"Wicked!"
"Ron! What did you just do?!"
"Uh... I think I just changed Hermione into this piece of paper."
"Really? What does it say?"
"'Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J K Rowling and other rich people, as does the plot. I have merely... simplified things. Please don't sue me.'"
"Sounds like a disclaimer. Hey, d'you know how to change her back?"
"Nnnnnnno."
"I guess we'll just have to leave her like that, then."
hari potta & the philosphr's stne: An Abridged Version.
Note from the Editor:
I know an "abridged version" has been done again and again, so I'm really not going for originality here. I wrote this simply for the amusement of myself and my friends - but I'll be more than happy to hear from anyone who hates or loves this work, or even any one who wants to buy it off me for a large sum of money.
Prelude:
Cat: Meow.
Dumbledore: I am a wizard. I can put out lights with a stick. I am eating candy.
McGonagill: I am a witch. I am also a cat. I am not eating candy.
Hagrid: I am big and hairy and carrying a baby.
Dumbledore: We are going to leave the baby here.
Hagrid: I am sad.
Part One:
Harry: I am the good guy, I am brave and heroic.
Uncle Vernon: I am his uncle. I abuse him.
Aunt Petunia: I am his aunt. I abuse him.
Dudley: I am his cousin. I abuse him. I am hungry.
Harry: I am turning ten soon, but no one will remember it is my birthday because they all abuse me. I have some mail.
Uncle Vernon: I am scared. I will not let Harry read his mail because I abuse him.
Dudley: Look! There is some more mail! It is all addressed to Harry! I am hungry. Can I eat it?
Uncle Vernon: No. We are all going far away in a little boat now.
Harry: This is not a good birthday.
Hagrid: Knock! Knock! Happy Birthday!
Harry: Who are you?
Hagrid: I am Hagrid. I am big and hairy and carrying an umberella, and to show that I am very different from your family I am going to give you this super-duper-special-extra-delicious cake.
Dudley: I am hungry. I am going to eat it. It tastes good.
Hagrid: I am angry.
Dudley: I am a pig. I am hungry.
Hagrid: I am now going to take Harry away.
Aunt Petunia: You can not do that.
Hagrid: Yes I can.
Aunt Petunia: Oh.
Part Two:
Hagrid: This is a pub. You should not be in here because you are under-age, but you are the main character, so you are allowed to.
Quirrel: I am a professor. I have a stutter.
Crowd: You are Harry Potter!
Harry: I know.
Crowd: You are the good guy! You are brave and heroic!
Harry: I am going to buy a wand. I have no money.
Hagrid: Yes you do.
Harry: Oh.
Hagrid: Your money is in the bank. I will take you to the bank.
Goblin: I will take you to your vault.
Harry: I am very rich.
Hagrid: We need to go to another vault.
Harry: What is in the other vault?
Hagrid: I can not tell you.
Harry: I am perplexed.
Hagrid: This is the shop where you can buy your wand.
Ollivander: Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand.
Harry: I am in despair.
Ollivander: Try this wand. Oh! That is the twin of the wand that killed your parents and disfigured your face.
Harry: That is not good.
Hagrid: Here is an owl for you.
Harry: I like owls. Could you tell me about my scar?
Hagrid: Yes. It is a scar. It is lightning shaped. It was put there by a bad man. His name was You-Know-Who.
Harry: I do?
Hagrid: No, but it is your life mission to find him and kill him because you are the good guy, and you are brave and heroic.
Harry: Oh.
"Ron! What did you just do?!"
"Uh... I think I just changed Hermione into this piece of paper."
"Really? What does it say?"
"'Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J K Rowling and other rich people, as does the plot. I have merely... simplified things. Please don't sue me.'"
"Sounds like a disclaimer. Hey, d'you know how to change her back?"
"Nnnnnnno."
"I guess we'll just have to leave her like that, then."
hari potta & the philosphr's stne: An Abridged Version.
Note from the Editor:
I know an "abridged version" has been done again and again, so I'm really not going for originality here. I wrote this simply for the amusement of myself and my friends - but I'll be more than happy to hear from anyone who hates or loves this work, or even any one who wants to buy it off me for a large sum of money.
Prelude:
Cat: Meow.
Dumbledore: I am a wizard. I can put out lights with a stick. I am eating candy.
McGonagill: I am a witch. I am also a cat. I am not eating candy.
Hagrid: I am big and hairy and carrying a baby.
Dumbledore: We are going to leave the baby here.
Hagrid: I am sad.
Part One:
Harry: I am the good guy, I am brave and heroic.
Uncle Vernon: I am his uncle. I abuse him.
Aunt Petunia: I am his aunt. I abuse him.
Dudley: I am his cousin. I abuse him. I am hungry.
Harry: I am turning ten soon, but no one will remember it is my birthday because they all abuse me. I have some mail.
Uncle Vernon: I am scared. I will not let Harry read his mail because I abuse him.
Dudley: Look! There is some more mail! It is all addressed to Harry! I am hungry. Can I eat it?
Uncle Vernon: No. We are all going far away in a little boat now.
Harry: This is not a good birthday.
Hagrid: Knock! Knock! Happy Birthday!
Harry: Who are you?
Hagrid: I am Hagrid. I am big and hairy and carrying an umberella, and to show that I am very different from your family I am going to give you this super-duper-special-extra-delicious cake.
Dudley: I am hungry. I am going to eat it. It tastes good.
Hagrid: I am angry.
Dudley: I am a pig. I am hungry.
Hagrid: I am now going to take Harry away.
Aunt Petunia: You can not do that.
Hagrid: Yes I can.
Aunt Petunia: Oh.
Part Two:
Hagrid: This is a pub. You should not be in here because you are under-age, but you are the main character, so you are allowed to.
Quirrel: I am a professor. I have a stutter.
Crowd: You are Harry Potter!
Harry: I know.
Crowd: You are the good guy! You are brave and heroic!
Harry: I am going to buy a wand. I have no money.
Hagrid: Yes you do.
Harry: Oh.
Hagrid: Your money is in the bank. I will take you to the bank.
Goblin: I will take you to your vault.
Harry: I am very rich.
Hagrid: We need to go to another vault.
Harry: What is in the other vault?
Hagrid: I can not tell you.
Harry: I am perplexed.
Hagrid: This is the shop where you can buy your wand.
Ollivander: Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand. Try this wand.
Harry: I am in despair.
Ollivander: Try this wand. Oh! That is the twin of the wand that killed your parents and disfigured your face.
Harry: That is not good.
Hagrid: Here is an owl for you.
Harry: I like owls. Could you tell me about my scar?
Hagrid: Yes. It is a scar. It is lightning shaped. It was put there by a bad man. His name was You-Know-Who.
Harry: I do?
Hagrid: No, but it is your life mission to find him and kill him because you are the good guy, and you are brave and heroic.
Harry: Oh.