This is very different from my usual style, but this was too good to pass up on. Thank you to my darling three year old daughter, whose question about Gaston's eating habits lead to this.

Five Dozen Eggs

Gaston was sitting at his usual seat at the tavern, how dare Belle refuse him. She should be honoured that I choose her, her beauty was meant for him and it was time she realised it.

LeFou was trying to cheer him up and it was working, at least here the people knew the proper way to respect him. There was more than enough to praise him for after all!

He ate another egg and he stood up, "I needed encouragement, thank you LeFou." He smirked, LeFou did exactly what he kept him around for, worshipping the ground he walked upon and convincing others they should too.

"When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver, and beasts of the field say a prayer. First I carefully aim for the liver, and I shoot from behind!" They always gobble up his hunting stories, eating from the palm of his hand.

"Is that fair?" I hear LeFou ask, like it matters.

"I don't care." Shooting into the ceiling, not caring about the damage to prove my point.

I hear the crowd getting louder and louder, praising me even more.

LeFou was now praising my year-long streak at the spitting match, and I am not going to miss an opportunity to show off my talent, "I'm especially good at expectorating." Spitting hard, I even astound myself with the distance. Sometimes I even amaze myself.

"When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs, every morning to help me get large!" Large and gorgeous, I think.

"And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs," Time for the big finish! "so I'm roughly the size of a barge!" Lifting up LeFou was easy, but a large sound, not to mention the awful odour followed the minor effort and everyone turned silent.

"Eum, Gaston?" LeFou asked.

Through gritted teeth you form a reply, "What LeFou?"

"Maybe you should eat less eggs, I mean..."

"Don't say it LeFou!"

The crowd starts to whisper and LeFou continues to sing, "No one..."

Unfortunately the crowd decides to finish it for him.

"...farts like Gaston!"

Swallowing your pride, you decide that it might be a good idea to take LeFou's advice and stop eating so many eggs.

Her question was: "Why doesn't he fart with so many eggs?" Now he does ;)