Disclaimer: So yeah of course I don't own NCIS.
A/N: Ok so for any one reading my other stories I am so sorry I have not updated. My life has been hectic and I got a moment to spare because I got sick. And when I sat down to write his came out because I just saw yesterday's episode. So here we go. Hope you enjoy!
I never meant for it to come out. No one was supposed to find out about that night. That's all it was anyways, just one night. And it did not mean anything, it will never happen again. I hate that guy for doing this. Just when I thought things were finally going to work out for Tony and me, he has to go and bring this up with Tony behind the glass. Now I have to figure out how to talk to Tony and get our relationship back in order. We finally fixed it and then Tony had to find that out. Tony was never supposed to find out especially not this way. If he was to find out, I wanted to tell him and break it to him nicely and explain that it did not mean anything. But now that's impossible. I saw that look in his eyes. I broke his heart into a million tiny pieces and I do not know if it can be put back together. I never meant to hurt him. Maybe, just maybe I can make this right again.
I turn my car around and head in the direction of Tony's apartment. I am there within a matter of minutes. I drove my fastest, not caring about anything else except getting to Tony and making this right again. I rush up to the door and knock repeatedly. I hear footstep and I am guessing he looked through the peep-hole because it took him a few minutes to open the door. He opens the door and greets me with a stern look. "Tony-"
"What do you want Ziva?" He asks harshly. I know he's angry with me not to mention upset and bitter. I ripped his heart out and stepped on it. He has every right to be mad at me.
"Look Tony, I am sorry. It did not mean anything. It was just a stupid mistake that I made-"
"Yeah, your greatest mistake," he says not letting me finish again.
"Tony, can I come in and explain, please?" I ask with a pleading look. He sighs and opens the door wider for me to walk through. "Look, I was lonely and before you say anything, yes your Hebrew was correct. And it was perfect but when I got to Israel and I buried my father I felt alone again. And when I needed to hear those words again you were not there to tell them to me, Adam was. And I know how much that hurts you. I understand that-"
"Do you Ziva? Do you really know how much? Because I don't think you do. I don't think you have the slightest clue how bad it hurts. I put myself out there. How many times have I risked something important for you? How many times have I showed you how I feel? I tried to tell myself that you didn't understand what I was trying to tell you. I pretended that you were stupid and that you didn't know how I felt. But you knew. You always knew. You knew since I came to rescue you from Somalia. I told you that I couldn't live without you; I told you that you weren't alone. But I guess that just wasn't enough for you," he says bitterly as he walks up to me to be right up in my face like he was when he first confronted me in the warehouse. I flinch at some of the tones he uses in his voice as he talks. "No you had to push me until I broke. Was that your game Ziva? To see how long you could string me on until I snapped? Well congratulations… you won," his eyes are full of anger and pain. It kills me inside to know that I am the cause of all his pain.
"You do not understand. I am sorry. I cannot explain to you how sorry I am for doing this to you. It was never supposed to get out because it meant nothing. That is why nothing happened in Berlin between Adam and me. We both knew it meant nothing it was just because I felt alone and that I was weak and-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses Ziva. Just tell it to me straight. You chose him over me! It's obvious! And ya know what? I'm done playing your little game! I'm done with you and your-"
"You are so insufferable! I am trying to be honest with you but you and your ego will not let me! You will not listen to me for one second! You are too stubborn to listen to anything but your broken heart!"
"Yeah the broken heart you caused!" He yells turning to walk away.
"Yes, I caused it and I am sorry! How many times do I have to say it? I am sorry!" I run after him and tackle him to the ground. We wrestle for a second or two but in the end I pin him to the floor below me, my hands wrapped around his wrists as best they can.
"Hmmm your favorite position, I bet Adam liked this view."
"Stop! Just stop! Why do you not understand how sorry I am?" I ask from above him.
"Why didn't you understand what I meant before?" he asks right back without answering my question. The look in his eyes is so distraught. So twisted with pain and anger it's hard to tell the difference. I feel the tears slip from my eyes and run down my face.
"Tony please, I do not…I cannot lose you. I need you. If I knew what I know now when I went to Israel to bury my father it would have never happened. I would have never even thought about it. But I did not know when I left-"
"That's bull and you know it. You knew exactly how I felt when you left-"
"I am not talking about you and how you felt. I am talking about me and how I feel. Now shut up and listen. I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like this-"
"So why did you?" He asks.
"I did not mean to. Do you not understand that? I did not mean to, I did not want to. Please Tony, please forgive me. I cannot live with myself knowing I caused this much pain with one mistake. Please Tony I need you back." I plead, the tears streaming down my face onto his. He seems to not be phased by them falling onto his face; he just stares at me with those eyes.
"I'll be able to forgive you when I can rip out your heart and smash it into a million tiny pieces," he says blankly. I sob and turn my face away from his to avoid his eyes. I hurt him so badly. I wish he could understand how guilty I feel about this whole thing. If I could take the night back I would. I love Tony and I cannot lose him over some silly mistake that I made months ago. If only I had told him earlier so I could have explained, before things started to happen between us.
"Tell me Ziva, how do you feel now? What are these knew feelings of yours that have changed your opinion in such a drastic way?" he asks in a snarky way. Well here's all or nothing.
"I love you! There I said it! Are you happy? Now you know!" I yell between my sobs. Sitting up I release his wrists and sliding my hands down to rest on his chest. His heart is beating faster than ever.
"How do I know that you aren't just saying it to make me feel better?" he asks. Before I can even think of an answer I fall back over top of him and crush my lips against his in the most passionate kiss I have ever given anyone. I pull away but stay close so our lips are centimeters apart. "You see that doesn't prove anything. Because you sleep with people to get over things so I wonder what it means to you to kiss someone," he says not really asking but being obnoxious. I stand full up and he sits up on his elbows.
"Well you did it Tony. I guess you can finally forgive me now. I think my heart is broken into so many pieces that it's not fixable anymore. You did it, you broke it. I know now what I must do. It's obvious that we cannot work together like this anymore. I shall put it my resignation by tomorrow morning and be out by the afternoon. Good-bye Tony," I tell him turning fully away from him the tears flowing freely.
As I open the door his hand slams it back shut before I can walk out. "We're not done here. You're not quitting. We are going to finish this here and now," he says into my ear.
"Finish what? It's all done on my part. I gave myself up. I laid it all out there and you spit it back in my face-"
"Good, now you know how I feel. Now you really do understand how much it hurts," he says. The look in his eyes has changed. There is no longer anger mixed with the pain. It is just pure pain. And that hurt more than anything.
"I am sorry. You have no idea how-" he places his finger against my lips to silence me.
"Shut up. You're done talking. No more saying you're sorry. I may still be upset with you but I told you once and it hasn't changed. I can't live without you," he moves his hand to my cheek to wipe the river of tears off my face. I just don't understand how he can go back to loving me so easily.
"How, how can you forgive me so easily?" I ask.
"Because I love you," he whispers as he leans in to connect his lips with mine. It's the second time we kissed tonight but this one is so much different than the one before. This kiss is filled with passion and love from both sides. His other hand comes up to find its way to the back of head to pull out my hair tie and dig its way into my curls. I wrap my arms around his neck to bring him closer. His hands move down to my waist to move me over to his couch where he lies down on top of me. He pulls away once air becomes a necessity.
"Tony, I-"
"Shh, I said no more talking," he says reconnecting his lips with mine. And the next time he pulls away the sounds that can be heard are the sounds of our breaths and the sounds of our hearts beating together.
A/N: Well there it is! I hope you liked it! Please leave a review! :)