He had known what would happen when he first heard Bartleby speak. He had followed him anyway, partly out of fear and partly out of friendship. It was not that there friendship was so strong. Not strong enough to get him to side with Bartleby if he had the choice. He hadn't sided with Lucifer over God and he wasn't gonna side against God now. And it wasn't just because he knew they would lose. Even though that would be inevitable. It was that although God had thrown them out of heaven, the bond still remained strong. Yes, it hurt - physically- to be out of God's presence, but that wasn't all. God was his creator, 'she' had made him personally. And that bond was stronger than any he would ever have with Bartleby or anyone else. He knew all angels had felt the same way.
And as Bartleby had held him down and tore his wings off he had finally got it. He had finally seen the truth. And there was no way to tell Bartleby. Bartleby wouldn't be able to see it though, he was probably too angry.
Loki had despised humans too. After all they were 'formed in God's image'. And not just physically. After all, then angels would have been formed in God's image too. The difference between humans and angels is that humans had a choice. They could do whatever they wanted, angels couldn't - they had too obey.
Loki had hated their sin against God, and had come to hate them. He couldn't see why God loved them, why he made them. He had seen what they had done. After living among them so long though, he had begin to ignore their sins. He had been among them so long. He had seen what they had done. Child- molestors, rapists, humans were fraught with sin. It was only through Bartleby's words that he had ever known the sickness of humans. He had wondered why Bartleby had liked them so much if he knew they had done such evil. The problem wasn't just that he hated bad sinners, it's that those they were sinning against were tainted too. Like the man who had slept with the eleven year old boy. He wouldn't go teary eyed like some humans. He understood what it meant. He knew what it meant to be that little boy. The first time hurts - it taints your soul. It doesn't matter though, humans souls were always tainted one way or the other anyway. The point was the boy would have to keep selling himself and soon he wouldn't even care. It would become a part of him. The hurt would 'heal', if you could call it that, and the boy wouldn't even given a second thought to selling himself. After all, he probably had a family to feed or siblings to care for. As the boy thought of them it'd probably be all worth it to him. After all, what was purity anyway?
He watched as a man - priest - splattered against the ground. He felt like vomiting. He was mortal now after all. It's not that he hadn't killed before, but now he understood what God had done in creating the humans. He felt a sort of envy for the priest, the priest was going home and he wasn't. Loki had used to turn people against God. Nuns, clergy, and other believers. He figured if they were that weak in their faith then they didn't deserve God anyway. He had never met a human that had deserved God. Now he understood though.
Humans weren't everything Bartleby and Lucifer had made them out to be. Maybe you'd have to be human to understand. He was human now. He popped open a beer from a spilled cooler near by. Humans - how he had hated them, he understood now though. The difference between angels and humans. Slowly he had finally realized that maybe after all, angels were more fortunate. Or just as fortunate at any rate.
It had taken him a while, but Loki understood now. Angels were meant to obey, that was true. But they also got to stay in heaven. Never knowing hell. They got to be in God's presence. They had seen truth and the only thing they had ever been asked to do was believe and trust in God. To obey God. Angels had unbelievable power, and they knew it. Whatever God asked them to do, they knew they could do it. They had no doubt - not like humans. All they had to do was trust God. Where as humans were born - created - dead. They were not connected to God's spirit like Angels were. They had to earn their way to heaven - but had to make their way through hell first. And Earth was Hell.
Not literally, but to Loki it was the worst thing he had ever known. Humans had to pass through sorrow. Angels didn't have too, they lived in heaven. They only chose too. Whereas Humans were raped, and tainted, hurt. Even human children went through more sorrow than most angels had in heaven. Only with the death of the Christ and the war of angels were any ever mourning. Even then they knew it was going to be alright, they were in God's presence. Most Humans could not feel God, they were not comforted. And yet, God was always calling to them, why else would God send the son? Yet humans wouldn't listen, he had hated them for that. He understood now though.
After all the spirit of human were willing, but the flesh was weak right? Humans weren't born with the truth, they had to find it. Angels knew the truth from the beginning. Humans had to fight to find the truth. They had to fight themselves - their flesh, the world, even angels, or what they would call demons - fallen angels.
Loki didn't hate them now. He under stood, he was sorry. If only he could go home. Oh, if only he hadn't hated them! Hated them for adultry, sexual deviancies, and sin! When he had first come to this world he was sickened by their sin - he'd gotten used to it though and now he felt sorrow for them. He remembered seeing his first gay couple, it hadn't really disturbed him. He was in heaven at the time, watching Soddom and Gomorrhea. He had wondered why humans would risk salvation for something like that. And it wasn't just that the peoples sins were of that sort, the people were wicked - in more ways than one. If he had his choice he would have destroyed these cities before then even, but God had wanted to save the righteous. He failed to see how they could be righteous if they lived among this. He wondered at these people. God had gave them a perfect world. Why would they do this? Why would men bed men? God had created something so perfect, a union so holy and wonderful. A man and woman. And not only that - soulmates. Many Angels had left heaven searching for a union like that. A man would be born and his soulmate would be a woman. God had made it simple for them. God had narrowed down the searching for a soulmate by nearly half the population with genders. Yet people didn't want soulmates. They had lust and their minds couldn't see the truth. After all, how could they see the truth if they couldn't even acknowledge - let alone see- God?
No angels had such unions as humans. Only some of the fallen ones. Loki supposed most of these unions weren't beautiful or holy anymore anyway.
More than that though, Bartleby had kissed Loki. Not out of lust, he had done it to show Loki - to signify his fall from grace. The choices angels made were deadly. One wrong choice and it's over. That's why Bartleby's kiss scared Loki. It wasn't that he was especially rough or that it hurt, because honestly Loki had never been kissed like that before and it felt weird but it certainly didn't hurt. And he realized then that humans could not know when they were sinning except through God. Their hearts decieved them.
He was scared because once an Angel made a choice they could never go back. That's why humans were so envied, humans could make choices and go back and yet, even then they had final choices too, they couldn't go back on a choice after they died. Angels knew truth, while humans didn't, make one choice and it's over. Yet the choices should have been easy. They could discern the spirit of God. All they had to do was trust, trust God. It should have been easy.
Now Bartleby had shown his defiance to God. Bartleby knew why God had declared things contrary to his will sin. God's plan was intricate - perfect. Even as much as humans screwed it up - God could fix it. Bartleby had declared by kissing him that he thought God's plan was wrong. Loki wished Bartleby could take that kiss back. Could Angels be forgiven? Just as much as humans. Once all truth is known the decision they make is final. And yet sometimes it's even worse for humans because they make their final decision while ignoring the truth.
I watch as the Zion shows up with a muse, apostle, and two humans. The two guys are alright. Despite everything I hope they all won't be killed. I'm feeling a bit tipsy. I guess I forgot I can get drunk now. I wonder if they'll kill me now that I'm mortal, or will Bartleby be the one to do it? It doesn't matter. I know now and I forgive them.