I can remember the first time I saw him. It was during school, he was talking with my brother with such a warm smile I thought I might melt. I remember thinking 'if only he would smile for me like that.' But that won't ever happen. You see he's completely and utterly in love my brother.
Takahiro and I are twins but we don't even look like siblings. We were only 14 when our parents died. We had to struggle to get by for a while but thankfully our mothers sister took us in. We are now nearly 16 and we both go to the same school. Taka however doesn't want to even be associated with me at school so a lot of people don't know we're brothers.
Including him.
I often wonder how he would react if I told him that I was his secret loves brother. Would he feel threatened? Would he choose me if I revealed my true feelings? But the idea of doing that makes me feel sick to the stomach, so I silently stay back and watch him from a safe distance.
We are pretty much in nearly every class together but I can't get anywhere close with my brother around.
No one knows that I'm gay. I've managed to keep it a secret this long and I would hate it if Takahiro hated me more than he already does. I don't know why he hates me but every memory I have with him is me trying to play with him, and him pushing me away. He thinks its because I'm trying to take everything he has but really all I ever wanted was for my love for him to be reciprocated.
I don't think that's ever going to happen though.
However, when it comes to his friend Usami Akihiko. I want him. He is the only thing I've ever wanted that my brother had first but he's in love with Taka and I can't change that.
It's nearly lunch now. I'm probably just going to sit with Sumi. He's not really the best guy but the only one who actually talks to me. I've never been the most social of people but Sumi is able to make me talk. Even when I don't want too.
"Hey Misa." Sumi smiles as I arrive at our usual table.
"I told you not to call me that. It makes me sound like a girl."
Sumi smiles wickedly. "Aww, but it's such a cute nickname. If you like you can give me a nickname too."
"Isn't Sumi short enough? You don't need one."
"Please, please Misa, give me a cute nickname." He says in a cute mocking voice.
"You're not funny." I say, even though I'm smiling. He always has a way to drag me out of my shell. "Now, stop calling me Misa. My name is Misaki or if you prefer Takahashi."
"Takahashi huh, so formal Misa-ki." Seriously. He's so annoying. "Hey, I was thinking we could go out tonight."
"No Sumi, we have exams coming up and I have to study hard if I don't want to come in last again."
"But Misaki, it's Friday. Surely you could sacrifice one night to go out." I roll my eyes and he laughs. "Look it's my cousin's birthday. She's doing a fancy dress party and I need a date. Please come with me."
"No." I say coldly. I really do have studying to do but I hate big crowds.
"Okay Misaki, I'll make you a deal. If you be my date I promise I'll never call you Misa again." Damn. I can't really say no to that. Sumi smiles, he knows he's got me.
"Fine," I say defeated. "I'll go. Only if I can wear a costume that covers my face."
"Why? You have such a beautiful face, you shouldn't hide it like that." He knows why, damn it. It's because I don't want to be recognised. I was bullied a lot when I was younger due to the colour of my eyes. It stayed with me and now I always hide my face when I'm away from home. Even at school I hide my eyes under the bangs of my hair. "If it means you'll come, I accept your conditions."
After school.
I decided to wear a mask that covered the top half of my face, I'm wearing a long coat and have a cane. I'm not too sure who I'm suppose to be but it looks cool and no one will be able to recognise me.
"What the hell are you suppose to be?" Takahiro asks me, giving me a weird look.
"Wow, who knew you actually could speak." I say with a little venom in my voice.
"No need to be so ... never mind. Where are you going anyway? Don't you have to study? Mr. Last leg." Great. He's calling me that again. It was a nickname he gave to me ages ago when I started failing my classes. He thinks he's so funny. He isn't.
"When did you become so interested in my life?"
"I'm not. I'm just curious." He gave me a cruel smile. "I'm just curious to how someone with such low grades gets the time to go out. I mean I get that privilege being at the top of the year but someone like you should be doing their best not to fall behind."
I hate him. He can be so mean and cruel. I wish there was a way to get him to see that I do try hard. If he spent some time with me maybe he could work out who I am. But when he acts like this, I don't want him to know me. He's not like this with anyone else, just me. He acts so nice when he's at school, all his friends love him, want to be around him. If only they saw how he could be.
"I have every right to go out, as much as you do. So jog on and find someone else to torment." I'm sick of this back and fourth we have with each other. I never wanted it to be like this. I really don't know what I did.
"Whatever."
"Takahiro," I waited a little to make sure he was listening. "What did I do to get you to hate me so much?"
I could see the wheels spinning in his head. "I don't know. You just annoy me I guess."
"So there's no reason for you to say what you do. It's just that you want to hurt my feelings."
"It's just a joke, Misaki, there's no need to get so uptight about it."
"Have you ever taken my feelings into consideration? I don't think you have. I think you just say whatever you want to make your self feel better. You have everything and I have nothing. I have to pretend I don't know you and I have to stay away from you at school. The only relationship I have with you is all on your terms."
"Who said I wanted a relationship with you?" It was a good thing I wasn't facing him. I could feel the warm droplets of tears running down my cheeks. I knew he didn't like me but I always thought that he wanted to change it as much as I did, I was wrong. He really just hated me and he couldn't give me a good enough reason why.
"I thought we were supposed to be brothers. Maybe I thought you wanted the same thing as me. After all you are the o-only close family I have left." My voice is cracking, he must know I'm crying by now. I'm not weak for wanting my brother.
"Don't you think your just being selfish? You want to be brothers but I don't want anything to do with you. Forcing me to like you to make your self feel better, crying like a baby to make me feel sorry for you. Let me make this clear. I hate you."
This isn't what I wanted to hear. It hurts. I don't know what I did. "I-I love you." It was barely a whisper. God, I just want him to say it back. It hurts so much I think I might die. Please say it back. Please say it back.
He walks away without saying anything and disappears into his room. I can't stop crying. I want to. I have to. Sumi will be here soon to pick me up and I don't want him to see me like this. I have to calm down and there's only one thing that works for me.
Sumi's POV:
It's been a while since I knocked on the door and nobody has come to the door yet. I've been standing here for 5 minutes. I knock again but this time I get an answer right away. It isn't Misaki who answers though. It's Takahiro. Misaki told me everything about them so I'm one of the few who knows that their brothers.
"Hey." I say with a fake smile plastered on my face. This git hurts my lovely Misa on a daily basis. I've learned to hate it from afar. "I'm looking for Misaki. I've invited him out. We're going to a fancy dress party. Do you know if he's ready?"
"Yah, I'll just get him for you." He shut the door without inviting me in first. Definitely not the most well mannered guy. It's taking quite a while for Misaki to show though.
"Hey Sumi." Misaki calls as he opens the door. As soon as I see his face I can tell. He's done it again. He doesn't think I know about this dangerous habit that he's taken up. I'll just have to get him hammered to take his mind off it.
"Nice costume Misaki, but who are you dressed as?" I ask.
"I don't really know. Just something I threw together. It looks too weird, doesn't it?" He looks depleted. That is the opposite reaction I was gunning for.
I gave him an honest smile and close the gap between us. I pull his chin up and forced him to look into my eyes. "You're beautiful." His eyes widen. Those dazzling emerald eyes. My height giving me the advantage, I close the gap further . I lean down my face hovering just over his wondering expression. I'm so close I could capture his soft, plump lips but instead I decide to say something that would seal our relationship forever. "I bought you chocolate."
His whole demeanour changes. A smile spreads across his face and he pulls me into a hug. "Thanks Sumi, you're the best." He's so warm. I wish I could stay like this forever. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tighter and place my chin on his head. His hair smells like strawberry's, his hands are small on my back, his breath warm against my chest, his heart pounding in his chest. He's nervous.
It is different for us to be so intimate. I love it though. I love him. We separate and head to the car.
I think I'm in trouble.
Thanks guys for reading, ill be updating soon. See you soon my little bunny rabbits.