Doubts
By Lady Rose (princessrosygirl)
Copyright 2010
My thoughts have disturbed my sleep, waking me up from my lifeless dream. This has been happening for a few nights now without any reason behind them and I'm exhausted. I guess with everything slowing down for the time being, everything has flashed in my mind all at once without catching a breath. The strange part about this is that they're only present at night, not during the day when life is present.
I opened my eyes only to see the alarm clock in front of me. One in the morning… wonderful. There is no way that I'll fall back asleep, not for a long while; not until the wild rampage that I call my stubborn thinking eases away. I slowly rose up, not trying to disturb my love from her sleep.
While rising up from the bed, I couldn't help but to look at her. I absolutely love how she looks while she's asleep, so peaceful, innocent, undisturbed. Unlike me, groggy, tired, and disturbed. I haven't told her what was going through my mind because a fraction of it was about her and I didn't want to put anymore burden on her and what she'll react if I did tell her.
Reality has set in; I couldn't get up from it, escape from it or hide from it. Still looking at her, she's part of that reality.
Eight years of being together and I still don't understand why she chose me to be with forever. She's aware of our age difference, my facial features, and my past. She didn't care about that when we first got together; now I'm beginning to wonder if those things about me have changed her mind. It's been a bother for the last few nights and it doesn't want to go away.
I rose up from the bed to put on a shirt before leaving our room. After the door closed, my legs walked me to the living quarters. It was dark and I didn't want to turn on any lights, not knowing who was still awake and who wasn't. Upon arrival, I noticed that I was not the only one that was awake; he also noticed as well when he looked up at me.
"Can't sleep either?" he asked me.
"I guess you can say that." I replied.
Her brother, Wildwing, couldn't sleep either. There could be a million reasons why he's still awake, none of them my business.
"I can't sleep either." He said as I sat down in the couch on the right side of his.
He was watching some kind of movie on TV, but I don't think he was paying any attention to it. I looked up to watch it, from what I would gather it was about a married couple having second thoughts about one another, but was able to see past all of their doubts and their love is stronger because of it.
A few moments came and went of silence until I spoke up.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Sure." Wildwing replied.
"This has been bugging me for the last few nights and it's causing me to be distant with Mandy. Do you think she still loves me due to the fact of my past, our age difference and my facial features?" I asked.
Wildwing thought about this for a moment, which made me nervous.
"Have you asked her about this?" He asked.
"I'm afraid that she'll answer my questions just to be nice." I replied, using the only answer that came into my mind.
"You and I both know that Mandy's not like that. She's not shallow and she sees things differently about a person than what a normal woman would not see."
"Can you give me an example?" I asked dumbfounded.
"Do you remember years back when you first asked me for my permission for her hand in marriage?" He started his example with a question.
"Yeah?"
"When she and I talked privately about this, she answered it is the person that she's inside your eyes and she saw beyond the age difference between you guys, your features and yes your past. When I asked about if she was aware of your troubled past, Mandy also stated that she was well aware of it because you two have discussed this. She sees that you have changed your ways for the better; she sees that you have a lot of potentional and was just more than just a former thief."
I made a mental note about this. But wait a minute; that was in the past. My question is what about now?
"But that was in the past. What about now?" I asked.
"She talked to me about the same thing recently. When you began being distant with her, she kind spoke to me about it. Mandy said this is word for word, 'I hope that he's not thinking that I have second doubts about him. Because I don't. I still love him, flaws, past, age difference and all. It's been eight plus years that we've been together and I am still in love with him since the first moment we met. Nothing's going to change that." He replied.
"And it still hasn't." A voice said.
I turned around to see Mandy walking in. She must have heard what Wildwing was telling me just seconds earlier. She made her way to sit on the couch next to me.
"I'll just leave you two alone. I'm going to try to go to sleep." Wildwing said as he stood up.
"Have a good night, bro." She said
"Goodnight, you two." He replied.
As soon as he was out of sight, she took my hands in hers. Her eyes filled with worry and concern, her face showed concern.
"I got worried when I didn't see you in bed next to me. Is everything okay?" Mandy asked.
"I guess I just doubted you when I shouldn't of." I said.
"Why did you doubt me in the first place?" She asked.
"I don't know. I guess I thought that with all these years that went by that you would change your mind about me." I replied, placing my hand in between one of hers.
"My mind is still the same. I will never change my mind about you; I'm not like that. I'm still in love with you since the first moment we met, despite our differences in age, what you look like and yes, your past. You've changed for the better because I saw that in you when people didn't. I love you, Duke and that's not going to change, no matter how old we get." She said.
I was speechless so I responded to her reply the only way I know how was to comb my fingers through her hair, and kiss her. How did I know that her words would calm me down in way no one else's could. Mandy has that affect on me, the way she says them, the tone she says them in, the time and thought.
Once we parted, she got up, "I think it's about time we went back to sleep, what do you think?"
"Can I finish the movie? It's only five more minutes." I said.
"Okay, don't be up too late." She said, kissing me before leaving.
I turned my focus on the movie to see that the married couple in this movie has declared their love. The man brushes his wife's hair with his hand, her hand was around his neck, saying 'I love you" and shared a kiss that lasted a few moments. Once they parted, music came on and they started to slow dance to it.
I thought once more before turning the movie off. Their ending was the same as ours, minus the slow dancing part. Despite doubts of one another, our love is strong, no matter how old we get, what obstacles we have to face and no matter how many doubts we have. I turned off the movie, smiled and walked back to bed, where my lady love was waiting for me.
End…