She's Having My Baby Back Ribs
Disclaimer: I still don't own Les Miz and probably never will.
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Cosette sat on a bench with two women she had met earlier that morning, Brigitte and Cecile. The three were deep in conversation, when the subject of men came up.
"Cosette, you're married, right?" Brigitte asked.
"Yes," Cosette answered. "And I love Marius more than anything."
"I don't believe I've ever met someone named Marius before. Is he handsome?"
"Well, I like to think so."
"Didn't you say he's part of that student rebellion? Oh! Does he look half as good as the leader, Enjolras, does?"
Cosette picked at a blueberry scone she had purchased earlier. "Why do you have to be so hung up on looks? Come on, this thing's huge. Would you like some?"
"You think you can maintain a great body by eating all the time? Take my sister, Cecile, she has young men lining up at her door every day."
Cecile, who had been quiet until now, spoke up. "Come now, I don't look half as good as you do."
"Don't you beautiful people have anything better to do?' Cosette snapped.
The two sisters left the park giggling, leaving Cosette to wonder for the first time if she was indeed ugly.
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"Is Cosette beautiful or what?" Marius asked watching his wife just a few feet away. "I tell you, Courfeyrac, I could watch that girl eat scones forever."
Courfeyrac nodded. "Boy, Marius, marriage really agrees with you."
"Yeah, it does. I mean, I like every wonderful thing we do. Every. . .wonderful. . .thing."
"I know, because you tell me every. . .wonderful. . .day."
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Gavroche had watched Cosette buy her hot, savory, blueberry scone. The young street urchin remembered that it had been weeks since he'd had a decent meal. Gavroche resumed digging through the trash, still keeping an eye on Cosette's scone. He silently hoped that it would fall to the ground. It didn't. Cosette picked at her lunch. This seemed to annoy Gavroche. "You either eat it or you don't. What's so hard about that?"
Cosette looked at the gamin for the first time. "Who are you?"
"I'm. . .um. . .Gavroche."
"Gavroche, I know this puts you in an odd position, but do you think I'm fat?"
At first, Gavroche did think this was odd, especially coming from a stranger. Then, he realized why she had asked. 'This lady,' he reasoned. 'Shouldn't want any food if she thinks she's fat.' Gavroche cleared his throat and replied hastily. "Honestly? Yes."
Cosette got up with tears welling in her eyes. "Thank you," she choked out as she left the park.
Meanwhile, Gavroche pounced on the scone as a wolf does it's prey and ate it ravenously as if someone were about to take it from him.
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"Marius, do you think I'm attractive?" Cosette asked as she studied herself in the mirror the next morning.
"Of course I do," Marius answered still in bed.
"And you'll always love me no matter what?"
"Yeah. What's going on?"
"Nothing."
Marius got out of bed to hug his wife. "I know what it is."
"You do?"
"You haven't had your morning waffles slathered in butter and swimming in syrup."
"I'm just feeling a little nauseous this morning, that's all. WHY CAN'T I ZIP UP THIS DRESS???!!!"
"Honey, are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
"Yes, I. . .I've got to go," Cosette replied as she left the house.
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"I don't understand," said Courfeyrac as he bit into his third waffle. "These are so good."
"Well you don't have to tell me that," Marius replied as he swept an arm around the cafe. "Usually, I'd be sitting here with Cosette, but she didn't want to come. What's going on?"
"Let's try to figure this out. She's tired, no appetite, cranky, nauseous, and couldn't fit into her dress. Marius?"
"Yes, Courfeyrac?"
"How would you feel if these two big waffles got all slathered in butter and made a little waffle?"
"I know what you're saying. You want seconds."
"No. Cosette is pregnant!"