A series of letters sent between Catharzyna Shepard and Kaidan Alenko, starting just after their unfortunate meeting on Horizon. Shepard sends him first letter before even reading his "About Horizon..." one and thus this begins with her angry.

Feetback from you, dear readers are very much desired. Thank you very much for reading...

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REGARDING HORIZON...

Kaidan,

I just returned to ship, finished briefing, EDI got your address scanning you Omni-tool, and I really have to tell you few things.

I admit that my "greeting" you was way off, but I was feeling overwhelmed and numbed because of fear, anger and happiness at that time... Fear because I knew you are on Horizon and I was afraid that damned Collectors would take you, anger because I was to late and didn't managed to save the entire colony, and happiness after I have seen you standing infront of me alive and unharmed...

It was not how I imagined our meeting... and definitely if I could picked a place, it wouldn't be at the site of such unfortunate event... but that is how it goes, we rarely get what we want.

I understand that you are angry because I work with (not for) Cerberus. I am completely and utterly pissed about that also, but I have no choice Kaidan!

How dare you to accuse me of treason! HOW DARE YOU! You can accuse me of working with Cerberus, but NEVER of treason, not when Alliance betrayed me, not when they negated everything that WE did, not when they gave up on finding my body after what, few days of search, not after refusing to help me when they learned I am alive. They didn't even go out and find our Normandy, I went there personally, just few days ago... I walked among the debris, found the dog tags... choose a site of memorial... You didn't know that, right?

And how dare you to accuse me of betraying what we believed in! We believed in Alliance and even if they did to me all that, I am still sending reports to Anderson, I still am Alliance soldier even if they are to afraid to reinstate me, even if they don't trust me, they can not change how I feel. And I still believe in Humanity and cling to it even if most of the times I feel much less than human! And I still believe that Reapers are coming and that all living life, Council races and non-Council ones, should have place in space, should have the opportunity to endure, survive, exist. And not only that I believe so, I am also doing everything in my power to make it happen, and I will continue doing so, even if that will claim my life once more.

And how dare you to accuse me of betraying you! You have no idea how I wanted to... no, I will not go there. I asked Illusive Man about you, but he gave me no data, said your files are highly classified, I asked Anderson and he stonewalled me, Council doesn't know anything anyhow, and you yourself know how Udina is! I passed by your flat on the Citadel every time I was around but learned only that you sold it, I went to Flux, you know, where we danced so many times, but you were not there, I tried leaving you a message on you extranet mail, but you changed that also. So HOW THE FUCK was I to contact you?

And why I didn't let you know that I am alive for two years... I WASN'T ALIVE, I was FUCKING DEAD, D.E.A.D.! Hell, even now I am not sure I am alive, maybe I died and went to hell and all this shit is me paying for all the lives I took and lost... I certainly don't feel alive, I feel like fucking Husk... with one difference... I need to save ALL the fucking lives in all the fucking Galaxy! So I am very fucking sorry that I didn't sent you a letter or two when I was fucking dead!

And I am sorry that you had to see me on Horizon, that I, with my presence disturbed your inner-peace, I am sorry that I had to rush there and save your (freaking good looking) ass, I am sorry that I didn't let Collectors to kill me and save you from the trouble of seeing me again!

That reminds me, where the hell were you when all the fighting was happening? I didn't seen you anywhere! It is very convenient, that you showed yourself only after the fight was over, isn't it? Enjoy your report to the Alliance and Citadel.

Anyhow, I have work to do and I am running late...

It was... nice... to see you... tho...

Alenko... I will try to do everything to stop Collectors but if I... fail... then Commander, be ready, the torch shall be yours...

-Catharzyna Shepard

RE: REGARDING HORIZON...

I don't know what to... Again... I am sorry for what I said on Horizon... Didn't you received my letter? I am sorry...

I need to write a report for Anderson... and I have a killer migraine right now... I am sorry... I will write more later...

-Kidan

RE:RE: REGARDING HORIZON...

Commander Alenko,

Oops... I got your letter, yes, I just didn't noticed it before sending you one. I guess I got it just a second before I pressed "send"... Going to read it now.

Take some rest, you have plenty of time before you reach the Citadel.

-Catharzyna Shepard

Anyhow, hope you liked this first set. I have quite some more to re-type on computer and they are comming in next, hm, I dont know, one hour or so...