Dark: So I finally wrote a lemon! Yay aren't you guys proud of me?
Random fan: Umm no, you haven't updated your other fics in over a month…
Dark: Just be happy for me! *sobs in a corner*
Deidara: …while the author is having a breakdown, I'll just have to do explain her state of not-updating. Firstly, she's lost a lot of her inspiration for writing lately, and she's been studying for end of levels, un.
Dark: Damn straight!
Deidara: …and now to explain her current mental state. She's freaking out about having to dissect a pig this week, un.
Dark: THE POOR PIGGIE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE!
Deidara: And apparently writing this lemon didn't help at all, un. I'll go throw her in one of Sasori no Danna's puppets and hope that she suffocates.
Sasori: …I never agreed to any of this.
Dark: You two just go have kinky man smex in a tree and leave me alone!
Deidara/Sasori: …
Orochimaru: I want kinky man smex in a tree! \*O*/
Dark/Deidara/Sasori: O.O
Disclaimer: *looks around* Guess what? I own Naruto! Mwuahaha who is this Masashi Kishimoto you speak of? Psh I never heard of no Kishimoto. *cop cars pull up at my house* Nuuuuuuu they found me! Grab the money and run!
Summary: Pein wants to test the Akatsuki's resistance to alcohol. But things might take a turn for the kinky for two artists. Contains a lemon and an awkward situation or two. SasoxDei, KakuxHida if you squint, do the Macarena, and draw on your face with Sharpie.
Deidara opened his eyes, yawning. He stretched his arms over his head, hand mouths sluggishly yawning as well. He rolled over, and froze as a pair of brown eyes met his. The two stared at each other for a few moments, neither blinking. Then an eruption of screaming emerged from them.
"Danna you pedo, un! What the hell are you doing in my bed!"
"What are you talking about? Why are you in my bed, brat!"
"Why does my ass hurt! You fucking poisoned me and then raped me, didn't you un?"
"I didn't touch you!"
"Die, Danna!"
Suddenly they were on the floor wrestling each other, until they realized two extremely awkward things. First, neither was wearing a single article of clothing. Second, they were in a very compromising position.
Deidara turned bright red, hurriedly removed himself from Sasori and dragging the blanket off the bed to cover up with. "You're a rapist! What happened last night, dammit?"
"I can't remember anything either!" the puppeteer retorted, resorting to covering himself with a pillow.
The door to Sasori's room opened, and the artists' head snapped toward it. Hidan stumbled in with a bottle in his hand, obviously drunk.
The Jashinist grinned at them. "Heh, can't belieeeve yous guys drank aaaaall that sake last night," he said, holding out his hands. "And then… and then…" Hidan was sent into a fit of giggling, pushing his index fingers together repeatedly and dropping the bottle in the process.
Deidara and Sasori glanced at each other, finally starting to remember what had happened.
"Hidan!" an angry voice yelled from the hallway. "Who showed you where the alcohol was?"
"Tooooooobi is a good booooooy!" Hidan snickered, turning around to face Kakuzu. "Not such a good boy aaaanymore!"
"You're coming with me," the masked nin grumbled, grabbing Hidan's arm and dragging him away. "We've got some work to do." The Jashinist cheered.
As soon as they left, the redhead and the blonde looked at each other. "The party," they said simultaneously. Deidara started to recall the events of last night.
Hidan and Kakuzu had been sent to a nearby village to gather information on one of the Jinchuuriki, and their journey had ended in a bar. Hidan had insisted on raiding the place and brought all the alcohol they could carry back to the hideout (which was quite a lot). Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were currently out on missions, so the rest of the Akatsuki decided to have a little party.
Itachi left almost immediately, not willing to participate in something so childish, and Kisame soon followed. Tobi said he was too good of a boy to drink, so he merely sat back and watched. Kakuzu only drank a small amount, remaining sober enough to know what was going on.
Deidara and Sasori engaged in a drinking game, putting a little twist on their usual argument about art. Each time they defended their own view on art, they had to take a drink. Which means that both of them got extremely drunk. Hidan, being the opportunist that he is, took a drink each time one of the artists took a drink. Which means he was the most drunk of all of them.
After that it was a complete blank, but Deidara had a pretty good idea of what happened. Sasori seemed to have figured it out as well, and the redhead let out a sigh.
"It's a shame I can't remember any of it," he said. Deidara smirked, making his way over to Sasori and carelessly dropping the blanket to the floor, exposing himself once more. He crept closer until the puppeteer was back against the wall, their foreheads touching.
"Maybe I could refresh your memory," Deidara breathed, still smirking. "But this time I think I'll be seme, un…"
Sasori's stare seemed to be impassive, but the blonde could feel his heart beat speeding up. "In your dreams, brat," he said. Sasori pushed Deidara onto his back roughly, straddling the bomber. He leaned forward to capture his partner's lips in a kiss, rubbing their semi-hard members together. Deidara moaned, giving Sasori access to his mouth. The puppeteer's tongue darted inside, exploring every inch.
Deidara's lips twisted slightly upwards, and he moved his hand down to Sasori's erection, licking the tip a few times before fully engulfing it. Sasori let out a surprised gasp, which quickly turned into a pleasure-filled moan.
They broke the kiss, both panting. Sasori let out occasional sounds indicating his ecstasy. Deidara grinned.
"Does Danna like that, un?" he asked, eyes half-lidded. Sasori held in another moan, staring disapprovingly down at the blonde.
"Still trying to be seme, brat?" he shot back with some difficulty. Sasori refused to be dominated. He leaned forward again, biting into the sensitive skin on Deidara's neck. The puppeteer's skillful hands traveled to his chest, playing with the bomber's nipples.
Deidara moaned loudly, removing his hand from Sasori's length in favor of grinding his hips into the older's.
Sasori growled at the loss, biting down hard enough on Deidara's neck to draw blood. He slowly lapped up the red liquid, swirling his tongue around the cut as the blonde squirmed in ecstasy below him. Sasori smirked. "Ah, so we've got a little masochist here," he purred.
"S-shut up," Deidara panted, closing his eyes. There were so many sensations at once; he didn't know which one to focus on. Sasori returned to making bite marks on Deidara's neck, one of his hands reaching down to relieve the blonde's throbbing member. He pumped his hand up and down the shaft roughly, feeling his partner tensing up beneath him. "Sa-Sasori!" Deidara screamed, cumming into the redhead's hand.
Sasori slowly licked his fingers, cleaning them off as he gazed down at the bomber. "Tch, now you've made a mess. This little brat needs to be punished now." He pulled Deidara onto his lap, and thrust himself into the bomber without warning. The blonde let out a sharp cry, tangling his fingers in the puppeteer's hair. Sasori kissed away the solitary tear that had escaped Deidara's eyes.
The bomber squeezed his eyes shut, panting hard. "Ngh… m-move!"
"What was that?" the puppeteer asked coyly, smirking.
"J-just fuck me already, un!"
As much as Sasori wanted to give into his demands, he was not going to be ordered around.
"What's the magic word, brat?"
"Ah… please, please fuck me!" Deidara cried, biting his lip.
Sasori couldn't resist any longer. He started thrusting slowly, trying to find that special place that would make the blonde see stars. He knew he'd hit it when Deidara suddenly threw back his head, screaming with pleasure. The redhead made sure to strike that spot every time, setting a faster pace.
"Ah! Oh god… mmnnn… Sasori! I'm gonna…" Deidara climaxed, spilling his seed onto their chests for the second time. Sasori felt the bomber's walls tighten around him, and finally let himself release.
"Deidara…" he moaned, pulling himself out. Sasori laid down and pulled Deidara next to him, covering them with the blanket. "We'll clean this up later," the puppeteer muttered, closing his eyes.
Deidara smirked. "Whatever you say, Danna…"
(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)
"So, how did they do?" Pein asked, glancing at Tobi. The masked man sighed irritably.
"Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu passed, Hidan failed horribly, and as for Deidara and Sasori…" Tobi trailed off, seeming unwilling to finish the thought.
Pein raised an eyebrow. "What did Deidara and Sasori do?"
"…each other."
The leader's eyes widened considerably, Konan seemed completely calm on the outside while on the inside she was screaming with joy, and Zetsu merely gave Tobi a disturbed look and sank into the ground.
"We are never giving them the alcohol test ever again," Pein decided, eye twitching.
"Agreed. None of us could sleep last night with all that noise."
"…"
Dark: I know, I know, it was uber short and really crappy, but it was my first lemon so give me a break, mkay? After end of level tests are over I will try my hardest to find my inspiration again! Anyways thanks for reading this little thing and review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review review! Yes I typed every single one of those. Shows how much I want you to review, ne? Just leave me your feedback and I will be sho happy :D It might even cure me of my craziness!