It was finally the day. I couldn't believe I'd made it this far. It was the finale of the first season of American Idol. I was one of the final two, and from internet research, I had found that my fan base was stronger than that of the 23 year old boy I was competing against. That probably didn't go over very well with him, practically losing to a 16 year old girl. But nobody had won or lost yet, though our fates would be decided tonight.
We had both met with the producers a week before the finale, to tell them our song choices. Yes, they were actually letting us choose our own songs instead of assigning them, which they had been for the entire season until this point. Naturally, I chose something from my favorite band, My Chemical Romance. The producers had said to pick a "clean" song, meaning no drug references and no swears. That ruled out Vampire Money, Kill All Your Friends, and I'm Not Okay (I Promise), my top three choices. I decided to pick Heaven Help Us. They listened to it and approved, and I spent all week practicing.
Now I was standing backstage, 30 seconds until I was supposed to go on, nervous as hell. Then Ryan called my name from out on the stage. I froze in my spot. A crew member had to give me a little shove to get me moving. I walked out onto the stage, knowing the majority of the nation was watching this right now, whether it be from the live audience or on their TV at home. I was trying my best to not look stupid. I probably wasn't succeeding. I hoped I had enough foundation on to cover my blushing. I walked over to Ryan and he handed me the mic. He wished me luck before he walked off the stage, leaving me completely alone and feeling exposed. Even the band wasn't in their places yet.
Simon greeted me, then asked, "What will you be singing for us today?" It reminded me of my very first day on AI, my audition. He had said those words exactly.
I snapped out of my train of thought and replied, "Heaven Help Us by My Chemical Romance."
He made a remark, like "I don't believe I've heard that before" or something of the sort. Then he continued, "Also, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Frank Iero, Ray Toro, and Mikey Way of My Chemical Romance!" I gasped and turned around to look. There they were, my inspiration, my reason for living, walking out onto the stage and taking their places. Frank saw me looking their way and flashed a smile.
How could the producers not have told me that I was performing with My Chemical Romance? I reluctantly looked back at Simon, Paula, and Randy. Simon gave the signal for me to begin. I took a deep breath as the guys began to play. It took everything I had not to look back at them. I began to wonder where Gerard was, but I had to put that thought aside as I began singing. I was extremely self-conscious, not because practically the whole world was watching me, but because those three guys standing behind me were watching me. Theirs were the only opinions I cared about.
I sang my heart out, all for them. I moved around onstage like I always did, not dancing, just moving with the beat. Sometimes, I locked eyes with individual audience members. They seemed to like that for even a split second, I was focused solely on them, but I just found it awkward so I would quickly look away. The end of the song came pretty quickly. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I returned to center stage, put the mic back on the stand, and stood behind it. I smiled as the audience applauded.
I then felt a tear run down my cheek. No! I can't cry, god damn it! Everyone's watching me! The tears refused to cease, though. The audience went silent and Paula asked me what was wrong.
"I'm just so happy. I can't believe I made it here. I can't believe I'm onstage with my favorite band in the entire world right now. It's just so surreal," I replied as I dabbed at my cheeks with the sleeves of my favorite MCR hoodie that I'd worn for good luck. "They're my inspiration for everything that I do. They showed me it's okay to be who I am, even if it means being different. They taught me to accept myself for who I am, and… they saved my life, honestly."
The crowd Aww'd and so did the judges. I could feel the stares of everyone in the audience, almost as if they were collectively burning me. Then I felt someone's arms wrap around me. I turned to see that it was Frank standing there. I hugged him back and whispered, "Thanks for everything."
He pulled back and wiped a tear from my face with his thumb. "No problem. And if my opinion helps, you did great," he replied. I smiled. I then realized the rest of the band was crowded around me, too. I hugged each of them and they all said encouraging things like Frank had said. The audience and judges were patient in watching our little moment. I reluctantly turned back to face them and I could feel the tears drying on my face. I realized my eyeliner was probably running.
The judges all gave me their feedback. It was all positive, and they noted that I wasn't just a singer, but a real performer. I had never thought of myself that way. The audience applauded as I exited the stage, MCR close behind me. Once we were all backstage, they embraced me again. This time, though, there was another person with the group. Gerard had come up out of nowhere and joined us. I suspected he had been backstage the whole time, meaning he had been watching me too. Great.
They all congratulated me, and then Gerard asked, "Was all that stuff that you said out there true?"
I smiled. "Of course," I replied, "Every word of it. All of you have inspired me and impacted my life so much. In fact, if it weren't for you, I'd most definitely be six feet under right now."
We continued talking as my competitor performed. I don't know what band he was singing with, but they weren't the original writers of the song he chose. The guys asked me for specifics, they wanted to know everything possible about me. It made sense, since I already knew so much about them. We didn't have much time to talk, though, because my adversary's performance was rather short. As I was being ushered back onto the stage for the announcing of the winner, I told the guys, "I don't even care if I win, the experience of meeting you is better than winning."
They smiled. "We'll wait here. Meet us after you're done," Frank said. I nodded. I walked back out onto the stage and stood next to my competitor. To be honest, he was a real dick. He was never nice to the crew, or anyone for that matter, even fans. And now was no exception. He had a bigger ego than he was entitled to. He looked at me and frowned, then looked away, still slightly grimacing. I tried to forget that he was there and just focus on everyone in front of me.
"It is my pleasure to announce that the winner of American Idol is…" Simon paused for dramatic effect, "Haley Dessen!" I smiled. I had just won American Idol. My competitor grumbled and crossed his arms, I felt bad for him. I closed the distance between us and hugged him.
I pulled away after a split second and said to him, "You were great. I would share this with you if I could." He still didn't smile.
"I don't need your sympathy," he replied. Then he turned and walked off the stage. Ryan came up and put his arm around me. He congratulated me, then said a final line to end the show. The cameras turned off and the audience began to get up and leave. MCR ran out onto the stage. Gerard picked me up and spun me around, surprising me. I didn't protest, though. When your favorite singer is hugging you, you don't object. They all congratulated me again. We picked up the conversation where we'd left off, not bothering to take it backstage, seeing as everyone was leaving anyway.
After a while, the staff basically told us to get the hell out. We obliged, but not before they asked for my Twitter name, I told them, and they promised to follow me. I smiled the whole way out to my car and back to my hotel.
When I went up to my room, the first thing I did was check Twitter. Sure enough, I had four new followers.