Disclaimer: I do not own anything from harry potter or the song 'behind blue eyes' I have changed the lyrics to match the discription though.
Sirius sat across from Harry in the living room watching the fire so as to avoid the shocked expression on his godson's face. After all the years in Azakaban he thought that nothing could shock him anymore. But what had just happened seemed to push it a little. Why now? Why did he have to say it now? Why when he knew he didn't mean it at all? It wasn't to push him away, it was to protect him from the pain that he knew would surely happen if he were to speak the truth to him.
No one know's what it's like,
to be the bad man,
to be the sad man,
behind grey eyes
"Your lying. Thats not true...is it?" Harry asked.
Sirius sat for a moment with no expression on his face. 'I'm sorry Harry. This isn't true, none of it, but I can't let you know. You'll only end up hurt in the end. Forgive me.' Sirius thought.
"Of course it's true. Look Harry, no offense, but i'm not that way. And your my godson. It's wrong and sick. Your just feeling this way becuase of hormones and becuase your around me so much. You'll grow out of it turst me." Sirius said in a calm but frim voice.
'God kill me now.' Sirius thought when he saw the look on Harry's face. he was hurt, And deeply.
"Fine. If that's how you feel. I'm tired. I think i'll go to bed now. Goodnight Sirius." Harry said with a tear stained face and gotup to go to bed. Once he was gone Sirius leaned his head back and ran a hand trough his hair.
"I'm sory Harry. But this is the way it has to be." Sirius whispered to himself.
And no one knows,
what it's like to be hated,
to be faded to telling only lies.
Sirius slowly made his way upstairs. He stopped outside of Harry's door and went to open it to say he goodnight like he usually did but thought better of it when he heard Harry crying.
"I'm an idiot. Why would he think about me that way? God i'm such a fool! He's right it's sick and wrong so get over it!" Harry yelled at himself then proceeded to cry even harder then before. Sirius walked up the remaining length of the hallway to his rooom and went to bed. He shut off the light and crawled beneath the covers before crying himslef to an uneasy sleep.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sirius cryed before everything went black and he fell asleep.
But my dreams they arn't as empty,
as my conscious seems to be,
I have hours, only lonely,
my love is vengeance,
that's never free.
Sirius dreamed of what had just happened. Only he was Harry, talking with his voice and feeling what Harry felt.
"Sirius...I have something to say. You might not like it, but it's something I need to get off my chest. I love you. I've been in love with you all summer. I just didn't tell you becuase I was afraid and..." Sirius started but was cut off by himself sitting across from him.
"I don't love you. Not that way. I can't. Besides, I'm your godfather Harry. Look, I don't hate you. But if this is how you feel then maybe you shouldn't live here. I've been expecting you to say this. So I decided that it might be better if you went to go live with someone else. I've already arranged it with Dumbledore, he agrees that the only place Voldemort can't hurt you besides here is your aunt and uncles. You'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon." Sirius said.
Sirius in Harry's body felt complete shock. This was not the reaction he had expected at all. And if he knew why didn't he say something sooner? To prevent him from making an ass of himself. Or was this just a joke? A sick twisted nightmare that he would wake up from with Sirius at his side to comfort him like he always did? Why was he like this? Why did he suddenly want me to feel like this?
no one knows what it's like, to feel these feelings,
like i do, and I blame you!
Sirius woke up with a start. Was this how Harry felt about what he'd said before? he quietly made his way to Harry's room. Harry was asleep, but not a peacefull one. He was tossing and turning and crying.
"no...Not true...stop it! Please stop.." Harry cried in his sleep.
'What have I done?' Sirius thought to himself.
"Harry wake up. Your having a nightmare." Sirius said shaking the boy slightly who woke up instantly.
"Ahh!" Harry screamed from the night mare he'd just woken up from.
"hey...it's ok. It was just a bad dream." Sirius said calmly stroking Harry's hair, he had caught Harry in his arms as he woke up.
"No it isn't." Harry said with no emotion.
"what?" Sirius asked a little surprised at the response.
"It's not alright. This is the last time I will wake up from a nightmare like this." Harry said calmly moving away from Sirius and looking him straight in the eye.
"You can't protect me forever." Harry said angrily.
"Harry." Sirius said trying to calm him down.
"No! You can't protect me from everything Sirius! And you've already let it be known that you don't want to anymore!" Harry yelled.
"Harry thats not true." Sirius said firmly.
"Then why would you send me back to those muggles! They hate me Sirius! You should know how it feels to live in a home where your unwanted, unloved, not cared for! So why would you do it to me? Why?" Harry yelled and ended up crying into Sirius's chest.
No one bites back as hard,
on thier anger,
none of my pain woe,
can show through.
"Harry. I only said those thing's becuase I thought it was for the better. I never meant it." Sirius said stroking Harry's hair again as he cryed.
"I didn't want you to end up hurt. But You are. And i'm sorry. I want to love you that way Harry, but I can't." Sirius said calmly.
Harry slowly lifted his head to look Sirius in the eyes.
"Why not?" Harry asked sobbing.
Sirius whipped away the tears on Harry's face.
"Becuase it will only end with you in tears." Sirius said softly.
"But it's already ended with me in tears." Harry cried.
But my dreams they arn't as empty,
as my consious seems to be,
I have hours, only lonely,
my love is vengence,
thats never free.
"Yes harry, it already has ended." Sirius said softly trying to calm Harry down.
Harry cried evn harder when he heard this and Sirius cried silently with him. What Harry had said before brought up so many memory's of him when he was a child. His mother screaming at him, his father beating him, his brother smiling in the back behind his parents as this happened. He could only picture that harry went through the same things with his aunt and uncle. His aunt screaming, his uncle beating him, and all the while his fat cousin standing behind his parents and smilling at Harry's outcome.
'Dammit, why does it have to be so hard to let go?' Sirius thought crying harder with Harry.
No one knows what it's like,
to be mistreated, to be defeated,
behind grey eye's
'Alls I want to do is take away his pain. he doesn't deserve this shit!' Sirius yelled at himself inside of his head. He noticed that Harry had calmed down and was no longer crying. He just sat there against Sirius's chest with an expressionless face. Not moving, becuase he wanted time to stop forever. It wasn't a shock to harry when Sirius slowly pushed him off of his chest.
'I shouldn't be here right now. I have to leave before I change my mind.' Sirius thought looking at Harry's face covered in tears.
'I...I can't. But, I love him so much.' Sirius thought.
He put afinger under Harry's chin and made the teenager look at him.
"Harry it's over. I'm sorry" Sirius said.
Hary opened his mouth to speak but before he could speak a word Sirius had pulled him close and was kissing him. Harry was shocked but relaxed into the kiss and let Sirius claim dominace over the kiss. They seperated after a while for some much needed air.
"But, why?" Harry asked.
Sirius just looked at him becuase he couldn't find the right words to say he was sorry.
No one knows how to say,
that thier sorry, and don't worry,
i'm not telling lies.
"I'm sorry. But I wanted to protect you from everything. And I can't, not even from me." Sirius said.
"It's ok." Harry said.
"No it's not Harry. I was going to send you away to your aunt and uncles house, where your abused day in and day out. I know how it feels to be unloved and uncared for, but I was willing to send you head on into it again. And you don't deserve it." Sirius said.
"Your not sending me away now are you?" Harry asked.
"No. I won't send you to your aunt and uncles. But this means that I can't protect you from myslef either." Sirius said.
"So either way you lose?" Harry asked.
"No. I lose if i send you away, But I lose and win if you stay." Sirius said.
"How's that?" Harry asked.
"If you stay I lose in protectig you from everything. And if you stay I win in having you with me." Sirius said.
But my dreams they arn't as empty,
as my consious seems to be,
I have hours, only lonely,
my love is vengence,
thats never free.
"I think that you can't prtect me from everthing thing if you send me away, and your not something i need protecting from in the first place. So if I stay, then you win, and I lose. I can't make you fel the same way. But it's enough if you let me be your friend." Harry smiled forcefully.
"Harry. I would never let you lose. I feel the same way. I just don't want to hurt you is all." Sirius said.
"You can't protect me from ever getting hurt Sirius. And I don't think you could ever hurt me." Harry said.
"I don't want to take the chance." Sirius said.
"But I do." Harry said firmly.
"You can't say that I didn't warn you if it turns out badly." Sirius said.
Harry opened his mouth to speak but before he could Sirius kissed him again so that he wouldn't talk of anything bad anymore.
No one know's what it's like,
to be the bad man, to be the sad man,
from behind grey eyes
end.
So what did you think. love it hate it what? Tell me the truth now. Hopefully you like it. Please review.