Pivot Point
Cameron Shepard looked blankly at the far wall, a glass of what used to contain cheap wine dangling from his hands threatening to spill over.
He was not much of a drinker but found him doing it more and more since he had come back to life. Not that he was over indulging really; just he went from hardly drinking ever, to drinking one or two glasses a week.
Clearly he had exceeded that limit slightly in this one sitting. His bloodshot eyes bore testament to the fact.
He grumbled at himself, though they did have several hours before they reached Omega to help Samara kill her daughter.
Put in that context the problems he was facing seemed relatively small, minute, unimportant in the large scheme of things.
But they were his problems. Very much so, they were personal, small…so human.
He had to make a choice, and unlike choosing which adversary to shoot or how to develop an appropriate combat plan hoping for success with few losses this was more difficult.
Perhaps the most difficult decision since he had to choose who he wanted to sacrifice on Virmire, whether it was Ashley, or Kaidan.
Of course at the end of the day the answer in that case had been rather obvious but it was still hard on him to decide, to make a conscious choice to be selfish.
This decision was similar to that one.
The question constantly raging in his mind was who do I want the most?
He genuinely and deeply loved two women in his life. And now he had to choose which relationship he should pursue, and who he should cast aside.
Though Ashley had hurt him deeply when they met on Horizon, calling him a traitor, and walking out, she did leave him a message.
Nothing else since and he could not even get back into contact with her.
He was wounded by Ashley's attitude towards him on Horizon, but the message had warmed him let him know that she still cared.
But then nothing else since that day, not the slightest status update or simple hey skipper, how are you?
Nothing.
Ever since then he had found his attraction to Miranda growing, slightly at first, but it was gaining steam the more time went along, from just obviously recognizing her as a beautiful woman, to a trusted colleague, and now to something…more.
Slowly getting through the layers that she had put around herself, to the woman inside, and freeing her in the process.
Shepard had pretty much summed her up the second they met…well he had his suspicions.
But over time he had discovered that those suspicions were correct.
Miranda was a good person; she just did not know it. She had been betrayed, been screwed, had almost all her friends turn on her or try to use her. Her father created her to build some weird dynasty.
Cameron still did not know what that was all about, but he was pretty sure he never wanted to find out.
That kind of life would make anyone bitter and hard, would have made even the most loving soul regard the universe with some suspicion.
And then she chose to work for the Illusive Man, a person who saw the entire universe with suspicion, something to be manipulated, something to be used in an attempt to better humanity, and only humanity, no matter the cost.
But through all that he knew, he that there was something worthwhile there, just begging to be shown a different way, a better way.
He had apparently done that for her.
He had heard it from his crew, from Liara. Miranda was smiling now, she was enjoying her work, and she was looking at him. Her whole posture was beginning to change.
She had finally proven to herself that not everyone was out just to mess with her mind. Or just out there to sleep with her body.
Someone really did exist who could genuinely care about her.
Even though he joked with her that all he wanted was to get her into bed.
He smiled at the joke and the memory.
But then there was Ashley; A determined Alliance soldier, courageous, stubborn, wild, and doggedly independent.
In a way the two of them were so much alike Shepard wondered if Miranda and she were separated at birth. But they were different enough where that thought was ludicrous.
Miranda was surer, more confident in her abilities and her opinions. More mature. And despite the reputation of her organization Shepard did not detect the slightest bit of racism.
She did not have so much as a chip on her shoulder but a firm knowledge that she could get the job done.
This was both endearing and annoying.
Of course Shepard wondered if he had already committed himself. He had told Miranda that he was definitely interested…in her.
So if he did not go through with it over this he might have betrayed Miranda too.
It was a mad situation he had gotten himself into.
And of course he only realized this after the fact and could not have held his tongue and waited to decide this beforehand!
But was it fair to hold onto the past? To hold onto Ashley?
She was a ghost, a segment from his past, was he just holding onto some phantom? Refusing to let go no matter the cost?
He did not know what the future held, what he would be doing, where he would be, whether or not he would still be alive.
That could be good or bad of course because if he continued with his burgeoning relationship with Miranda and found himself working again with Ash…awkward did not begin to describe what that situation would bring.
But he had to act, he was a man of action, and he had to do something.
He clenched his fist and looked at the glass slightly frowning.
Whatever happened, happened, he liked Miranda and wanted to continue to get to know her. He would not let go of the past but he would not let it hold him back either.
This was true in all his situations if he were to prepare himself for the coming Reaper invasion.
With that he checked the clock. Good, he had just enough time to get a few winks before their mission with Samara began.