested in the conversation.
"To keep feeding the endless cycle or war?" Cagalli answered, not letting his amused grin stall her in her argument.
"Then why ally yourselves at all?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow at her as he scanned the crowd.
She was prepared to argue her side, she was already formulating the interchange in her mind, but her thoughts all faded when she heard him call her name.
"Cagalli" he said behind her, knowing she couldn't escape their meeting now, that she'd be forced to face him. To talk to him. She turned slowly to face him, eyes full of fear and uncertainty as they met his emerald orbs. "How are you?" He asked, as if the past two years were irrelevant. As though they had never parted ways. As if he'd never left.
She felt dizzy as he lifted her in his arms, carrying her delicately to her bed, laying her atop the white quilted coverlet. He stood there for a moment, feasting upon the sight before him. She felt uncomfortable beneath his gaze, so exposed. They both knew this wouldn't last. Couldn't last. They were too far apart. Too different, too much had happened. He crashed into her, covering her body, stealing her lips in a desperate, longing kiss. Maybe it was fate that kept leading them back to this. Maybe they'd never fully escape each other. Fate was a cruel taunting ghost she thought, hands desperately roaming his body, wanting to believe he was there. Needing to know he wasn't just a dream.
There were no words spoken, but every emotion was understood. Raw, desperate, eagerly fanning and feeding the flames of desperation as they both fell further into the need for the other. "I missed you" He voiced and her breath caught on her lips, but she didn't say a word. He nipped at her neck, finding the sensitive flesh at her pulse point, sucking, teasing her. She arched against him, knowing she had completely yielded to him. She was utterly lost to her need of him, and he of her. He found her breasts, cupping a fondling them until she moaned.
"I know" She answered as he continued trailing kisses down her chest, to her breasts, admiring and laying delicate kisses to each one. She couldn't take it any longer-she needed him. She arched her back again, pressing herself to him, silently begging him to fill her, to be even closer.
"I've been fine Athrun. How are you?" She answered, unsure of her words. How was it that she could speak in front of nations, on televised media stations, and yet still stumbled over her words with him? It frustrated her to no end. Not that she'd ever give him the satisfaction of knowing that fact.
"I've been well too. I'm glad to see you've made time to enjoy yourself" He said, genuinely, offering her a warm smile that made her both happy and sad at the same time. How is it someone can be so torn between two vastly different emotions at the same time?
He moved them slow in a desperate, frantic sort of way as she panted against his shoulder, his name echoing at the tip of her tongue as she unraveled beneath him, all her longing, all her sadness, all her love rushing out at once in that climactic moment. They lay entangled, panting, breathless. Lost to this world.
She could feel the first tears fall from her eyes and turned her head from him, hoping he hadn't noticed. It was a sinking feeling knowing this wouldn't last. Couldn't last. The feeling was like coming home, laying down your burdens at the door just to know you had to leave, and resume the journey with burdens in tow, knowing this blissful moment would be so short lived. She coughed out the first strangled sob, rolling away from him, feeling his arms reach for her, entangle her and pull her to him.
She wished so desperately she could stay, wished she could stay safe and warm and protected in his arms, but alas it couldn't be. They lead separate lives. Space and time and life had come between them. It had pulled them apart and placed them in different directions, allowing them to meet only in passing, desperately in search of the feeling they knew they'd never find again.
Perhaps it was fate that had brought them together. And perhaps it was life itself which had torn them apart.
"I hear your engaged?" Cagalli asked, downing the chilled drink in her hand, enjoying the warm tingle it left upon her lips that spread throughout her body.
"Yes. I am." He answered, that beautiful smile faltering on his lips. She could read it in his eyes, the pain she'd uncovered, the silent question he was begging her to answer, and yet her heart was so torn, so heedlessly confused.
She dressed herself in darkness, trying not to glance his direction. She knew he wanted her to say something. Anything really might have kept him there. She knew that, but she couldn't ask that of him. Too many years and too much had transpired, there was no coming back. There was no fixing what had already been so completely broken. And so she left.
She left the only man she'd ever loved. The only person she wished would stay. She left him there to live her life and continue to put her country first. Because it wasn't all about her. Because she couldn't ask him to wait for her, to be a shadow to her title. Sometimes there are no happy endings. Sometimes obligation and duty didn't leave room for such things.