Dear DiscombobulatedCanadian,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO POST THIS AND WRITE LIKE A MADWOMAN *insertmuchlove*
Also, sorry it took so long to upload. FF was being douchey again.
Seriously, without her, this thing almost didn't make it out to the FF world. Let's give her a round of applause! /
Love,
Happiness
Very, very... very lame title, I know. Those never have been my forte.
Alright, so, here's a random anthro!KumaxCanada (hurr~ can I shorten that to Kumada?) and I'm going to try to complete at least the plot within five chapters (UPDATE: I now know this is not happening) (random shit may happen afterwards xD) and I stole his human name from DiscombobulatedCanadian's The Apple's Curse that she let me use because she's awesome and yeah :3
That means the chapters are going to hopefully be quite some length each because I have quite a bit planned for these two and other poor characters (beware the subplots!).
Also, I pretty much changed his name more or less in the beginning but don't worry, Matt has a mini breakdown and goes back to calling him Kumajiro (or a variety of ways to say Kumajiro) in, like, chapter three
Also, the beginning is a little lame but, trust me, it gets better.
On that note, here we go.
Kumajiro peeked around the corner as Matthew was being over taken by the albino spaz that always visited their home. His beady little eyes widened as he pushed his owner down to the bed and removed all his clothing and began to -oh what was the human term?- fuck him. He whimpered and walked off, back to his own room and curled into a little ball of disappointment but instead found there to be a three headed jelly fish invasion.
Kumajiro opened his eyes and awoke from the dream. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his paw before getting up and strolling to Ma-what's-his'face's room, crawled up into the bed and laid across his face.
"Ack! Kuma, get off my head!" Matthew flailed his arms as his polar bear continued to lay there so he simply picked him up and put him beside him. Don't ask why he had a polar bear as a pet, his parent's were pro-environment and adopted one. That was quite some years ago and for some odd reason, his pet had not once changed size so he still looked like a cub. He scratched his unique bear's head and glanced at the clock and figured he could get up since it was only an hour until he had to get ready for school anyway. He sat up, put his glasses on and simply looked around his room. After deciding that that was rather pointless, he actually got up and got dressed, then went downstairs to make himself pancakes and do his morning stuff. Well, he was going to until he found Gilbert on his couch fast asleep. His mom would kill him if she found him here so he saved his darling friend's life by dropping his bear on his head before walking away to go make pancakes.
Gilbert of course was taken by surprise by the un-awesome plan of action and shot up, thus throwing Kumajiro from his head to his lap, unfortunately he managed to startle the bear and his precious vital regions were mauled by bear claws. He cried out but remembered that Matt's mom existed and slammed his face into a pillow to quiet his cries considering he felt like living. Seriously, why did the old hag hate him? How could anyone hate someone as awesome as Gilbert Weillshmidt?
Anyway, back to the problem at hand, Gilbert quickly awoke his precious Gilbird who- what? Why did she bite the awesome finger of her awesome owner? Ugh, today really wasn't his day. But back to Matthew.
Matthew hummed to himself as he flipped two pancakes and moved to the cupboards to get three plates; one for Kuma, one for himself and one for Gilbert. He scooped up the first two and put them on Gil's plate and texted Gilbert to come get his food.
"Y'know, you'd make a great wife." Gilbert teased as he entered the kitchen. Matthew rolled his eyes, used to this specific taunt, and poured enough batter on the pan for two more. What he wasn't prepared for on the other hand was the two arms that snaked around his lower half and the mouth next to his ear.
"And then I could hold you like this while you cooked before we had awesome sex." Matthew's entire being went stiff.
"Wh-wh-wh-what are you t-talking about? I'm not your wife? Besides, you're starting to sound like Berwald with Tino." Matthew would have slipped out of his arms then out the door had his pancakes not needed flipping.
"Oh, you don't know tha-" Suddenly, the arms around him were gone, along with the body that at some point had pressed against him, and instead there was a Gilbert clenching his teeth to remain quiet with a Kuma nomming away at his ass as Gilbird flapped her wings uselessly in a panic on the table. He figured Gilbert could survive a little longer as he flipped the pancakes before moving to attempt to remove his pet from his friend's butt.
When that seemed impossible, he returned to cooking his pancakes which seemed done so he put one on one plate and one on another before cooking two more. He put peanut butter and syrup on one pancake then set it on the table.
"Kuma, your food is done, come eat." He said as he moved back to the stove and Kuma removed himself from the albino freaks disgusting bum and went to eat that one guy's delicious pancakes. Matthew filled a bag with ice, wrapped a cloth around it and handed it to Gilbert.
"I swear to Gott your bear is out to kill me." Gilbert said as he leaned against the counter, pancakes in hand, ice pack tied around his waist to his butt.
"Meh, I have been wondering why he hates you so much." Matthew admitted, putting his cakes onto his plate and putting a generous amount of syrup on them. "Oh yeah, why are you here and when did you arrive?"
"About one in the morning and because I was sick of listening to my brother and Feli having sex." He shuddered as the images and sounds came back to his mind. "Not fun, bro. Not fun."
"Why didn't you come up to my room instead of risking my mom finding you here? Which reminds me, go hide in my room under the bed because she's going to be getting up soon. And bring your food and bird with you." He commanded before taking another big bite of syrup and pancakes.
"Aye, aye, cap'n." Gilbert called for Gilbird and left to go hide for his life.
Matthew turned to the sink and rinsed his plate off along with Kuma's as he pushed it on to the counter.
"You have to stop doing that, Kuma." His bear gave him an innocent look as he pawed at Matthew's legs. "Don't look at me like that. You know exactly what I mean." Kuma gave up and walked off to go sit on the couch and watch whatever was on the television. Moments later, Matthew could hear his mom enter the kitchen, her high heels clacking mercilessly against the linoleum.
"Good morning, pancake." His mom kissed the top of his head.
"Mom, again, just because-"
"you eat pancakes all the time doesn't mean I can call you pancake. Yes, yes it does. Because I am the mom and you need a cute nickname from your mom. Anyway, I need to leave early today and your father will be home by the time you get home from school today instead of me. I have to go to court and battle once again with that evil man that helped create you." She ruffled his hair before kissing it again, saying her goodbyes and walking out the door.
"Also," she popped her head back in again, "I saw Gilbert on the couch already. Nice try." and with that, she was gone.
Gilbert came stumbling down the stairs.
"She saw me and she pretended she didn't! She called me an, and I quote, "So much rubbish under this bed. It really isn't awesome. Especially that giant white freak right there. Better have Matt clean his room."
"She did tell me she saw you this morning. That's probably how she knew to look for you there." Matthew sighed.
"She seriously needs to lay off." Gilbert crossed his arms and sat on the counter.
"Well, had you not been caught looking up porn on my computer when we were eight, maybe you'd be allowed over more often." Matthew smiled at the memory.
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that that wasn't okay?" He raised his hands in his defense.
"Um, where's the plate you brought upstairs with you?"
"Probably still upstairs, but that doesn't matter 'cause we have to head out for school~!" Gilbert grabbed Matthew's arm and pulled him out the door.
"Why are you so excited?" Matthew mumbled under his breath.
"What'd you say?" Gilbert looked back at his friend.
"Oh, nothing."
X~x~X
Back at the house, Kumajiro relaxed back into the couch. Today was the day he was going to become human and take Matthew from that Gilbert guy once and for all. He just had to wait for Tony to come over with his machinery and stuff.
"Hey, Kumajiro." Kumajiro looked over as Gilbird landed next to him. "What'cha gonna do today?" Kumajiro debated telling his friend what he was going to do or just kicking her out so he could go back to sleep. He knew that if he told her, she'd want to do it, but she wasn't prepared, unlike himself. He had been studying how to be human for quite some time now.
"I'm going to become human today." He told her. She began to laugh at him so he flicked her off the couch with an angry growl. "What? You don't believe me?" She flew right back on up to the couch and gave him an angry glare, her feathers puffed up. "You look like a feather duster like that." he deadpanned.
"Matthew is never gonna love you back with that kind of attitude." She said before leaving the house. Kumajiro was taken aback. He had never told her how he felt about Matthew or why he was changing.
"Whatever, annoying ass bird." he growled to himself. "She doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm fucking adorable, just wait and see." Just then the doorbell rang and he practically flew to the door and let Tony in.
"Hey, Kuma. How are you?" Tony greeted, carrying a small box.
"Great now that you're here." Tony laughed his little alien laugh.
"Excited, aren't'cha." He took Kuma to the backyard, set the box down and pressed a button on the side. The box began to unfold like it would in a cheesy movie and a little laser thing appeared.
"Okay, so this is gonna hurt quite a bit since your entire structure and body is changing, you still want to do it?" Kumajiro nodded. "Alright, my insane fuzzy friend. Let's do this." Tony aimed the structure in Kumajiro's direction and several needles emerged from the tip before they shot out and penetrated the bear's fur and skin. Tony scrolled through some selections before stopping on humanoid and pressed a purple button that said jkdshbcfjkgnkdv (go) and ran over to warn Kumajiro of the intense pain he's about to feel and put a sock in his mouth to bite into. He went back over to the machine just as it began to send jolts of electricity and a strange liquid into the bear. Kumajiro at first was shocked by the pain that coursed through him and could only stiffen before his bit into the sock and cried out into it. He didn't even notice the dome that the alien had put over them to keep from anyone seeing or hearing them, Tony just didn't like to hear his friends hurt.
X~x~X
Matthew sat at his desk during the last hour of the day, scribbling on his paper. He had finished the assignment early and now needed something to do considering the fact that he had no friends in this class. He glanced up at the clock, saw he only had five minutes left, scribbled on his paper, looked at the clock, still only five minutes left, scribbled on his paper, glanced up at the clock, only fi- four minutes left. He sighed, breaking his pathetic routine, and packed up his stuff, ready and eager to go. He stared blankly ahead and had a sudden thought; if he goes into awkward invisible mode, no one will notice him leave! He stood up, walked over to the conveniently open door, and slipped through, not once being seen. He made it halfway to his locker when the bell rang and he could hopefully slip into visible mode and not be trampled.
Luck was on his side today for he made it not only to his locker, but to his car and out of the student parking lot without even being so much as touched. As he drove home he couldn't help be in a good mood and tap his fingers on the steering wheel as a song played and he hummed along. When he arrived home, he saw his father's car in the garage and parked next to it. He practically skipped into the house, up the stairs and landed right on his fluffy bed where a random man was lying as well.
…
Wait a minute.
Matthew shot up out of the bed and almost screamed, but he was too scared to scream. Instead he flew and curled into a ball in the farthest corner of his room. The stranger began to stir and sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"Mm... Matthew?" He stretched and looked around the room, eyes landing on the owner of the room/bed. "Matthew!" this stranger knew his name! Matthew quickly tuck-and-rolled as the pale stranger launched himself at Matthew. "Matthew~" he whined. He stared Matthew down before he had a look of realization cross his face. "Don't you recognize me?" He stood up and stretched his arms out on either sides and smiled. Matthew looked him up and down. Hmm, thin, pale, black eyes, tall, white hair.
"N-no, sorry." He apologized, rubbing the back of his head. Suddenly the tall man was on top of him.
"It's me, Kumajiro!" He tried to say as Matthew very nearly fainted. "Hey, don't pass out on me now, stupid human." he grumbled.
"Y-y-you're not Kuma! Kuma is a-a-a bear!" Matthew stuttered, realizing their position. Kumajiro sat up, now straddling Matthew.
"I was a bear, but then I asked Tony if he could help me and he said sure and turned me into a human. I even studied how to be a human so that, well, we could be together!" He smiled brightly and Matthew simply stared up at him puzzled.
"What do you mean "so we can be together"? We already are together, aren't we?" Matthew asked, sitting up.
"No, not the way I want." Kumajiro cupped Matthew's face. "I want us to be, hmm, what was the human term... dating!" Kumajiro said and kissed Matthew full on the lips.
Now, Matthew had just been full-on kissed by his once polar bear, now human pet, the only reasonable thing to do was faint. Obviously. Kumajiro was taken by surprise when his human fainted on him like that. He simply smiled, patted his head, and put him in the bed before crawling up next to him. He brushed a piece of hair out of his face and smiled.
"I did this for you, Matthew. You better enjoy it." He whispered to him before snuggling into his side and falling asleep.
X~x~X
Now, you may be wondering about Matthew's father and what he was doing this entire time. Well, he had helped fund this little project (not because he knew Kumajiro's real intentions) but because Kumajiro came to him with a piece of paper asking to be turned human because he was a freak of nature bear that never grew anyways, so he didn't question when he heard Matthew making all that commotion upstairs and simply sipped his tea while reading the paper out on the veranda like a boss.
X~x~X
Back to Matthew.
Dear, dear Matthew awoke from his nap, thinking about that crazy dream that Kumajori had turned into this beautiful human that had kissed him. Oh ho, ho~ such a silly-
Matthew rolled over and went pale, because he found a pale, beautiful man with thick, black eyelashes, sleeping softly beside him.
…
Well, damn. Guess Matthew was stuck with a polar bear now turned human Kumajahiro who had his eyes on him. He sighed and Kumajiro's nose wiggled a little as a smile broke out on his face and his eyes fluttered open.
"Good evening." He mumbled. Matthew could only swallow and nod in return. "So, will you date me?" Matthew shook his head and Kumajiro's face fell, but it quickly brightened again and he smiled. "Don't worry, one day you'll say yes." and he leaned in to kiss Matthew again, only Gilbert chose that moment to barge in.
"Mattie~" Gilbert launched himself and landed right on top of Matthew and Kumajiro. "Woah~ did I barge in on something?" Gilbert hiss/laughed and forced himself in between the two.
"G-Gilbert!" Matthew remembered Gilbert's and Kumafuji's last encounter and quickly grabbed his friend and flipped him to the other side and moved in between the two. "No, you didn't walk in on anything."
"Then what was with the spastic flip just now?" Gilbert wiggled his eyebrows in an awesome fashion and sat up to look over him at the stranger. "Hello, good sir. I am Matthew's best friend, and who might you be?" Matthew rolled over and saw Kumajiro smile and salute him.
"I'm Matthew's old best friend, from when we were in preschool. My name is Nanuq Siku and I hail from the upper regions of Canada."
"Oh crap." Matthew mumbled under his breath, ready to kill himself any minute now as the lies began to pile.
"Preschool, huh? That's pretty awesome." Matthew tried to bury himself in the blankets and keep out of this. "You never told me you had a best friend before me, Mattie." Gilbert accused him.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-well, um, y-you see..." he brought the blankets up to his eyes and hid from the two albinos ganging up on him.
"Mattie!" Kumajiro mimicked Gilbert's nickname for him. "You never talked about me to your new best friend? And here I thought you missed me." He glared at the two, one trying to play a guilt trip born from lies and the other was being just plain old mean. So Matthew chose flight over fight and shimmied down his bed and out the door.
That left the two smiling at the other, Kum- I mean Nanuq pretending he didn't hate this guy for constantly hitting on Matthew and Gilbert pretended that he didn't hate this guy for getting cuddly with Mattie while he was away.
Meanwhile, Matthew was locking himself in the bathroom and trying to remember how to breathe like a normal person. Seriously, why was his life so complicated. He nearly jumped out of his skin as he slid down his door to sit on the floor and his phone started buzzing in his pocket.
"H-hello?"
"Mattie!" He held the phone away from his ear as Gilbert's voice screeched through it. "I don't like this guy, I think he's out to kill you or something." Matthew's phone started to beep a couple of times signaling a call in waiting.
"Hold on, someone's calling me." Oddly enough it was himself. "Kuma-"
"My name is Nanuq. I will no longer be referred to with my bear name." He interrupted Matthew. "Anyway, I don't like this guy Matthew. I never have and you know that. Now, can I please tear his throat out?"
"No, that isn't human." He sighed. "I'm going to hang up now." and he did as he said so that he could go back to Gilbert's call and do the same. He threw his phone over and into the tub before pulling his knees up to his chest. This was too much. Waaaaay too much for him to handle in one day, even if it was just his polar bear turning into a human that wanted to date him and quite possibly do other things with him.
…
Okay, maybe it was a day worthy of a mental breakdown.
So that's what he did, he cried... Okay not really, but he did cry on the inside. He sat on his floor and just thought and-
Mrrrrr~
and-
Mrrrr~
and-
Mrrrr~
Goddamn it, Matthew was going to kill that stupid phone.
Matthew sighed and went over to his phone, answered the texts (Yes i'm safe, im in the bathroom, now isn'y the time al) and shut it off. Now what was going to happen to him and his life?
How would he explain the random guy to his parents?
Oh dear maple... his parents! Matthew's face paled and felt like he was going to be sick.
X~x~X~OutsideLeDoor
Kumajiro listened to Matthew through the door, head pressed up against it tightly as Gilbert tried to peer through the keyhole.
"See anything?" Kumajiro asked quietly.
"Nuh-uh. Hear anything?" Kumajiro said a quiet no. "Well, shit. Mattie must be having a break down or something." He stood up straight, his back grateful it was no longer being strained.
"I don't get it. I thought that if I... came here, Matthew would be happy." Kumajiro's mood fell and he felt sadness and for some reason his heart was hurting unbearably (no pun intended) so he sighed and walked away to go bury himself in a cocoon of sheets and pillows and leave Gilbert to tend to Matthew because that's who he apparently wanted anyway.
Well, that's what he told himself he was going to do, he actually ended up going into the room, building an entire fort using his opposable thumbs and thought up strategies on how to make Matt fall in love with this new human form.
~BackInDaBathroom~
Matthew had worried himself to sleep in the tub but was awoken to pounding on the door, his mother demanding she be let in and that he explain why he was locked in the bathroom in the first place.
"C-coming, maman." he said sleepily, adjusting his glasses so that they stayed on his face.
"Matthew, what have I told you about Gilbert coming over?" She began to scold him as soon as he opened the door.
"Th-"
"Exactly, now, if I ever catch him here again, I'll have a restraining order placed on him." And with that, she walked off to find her adoring husband. Matthew promptly turned his phone on, waited for the flood of messages, ignored them, then warned Gilbert about his mom.
He wandered back to his room and crawled into bed.
Well, he would have had his mattress and sheets not been stolen in favour of being turned into a fort for his immature bear... human... friend.
"Kuma~ can I please have my bed back?" He whined, ready to collapse into sleep any second now.
"No, and remember, my name isn't Kumajiro anymore." He popped his head out from under a part of the fort. "Now, come join me, Mattie~" he teased before disappearing again.
"As long as I just get a pillow and somewhere to sleep." He mumbled, crawling on all fours into the tent.
Inside was actually pretty impressive. There was one lone lamp thing in the center with blue paper around it and little holes poked through it, turning the inside a pale blue. Off to the side was indeed pillows and some light blankets and thin snowflakes cut out and hanging lightly by silver thread fell from the top of the tent. Matthew could only gaze up in amazement.
"Kuma- I-I mean, Nanick, you did all this?" Matthew looked at his smiling friend.
"First of all, it's Nanuq and secondly, do you really like it? I tried to make it look like it was snowing inside and I really like the color blue and I also know you really like the color blue." Kumajiro watched, pleased as Matthew's mouth twitched a bit before forming a full smile.
"It really is beautiful." he said, as he moved to lay down on a pillow. "I still can't believe you did this all yourself... Nanuk."
"... Close enough." Kumajiro sighed and laid down next to his previous owner. "Hey, Matthew?"
"Yes, Kumajori?"
"I'm Nanuq now, anyway, I have a question." Matthew rolled on to his side to look at Kumajiro.
"So do I. Why do I have to call you Nanookie?" He whined, curling around his pillow.
"It's Nanuq (Goddamn it) and because I'm human now and require a human name. But back to my question, why won't you return my love?" Matthew's eyes flew open and he may have panicked a little.
"W-well, I d-do... love you, Kuma. It's just that, well, I don't l-love you the way you love me." In a flash, Kumajiro was on top of Matthew, hands pinned on either side.
"But why~? Is it because you love that detestable German instead?" His voice and eyes were so serious, Matthew had to bite his lip in order to keep the giggles in. Seriously, this entire thing was so cheesy.
"No, Kumajiro, I do not love Gilbert. And to answer your question, I've only ever seen you as a pet, a polar bear. You can't turn into a human and just expect me to like you like that." He pulled his bear down and hugged him tightly. "But I'll always love you in a friendly way." Kumajiro pulled away and sat on the other side of the tent.
"Then I guess I better get you used to this body instead." He smirked at Matthew who sat up and a deep blush filled his cheeks.
Phew! DONE with chapter ONE! Seriously, this is the most I've ever written for one chapter and yet it's nothing compared to some of the fics I've read xD
Anyway, now that some random things have been set (like, oh maybe that Kumajiro/Nanuq is hell bent on making Matthew love him), I can set more random things and by chapter three, the subplots will begin to invade and after chapter five, the chapters may begin to shorten because the main plot will have been completed and hell, maybe I'll just start a new one-shot series to go along with this story once it's complete.
…
Still can't believe I manged to finish this chapter.
Love,
Happiness