Author's note: I definitely still have my sequel for "The Captain's Chair" in the works, but my friend gifted me a fic and I wanted to return the favor, so here this is. Any feedback appreciated. Based on this: article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/
Oh.
R/Gay
New post July 1:
Futurestarfleetcaptain: Okay, for the record, I never really thought I was a homophobe. Like I'd never even really thought about it until recently, and now I'm having a type of existential crisis about it, and I figured who better to help me than anonymous strangers on the internet? So just, please, someone help me out here.
So I have this roommate, we'll call him "Zach," and he's been my roommate for a few months now. And let's just say that this guy is half-alien, and a group of aliens who are known for honesty and reasons (I'll leave you to figure out which race). Anyway, given how upfront he is about stuff I basically knew from the get-go of us being roommates that he's bisexual but prefers men, which I legit didn't think I had a problem with.
I've even tried to joke with him about it, although given who he is he doesn't really seem to get the jokes, but I guess it's helped ease some of that weird tension in the apartment when I'm sitting on the couch watching something and he and some guy come out (no pun intended) of his bedroom, and sometimes I'll even try to make flirty jokes just to ease the tension even more, and I think he gets it? He's never come onto me before or anything cause he knows I'm straight,
So like I said, I didn't think I had any problems with what Zach has been doing until like three weeks ago, and for the first time I could actually sorta hear what was going on in the next room. Like usually he's quiet or I've got the TV up loud enough or I'm in my room anyway so who cares? But I just heard some like, moaning sounds, and I just felt weird and almost…mad?
Which I'm sure you'll say, "Of course you're mad, it's gross to hear your friend/roommate having sex." But tbh I've heard other roommates in the past having sex with their significant others and stuff, and trust me I've heard far worse noises, and I never got mad like I felt this time. Maybe a little amused sometimes, or if I felt annoyed I'd just go into my room and turn up some music, but this time I legit felt like I saw fucking red. But for some reason I didn't wanna get up and go to my room, IDK why. I guess maybe I was pissed that he wasn't respecting the rules that we established? I mean I'd brought girls over plenty of times but I always told them the rules and I never heard any complaints from him, although he does have heightened hearing cause he's a hybrid. But I mean I've told him multiple times if he ever feels uncomfortable to let me know and he never has, so yeah, I knew I had no right to be pissed.
So that first night when they came out of Zach's room the guy seemed embarrassed but polite enough but I was a bit cold, kinda sniffed in his direction and turned the volume up, and it was a little awkward seeing them kiss at the front door before the guy left because I felt that rage all over again, so before Zach shut the door I went into my room cause IDK what I would've said to Zach when I was that pissed.
Shit didn't really hit the fan until the next time when I was sitting on the couch, and I hadn't seen Zach so I assumed he was in class or something cause he always has his door shut no matter what, But anyway this time the moaning got loud, really loud, like to the point where he must not have realized I was home. Which pissed me off even more because that meant even with his heightened sense of hearing he didn't hear me because he was so in the heat of the moment with his activities, and I should've gone to my room but I was just so pissed cause it felt so inconsiderate so I took my usual couch spot and blasted some basketball game I'd normally pay attention to, but I couldn't even concentrate I was fuming, and when I turned up the volume their noises got quieter. And it felt like we were playing the waiting game to see when I would go to my room, cause it was like another hour before the door finally opened and Zach and the guy came out, and I guess in an effort to make the situation less tense the guy just sorta smiled and laughed and introduced himself and I ended up being rude to him, and it was obvious I was pissed, and I refused to even look at Zach but I didn't wanna go to my room, I just didn't, I guess I wanted to duke it out with Zach or something.
So as soon as the guy left Zach was all, "I apologize, I did not realize you were home at the time. I will of course strive to be quieter in the future." And I spat out with, "Or you could just take your fuckfest to his place so I don't have to hear it or see it?" And he's all calm and hard to read, it's part of who he is, but I could tell he was definitely pissed, and was like, "There have been multiple occasions on which I have heard you and have chosen not to say anything," which pissed me off cause it's totally not fair to say nothing is wrong and then to come back later and be like, "Oh, just kidding, I'm still pissed," so I basically told him as much, and he just seemed like he was gonna boil over, so he started heading towards his room and I was like, "Hey, we're not done here," cause yeah I was pissed, but I didn't wanna end it on a bad note, cause he's my roommate and one of my best friends for sure, and so I grabbed his wrist as he was turning away and he turned around and almost looked murderous, and his breath was all short and I just sorta dropped his wrist and cowered back and went into my room."
But then the next day he didn't act like anything was wrong? I mean he was quiet but he's always kind of quiet, it's usually me who perpetuates stuff in the friendship, and in a way I'm surprised cause his family is all about complete honesty and openness, but he's also so closed off as well, so I'm playing along and acting like nothing is wrong, but I just feel so freaking lost, like I don't know why now this is bothering me all of a sudden, and I feel guilty because even though Zach is acting like nothing is wrong he's not brought that guy back to his room since that argument, and I feel guilty about that and want to apologize, but then if I apologize that means we're acknowledging what happened. And I've only known him a few months now (almost a year), but I can tell you that he doesn't bring it up for discussion it shouldn't be brought up. But there's this weird unspoken tension now and I don't know why I'm feeling so homophobic now and I just want my friend back.
Tl;dr I'm acting homophobic around my bi roommate and idk why.
Comments:
BastetRegret: Maybe ur jealous?
Futurestarfleetcaptain response: Oh. Maybe?
GetRecced: Idk man this sounds more like a jealous thing to me lol
Futurestarfleetcaptain: you're not the first to say this lol
Broadbuck: I agree with the other comments, this sounds more like a case of jealousy than anything, maybe you're not as straight as you thought?
Futurestarfleetcaptain: idk, I guesss I've never really thought about it
STG62: Maybe it would be best to speak to your roommate directly instead of asking the internet.
Futurestarfleetcaptain: I wish that was an option.
Computed876: Eh, maybe it's best to just move out? I mean Starfleet has plenty of housing elsewhere.
Futurestarfleetcaptain: True, but we have such a good place where it is, we're either gonna both stay put or he'll move out.
Ughboots: yeah that definitely sounds like jealousy, man. Keep us posted!
Futurestarfleetcaptain: ok thanks
New Post July 21:
Futurestarfleetcaptain: Boy, do I have an update for you guys. Okay, so after looking at all your comments, I realized I had to bring in an impartial judge, my other best friend, let's call him Karl, to see what he thought. He's not homophobic necessarily, he's just weirded out by all sex, so I had to promise to buy him drinks while he read my post, cause he's the most blatantly honest guy I know, and he basically came up with your conclusions (well, the jealousy conclusions) and said that it seemed like I have a crush on Zach, which freaked me the fuck out cause as soon as HE said it I knew it was true, but realizing I'm not 100 percent straight kinda freaked me out, so I ended up drinking with him.
But I digress.
Anyway, I didn't know what the fuck to do, so I just kinda spent the next few days like, playing it cool as best as I could. Things even thawed enough that he watched a couple of games with me on the couch, but it still felt so weird because I was like super hyper aware he was there. Like you know, in all those cheesy romance novels (my ex-girlfriends read them, I tried to steer clear) they talk about being able to feel the person's body heat or whatever, and any time they accidentally show a flash of skin the other person panics, so I tried to act so normally any time that happened in those few days but I definitely realized that yeah…I wanna jump his bones.
Anyway, I'm sure I could've planned it better, but one evening we were just watching a game and the tension just felt so fucking thick and I swear to god I couldn't stop staring at him, so I finally just kinda spilled it all out there, and his face is so hard to read all the time, so I got nervous and gushed even more, and I basically apologized for how I acted and told him that I figured out maybe I was a little jealous (okay a lot) because he was with another guy. And I swear to god I still blush thinking about it, like it's almost embarrassing to admit it here, but after I kept talking and talking and finally died down, he took two of his fingers and sort of brushed the side of my face (okay I'm really REALLY giving away where he's from), and I swear to god I stopped breathing cause it was like 'Oh…OH, okay.' Like I finally realized that he liked me back, and he definitely proved that after leaning in and kissing me.
We got a little distracted for a while, but finally we stopped and he confessed to me that he'd essentially liked me from the beginning, but thought I was straight and so he never really made a move, but said he still brought guys over in some type of foolish hope attempt, and when he saw how pissy I was getting he said he felt both a sense that maybe I was jealous, but also hesitancy because yeah, I could've just been pissed and that's it.
But it's been great. We actually went on a first real date the other night, which was so strange because we'd done this before, but this time we sat a little closer and had conversation I would call more flirty. We've even gone to dinner with Karl and I made Zach play footsy under the table until Karl finally noticed and yelled at us. The other night I was cutting up some cranberries for dinner and I swear to god I almost cut my fingers off because he just came over and kissed me, and I also had some soup on the stove and almost burned that because we got so distracted, lol.
We're taking the sex thing slow since I've not done anything with a guy before, but I'm excited to learn and have a good teacher ;) Eventually I want to come with Zach as my boyfriend but I've got to be careful because I've got some xenophobes on my dad's side cause of something that happened when I was born (it's complicated), but I know otherwise people will be happy for me, and I'm just so glad because I've not felt this happy in a while. It just feels so good to finally know what's up. And I think I might really love him.
Gag, okay, sorry, lol, but thanks for all your help, guys!
Broadbuck: heyyy, good for you man.
Futurestarfleetcaptain: Thank you!
Ughboots: OMG this is amazing, this should definitely be made into a movie lol
Futurestarfleetcaptain: Only if we get royalties ;)
STG62: Glad you finally realized it was good to simply talk.
Futurestarfleetcaptain: Yeah, me too. Thanks!
Bastetregret: May you all find happiness forever!
Futurestarfleetcaptain: We're taking it one day at a time, but I hope so! Thank you!
Jim presses his lips to the base of Spock's throat and just stops, listens to Spock's heartbeat becoming faster, and smiles into Spock's skin at that fact.
They're sitting on their couch and a game is on, but things are so different now. Now Jim doesn't have to sit there and wonder subconsciously what it'd be like to intertwine his and Spock's fingers, to know what it's like to have Spock's warm breath in his ear, to know what it would feel like to kiss Spock's neck. Cause he's doing it now. And it's fucking awesome.
"Jim," comes the sound of Spock's voice, and with the way Jim is angled he can hear Spock's deep tenor rumble through his body, like when he was sick as a kid and would lay on his mom's chest and feel the vibration of her words as she read him all kinds of stories. That felt like home, and this did too.
"Yeah?"
Spock hesitates, and Jim sits up, attempting to read his expression. But of course it's Spock, so it's impossible most of the time, including now.
"I must confess something to you."
Despite everything going so well, Jim feels his stomach drop ever so slightly, because this could either be a confession of love (which he admits would be a bit soon, although he did confess to possibly loving Spock on Reddit, but whatever) or more like, "I have decided this courtship is not logical, and wish to rescind my invitation of you being my roommate."
"Yeah?" Jim finally says.
"I….apologize, but I must admit that I knew about the struggles you have been through regarding your sexuality prior to you informing me of them."
Jim takes a second to translate Spock-speak, and he goes slightly slack-jawed.
"Wait, how? What do you mean?"
Spock pulls his communicator from his phone and takes a moment to find something on it before handing the phone over to Jim, who immediately recognizes what he's seeing as a Reddit thread.
"Wait, you're on Reddit? Since when are you on Reddit?"
"Do you remember the man I had been bringing to the apartment prior to our courtship?"
Jim feels a bit of shame, remembering how he had treated him. Next time he saw that guy, he'd offer him an apology and a good, stiff drink. "Yeah, I remember him."
"He uses Reddit's LGBT section quite often, and located the thread and informed me that he believed it was about me and him. He said he understood now why you were such an 'asshole,' as he put it, and said that what we had was more physical than anything, and if I wanted to pursue you I was free to. I confess, after having read the thread I found the hope that I once had for some form of a romantic relationship returning, and he and I parted ways mutually."
Jim feels a warm hand on top of his, feels Spock hand squeeze his reassuringly, looks up into Spock's eyes again and sees regret.
"I apologize, I should have opened up the avenue of communication we agreed upon when we first moved in together, but I confess my logic is more unstable when I'm with you."
Spock tapers off, staring at Jim, and Jim intertwines their fingers, hears Spock gasp, and forcefully brings their lips together out of sheer hunger, need, happiness, just the most ecstatic fucking HAPPINESS, but then he has another thought and sits back.
"So did you comment on my post?"
"I did."
"Wait, who were you?"
Spock picks up his phone again and zooms into the post to reveal the name STG62. Jim reads it and laughs. Of course. STG. S'chn T'gai. And Spock's birthday—June 2. They had only celebrated it last month.
"I must confess again, but I chose those letters and numbers specifically hoping you would realize it was me."
Jim snorted. "Hey, I'm good at warp core mechanics, not grammar."
He looks up at Spock and his expression is more serious, thoughtful. Intent. "We really gotta open up those avenues of communication again. Like, if I'm ever doing something wrong, please, just tell me."
Spock does as he did before—takes two fingers and traces them down the side of Jim's face, and Jim's breath catches because he can feel the love, the warmth, the regard, and the respect that Spock has for him. And he finds he mirrors all of those.
"There is one thing wrong," Spock says, and this time Jim's breath hitches, but only because of the sight of a beautiful fucking smile ghosting Spock's face. He leans in and places a light kiss against Spock's cheek.
Spock whispers in his ear, "You have too many articles of clothing on."
Jim smiles wide and nips at Spock's neck. "Agreed. Most illogical."