The party was trying to get through, Katniss thought, in its own way even worse than the rest of the Victory Tour. As time had gone on, she had become more and more despondent over her failure to appease President Snow. Her initial giddiness that it was at least over had settled into a cold dread at what the repercussions would be. And the party she was trapped in the middle of did nothing to settle her mind or improve her mood. They were surrounded by colorful Capitolites in ridiculous costumes, all of whom wanted their time with the Star Crossed Lovers. The latest revelation, that these decadent fools gorged themselves on rich food, then puked it all back up so they could gorge themselves again, had shaken them both to the core, cracking even Peeta's rock-solid public facade.
They were just steadying themselves when they were approached by a pale man with green streaks in his auburn hair. He introduced himself as Luxuria Aeternus, the publisher of Capitol Couples magazine. "But you can call me Lux," he offered with a sickly sweet smile that Katniss decided must have passed for friendly in the Capitol. She noticed Peeta flinch at the name of Lux's publication, but she had no opportunity to question him about it.
Aeternus spared barely a minute to the usual chit-chat (he had been in a salon getting his hair colored for the post-Games parties when he watched their victory, apparently) before he launched into the pitch that Katniss quickly realized was his real reason for talking to them in the first place. "You know," he said in a manner that he must have thought was sly, "I mentioned before that I publish Capitol Couples magazine. We'd love to have you two come in for a photo shoot while you're here in the Capitol."
Katniss couldn't think of anything she wanted to do less than pose for more photos. "Oh, I'm sure there are already a million photos of us," she said.
"But none as exquisite as ours would be!" Lux declared with a flourish. "There are pictures of you two at the train station, and at your interview. Even pictures from the other stops on the Tour. But those are mere candids! Any fool can take those! What I'm talking about is a much more intimate shoot. Something to truly showcase your love."
That was exactly the right argument to get Katniss to truly consider his proposal. Showcase their love? This could be just the thing. It might be enough to buy them some time with Snow. One last chance to convince everyone.
But before she could give voice to her interest, Peeta was already speaking. "I'm sorry Mr. Aeternus-"
"Lux! Call me Lux!"
Peeta swallowed, and forced a smile. "Lux, I don't think we'll have enough time for a photo shoot. Our train leaves for Twelve right after the party tonight. And our escort Effie Trinket is very insistent that we remain on schedule."
The Capitol man was flustered, as if he hadn't ever considered the possibility that they would decline. "But-"
Peeta cut him off before he could make another argument. "Plus anything like that would have to be organized through our mentor, Haymitch Abernathy."
Lux visibly deflated at the mention of their mentor. "Hmm. I've spoken with Mr. Abernathy about this on previous occasions. He has been… less than enthusiastic about the idea. I was hoping you'd be more interested."
Katniss opened her mouth to speak. We are! she wanted to say. Showcase our love! But again, Peeta spoke for them both before she had the chance.
"This is all so new for us," he said, expertly playing into the superiority these people felt. "The Capitol truly can be overwhelming after living in Twelve all our lives. I'm afraid we really have to defer to Mr. Abernathy's judgement here."
Lux's ever-present smile finally faltered as he accepted defeat. "Too bad, then. We really could have made something special. Well, enjoy your party."
Once Lux was far enough away that he couldn't overhear them, Katniss turned to her district partner. "Peeta, why did you do that?"
"We don't want to do his shoot, Katniss."
"But maybe we do," she insisted. "This could be our last chance. If his magazine is as popular as he says it is, maybe the pictures could influence people. Show Snow that we're still trying-"
Peeta cut her off. "Do you realize what kind of photos he wants?"
Katniss bristled at the question; she had been right here wit him when Lux proposed the shoot. "He wants to showcase our love. We can pretend just like we've been doing on the rest of the tour. We got through eleven districts and an interview with Caesar Flickerman, we can get through a photo shoot."
Peeta shook his head. "That's not what they want, Katniss."
"That's what he said."
"He didn't mean love like that," Peeta said. "He meant our physical love."
"Physical love?" Katniss asked, not sure she was understanding. "What, like kissing? We can do that."
Peeta just looked at her, his gaze seeming to grow more direct. "No, Katniss. Not like kissing."
It took her another moment to realize what Peeta was implying. When she did, she couldn't contain the choked gasp that escaped her throat. "He meant… they want… people expect…"
"Yeah," Peeta said simply.
"They want us to do that on camera?!" Katniss thought she understood the depravity of the Capitol, but this truly shocked her.
Peeta just shrugged. "I guess they're bored with the pictures they already have."
It took Katniss nearly half a minute to realize exactly what he had just said. "Wait a minute! What pictures do they already have?!"
Peeta squirmed just a bit; he hadn't entirely meant to reveal the extent of his knowledge. "Pictures from the Games. Think about it Katniss, what did you do in the arena?"
"I killed people," she said sourly.
"No, not that. Killing people is old hat to the Capitol. Think about everything you did in the arena. Did you ever undress during the Games?"
"No, of course not!" Except…"Well, I did wash… Oh."
"Yeah. Oh."
"Uh." Katniss had no idea what to say. She couldn't tell if she was more outraged or embarrassed. Not only had they turned her into a killer, not only had they robbed her of ever again getting a full night's sleep, not only was the president in her house threatening her sister, not only were twenty-two people dead, but now this. Just when she thought she understood how exploitative the Games were, there were new depths of depravity to explore.
But Peeta wasn't done yet. "Did you ever take your pants down in the arena?"
She actually took a moment to think about his question this time. "Well I went to the bathroom. But who would want to see that? That's disgusting!"
"Not to everyone," he mumbled, and she thought she might vomit without the need for a pretty little drink to induce it. "And even so, they have the pictures from just before-"
"Alright! Alright! Stop!" She couldn't stand to hear any more about that. "Ugh. They really publish pictures like that?"
"They particularly like when you found me by the river."
"Why?"
One end of his lips quirked up into a sad sort of half-smirk. "One star-crossed lover undressing the other? What could be better?"
Katniss was quiet for a moment before she could formulate a coherent response to all this new information. "These people are disgusting," she said.
"No argument," Peeta replied.
Something finally occurred to her. "Wait, how do you know all of this?"
Peeta let out a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair before explaining. "One time a few months ago I went to bring some food to Haymitch, and he had a bunch of these magazines."
Katniss almost choked. "You saw these pictures?"
"No!" he said. "No. I saw the covers and recognized our faces, before Haymitch hid them away. But he explained to me what they were. He did show me some of the tamer ones."
This explanation did little to make her feel better. "Haymitch saw these pictures?"
"He is our mentor, Katniss," Peeta explained. "It's his job to know what the Capitol is saying about us."
Katniss just shook her head. She understood that, but it didn't really make her feel any better.
Luckily, their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Portia and a large man she introduced as Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker.
As Peeta watched Plutarch lead Katniss out to the dance floor, he thought back to the conversation the two of them had just had. He had done the right thing, he thought. She had no need to know about the stash of Capitol Couples magazines he now kept at his house. It would only make things uncomfortable between them.
Peeta's attitude was far from unusual. Lots of people around that time were deciding that Katniss had no need to know lots of things. Haymitch had already decided she had no need to know about the magazines at all. Earlier, he had decided that she had no need to know about Peeta'.s planned love confession, or that it had been real. Later, he'd decide that she had no need to know that her suspicions about District 13 were correct, or that the rebellion was real, or that she was already the face of it. No need to know that he had arranged allies for her in the arena, or that there was an escape plan she would have to play along with.
And later, everyone would agree that there was absolutely no need for her to know that the first real breakthrough in Peeta's recovery from his hijacking came on the day that Haymitch showed up at the hospital with a stack of those Capitol Couples magazines. No need to know that the first real, unadulterated memories of her that Peeta was able to recover were masturbatory fantasies. No need to know that the reason he was so susceptible to hijacking was that he had already been living with a dream version of Katniss for years, never moreso than in the year after the real Katniss had broken his heart. No need to know that the way Peeta learned to tell the difference between the real Katniss and his recovered fantasies was that the glossy paper the magazines were printed on made those images appear shiny. No need to know that after weeks of being torn between visions of Katniss as either monstrous death-dealer or glossy pin-up, Peeta was surprised to see that in real life she was neither very big, nor particularly pretty. No need to know that eventually those magazines wound up buried underneath the vegetable garden he planted behind her, and later their, house; because while he obviously didn't want her to ever find them, he found that he couldn't dispose of them safely; that after everything that had happened he just couldn't bring himself to throw even a picture of Katniss Everdeen into the flames.
Katniss Everdeen knew a great many things in her life. She knew loss, and desperation, and struggle. She knew abandonment, and protectiveness, and companionship. She knew fear, and terror, and relief. She knew grief, and depression, and mental derangement. Eventually, she learned to know love. Ultimately, she knew happiness. But there were some things she just had no need to know.