Hoboramen And Other Acquired Goods
Chapter 1
Stinky
Lucy was following Gajeel Redfox only because she was a good person and was worrying about the kids. Nothing more, nothing else, she wasn't even curious. Nuh-uh!
Well, maybe a little.
It all started like any other bad day. With the Phantasia Festival approaching and with her team either sick - Natsu in his odd daze was even more useless than in a moving train - or just not around the guild, Lucy needed money to pay her rent somehow.
Hence she walked into the building alone, heading straight towards the mission board and carefully avoiding anything that looked like it could turn into a brawl. Rent wasn't her only problem. Pretty much every mission Lucy took, ended up in her clothes being damaged far beyond repair. Her wardrobe was starting to look very thin and very sad. She just couldn't afford to lose another outfit!
Of course, Lucy's life was never easy and as always, fate was against her. She was but a few steps away from the board, when suddenly a chair flew through the air and smashed into pieces on the wall nearby. The rain of chunks of wood and splinters exploded in every direction.
Lucy yelped and jumped away, bumping into Miki. The girl, occupied by a hand to hand fight with someone else just pushed her out of the way with the elbow, using her other hand to block a punch at the same time.
"Get off me!" Miki snarled. Didn't spare a moment to wait for an answer either. Not like there was one to get.
Cursing her high heels, Lucy fought bravely to keep her balance. Finally, she managed to grab onto one of the tables and breathed out in relief.
However, her illusion of safety was crushed as soon as Lucy straightened her backs. With ridiculously loud roar, Elfman jumped down from the upstairs, landing with a thud and the ground shook under Lucy's feet.
Before she even opened mouth to voice her protests, he used his weapon of mass destruction - two canes of deodorant unleashed the perfume inside with a warning hiss.
First, Lucy felt the sticky wetness covering her skin, then she realized that she was standing right in the ground zero of this manifestation of whatever manly mad thing the idiot was currently doing.
Then, the stench came.
It was unholy, it instantly made her eyes water and it definitely could work greatly as an insecticide.
"What the hell?!" Lucy coughed. It was a bad idea, because as soon as she sucked the air in, the nasty perfume got inside too. The taste was even worse than the smell. Not to mention, now Lucy could feel it even if she wasn't breathing at all. It was just so ridiculously strong and bitter to the point she doubted that any amount of toothpaste or alcohol would flush it out of her mouth.
"Is someone paying you for the product placement, or something?!"
"...this is a manly odor?" Elfman answered her question in a somewhat shy manner. So, it seemed that Lucy hit the bulls-eye. Not that it was making anything better.
She still reeked and it was doubtful that even after a very long bath with lots and lots of soap the smell would go away. Not to mention, she had no time for a long soak anyway. Lucy was stuck with reeking like a guy. A guy who was overcompensating for a lot of things and very, very hard.
"Poor dear!" Mira sighed, looking at her with a gentle, understanding side. Somehow the woman always knew when to show up to brighten Lucy's mood. She also had the uncanny ability to show up out of nowhere, like she was hiding in some dark corner, just waiting for her chance to help someone. Or something.
"Does he really needs to do that inside?" Lucy groaned. "The stench is on everything!"
"I have some spare clothes upstairs," Mira smiled knowingly. "This guild is so lively all the time I need to have something just in case... you can borrow my clothes if you feels like it!"
"You're a life-saver!" Lucy exhaled with relief, because yay, no stinky clothes! Then she discovered that exhaling was a bad idea, since she had to inhale some of the air back in and the stench of perfume filled her lungs again.
Without further delay, she jogged up the stairs, coughing and trying to wipe at least a little of the bitterness off her tongue. She wasn't very successful.
The room where Mira was storing her things was small and served pretty much as a wardrobe crossed with a storage for spare sets of cutlery, plates and glasses. The space was pretty clustered, but there were also a little touches that made it perfectly visible that Mira was the one taking care of this place same as the rest of the building; cute curtains in the window and a nicely looking mirror in the sunny corner, not to mention the lack of dust.
Lucy was a little bit afraid that she would end up fashioning a long, long dress, but it seemed that Mirajane was storing many, many clothes from her photo sessions. So, more Lucy-style clothes were to be found.
Lucy picked up lowly cut shorts and a comfortable, loose shirt. The colors more or less went together with her own boots. It probably wasn't the best combination to be found in this pile of wonders, but it didn't feel right to spend too much time on the task. Accidentally offending Mira and her fashion choices definitely wasn't something Lucy wanted to do. Ever.
She still smelled like a guy, but at least now the stench wasn't blinding. She was left hoping that the perfume was one of that kind that kept only for few hours before disappearing.
"Now back to looking for a job..." Lucy murmured. She was pretty sure she saw a pretty cute request for helping at magical school. It wasn't enough to cover her whole rent, but if she mixed that with working at some restaurant, she's going to have more than enough. Maybe even enough for some new clothes!
Thinking about shopping - she decided that she wanted shorts like that, those were pretty damn comfy - she closed the doors behind her and headed back towards the stairs.
Only to stop, hearing a familiar voices just a few feet away, coming from behind a closed doors.
Lucy almost didn't recognize Gajeel in the very first moment. He was usually loud and brash when he decided to open his mouth, challenging everyone in the close proximity and cursing like a thug.
It was so odd to hear him speak quietly, his low voice raspy and rumbling.
"...I've made contact with Ivan already, or rather he made contact with me," Gajeel said. The tone was so serious, Lucy instantly felt hair standing up on the back of her neck.
She stepped into something and now was torn between being too curious for her own good and just plain terrified of the whole situation. Walking away would probably be the best option, but considering how good dragon slayer's hearing was, there was a risk of getting caught and then explaining that she really, truly wasn't listening on the conversation.
On the other hand, she was oh so deadly curious, because this whole thing would shone a bit of light why Gajeel was able to join the Fairy Tail after the things he done to the guild. Though those reasons were somewhat grim.
Anyhow, who the hell was Ivan? Why would Master Makarov be interested in that man?
"He's dead set about pulling one on you," Gajeel continued. "Though I have no idea when exactly he's going to start dropping hints about what he's up to. Right now he's still guarded around me."
"Don't try to pry the information too fast," Makarov warned him in a stern voice. "Ivan is a dangerous man. If he gets even a hint-"
"Relax," Gajeel snorted. "It's not my first time snooping and you know it."
"Yes," Master Makarov sighed. "And I'm going to repeat what I have said already. Keeping track on too many Dark Guilds at once is going to lead to trouble."
Lucy should go. Right now. Back of in hurry and forget that she even heard anything at all. But, curiosity killed a lot of cats and Lucy was no different than another feline in a situation like that. While listening in at the doors answered a lot of her questions, it also lead to trouble. If there was something useful among the things her father taught her, it definitely was about power. Knowledge was power and it was dangerous as fuck if you hadn't enough power to back it up. Lucy definitely had nothing on her that would work well against either Gajeel or a Dark Guild if things went wrong. She was very, very done with being a damsel in distress and getting anyone, even someone like Redfox in danger definitely wasn't something she would be comfortable with either.
"I'm not picking up things I'm not prepared for," Gajeel snorted.
Either that, or suicidal, Lucy though, winkling her nose. Carefully, but not too slow, she walked downstairs, her mind still bouncing all over what she accidentally managed to overheard. It was to be expected, for a strong guild like fairy Tail to kept track of dangers somehow, but this...
This was pretty damn shady. It also reminded her about people her father sometimes was talking too, always behind the closed doors, always warning her to not even try and walk out of her room while they were around.
Shaking her head, Lucy walked towards the Quest Board and started looking for the one she was interested in.
Only for Gajeel to snatch it first with a smirk on his face. She gasped, totally startled by his sudden appearance and afraid that he followed her and knew that she was listening at the doors. But no, that wasn't the case, because if it was, she would be definitely dragged back upstairs to have a very serious talk with the Master. No, Gajeel seemed to be completely oblivious. He was just his usual assholish self. Who just took a mission that was pretty much about him being in the same room as bunch of poor, innocent children who just wanted to learn something about magic.
And that's how she ended up nested up on one of the tree branches outside of the small magical school, spying on the spy.
It was odd that he hadn't noticed her. On the other hand, someone really paid Elfman for product placement with that stinky thing and he was walking with the bottle of perfume everywhere, pumping out more and more of that nasty stuff. Dragon Slayer or no, at this point no one could smell anything but the manly perfume. and it definitely stuck to his clothes too, since he was in the building while Elfman was going mad with the spraying.
After a few nervous minutes, Lucy wiggled a bit, to find herself the most comfortable position. It wasn't that hard. the branches were wide and quite warm from the sun, the weather was nice and the subtle wind and shadows of the many, many leaves kept her from getting her skin burned. She felt somewhat like a very lazy cat in its favorite napping spot.
The class was pretty spacious for a group so small. There wasn't even ten kids, but it actually made some sense. Magic could be pretty dangerous, so filling the classroom with inexperienced but adventurous children would be a very bad idea.
Lucy didn't know what exactly she expected of Gajeel, but it probably looked like a bunch of scared kids in the corner and Gajeel laughing his ass off on the opposite side, towering over the poor brats and scaring the piss out of them.
The entire group sitting in a circle on the floor, each one with the cup of something, slowly warming the fluid with use of magic, wasn't what she expected at all. While Lucy stared, Gajeel was explaining that since a lot of stuff tasted like a crap - well, one couldn't have everything, the poor children were learning many new words - when it was cold, it was important to learn how to re-heat food.
Considering the fact that kids were actually excited, he probably gave them some kind of sweet drink to work on, completely not carrying how other adults would have to deal with kids high on sugar for the rest of day.
"Just breathe deeply and think about how warm you want it to be," Gajeel was saying. "Magic is all about wanting stuff - you need something hard enough, you make that happen."
That was not how you were supposed to explain magic. Magic was all about complicated theory and diagrams and long, long hours of memorizing how meditation was supposed to looks like before finally sitting down and trying to repeat the steps that someone written down ages ago.
Gajeel pretty much threw everything out of the window leaving only a few scraps, bastardized these heavily and somehow make the whole thing works. Kids definitely were loving it. Not only something that not involved reading and being bored out of their mind, but something that was actually useful...
Lucy almost wanted to try it on her own. Gajeel was very good at dumbing stuff down and making it look all easy.
Where even he picked up a trick like that? It was about heat, so it had to be connected to the fire magic somehow. A Mage usually was sticking only to one branch, since trying to go more than one way usually was a good way for only one thing - being mediocre at everything.
Gajeel definitely wasn't mediocre at all. More like goddamn terrifying.
Lucy patiently waited for the lesson to end and jumped down from her tree only after Gajeel walked out of the classroom. Getting busted stalking him would be bad. Not to mention, all the question she would have to answer if she was caught!
The mere thought made Lucy shudder.
"...wasn't I supposed to find myself a job?" she muttered, then looked at the sky. Grimacing at the sight of already pinkish surface, Lucy lowered her head.
"Oh well," she muttered with a shrug. "I'm going to worry about that tomorrow. A bath sounds nice."
A bath with a ridiculous amount of soap and scrubbing and then oils and balms and maybe, just maybe Lucy would start smelling like herself again.
Though that was going to make following the Iron Dragon Slayer much, much more difficult.
xxx
Lucy glared at the cup with instant soup in it. The last time she tried to learn other kind of magic than her own, it didn't went to well. Hell, Happy of all people - and cats - managed to outdo her!
On the other hand, if little kids who just started toying around magic could do it, Lucy should be able to at least get her soup lukewarm.
Learning how to make hot drinks without using fire would be soo useful during long missions! Lucy was depending on Natsu too much and he tended to go way overboard anyway. Eating stuff that was pretty much turned into charcoal wasn't fun.
Lucy licked her lips and wiggled a bit to sit more comfortably. Then, she grabbed the cup with both of her hands and closed her eyes.
Warm, Lucy through, furrowing her brow.
She wanted it warm, even a little bit of hot, with a ribbons of steam slowly rising from the surface, filling the air with the precious scent that promised a tasty, utterly unhealthy meal.
And that was exactly what happened.
Lucy opened her eyes and blinked, at first thinking that she just imagined the smell, but no. The cup was now filled with warm, salty soup and the noodles looked like they were ready too.
"Yay!" Lucy shouted with enthusiasm, almost tripping the cup over. "I did it! I made a-"
Lucy stopped dead in the mid sentence, because her brain just connected all the facts and came out with a rather disturbing conclusion.
"...I just made a hobo-ramen."
Cheap instant soup, a bit of cold water and a tiny amount of magic equals hobo-ramen. No need for a house, for cooking utensils or even a stove or campfire.
Food the ultimate hobo-style.
"...the hell I am even doing with my life?" Lucy moaned, hiding face in her hands.
Then she shook her head and grabbed her spoon. If her life continued to go the path is currently was, then she definitely would need the skill to make a hobo-ramen. Besides, it would be a shame for the food to go to waste since it was already done and all.
A/N: I regret nothing.
Since I started reading this series, I was headcanoning Gajeel as someone with his sleeves full of survival tricks. I mean, he was raised in the wilderness just like Natsu, but he couldn't magic himself fire when he was cold or bake food in his bare hand and other stuff like that. He had to learn on his mistakes and develop lots and lots of tricks just to stay alive.
Also, spy!Gajeel is my favorite thing, so there's going to be a lot of it in here. Poor Lucy, she stepped right into it.