i.
Sasha screamed.
For a four year-old, she was brave. She scaled trees, albeit young, short ones, and watched her mother gut and skin game without flinching.
But she was screaming now, because there was a bear, standing on its hind legs, head rolling from side to side as it let out a ferocious roar.
Her mother picked her up, and she clung immediately to the familiarity of the gesture and the familiar curves. She was still sobbing when her mother tried to calm her down by rocking on the balls of her feet.
Her father stood in front of them – rifle in hand, his expression the very definition of determination. He was trying to get a good aim on the beast as he had a limited number of rounds.
As he was about to pull the trigger, Sasha froze mid-wail and jumped out of her mother's arms, pushing her father aside and sending the both of them tumbling off the beaten path before the three of them watched with ranging levels of horror as the bear finally dropped on all fours, claws digging sharply into the ground where Sasha's father stood mere seconds ago.
She didn't know what caused her to move – something yelled at her to do so, and she did because she knew, somehow, that the something was never wrong.
Out of shock, her father shot at the bear several times – twice to a paw and a leg, and then once more to its chest after it landed on its back with an ear-splitting yowl. He then took his wife and daughter in hand and started running.
Sasha didn't catch the sideway glance her father shot her – a mixture of awe, gratefulness, and paternal pride – the my-child-will-grow-up-to-be-a-fine-huntress kind.
ii.
She was hunting with her mother because her father was stuck in bed with a fever. They had caught several small animals which her mother had deemed enough for the day. Sasha agreed, figuring that the meat they had would contribute to a decent dinner.
And so, they were on their way home – so close, Sasha thought, even to this day – when a bear appeared.
The beast started stalking towards them. Sasha and her mother backed away, slowly, each of them inching closer towards a tree of their choice. She apologized mentally to her father because he was obviously going to have a late dinner tonight, if they even manage to make it home.
It didn't happen in exaggerated slow motion or in a pace so quick she wasn't able to clearly visualize what happened afterwards. It happened with the speed of every other hunt – normally.
She caught the twitch of its jaw and she was on her feet, running, before her conscious mind was even given the opportunity to catch up with her legs.
She knew what happened after the twitch. It would bellow, and then it would retract a front leg and a hind leg before launching itself at its victim.
Sasha stopped dead in her tracks.
Its victim.
Mother?
Her eyes were as round as the moon and sun when she doubled back. Her mother had successfully climbed a feeble tree. She gestured frantically for Sasha to go and when Sasha remained rooted to the spot, she started mouthing 'Go,' repeatedly.
Eventually, she did.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps.
Sasha watched as the bear tugged at the tree, causing it to flail about, like a weakened limb.
Four steps.
Five steps.
She wondered how long it would stay upright. She wondered how much time her mother had left. She wondered if there was anything she could do to help her mother.
Six steps.
She would race home and ask for father's help. She would drag father out of his bed if need be.
Seven steps.
Eight steps.
Of course, her mother hadn't hunted in a while – she hadn't the need to – and so her instincts were quieter than usual. They didn't yell, like Sasha's did.
Nine steps.
Before long, the steps blurred into greens underneath her feet and greens around her and it was dusk by the time she arrived at the steps of her house, her breaths raggedy and short.
She forced the men saving her mother to take her with them because she knew exactly where the bear was at and it would save time, it would save time, please, please, please, she had begged until they conceded.
It was too late.
At ten years old, Sasha developed a passionate loathing for bears.
iii.
It was the end of the month and the graduates of the 104th had just received their first paycheck. Most of them were out partying – celebrating by drinking in cheap pubs they knew the officers didn't frequent because it was too, well, cheap.
Sasha was treating herself to an extra bowl of stew, a can of minced beef, and a freshly-baked loaf of bread. She also bought a jar of this scrumptious-looking thing called strawberry jam, to be spread on her bread.
This was better than any pleasure liquor could provide.
She settled into the mess hall, empty save for herself in this hour, and promptly began to fill her stomach. First went the stew and a quarter of the bread, then went the beef and another quarter of bread, and lastly went the strawberry jam and the rest of the bread.
She uncapped the jar and was just about to dip her spoon into the gooey substance when she stiffened. It smelt…strange. Not in an exotic way or a foreign way, but in a inexplicably strange way. It was too nice and pink – almost as if it was compensating for something. Sasha couldn't quite place her finger on it, but there was something off about this strawberry jam.
Skeptically, Sasha lowered a finger into the paste and brought said finger before her nose. She sniffed it, and was immediately overtaken by a violent bout of coughs.
Poison.
Her expensive jam was poisoned!
She sighed as she stood up to find something to wipe her finger with. She wasted a lot of money on the jam, damn it.
v.
"Don't!" She cried as she grabbed Armin's shoulder, preventing him from taking another step forward.
The quizzical look he sent her was matched by one of her own.
"I- It's just, Eren's behaving funnily."
"Other than him being in titan form, you mean," Armin chuckled uneasily.
"No, he's done this enough times for me to remain unaffected by his transformation. He's simply, unusual, today."
The blonde frowned. He used to be shorter than her, Sasha thought. Now he was able to look straight ahead instead of up when they spoke. He might even be a bit taller than her.
"Unusual in what way?"
"In a way that perturbs me."
Armin laughed again, this time sincerely, "I thought you dropped that formal speech a long time ago. You must be really worried, huh?"
Sasha fidgeted with her blades, clicking and unclicking the trigger, but not deep enough for her hooks to shoot out.
"Just don't go. Don't approach Eren."
Armin shrugged her hand off, "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
Sasha watched helplessly as Armin catapulted himself towards a group of trees in the distance to get closer to Eren. She bit her lower lip, knowing there was nothing else she could do for him, and continued traveling in the opposite direction, warning anyone who would listen about Eren's current state and how her guts were telling her it was not okay to get any closer to Eren.
She wanted to save this expedition from failing. She didn't want all their efforts to stave the titans off to be for nothing.
There was a cry – human – and then another one – Eren – from deeper within the forest. Sasha rammed her eyes shut and felt her fists ball up at her sides.
"What's wrong?" Connie, who she had been warning, asked.
There was a brief pause before she said, her voice starting to crack, "I believe Armin is incapacitated. Permanently."
vi.
They were heading to the training grounds – one more hour before lunch – when Jean caught up to Sasha and asked if he could have a moment with her.
She cocked her head to the side, questioningly, because Jean never asked for private conversations. He was all for loud arguments in the mess hall, much like Eren, except he was probably smarter and more refined.
"Why?" She asked.
"I- I just need a word with you, goddamn it," he stammered.
At this strange show of – was it nervousness? – Sasha craned her neck forwards and frowned.
"Can't you just talk to me here?"
By now, most of their training groups were staring at them. Realizing they had made quite a commotion, Jean swore under his breath and seized Sasha's arm, pulling her away from the curious gazes of their friends.
He released her when they reached a shady spot – an alley behind one of the officers' buildings.
"So, what is it?" Sasha asked as she rubbed her arm, silently diagnosing the damage done to it.
"I-," Jean was about to say but was cut off by a catcall from above.
"Shut the fuck up, Jaeger!" He said instead.
Sasha smiled. It was almost endearing to see the two boys bicker daily, as if they were trying to pretend they weren't close friends because being kind to one another would physically hurt them. It was also nice to see Eren slowly returning to his old self. It might've taken him a lot of years to get over Armin's death, but he was getting there.
"You were saying?" Sasha prompted once Eren's laughter has died down. She didn't want to be late for training because that would mean she would be late for lunch and she wouldn't be able to eat the good food.
"I like you!"
…Huh?
"…Huh?"
"I- Well, you heard me the first time!"
Sasha took a step back. Her animal instincts were bristling. She was suddenly afraid of Jean.
"What is the cause for this, Jean? What brought this up?"
He realized Sasha has reverted to formal-speak and cursed. He stretched out an arm, as if to pull her back, but the action seemed to cause something in Sasha to snap and she bolted for the training grounds before Jean had even finished raising his hand.
There was a snicker from above.
"Goddamn it, Eren! Shut the fuck up or I swear I will cut your tongue out myself!"
iv.
She flung the door open to the sight of a titan chewing a woman's leg and a cowering child in the corner. Sasha would vomit if she was thinking and processing the image before her, but she wasn't.
Without thinking, she hurried to the child and helped her up before running out of the house, suddenly too cramped, with the girl in tow.
She told the child to go, run, as far as her feet would take her, and find shelter, find help, because help would be there as long as one looked hard enough.
Without thinking, she stabbed two of the arrows she snatched on the way out of the house into the titan's eyes. She knew, just like that, what she had to do to survive – which part of the titan she had to hit. Her heart was pounding as loud as thunderbolts when she managed to slip through the titan's grasp.
Without thinking, she ran towards an uphill slope and stumbled upon her father. And horses. And people. And the little girl she saved.
She could feel the tears brimming. She could care less if they spilled.
"I'm home," she said. "I'm home."
Her father beamed at her – the smile a mixture of awe, gratefulness and paternal pride – the my-child-has-become-a-fine-huntress-and-soldier kind.
This time, she caught it.
Author's Note
Sasha is officially my new obsession and favorite female snk character. Blame it on the amazing Sasha-centric fic I read yesterday - 179 by ohthelinsanity - which, I strongly urge you to check out.
Hope you enjoyed this! Feedback is always appreciated!