Her family and friends watched the tiny scientist with careful eyes after her meeting with Delphine outside bubbles, it wasn't exactly the way the brunette had played out the scenario in her head. After the meal she headed back to the loft. Telling her new family, that she just needed to be alone, Scott walked with her. He tried to ask about what had happened, only to get shot down.
In the loft, she poured herself a strong drink and lit up a joint hoping the drugs would settle the anxiety. Music blasted through the cold, dimly lit loft. Cosima dropped down on the crimson bedsheets falling back on the pillows, remembering when she had laid next to Delphine after confessing she was sick. Delphine had gave her so much love and reassure that she would find the cure, but here she was, still sick and without the comfort of the French woman.
Delphine's face haunted her, the emotional struggle in her eyes to the way her lips trembled. She felt it in her gut and all around her body; she knew there was something not right. It itched and scratched at her chest. She sat up on the edge of the bed, looking at the Toronto skyline. Tears falling silently down her cheek.
She pulled out her phone. Her heart beating in time with the ringing tone, her foot tapping impatiently on the ground
"Hey, it's me. I just wanted to say that I miss you, too and I think we should talk. Call me or something, okay…bye"
She shut her eyes tightly, wiping her tears. She wished that is was her hand, her gentle caress upon her cheek, the way she delicately touched her lip as she walked away.
Uneasiness began to twist and coil in the brunette's stomach again; she stumbled over to amber liquid taking a large gulp from the bottle as it burnt its way down her oesophagus.
Cosima touched her mouth with fingers, mimicking the blonde's movements from earlier. She done that the first time too, she recalled.
"That's oddly romantic…And totally encouraging."
In a haze of memories Cosima flopped back on the bed. She cried out into the empty loft unbeknown to her if it was in pleasure of remembering their first time together or in heartache as their relationship was so broken.
She picked up the blue phone again; determine to not let this relationship end.
"Hey, me again" She chuckled before clearly her throat.
"I just wanted to say that I am really sorry, and god, I am so stupid Delphine. I just wanted to hurt you, but she doesn't mean anything to me. I came back for you." She sniffed unashamedly into the phone "Please around to the loft. I need to see you."
Cosima cried and cried into the pillow. Her chest ached and eyes stung red, the shortness of breath. She knew she had made a mistake tonight; she should've reached out for her hand as she walked away, but she couldn't as much as her heart shouted and pleaded with her, her limbs did not move, they had become frozen.
Cosima splashed cold water on her face, holding on to the sink as her head spun.
A loud buzzing and a bang pulled her out of her day dream. Running to the floor where her phone had fallen of the side table, she swiped. Answering the call
"Delphine"
"No it's me." The English male voice irked her
"What is it?" wanting to get off the phone as soon as possible in the chance that Delphine may be trying to phone her.
"Charming. I'm staying at S's tonight, but I could come around if you need someone to talk too"
"No, I'm okay. Honestly I'll be fine. Bye" Hanging up the call instantly.
She shut her eyes in silent prayer. Repeating the blondes name willing her phone to start vibrating or lighting up with some sort of message from her but nothing came. After ten minutes from sitting on the cold floor, her limbs now stiff and aching.
She groaned, anger now taking over. Why is she ignoring me?
Drinking another large gulp of the amber burning liquid she pressed the call button.
"Fuck you Delphine; you've left me twice now. I don't need you anymore, I've moved on. She doesn't make my decisions for me and yeah, the sex is fucking amazing. She actually knows what she is doing." Cosima spat down the phone, her words slurring together.
The tension drained from her petite body, she felt good.
For about two minutes and then the anxiety reappeared and the acid bubbled inside, sneaking up her throat, hands quivering as it donned on her what she had said.
Reaching for the phone again, pacing the floor in time with the dialling tone.
"Sorry, I'm so sorry Delphine. I didn't mean it. I love you. Please, I'm a mess. I need you. I love you… I love you" A loud sob interrupted the message as broke down in the middle of the room with the phone attached to her ear crying loudly.
Hours had passed and still she heard nothing. She had been sick three times in the toilet and the music had stopped, nothing but her own breathing filled the crisp air of the loft. Dressed in her underwear and a t-shirt she pulled the red duvet over body as it shook with fear and sorrow.
She brought the hot mug of tea to her lips, taking a concoction of tablets to help heal the ache of body and to help her sleep.
She looked over at her phone. Leaving one finally message.
"You'll always be my Eskimo pie… I love you, Delphine. Goodnight" Her voice hoarse and broken.
Cosima woke from her slumber with five missed calls, and various numbers of messages. Her stomach dropped as she ran to the bathroom vomiting until it physically hurt.
She phoned, the ringing tone only ringing out twice before the phone was picked up.
"Cos, are you alright?" The English voice asked urgently.
"Yeah fine, Sarah. What is it?"
"It's Delphine."
The dreadlocked girl dropped to her knees with a thud after she ended the call to her sister.
Smashing the phone's screen as it fell from her limp hand.
Shaking her head with disbelief, tears streaming down her face, as she shouted "No" into the void, she did not believe it.
They were soulmates, pit of the soul, can't live without it. She came back for her. No, this was all wrong; they were supposed to be together, forever. Shaking her head with denial, she was still alive. She could feel it. She could always feel their connection, even when she scoffed at Delphine during their first argument, she felt it.
They had found her blood and her bag, but not her body.
And that gave Cosima hope.
She picked her smashed phone and left one new message.