Slipping Away

A bucket of baby breath flowers rested in my arms. I strode through the hospital corridors, ignoring all the greetings from the nurses and doctors. I can feel my heart twitch in the most painful way possible. I opened the white door, sliding it quietly.

"A-ah, you're here, Hibari-san."

You smiled weakly, closing your black-colored book. You welcomed me happily and gestured me to sit down on an armchair I previously put there yesterday. I didn't sit down like you asked me to, but I put down the bucket of your favorite flower on the flower vase your mother put for you. "I-I'm happy that you came, Hibari-san." You smiled weakly.

I took your pale and thin hand and grabbed it close to my heart. Was I too late? Can't we return to the days you'd just laugh openly at how stubborn I become whenever I brought baby breath flowers for you? The days where you were cheerful and full of energy? We can't, can we? Tsunayoshi…

I stroke my hand on your face, as gently as I could. Gone were the days I used to hit you with my tonfas. Gone were the days you cheerily said that my weapons are kinky. Gone were the days I ran after you because you were tardy… Gone.

They were slipping away, until none are left. I don't want to think that, soon, your life will also follow our energetic days together, Tsunayoshi, they're gone.

What happened between us was far too little. I want more memories than we actually have. Remember how we spent our time lying on the roof watching sunset for my birthday? Remember when we held hands for the very first time under the fireworks? Remember when we kissed under the cherry blossom tree?

I remember it, Tsunayoshi. I remember every second of it.

I love you. I don't even remember when I had started loving you. I don't care enough. I just feel that I really want you. And you, being the ever lovely you, smiled and say that you love me as much as I love you. I didn't believe you. I don't believe that you love me as much as I love you. But, when your never ending smile lasted as your life slipped away, you still say that you love me.

From the day you told me that you love me under that cherry blossom tree until today, in the white hospital room, you still say that you love me. I came to believe you.

You are always like this. You smiled and assure me that nothing went wrong in our love. Nothing will be able to separate us. You made me believe in you. Why? Why didn't you just… tell me?

"He… Tsu-kun… he doesn't have much time left…"

I should have noticed.

I should have known.

I should have realized!

How can I not see it when your smile became fader and fader each day? How can I not notice it when you rarely come to school anymore? How can I not know when your mother came to give the principal your letter of resignation? How can I not realize that your skin has gone even paler and paler each day I caress you?

Where did I go wrong? When did I start to care more about my own lust and desire to not notice that you are slipping away? Do I scare you, Tsunayoshi? Do you curse me for not noticing?

"I love you, Hibari-san."

You always manage to never stutter in that sentence. I love you too, Tsunayoshi. More than you can ever imagine. More than you can ever love me. More than everything in this world.

You looked at the sunset with calm and solemn expression. Your eyes still have light in them. But, I know it's only a matter of time… no? "I remember this kind of sunset…" You said lightly, weakly, and quietly. "Indeed," I managed to answer without cracking my own voice. "Happy birthday, Hibari-san." You leaned to me, but the gesture was too much for your weak body to do. So I leaned forward and receive the kiss you initiated for me.

You didn't cry. Even though this was the last day, you didn't cry. You spent this day smiling. I wonder if I can do the same after the end. I love you, Tsunayoshi. No matter how many times I declare this, it won't be enough. It won't be enough to cover my stupid mistake. How can I only realize about it after you only have one more week?

One. Measly. Week.

Apparently, your parents were desperate not to tell you that your clock was ticking. I'm as desperate as they are. I love you too much to let you go. You didn't know that this would be your last day. My dear Tsunayoshi, what would you do if you actually knew? Would you spend it like the way you do now? Staring at the sunset like how we spent my last birthday?

You coughed harshly, and I began to panic. But, you tightened your grip on my hand, telling me not to let go. And so, I sat back down, trying to hold my trembling. "I-I'm fine," You said weakly. What a liar. If you were really fine, you won't say it weakly. "It's just the dust, that's all." Stop… don't lie to not make me worry, Tsunayoshi. Because I know. I know that you have cancer!

You coughed again, much worse than before. I hurriedly pressed the red button and all the nurses came bursting, prepping you for any operation they can do to prolong your life. I regretted my decision soon after, I don't want to be separated from you. Especially not at a time like this.

I clenched my fists in front of the ICU, waiting for you to come out. Your parents were sitting on the bench beside me, sobbing and crying. We are waiting for you, Tsunayoshi. Are you going to make us wait forever?

Soon after, the doctor went out, shaking his head. Your parents and I began trembling. But, I was surprised that you actually requested to see me at… your final phase.

"Hibari-san…"

You smiled sincerely. It reminded me of the time you weren't this weak. It reminded me of you who'd burst out laughing anytime you want. "Tsunayoshi…" I whispered your name, letting my voice crack. "I never thought that… I will be able to date the infamous Hibari Kyoya… Never in my lifetime…" You grinned, offering your hand to be held.

I kneeled beside your bed and hold your hand like I did earlier. "We'll celebrate your birthday properly tomorrow, okay? We'll go to your favorite hamburger shop and eat there. Right?" You said happily. Tears began to slid from my eyes as I put your hand on my forehead. "I… love you…" I said for the umpteenth time.

"Uhn, I know. I'm sleepy, Hibari-san. Can you come back tomorrow?" You asked as your eyes began to flutter. "Yes," I said as my petted your brown hair. "I'll come back tomorrow, Tsunayoshi." Where did my real voice go? "Hibari-san…" You said, subtly gesturing me to hear the rest of your whisper.

I instantly flinched. The machine that had been quietly beeping was now blaring so hard. You're gone. You are gone, Tsunayoshi. And all this time… you knew that you didn't have much longer. I stood silently beside your bed as your parents and best friends rushed to your bed. Crying for you.

I can't say anything. You knew that you were going to die. And yet, you played along with us who won't tell you.

"This would be all of his belonging, Hibari-san." A nurse handed me an orange-colored box with your name on it. "His parents were earlier. They think that you deserved this better than they do." The nurse smiled a sad smile and left. Tsunayoshi, she was the nurse that was put in charge of your case. She liked you, really liked you.

I opened the box and realized what was inside, a mere photograph of us, smiling while holding hands. I looked at the bed you used to be laying on before returning my gaze to the back of the photograph.

Me and Kyoya first photo as a couple!

One year anniversary!

*I can't believe that Kyoya is blushing in this picture! I decided, I'm going to call him Kyoya on his birthday, three years from now!*

I looked at the room you spent the last times of your life once more. It was simple, like how you were. I turned my feet to leave. But, I looked back once more to see the last of the baby breaths that you love, flying away towards the endless blue sky.

You never got to call me Kyoya, my dear Tsunayoshi. Please rest in peace… I love you.

Sadness and Sorrow from Naruto OST, what a great track.

You guys should listen to it.

Ummm, review?