A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever. This is the start of a plot bunny that is just gnawing at me, demanding I listen and write it out. I'm sure its not everyone's cup of tea, so if you don't like it, I'm sorry and I don't want to hear about it. IF however you like it and you want me to post the second chapter, review it please.

Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been Stephenie Meyer. Any characters and/or plot lines that are publicly known are not mine.

Its been five years since I moved away from Forks and I am alone in the house I share with Edward and his family. I am here, trying and failing to study for my upcoming psychology exam. The glow of the Christmas tree dragging me far from Freudian theories, to that corner of my mind that I am desperately trying to ignore. The corner filled with Christmases past and of the things that I can no longer call mine. The silence of the house pressing in on me, smothering me. I fiddle with the ring on my right hand, twisting it around and around. Watching as it catches the light from the elegantly decorated Christmas tree not five feet from me. The Cullen's were off hunting and I was here, suffocating.

You see, even though Edward and the Cullen's had agreed that I would be changed after Edward and I married, they had yet to come through on their end of the deal. We had set a date for my change, but it came and passed and I remained the same. Plain, boring Bella.

Edward always reasoned for more time. Finish college the normal way. Ease away from Charlie slowly. Get your masters degree. A hundred different excuses that meant nothing to me. At first I saw the purpose behind some of his procrastination, but soon I came to see that he was simply denying me, despite his promises. But once Edward had his mind made up, suddenly all of the Cullen's took on the same position. Even Alice, who had once promised she would change me herself. I was just stuck.

Before I left Forks with the Cullens though, I was certain that leaving would mean leaving forever. And climbing into Edward's car after hugging Charlie goodbye was much more difficult than what I had expected. In some ways, I was glad that I had said my final goodbyes to Renee at the wedding. Having to say all of my goodbyes at once would have been far too difficult.

Upon leaving Charlie's house, Edward began driving down a familiar road. Surely the last time I would ever take this trip. As we approached the borderline of Forks and La Push my heart began to race. I was terrified. Honestly, this was the absolute last thing that I ever wanted to do, but I had assured Edward that this was something that I had to do to move on. Soon, Edward came to an abrupt stop at the treaty line and I slowly drug myself from the car and began the short trek to the little red house that I loved so much.

I was so afraid to say goodbye to my Jacob, but even more afraid of not having the chance to be in his presence just one last time.

It tore me up when Billy answered the door, his eyes telling a tale of heartbreak and fury. I knew I had no business being on the reservation now, much less here at Jacob's door. But I couldn't pass up this opportunity to just drink him in, commit every detail of my Jacob that I possibly could to memory. Etch his face and the all-consuming burn of his skin into my brain. And I would love and hate it all at once. But standing on the wrong side of the Black's doorway in front of Billy, I knew my worst fear was being realized. Jacob had still not returned home since fleeing from my wedding.

Billy offered me no comfort. He simply shook his head and closed the door in my face.

My chance lost.

I don't quite remember the walk back to the treaty line, but I do remember the look Edward gave me when I climbed back into the car. A look full of pain and pity.

"I never should have allowed this," he said quietly as he peeled away.

With that, we headed towards Port Angeles to catch our flight. The Cullens decided that when we moved out East it would just be easier if I left all of my old things behind in favor of mountains of new things that they would get for me. It took a lot of convincing but finally I agreed that the trappings of my old life would keep me tied to the memories of all that I was leaving behind and that would simply be too painful. That is why, when I stepped on the plane that day, I went with nothing but the clothes I was wearing and my identification.

So, here I sit in this large empty house surrounded by things that hold no meaning for me. Wonderful, beautiful, meaningless things. Having lost my focus for studying, I drop my psychology book on the coffee table with a dull thud. I head up the stairs to the room that Edward and benignly share. Five years of marriage and we had yet to christen it. Edward still maintained that getting too physical would be too dangerous, as he always had and that we could experience real physical love once I was changed. To say the least, by now I had given up on both of those endeavors. I was still turning the ring on my right hand around my finger when I reached our dresser.

I knew what I was headed for, but that didn't keep me from worrying that it might have disappeared since the last time I had checked on it. I opened my underwear drawer, carefully pushing frilly and exotic underwear Alice had chosen out of the way. At the back of the drawer, I could feel the panty hose that I nearly refused to wear and pushed them to the side as well. In the very back was a particularly vulgar looking piece of lingerie that I had never had the use for in my marriage. I had rolled it in on itself, hiding within its scanty lace a tiny wooden charm.

I looked around nervously, just to be sure that I was truly alone. I always felt as if I were being watched in this house. Vampires are known for stalking their prey, so it wouldn't be a big stretch for them to be quietly watching me. Finally though, assured of my solitude, I carefully unrolled the garment and breathed a sigh of relief when the tiny wolf fell into my palm.

I squeezed my eyes closed drawing out the memories from that locked away portion of my mind. Back to that first trip home.

A/N: Please review! Let me know what you think and if you have any thoughts about where you want this to go...well I'm open for suggestions.