A loud cracking sound and a high pitched scream. An agonizing pain and then blissful nothingness.
Muffled voices and then silence. The creak of a floorboard outside his bedroom door. He had that squeak memorized.
Keeping his breathing even and his eyes closed, Bucky spent a few anxious seconds trying to discern dream from reality. Again the muffled voices and a squeak as if someone was shifting their weight outside his door. That's right, his door. A silent sigh escaped the infamous assassin. He was in his bed in the apartment he shared with Steve, better known as Captain America and his little soldier friend.
He was no longer in a lab. The dark grey of his walls served as another reminder. Standing in sharp contrast to the sterile white walls that had slowly faded to yellow of his once prison.
The voices again. One concerned, the other also concerned but masking it much better.
"Nightmare again," the first one whispered. His voice was higher than the second and had an accent that would have sounded normal over seventy years ago but now sounded out of place.
"Yeah. Maybe Tony knows someone who can help, he's got connections." The second voice, a deep baritone, managed to sound nonchalant at the idea of Bucky's screams waking him up. His voice annoyed the dark-haired man.
Blinking slowly to let his eyes adjust, Bucky sat up, rotated, smoothly lowered his feet to the floor and silently stalked to the door. He had noticed that all his movements made the barest sound. Not even the creaking of a joint was heard as he gripped the door handle and swung it open to stare at the two massive bodies huddled around his door like it was a source of heat.
The three stared at each other for what seemed like centuries before Sam cleared his throat and turned to leave, feeling awkward at having been caught worrying about the man he pretended to hate.
"I'm sorry," Bucky said quietly. His voice still carried a hint of scratchiness, from disuse all those years.
Halting then throwing a neutral look over his shoulder Sam shrugged and nodded before continuing down the hallway.
Steve and Bucky watched him go. The stillness between them lasted until Sam had turned the corner and they both heard the shutting of his bedroom door. Steve rotated his body to face his long time best friend.
"Wanna talk about it?" The drawl that was barely noticeable most of the time powered through on this sentence. Bucky knew what that meant. Steve was being genuine and at the same time slyly trying to bring out the old Bucky. The Bucky he didn't even know existed anymore.
Bucky focused his eyes on the floor, giving the pretense of considering the absurd question, before shaking his head. Steve would never understand and there were things Bucky didn't want Steve to know about his past. The things he had done didn't deserve someone trying to justify them.
There was one thing that was bothering him however. "I keep hearing a woman's scream. Right before I wake up. It sounds so familiar but," here he paused with a frown marring his face, "I can't place it." A shake of his head accompanied the end of this sentence. Something wasn't right but he couldn't find the feeling on his own.
Steve's eyes widened before he schooled his face to be once again impassive. Had Bucky finally started to open up? Steve didn't count his lucky stars just yet. Maybe all he needed was a push in the right direction, something Steve was hoping he could give him. Steve considered his options. What reply could spur the memories Bucky had locked away?
"Do you remember any women in your past? Maybe it's a memory." Steve held his breath. It was an interesting question, Bucky mused. Did he even remember his mother? Not really. Flashes that come and go but no solid memories of his childhood had survived his torture at the hands of HYDRA.
Steve's questioned went unanswered for minutes. He began to believe the broad figure to his right might not respond at all when suddenly Bucky's shaggy head shot up and his eyes focused on Steve's face. A look of dawning horror and pain covering his dark features as his hands reached up to grasp greasy locks between his fingers. Bucky's lips twitched as if he was trying to say something but the painful visage was stuck on his face.
Steve, his concern growing, laid a hand on Bucky's shoulder. The flinch that associated this movement didn't go unnoticed by the Captain but it was a hell of a lot better than getting body tossed into the wall, which had happened the first few times he had touched Bucky. Bucky's shoulder, under the hand, was ridged and taunt with energy.
"Buck?" Steve's voice seemed to float into Bucky's head like it was a thousand miles away but the solid iron of Steve's hand landing on his shoulder snapped him back to focus. He looked up again, his eyes slightly more moist than normal, and replied, "Serafina." The name came out like a gasp, and with it the will in Bucky's body disappeared.
Bucky's large frame no longer had the power to hold itself and he curled in upon himself, slamming his back against the wall behind him and sliding down until his arms, and head rested on his knees.
Steve quickly joined him, careful not to allow his body to make contact with Bucky's side. The former assassin still wasn't good with physical contact. "Who is Serafina?"
His head still cushioned by his arms and resting his forehead on his knees, Bucky replied, "She was the only other member of my training class to survive. We started with four and only we survived the testing. I only remember bits and pieces but I remember that she was better than me. Faster. Smarter. The reason I feel pain when I wake up right after her scream is because that was the one time I bested her. I broke her arm in three places and she kicked me in the face. The next day her arm was almost fully healed, she had advanced healing, and I never got close to achieving that again."
"You just remember a lot Buck, the memories must be coming back," Steve's lowered voice couldn't hide his excitement.
Bucky's face twisted. How was he supposed to tell Steve that he could only remember things starting with HYDRA. His far past, the memories Steve wanted, were gone.
A silent sigh escaped his lips. Sitting next to Steve, their shoulders almost touching, was setting his instincts on edge but he needed to give Steve something for what he was about to ask. Allowing his head to come up and lean back onto the wall Bucky dipped his shoulder towards America's Golden Boy and forced his arm to graze Steve's. Pretending not to notice the shock on the other man's face, Bucky sighed audibly this time.
Digging his fingers through his shoulder length hair again, Bucky finally turned his head towards his once best friend and met Steve's eyes. "Please help me find her." His voice cracked and he quickly hid his head again in shame. This weakness was new to him. Or maybe new to this reborn him.
Standing in front of 15 foot high windows and staring out into the expanse of downtown New York would never get old, Bucky mused. The city of his birth was just as overpopulated and dirty as he remember. But it was home. If he could feel the memory associated with home, Bucky knew he would feel it for this place. Well maybe not the one hundred and ten story AVENGERS tower he was currently in but none the less the Big Apple felt normal.
Staring at his reflection in the pristine window, Bucky's eyes traveled behind him to where his self-named best friend was currently arguing with the owner of this expensive building, billionaire Tony Stark, also known by his alter-ego Iron Man. The two looked to be in heated conversation, arms flying everywhere, faces masks of concentration, and standing within two feet of each other. They obviously didn't want him to hear what they were saying, if the closeness and awkward side glances they kept throwing at him were anything to go by. He scoffed inwardly. They thought he wouldn't notice their desperate attempts at hiding their conversation from him.
With a small shake of his head, Bucky allowed his hair to cover a majority of his face as he bent his head and closed his eyes. He could always hear better when he closed his eyes. Probably something to do with activating his other senses. As he focused, the conversation being held 10 yards away filtered in his ears.
"Why would I help him?" Tony Stark's snide voice cut off Steve's sentence.
"You should have seen him last night. He remember Tony, he remembered. And I'm going to do everything I can to help him find the person he remembered. I just need a little help."
"Fine. What if this person doesn't exist? What if it's a figment of his messed up brain Cap? Or what if this person is dead? What then? Should the Avengers expend resources to find someone we don't even know exists or might not be alive?" Tony's voice had softened but the steel undertone was clear. Something drastic was going to have to happen to get his billions on board and the help of the superhero cliché.
Turning around to face the table that Steve, Falcon, Stark, Banner, and Black Widow sat at, Bucky forced his face to soften. This would need emotion and as the Winter Soldier he knew how to turn off his emotions. Turning them back on was proving a lot harder.
"She's like me." His voice cut through the room, quiet as it was, and silenced the current argument as all turned to face him. Taking a deep breath Bucky continued, "She was taken, tortured, forced to preform acts which haunt her waking and sleeping moments," another deep breath, "she doesn't understand what she is. What she was made to be. But she understands pain, and hatred. She understands misery, even if she has no word for it. I know she's alive, and I'm asking for your help in finding her. But I will do it alone if need be."
The deafening silence that followed his speech was all encompassing. It was almost as if the mute button had been switched on and not even the air dared move.
Steve stood. "You can't go alone Buck. You know the risk of them retaking you is too high." His voice was soft but Buck's spine went ridged and his face morphed into the mask of the Winter Soldier. When he spoke his voice came out cold enough to cause frostbite.
"I will do this alone if you won't help me. You won't be able to stop me." Bucky glared until Steve reluctantly sat back down.
"See! He's dangerous. He just threatened you and now you want us to help him?" Tony's high voice snapped, his eyes sending judgement towards Steve. His words caused another argument and Bucky stood at the head of the table, forgotten, as some of the Avengers tried to force their voices and thoughts over the others. The only two that were silent were Natasha Romanov, with her sharp spy eyes assessing every breath the former HYDRA weapon took and Bruce Banner, who's outward calm showed nothing of the beast within.
Focusing back on the table to see conversation had once again cease, Bucky looked towards the source of the silence. Natasha Romanov was standing, her arms propped on the table before her and her fierce gaze directed at none other than him. She was silent for a few more moments before she spoke, "I'm in." Her smooth voice was as sweet as honey.
"WHAT?!" Stark boomed, "You can't decide that on your own! We are a team, we fight together as a team."
With a small beguiling smile, the Widow replied, "Then I suggest you follow my lead Stark." With a tilt of her head, she focused her eyes once again on Bucky and nodded ever so slightly, "I know what it is like to be twisted and shaped whether that molding breaks and remakes you. No one deserves that life." Her eyes drifted lifeless for less than a moment before snapping to Iron Man's face and smirking slightly before exiting the room. She had said her piece.
Steve took this as a sign to throw his support in once again and placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky tried not to flinch. "You know where I stand Tony. We're seeing this through." Behind him, Sam nodded his head firmly, his face a scowl. Tony threw his hands in the arm in disgust before turning to the only member of the Avengers who hadn't said a word. Banner still sat in the chair that almost dwarfed him and gave the impression of a man who didn't leave impressions.
Nodding slightly to himself, Banner also stood and nodded towards Bucky. "I have to agree Tony. We've seen what the Winter Soldier can do. Do we really want another assassin of that caliber under HYDRAs command?"
"She's better than me," Bucky replied almost on instinct. He caught himself by surprise by how truthful it felt to admit those words. Smiling almost unnoticeably, "She bested me at everything. I don't remember details but I remember knowing without a doubt that she could kill me."
Making a half strangled sound, Tony whipped towards Bucky and stuck a finger in his face. "One thing goes wrong and we pull out. You understand? You may have gotten the team on board but that doesn't mean I won't kill you myself shaggy? Got it?" Without waiting for a reply, Tony stalked through the door Natasha had left from earlier and disappeared from sight. His anger left a cloud of silence in the room, broken by Dr. Banner smiling slightly towards the last three in the room and walking sedately after Tony Stark as if he had no care in the world.
Steve removed his hand from Bucky's shoulder and noticed how the laters shoulder untensed almost instantly. He hid his sadness before the soldier could see it however. Turning towards Sam and nodding seriously Steve issued the order that had Bucky's heart leaping in his chest, "Let's find her."
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