A long time ago in a distant land we all know and love and very ancient, China, people had their hardships and sufferings. Riots began to spur all over the land because of no good harvests, corruption of the officials, and no games to play but sticks and rocks and guns. Amongst these riots though was an old creepy looking fellow who goes by the name of 'Zhang Jue' had attained a book called the "Essential Arts of Peace" that some old hermit owned…

"The book is called 'Essential Arts of Peace'. You can convert the world and rescue mankind, create 101 deserts with the simple ingredients of grass and Hershey chocolate bars. But you must be single-minded or least you suffer greatly! The book shall not suffer indignities!"

"Nice! I always wanted people to bend to my wills! So may I know the name of the owner of this book?" Zhang Jue asked as he took the book.

"You don't need to know who I am other than that I am a Hermit from the Southern Lands... Pop Smoke!" the Hermit barked.

"What?" Zhang Jue raised an eyebrow as the Hermit suddenly threw his arm downwards, a small black orb connecting to the ground and exploding sending a thick cloud of grey smoke everywhere. Coughing, Jue tried to wave the smoke away only to realize the old Hermit was gone. "Hey, you forgot your book though!"

As he went home, Zhang Jue began to study the book day and night. His brothers Zhang Ba and Zhang Lian questioned where he had obtained the book. He told him of the mystical Hermit who gave it to him, as he pointed towards the mountain where he met the old man; the clouds began to swirl around the top. Soon it began to rain. The three brothers stood and watched as the rain continued to fall until Jue, dropped his arm to his side. The clouds dispersed and the sun shine brightly.

"Oh my... it must be an omen." Zhang Ba murmured.

"Phooey! There's no such thing as an ill omen just by pointing. This is what we call a miracle brother! A miracle!" Zhang Lian said as he grabbed the collar of Ba's outfit and hissed in his face. "We could use it to our advantage. We must gather commoners and bring about the destruction of the Blue Dragon, the Han!"

Zhang Jue blinked, "That seems a little like hostile over."

Zhang Lian, grinned as he let go of his brother, Ba, and turned towards his other. "That's exactly what it is! Let's make this country one of our own design!"

"That sounds kind of dangerous though. Hasn't the Han been in control for some time now? Why would we disrupt that balance?"

"Have you seen the people? The common man no longer cares for the unfaithfulness that is the Han! It is full of corrupted officials who care not of our brethren! Let us take this gift and usurp those bastards!"

Jue scratched his beard. "Now that sounds like that could be a wonderful idea! Get my things Ba! Lian! We have ourselves a Dynasty to overthrow…"

Soon after the three had begun recruiting lowly farmers and wanderers who have nothing better to do on their time. This sparked the beginning of the Yellow Scarves Rebellion as the rebellious men and woman donned yellow scarves across their head. As the Yellow Scarves grew in numbers, the Han had taken noticed and began to panic. They knew they weren't ready for such a massive number of people nor did they expect them to be so large. A soldier busted into the throne room of Emperor Ling and told him of the events unfolding across the land.

"You! Lowly guard who stands there wishing he were me!" a small astute man screeched which was Emperor Ling. He wore an odd looking hat, which had small strings dangling in front of his eye with small jewels on the end. His sleeves were large that covered his hands completely and the designs on his clothes were intricate and colorful. Across his chest was a design of an acorn. "Call forth my trusty Marshall, He Jin!" With that, he extended his hands and waved his fingers.

"Yes my Emperor!" yelled a guard who was taken completely by surprise. The soldier tried to run off but ended up tripping over his own two feet before falling on his face. Groaning, he stood up saying he was fine as blood trickled down his hand as he tried to stop the blood from flowing from his nose. Moments later the same guard with a rolled up piece of tissue in his nose came back with He Jin close behind. "Here he is my Emperor. Is there anything else you wish to ask of me?"

Emperor Ling tapped his chin lightly, "No... not really. I don't need you anymore lowly guard. Go about your business standing there... Or better yet go change your armor! We can't look like a bunch of slobs with blood stained uniforms!"

The soldier looked down at his armor and saw the blood Emperor Ling spoke of. Sighing, he walked away.

He Jin, who was a bit confused, watched the whole situation before speaking. "Is there any particular reason why you summoned me, Emperor? You interrupted my movie time." His gaze slowly making his way to the Emperor. The Emperor was sitting on his throne, legs dangling over the side of the throne. A dazed look on his face.

"Yes! There are these guys out in the middle of nowhere, binding their heads with Yellow Scarves and shouting stuff like, 'Master Good, Han Bad'... I don't like it and neither should you. It's rather insulting thinking that these rabble rousers can run amuck anywhere they please."

"Alright." He Jin shrugged slightly. "I also take it you want me to do something about it?"

Emperor Ling only laughed as he rubbed his index finger just below his nose. "Yes. That sounds good to me actually. Lord He Jin, I want you to go and take care of these fools for me. Let them know who the boss is around here by force. I want you to go about the local villages and cities and put up signs to recruit people of our own to fend off these growing groups of fanatics." With that the Emperor snapped his fingers and two men wearing white robes with red sashes over their foreheads came out with hundreds of papers in their arms. "Here He Jin, I already took the liberty to print out the posters that you will post up on the walls. You have your orders."

"As you command, my Emperor." With that, He Jin clasped his hands together and bowed deeply. As he stood back up, he turned about and walked out with the two gentlemen close behind. As they left the giant doors coming into the throne room closed behind them.

The Emperor smiled as he placed his hands behind his head and laughed. Reaching over he grabbed a glass of orange juice that was sitting on a table nearby. As he sipped, he sighed contently. "Ahh... it's good to be Emperor."

Later in the province of Zhou…

A man wearing a brown cloak approached a rather small village, the hood covering his face. He was of average height, a small beard of on his chin and his moustache finely trimmed. The only strange thing of the man was that his earlobes touched his shoulders. With a bounce in his step he made face to face with the guards who questioned his appearance.

"Say… who are you? You don't look familiar?" One guard asked as he pointed the tip of his spear towards the man.

He simply waved a hand in front the guards face. "These are not the droids you're looking for…"

"These are not the droids we're looking for…" The soldier mimicked back.

With that the stranger walked past the two of them with a smile on his face, almost skipping as he entered. The other guard stared at his friend.

"What the hell? Droids? Do you even know what the hell just happened?" He barked.

"Uh… I don't know. It was the way that man waved his hand in front of me that just seemed so mystical and mesmerising..."

The stranger made his way down the street when he suddenly saw a group of people gathered around. Curious, he made his way over to see what all the humbug was all about. Unfortunately he couldn't see what it was, nor could he wave his hand to make people do what he want. He burnt all of his energy for the day. Sighing, he turned around and walked away.

"HEY!" A loud raspy voice coming from his right. "Did you read the sign yet? It seems the Emperor is calling upon peasants to bring up their arms in attempts to push back the Yellow Scarves." The man was averaged build with a lot of muscle. He had a chef's hat on and a chef attire on. His was round with a shaggy beard jutting from his jawline.

"Aw… The Yellow Scarves? I was hoping it was a grand opening of an I-Hop in my home area. I'm so tired of having to walk all the way over here from my home just to get a god damned pancake." With this Liu Bei stamped the floor with his foot. "It also doesn't help that with these Scarved fools running amuck, they sent out a large shipment of pancakes off to the Youzhou region to supply the men."

"Then we should join! I get to go kick some Yellow Scarves butts while you get your pancakes! It's a win win situation." The tough man said as he folded his arms over his chest.

"That's a perfect idea man whom I've yet to learn his name! Is there any reason why you want to go out and fight them?"

"They took away from my business as a butcher. Everyone is so busy wanting to go fight that all my regular buyers had vanished to go take up arms in service to the Emperor and I was none too happy about it so I decided to join them and make a quick cash grab from it, you know?

"Wow, it sounds like you got things planned out pretty well stranger! While we're on topic, what IS your name?"

"My name is Chef Zhang Fei. Master chef at your service. What is your name?"

"Master chef, eh? As for me, my mother calls me Liu Bei but my father calls me idiot. He never did believe in me and he always laughed at my dreams and ambitions." Liu Bei raised a fist and it shook violently. "But one day… Oh ho one day I will show him. I will show everyone!"

"Right…"

"Anyways, I'm starving! Care to go grab a bite to eat at I-Hop while we are at it? We can discuss more of this… joining the Army and getting free pancakes. Wait. You're a chef… can't you just make me pancakes?"

"Ah, well you see I don't have the ingredients to do that. Sorry." Zhang Fei laughed. "Besides, I kind of stink at making pancakes."

"Ooooh, I think our friendship is off to a rather rough start with that statement." Liu Bei cringed some as he stared awkwardly at the chef.

Moments later the two newly acquainted friends made their way to the local I-Hop and took a seat where they began discussing future plans for the both of them. As the two talked however, the doors to the restaurant swung open and a very tall figure made his way inside. The man had a large beard that reached his belt line, his face red as an apple. He wore strange clothing though. A large green garb with a pair of scissors at his belt. "You! Waiter! Bring me some soup! I require hospitality!" Was all he said to catch the eyes of everyone.

"My such a booming voice, I think my heart stopped beating for a moment." Liu Bei whispered as he placed his hand over his chest. "Nope… wait… there it is."

As the tall man went and sat down at his table, Liu Bei and Zhang Fei stared at him a bit longer. Intrigued with the man, Liu Bei stood from his seat and made his way over to introduce himself. Zhang Fei watched as he left and brought it upon himself to steal his friend's pancakes.

"Greetings friend! That was some damn fine commanding you displayed back there! Anyways to the point, me and my friend…" Liu Bei started. Turning he saw Zhang Fei eating his pancakes and gawked. "Fei you greedy bastard! Er… I mean."

Suddenly the tall man leaned over and spoke. "What do you want?"

Liu Bei's face paled. "I… well… we were wondering if you could join us at our table. We would enjoy your company and would like to discuss some things that could pertain to you."

"Hmph… very well. You don't seem like an official anyways." The man walked past our larged earlob friend, who nearly fainted at the intimidating height of his new guest.

Soon the three sat at the same table, all of them enjoying their meals, especially Liu Bei who had a stack of pancakes in front of him, Zhang Fei who had some meat and was expertly cutting and seasoning his own meal, while their new friend just ate soup.

"So." Liu Bei began, "What is your name friend? I don't think I caught it."

"It's Guan Yu."

Zhang Fei smiled. "Please to meet you Guan Yu! My name is Zhang Fei, and he is Liu Bei."

His eyes then looked at Guan Yu's clothes. "I also see you have some experience underneath that quiet frame of yours. And that beard!"

Guan Yu's eyes narrowed. "I like my beard… I trim it myself every day." Saying this he pulled out the scissors that were attached to his belt to show them off before putting them back. "I am a barber if you must know. I cut hair and I am quite good at it."

"I see… how good?" Liu Bei asked.

"Real good. But some people don't seem to understand that it is an art form and ridicule me when they complain about getting a haircut that they asked for. Some people are just so ungrateful." Guan Yu scoffed. "Well they learned their lesson."

Liu Bei raised a brow. "Learned their lesson? What do you mean?"

Guan Yu laughed. "I killed them!"

Liu Bei and Zhang Fei froze in place. There was an awkward silence amongst the three, the only one who seemed to be moving was Guan Yu as he sipped from his soup bowl. As he set his soup bowl down he looked to the two of them.

Liu Bei was the first to break from his shock. "Well… I mean. We don't have to worry about that now right? I mean it was only because they weren't happy with the haircuts that they specifically asked for correct?"

"Yup."

"Well then there shouldn't be any reason for us to worry right?"

"So long as you don't need a haircut that you don't necessarily need."

"Right. I'll remember that."

As the moment passed the three continued to speak of their plans and what they should do with the Yellow Scarves causing trouble amongst the area. It was until Zhang Fei spoke up about his farm in the countryside where the peach trees are in full flower. Seeing as the three would be fighting together he thought they should swear an oath of brotherhood and unity. Liu Bei and Guan Yu agreed to this and the following day set off to the farm. The three stood beneath an altar beneath the peach trees as the smoke of incense filled the air around them.

"We three- Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei- though of different families, swear brotherhood, and promise mutual help to one another. Should one falter the other will be there to lean him his sword. For we three… the cook…"

"Amen…" Zhang Fei peeped.

"The barber…"

"Hallelujah…" Guan Yu praised as he raised his hands.

"And the Jedi…"

Guan Yu and Zhang opened their eyes and looked at each other, questioningly, at the word Jedi.

"… And by these words let us begin our new journey in kicking some damn Yellow Scarves ass! Woo!" With that Liu Bei threw up his hands up cheered, flipping the altar over.

With this, the three faced one another with a glass of Fei's finest wine. Each held their own towards the center and smiled. Then they drank… Guan Yu and Zhang Fei drank the wine easily while Liu Bei gagged on the taste nearly falling to his knees in disgust. With the ceremony finished all that was left was a well needed plan to acquire some weaponry to do battle with.

Liu Bei sat on a small log playing with a small cylinder object. Guan Yu who had noticed went and sat next to his brother. "Brother, what bothers you?"

"Ah… nothing. It's just my cool lightsaber is broken." Liu Bei fussed.

Guan Yu raised a brow. "Light… saber?"

"Yeah! It's a cool thingie-ma-jig that emits a cool light! It can cut through anything and requires a master of the utmost calmness and precision!" Guan Yu chortled beneath his breathe. "It's what we Jedi's use!"

"Jedi… yeah about that, exactly what is a Jedi brother? You said that during our oath and me and Fei both thought you were just being spontaneous."

"What's a Jedi? Well… well it's hard to explain. Maybe sometime later when I can think of the words to say, you know what I mean? Let's just say there are few people in the world who acquire such abilities. I am one of them!" Liu Bei said as he fiddled with his broken lightsaber.

"Ok. Well… what do we need to do to fix it?"

"Well… it needs a new crystal. Without one of those I don't think I will ever be able to fix it."

"A crystal? Well… I don't know how we are going to be able to get one of those but will make do with what we can find." Guan Yu sighed and thought for a moment. Suddenly he had an idea.

Early the next morning, when everyone in town was still asleep, Guan Yu was sneaking around the back alleys in an all black ninja suit. There he came upon the back door of a local blacksmith's store and broke in quietly by kicking the door in and off its hinges. The door landed with a loud thud (so much for quiet) as he stepped in, eyes gazing to and fro for blades. His eyes fell upon a large halberd of sort, decorated in jewels and ribbons. The second weapon he found was a large spear, the blade bent like a snake. Unfortunately there was no other weaponry he could find for Liu Bei. Not even a fork.

"Damn… wait. What's that?"

On a small table, laying next to a couple beer cans was a very strange object. It shimmered in the morning sun as it got higher. It was a crystal! Oddly though it was yellow with purple polka dots.

"Eh… I'm sure the color won't effect his lightsaber." Shrugging, Guan Yu snatched up the crystal and place it into his bag. And soon enough he was gone.

The next morning…

"Guan Yu these are perfect!" Zhang Fei squealed as he received his new weapon. "This will be perfect for cutting dumplings!"

"This is for you, Brother." Guan Yu said as he held out the crystal to Liu Bei.

Bei cried for joy as he took the crystal and placed it inside of his lightsaber. He then hit the button on the side and a very bright yellow beam emitted from the base of the cylinder. Strangely it had small hues of purple strewn across it.

"Well… I didn't see that coming." Liu Bei stared as he waved his lightsaber around, eyeing the beam of light very carefully. "Anyways how did you come to acquire these?"

"Oh you know…" Yu started until screaming came from a building just across the street.

"Help! Someone help! Someone robbed me of my finely crafted weapons! They even stole my crystal that I use to power up the entire village!"

"Well then! Shouldn't we be off to the Imperial camp then?" Guan Yu laughed as he started to rush his brothers on their way. "We shouldn't be late signing up or else we'll miss all the fun and gore!"

"Aww… I was hoping to get some I-Hop before we left this mooooorning…" Liu Bei whined and complained as he was forced to move.

Sometime down the road, the three brothers ran into a small blockade on the road, in the distance a castle stood. At the blockade there were two soldiers, each a spear in hand.

"Halt! You approach the castle of Lord He Jin! State your business, stranger!" One of the guards said as he stared the three down.

Liu Bei laughed as he stepped forward. "Stand back brothers, let me handle this!" Rolling up his sleeves, Liu Bei had a smirk on his face. "These are not the droids you're looking for."

The guards hesitated. "Droids? What are you gabbin' on about? Are you some sort of wizard?" Suddenly they drew their spears on him. "Are you spies for the Yellow Scarves!?"

Liu Bei yelped. "My powers! They haven't fully recovered from yesterday!" Nearly feeling faint from the spears tips about an inch from his face, he stumbled back, Zhang Fei catching him.

"Don't mind him… We are here responding to the call to arms by Lord He Jin." Guan Yu spoke up.

"Oh… I see. Well you can continue to the castle but the lord, He Jin, is engaging Yellow Scarves as we speak. I'm pretty sure he will be grateful to have some reinforcements, especially now. It is said that officers under Zhang Jue have launched an attack."

"Hmm… so it's started." Zhang Fei grumbled as he helped Liu Bei stand up.

"We better be off if we want to see some action!" Liu Bei cheered as he threw his hands up and ran ahead towards the castle. "I'll make sure these Yellow Scarves run with their tails between their legs! Woo!"

Thus the story of the Three Kingdoms begins... for better or for worse...