Twebecca

It's not the greatest but it was my attempt at something cute. I can't do it to save my life.

He thinks she's a weirdo and she thinks he's a weirdo. :D

Monarchs.

What I wouldn't give to be something so beautiful and strong. Those butterflies go through so much traveling and maturity; I can't help but be a little jealous.

They go through a journey to change and become something so much more than just a feeble caterpillar.

And here I am, I'm always at home, locked in a cage. I feel like I've never matured in the least.

I perched my chin on my hands, leaning into my desk. Today was our little movie day. So, in front of the chalkboard there was a TV and on it was this video of the butterflies. The monarchs were blooming from their cocoons and I was completely absorbed. Zoology always piqued my interest in the animal kingdom. We'd always watch these fascinating movies about all sorts of obscure animals.

Everything in the animal kingdom is so strong-willed, if they fail, they die and eventually go extinct. I try to learn from past mistakes.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a caterpillar, about to form a chrysalis and become a butterfly but I'm frozen in time. I want to though. I want to be something I'm not.

I want to be strong like some of the girls at my school. Take for instance, Lizzy. She's so blunt and actively sparing with the boys. She was able to hold her own and speak what she thinks.

I just want to grow. I don't want to be Lizzy but something more. I want to grow to be that girl I want to be.

Then suddenly, tufts of blonde locks obstructed my view. I roll my eyes in annoyance. Tweek Tweak. How I love to be the blue jay that swallows up that annoying butterfly.

Tweek is rather… sheltered and jittery. He's always stuttering and clenching his teeth. When he speaks I can hear the sickening noise of bone on bone.

Ever since we worked together for a projects, since the teacher always paired us both together, I couldn't stomach him. He was always huddled up on his chair and mumbling and… just plain weird.

The teacher always paired us together. Every single time. Why us? Tweek never did help me. Take for example the last assignment we did together. I did all busy work for that project while he drank a gallon of coffee and wrote in that dumb journal.

Yup, he's a writer of some sort. Figures, all writers are weird.

And speak of the devil, from what I could see in front of me in the darkness, he was scribbling in that notebook of his. That neon green, three-ring that he carries with him everywhere.
The cover was torn and chewed looking. The pages on the inside even looked frayed. And where ever he went, it went with him.

Look at him!

That stupid green buttoned up shirt that wasn't even buttoned right… A-and those dark brown eyes that were like coffee grounds, and those pouty pink lips of his-

Ahem! I mean, I- uhm, he's weird and no I don't like him! That's just gross!

I need perfection. I expect perfection.

P-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n.

Tweek is far from perfection but he's that butterfly. He's something he wants to be and here I am, still a dumb ol' caterpillar. At least he can be comfortable in his own skin, I'll give him that.

The sound of the bell made me nearly jump. All this talk about Tweek and I missed the whole movie.

Oh… poo! I really wanted to watch the rest of it. I wonder if I could borrow it from the teacher after school. I mean, there isn't that much of a high demand for it right?

I gather my things into my backpack as students go shuffling by me. As I was making my way out of the rows of tables, I noticed it. That neon green journal left on the desk in front of me.

Tweek's personal journal.

"J-o-u-r-n-a-l." I whispered into my hands.

I debated whether I should pick it up, like the little devil and angel on my shoulder cliché. I decided it was mine. I subtly moved my hand towards it, pilfering it up in my arms. It was in the nick of time too. I slip past the flow of people who started to huddle into the classroom.

What I should have done was give it to the teacher, you know? Report it missing. Find Tweek and deliver it back to him.

I should have done something.

But I didn't.

Next hour was lunch so I took a quick retreat to the library. I sat in between the aisle of the atlases and the encyclopedias. Nobody ever came down this way, well, my old boyfriend and me used to… neck and fool around a lot right here.

But he likes to neck with Stan more than me so… Uhm, I hope I wasn't doing it wrong. It's not exactly a good thing when your boyfriend decided to play for the same team all of a sudden. Lizzy said they were doughnut punchers.

"D-o-u-g-h-n-u-t P-u-n-c-h-e-r-s." I hissed into my hands.

I sat back against the rows of books, holding my knees close. I hate the lunchroom but I hate being alone in the library. The lesser of two evils I suppose. My brother didn't have the same lunch period with me. It was odd. We always had lunch together and now we don't. I miss having him close, Mark is like a protective blanket.

I wonder if Tweek's journal is his protective blanket?

My eyes kept darting to the notebook nestled in my chest, taunting me. How much can one skim through do? I picked it up rather quickly, opening it with a squeak. Let's see what Tweek does in this thing.

I flipped a few pages but it was all writing. Block and blocks of neat handwriting. I read over a few entries.

…Oh my gosh, this was a diary!

I should have definitely shut it, I should have definitely stopped reading but I didn't. I was enthralled with this boy's thoughts.

You should have read things in here. It was endearing. Tweek believed there were things such as gnomes stealing his undergarments and that coffee was the magic cure to his twitching.

Then it got into more personal, intimate thoughts.

He was always talking about his dreams at being a coffee shop owner and how he would do things compared to his father. He often wrote in capitals, 'FUN' or 'HAPPY'. It seemed like he enjoyed good things.

I was warming up to Tweek with every page I turned.

I read over the simple sentence, 'I've never been on a date' and I went into a squealing fit. That's so adorable! I mean, how many guys could admit that? It's so modest and innocent of him.

I noticed my name in neat writing.

I nearly spelled something out in mid-excitement. What could he have said about me? I skimmed over the paragraph quickly.

What if it's like a love confession? My chest started to stir with excitement.

...I couldn't help but read what he said. My fingers trembled as my vision got hazy.

My lips quivered as he started to insult my hair and my looks and… my personality. H-he said that I spelled things into my hands almost obsessively. That I was sheltered and always jittering, stuttering and biting my lips. He hated that.

And he... also hated me.

I felt my face heat up and a lump formed in my throat. I was so upset I could have broken down right there. But, who would see me anyways?

Tweek hated me and that was it. He had lists of other people and how much he disliked them but his words stung when he wrote about me. It was like a slow poison and it was starting to make me ill.

It hurt a lot more than I thought it would.

You know, monarchs have a poison in their wings.

I got to my feet, shutting the diary. I needed to return this right away. Just seeing the neon green was making me think of vomit. I could feel it tickle in the back of my throat.

How could he say things like that... I mean, have I been that cruel towards the boy?

"H-a-t-e."

I was running as fast as I could through the halls. The presence of this journal was making me unwell. It kept echoing, the things he said about me and it was on repeat just to taunt me.

Before I knew it I was in the middle of the lunchroom and Craig's little gang sat not too far away. Each step I took was slow and agonizingly hard. It was if I wore concrete slabs as shoes.

Tweek sat at the end of the table, staring at his thermos. The rest of the boys were laughing loudly and playing paper football and Tweek was the odd one out.

I walked right up to him. The whole group noticed my presence, watching me close as I stood in front of him. I could feel my knees knocking together. "T-Twee-Tweek?"

"AGH!" his whole body went into a shaking fit as his head snapped up to me. "What do you w-want?"

With arms outstretched, I held out the diary.

His eyes darted to it and he jumped with a shriek. "How did you get this?! Was it the government? AGH! Aliens?" he snatched it away from me, cradling it close.

"Zoology. You left it on the desk."

"Um, did you read what I wrote?"

I was silent for a moment, debating whether or not to tell him what I indeed read in there. I wanted to shout and scream at him. But, what's the use? Why beat a dead horse? "…N-no."

I turned away from him suddenly, scurrying off before he could say anything else.

…

Days spanned on. Four to be exact. Whenever Tweek's eyes met mine I'd just turn away and headed in the other direction. We weren't exactly on speaking terms, or any terms for that matter.

I started to not care about my hair or my looks or my personality. It was shit anyway, right?

I know it was selfish to feel this way. I knew how wrong it was to go through that journal but... I don't deserve that. I just felt so crushed.

I think I had been eaten mid-chrysalis.

In Zoology I didn't even notice Tweek sitting beside me as we were assigned together for this new project. I opened my textbook, trying to focus on the material but... It's like I forgot to read. The words blurred together, like some kind of foreign language.

Was this in English? I had to flip to the cover to make sure.

"Rebecca? Wh-what's the matter?" Tweek said with a few tremors. "R-Rebecca?"

"Nothing."

Tweek placed the large packet next to me. Butterfly related things we had to do. Busy work. I didn't have it in me. I was sick to my stomach.

"I thought you like monarchs? You were really into the movie that one day." he jittered again. "Jesus Christ, are you sure you're okay? You don't look so good."

"I dunno," I shifted, away nearly falling right out of my chair. He... I saw him in a new light. This Tweek that sat here, something stirred in my stomach just being close to him. I... I liked him before but now, it's like I reverted into a schoolgirl with a crush.

In love with someone who hates me. It's like unrequited love but so much worse.

"I just didn't know you hated me so much." It blurted out so fast, I almost didn't know what I said until after.

"I don't…" he trailed off, his eyebrow quirked. "hate you."

I was... angry, I was so incredibly annoyed with what he said. I just want to spout out things at him but I couldn't. I wasn't like Lizzy. I wasn't a butterfly. I was a feeble caterpillar. I tugged at my hair distastefully. "Is my hair that ugly?"

"What -ngh- are you talking about?"

I couldn't hold it in forever. I needed to tell him the truth. I took a breath. "I read the notebook… all those nasty things you wrote about me, is it really true?"

At first, we sat there staring at each other in silence. Then Tweek's seemingly worried expression shifted into an angry one.

"What the hell?" His eyebrows furrowed. "Why would you read something personal? Didn't you stop and think?"

"I couldn't help it." I hissed back. "I saw it and... I was curious!"

"I wouldn't do that to you. Why'd you do it Rebecca, to get dirt on me or something? I wouldn't expect you of all people."

I let out a guilty sigh, crossing my arms. Another period of silence came and went.

"Well," He leaned back in his chair, twisting away from me. "It's just venting. I didn't mean it and it's not something I want other people to see."

I didn't know what to feel. I was stuck in a tangent.

"And that day we were working on that project I admit, I was a bit annoyed. I'm not sure why but I was. So I just took it out on you. I know it's wrong but… I don't feel any of those things about you. I'm just passive-aggressive."

"It really hurt you know."

Tweek looked at me incredulously. "Hey, you always hated me. You're always calling me names and giving me dirty looks."

"You think I hate you? No, not at all." This is the most we've talked... ever. "I guess we're passive-aggressive together." I smiled meekly.

I felt like a real ass for saying all those things. All those entries were sarcastic. It wasn't a diary... It all made sense now. I felt relief wash over me.

He doesn't hate me.

"I know I said some mean things and thought pretty bad of you but… After I read what you wrote," I shifted uncomfortably, turning towards him. "You really are a nice guy. I'm sorry for reading your vent journal."

"...It's fine."

Another silence. But, I didn't want that silence anymore. I didn't want that quietness or the loneliness, so I did something rather unlike me. "Hey Tweek, you said in your journal you've never been on a date."

He stared to twitch in embarrassment. "Uh, no."

The bell rang loudly as a sea of student moved away from the tables, leaving us sitting. "Do you maybe want to get something to drink at the coffee shop with me after school?"I asked hesitantly.

"Yo-you really mean that?"

"Of-f course... As long as you don't call my hair ugly anymore." I teased.

"I don't think your hair is ugly. It's like a poodle's." It was my turn to glare at him. "I mean that in a good way!" he defended.

Tweek shifted up the notebook, scribbling out something before passing the journal to me. It was open on one page and a few things were neatly scribbled. I read it over carefully...

He couldn't mean this... could he? I flushed, holding the notebook close to my chest. I couldn't say anything. I was just speechless. I bit my lip, looking over to Tweek. He grinned, getting to his feet. "Come on, let's get lunch."

I blushed as I hurried into his side.

Monarchs were blooming from their cocoons and I have a feeling that this chrysalis that formed between us is going to flourish too. Yeah, things are starting to look up for me.

Oh!

"S-h-i-t!"

...I think I forgot the journal on my desk.