Some days I can't believe how far I've come from just over a year ago. I should have died. I OD'ed. I know I did. It was purposeful too. I hated my life then, I wanted out. I should have succeeded. Obviously, for whatever reason, I survived and woke the next day. Since then, my life has taken a rather dramatic change.
I don't use anymore. I have a great job.
And, as of a few months ago…, I have a great partner. I'm so grateful to have reconnected with him like this. My life was getting better before him, and now, it's getting even better because I can talk to him about anything. He has his own shit going on and I help him as much as I can with it. Of course there are bad days still. I haven't beaten it yet and honestly, I don't know that I ever will.
I go to therapy weekly and I'm on anti-depressants. I still do harmful things, but not drugs. Not anymore. After my attempted OD, I started working on getting clean and I started therapy. Sometimes, I still don't want to get out of bed, but I make myself anyway. I have to. My life is getting better and maybe someday, it'll be great.
I still have thoughts about ending it, I usually don't tell him though. I don't want to worry him. He might know anyway... Even so, it's going so well… Life just suddenly got better, brighter.
Stan moved in with me, to help me pay the bills.
I hate to but he says I can wake him if I have a nightmare. I haven't woken him about them but sometimes they're bad. I'll wake up disoriented as fuck. It usually passes and I come back to myself, realizing the changes made and that I'm not who I was. I try to retain hope that I'm getting better every day, but somedays it's harder to believe that than others. Even though I sill twitch, not as bad as it was during school, but still, I draw and it's calming. My lines are shaky, jagged, but it makes the style mine. I can lose myself in the work for hours sometimes.
I'm just so grateful that he's in my life.
My name is Tweek Tweak and I'm grateful to be alive.