Not a Monster

Cecilia had been too sad to count the days since Dan Hiri passed away. That man had given her as much love as he could. She remembered his wrinkled face, the sad look in his eyes. Yet he still managed to brush it all off with a boyish air. She knew why he had to leave, seeing her life had been longer than his; he simply did not want her to see him growing old and grey. She looked over to the child he had given her across the dining table. Supper was quiet this night for who knows how long. She saw how she and his brothers have finished, but he has yet to take a bite.

Conrart ate moderately, but to have him not eat at all says something is wrong. He didn't even seem to notice his brothers just finishing. Celi knew something was wrong and she needed to fix it if she can.

"Gwendal," she called to her eldest, "would you put Wolfram to bed, please?"

Gwendal nodded and brought his younger brother out of the dining room. Wolfram left without so much of a tantrum he was prone to having; Conrart, noticing nothing, kept poking on his food. He did not even look up when his mother walked over to his side.

"Conrart?" she called. The boy started a bit and turned away, not willing to face his mother. She could see him trembling, trying to control his feelings – this worried her even more. "Connie Bear, what's wrong?"

The boy snapped at the question. He sobbed and buried his face into her stomach. "I'm so sorry, Hahaue!"

Now Queen Cecilia was confused. She gently pushed him away from her stomach to allow her son to speak more clearly. "Baby, why are you sorry?"

"I didn't do anything to prevent Wolfram from hating me," he sobbed.

"Conrart..." Celi soothed trying to dry his eyes, "that wasn't your fault—" Conrart pulled away before she could finish. "How could you even look at me?" he demanded, "A half-breed, much less half Dai Shimarron? I'm a monster! Like Stoffel said!"

The Queen made a mental note to talk to her dear older brother about calling her child names over things he had no control over.

"Conrart, do you even know what defines a monster?" Lady Celi told him firmly. Conrart thought for a minute before murmuring, "No, I don't..."

"A monster is not defined by shape or looks or blood but by his or her actions," Celi told him, "I married your father knowing he was a Dai Shimarron swordsman. We loved each other very much. I thought I couldn't be happier, but I was happy beyond belief the moment I found I was pregnant with you."

She paused for a moment to allow her son to digest her words. "I waited all those months, feeling you grow within me, there were times when I wanted to keep you in there forever," the Queen continued, tracing her thumb over his tear stained cheek, "and when you were born... when I saw you... you were given these beautiful brown eyes so you could see and understand; though it is a little early, you are able to understand why Humans and Mazoku hate each other. But you chose to be yourself... you are a beautiful creation of both Mazoku and Human."

All the while she talked, Conrart brown eyes grew wider and wider in understanding. "We," Celi finished, "yes including Gwendal and Wolfram, gave you our love so you could love." She paused for a moment, "You can love can't you, my son?"

The boy nodded. She brought him close; close enough that he could hear the beating of her heart. "My beautiful Conrart," she whispered, "so long as you can love, you will never be a monster."

Conrart hugged his mother back thinking through her words, worry creasing his young brow. "What would you do if I became a traitor, even if it is from my love?"

The Maoh looked at her son curiously. "What do you mean?"

"What if I betrayed you all because I wanted to keep you all safe?" Conrart asked seriously, though clearly afraid, "Would that make me a monster?"

Lady Celi took some thought into the question and hugged him tighter. "Know that I will what is needed to be done," she finally answered, "but I will never see you as a monster." She pulled him close to her heart. "Whatever you decide to be," Lady Celi murmured, "you are too loved to be a monster. Never forget that."

"I won't, Mummy..." he murmured.