Smile For the Camera
Summary: When going through evidence collected from Crocodiles bases in wake of Alabasta, Aokiji stumbles across something he really wished he hadn't.
Warning: mentions of explicit behaviors, sex tapes, and this story subscribes to the Aokiji-is-Robin's-Father-Theory
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece
Aokiji was supervising the transfer of all evidence seized from Rain Dinners in connection to Crocodile-it was quite the haul, half of the things inconsequential and half invaluable evidence to the sheer magnitude of Baroque Works reach, with a fair amount of blackmail material on high ranking dignitaries, marine officers, and pirates alike. There was almost too much to sort through, when could a guy get a nap around headquarters?
Yet he knew why he had allowed himself to be put in charge of this royal mess- she had blue eyes, dark hair, and was named 'Robin'. As soon as he had heard her name, he had to fight against himself to leap at the opportunity, not only would it have been out of character, his interest would have been marked as suspicious. It had been several years since he had last heard her name and hearing it now, even associated with scum like Crocodile, filled him with relief- she's alive, she's alive shesalive. And now here he was trying to find any clues he could about where she might have run in the aftermath of what had now been dubbed the 'Alabasta Incident'.
He was a terrible father, but damn it all if he just wanted to make sure she was alive-alive and happy would preferable, but at this point was a pipe dream.
"Oh my god-look at her!"
"What I wouldn't give to be part of- look at that-can you do that?!"
"God does the camera have another view?!"
The sounds of several of the lower ranking men chattering away pulled him from his thoughts. He looked toward their direction to find a group of six marines all crowded around a Den Den- probably a visual one from their remarks- and all were watching with slack jaws, red faces, and in the case of one of them a bloody nose. Given that he was a man, and had been young once, he had a pretty good idea of what they were watching.
Admittedly curious, he wandered over in the direction of the men, and upon getting closer, was able to hear a female heavily panting and moaning, while a male voice he vaguely connected as belonging to Crocodile groaned out encouragements.
"What do you lot think you're doing?" He asked, in his usual I-really-don't-care-but-as-the-authority-I-have-to-ask tone of voice.
That jerked the men out of their reverie- they hadn't even noticed his approach; training really had gone downhill- and the men fell over themselves in surprise. Temporarily a tangle of limbs as they tried to figure out what had just disturbed their appreciation and upon spotting Aokiji looking down on them with a raised brow, spurred them into action. Within seconds all the men were at attention, although with guilty faces as having been caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar.
"Admiral Aokiji, sir!" they chorused in practiced unison.
One, still red faced but slightly more put together than the others, apparently decided to act as the spokesperson for the group.
"Sir, we were sorting through the evidence and upon finding a Den Den Mushi, decided to examine it to see if it was worth notifying the higher ups about it specifically," he explained, still red-faced to his decidedly unimpressed superior, still with eyebrow raised at them in condescension.
Aokiji, deciding to mess with them just a bit, prodded the snail, which had fallen on the floor in the men's surprise at being disturbed, with his foot.
"This Den Den?" He asked for clarification.
The spokesman swallowed nervously and nodded his head as he assented," Yes, sir, that Den Den, we-uh-got a little distracted at the contents of the recording," he sheepishly admitted, the others shifting uncomfortably on either side of him.
"But can you blame us," one to the left of Mr. Spokesperson blurted out," I mean she's gorgeous!"
'This one obviously has no filter,' Aokiji mentally commented as he examined the men who obviously agreed with the loud mouth.
"Well seeing as I haven't seen the film, I can't exactly understand what you mean exactly," he drawled, curious despite himself of the material, as he hadn't thought Crocodile was the type to record sexual encounters, "so I guess we'll just have to take another look, then." He finished, the men before him gaping with expressions akin to having been slapped with a fish.
Upon realizing just what their superior was offering, they tried to hide their eagerness as Aokiji scooped up the snail and sat on the ground in his usual lackadaisical manner, the men crowded around his shoulders, eager to keep watching.
Aokiji was not quite sure what he was expecting, something acrobatic, maybe a girl the likes of the Pirate Empress. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't his daughter-his baby girl- completely nude and bent spread-eagle over a desk (oh god, this wasn't happening) as a hulking mass he somewhat recognized as Crocodile-oh good lord. This had to be a nightmare, there was no way he was witnessing this. While he understood and accepted that Robin was far from the innocent little baby he had once carried and had since become a grown woman: that didn't mean he wanted to see proof of that fact!
His mouth was open in mute horror, the men crowded around his sides not noticing their superiors ironically frozen state, too focused on the image of Crocodile suddenly pulling Robin off of the desk and onto his lap, flipping her around so she was facing the camera.
"Smile for the camera-love," the scar-faced man crooned into Robin's ear, as his one hand clutched at her right breast, making her groan out in encouragement.
Cutting off that hand suddenly sounded really appealing, maybe freezing off his manhood to for good measure. With those thoughts in mind he abruptly turned off the video and rose to his feet, ignoring the surprised exclamations of the men who had been shoved off his sides by his movements. He didn't even really hear their called questions as he quickly strode away, the poor snail just about crushed in his iron grip, as he moved toward the detention area where a certain former warlord was being kept.
He had a daughter-defiling crocodile to skin.
Authors Note: I had way too much fun writing this. I personally believe the theory that Aokiji is Robin's father and have another story that can sort of be a prequel to this one. I also firmly ship the idea that Robin and Crocodile had a sexual relationship during her time in Baroque Works, and honestly everyone-no matter how intelligent- does something supremely dumb at least once, a sex tape seemed like her kind of impulsive regret, and then I got to thinking about how Aokiji would react to seeing his daughter in a very compromising position. I honestly think this sort of thing would short circuit any parents brain, but it was hilarious to write. I also appreciate advice and comments on my work if you would like to leave any.